Emotional Support

[Moonwick]

I'm at a terrible stage in my depression. Just before this, I was working on everything and thought I was going somewhere, finally going to make myself better, but now I'm sleeping in everyday until it's dark outside. It's awful going to bed when it's dark out and waking up when it's dark out again. About the job I posted about somewhere along the lines, I couldn't do it. They use fluorescent lighting and the room I'd have worked in would've been entirely white, this would've 100% given me a seizure or sensory overload at work. Even my mother said that it wouldn't be good for me, so I decided to just not do it for my own health, of course that bothers me because I've got to find something ELSE to do. 

Lately I've just been cleaning the house, making sure it's all taken care of around here, but things are falling through the cracks with me. I'm starting to not even feel like getting out of bed or going anywhere yet again. My family is going to start getting upset with me because I can't keep up for some time, even though I'll give it my best effort. I know myself, I'm going to be down for at least a week maybe a bit longer, and there isn't anything in my power I can do to stop it now that I can feel it coming on worse and worse.

[Astreya]

@Tesla

 

Have you considered getting professional help? With a clinical depression, there is a problem with the semiochemicals in the brain, and it might be helpful for you to get an appropriate medication. People who never felt a depression themselves have no idea about the leaden fatigue one feels and that one just cannot properly function any more. They often think one is lazy and just should pull oneself together, but they don't realise it doesn't work that way. Please try to get an appointment with a specialist, so that s/he can help you.

 

Edited October 14, 2018 by Astreya

[Moonwick]

38 minutes ago, Astreya said:

@Tesla

 

Have you considered getting professional help? With a clinical depression, there is a problem with the semiochemicals in the brain, and it might be helpful for you to get an appropriate medication. People who never felt a depression themselves have no idea about the leaden fatigue one feels and that one just cannot properly function any more. They often think one is lazy and just should pull oneself together, but they don't realise it doesn't work that way. Please try to get an appointment with a specialist, so that s/he can help you.

 

 

Thank you for your understanding and quick reply, I hope that you don't mind another response from me. I think what you said opened up other things up for me I hadn't thought about for the cause of my recent depression, so I'll vent a bit more.

 

It is true, people can and do write me off as lazy, but if I didn't have a heaviness over my chest all the time, things would be better but they will never understand that. For years now I've been through countless doctors, therapists, and medicines. Medicine was tough because most depression medications made me feel worse, but finally my most recent psychiatrist figured out that my ADHD is probably the reason why; it's a strange interaction or something. At that point, I stopped taking depression meds and tried a stimulant, which did help more than anything else.

 

The only reason I haven't found a new therapist is out of frustration. I had a really good therapist up until recently when she had to move into the city, which is an hour away from my house. That means I also can't get my stimulant medication because it's a highly controlled drug, and I need a prescription written by my psychiatrist... who also moved to the other office WITH the therapist. It's difficult having to change therapists because even though things are stated in my medical record, I'd still have to explain my issues all over again.

 

I am hoping there is a way I can switch to a new place and they'll allow me to keep taking the medicine I was on. 

Edited October 14, 2018 by Tesla

[Astreya]

@Tesla

 

Of course I don't mind you replying!  I know about the side-effects of anti-depressants myself The stuff I got helped my depression a bit but made me gain a lot of weight. I guess the main problem is that most doctors use a trial and error method until they get something that works when it comes to mental problems. But if you did manage to find someone who could actually help you, you know that there is help for you after all, which should be a big positive.

 

I know it can be such a strain to try to do something again, but I'm sure it will be worth it. Maybe ask your family to assist you in finding a new therapist/psychiatrist?  I know this might feel embarrassing additional to your lack of energy and fatigue, but maybe it will help you as you know there will be another light at the end of the tunnel!

 

Edit: Or maybe you could visit your old therapist one more time to get at least one new prescription, so that you will feel good enough to start looking for a new one in your vicinity? And you could ask her, too, if she knows someone who can take over your therapy where you live.

 

Edited October 14, 2018 by Astreya

[Moonwick]

21 hours ago, Astreya said:

@Tesla

 

Of course I don't mind you replying!  I know about the side-effects of anti-depressants myself The stuff I got helped my depression a bit but made me gain a lot of weight. I guess the main problem is that most doctors use a trial and error method until they get something that works when it comes to mental problems. But if you did manage to find someone who could actually help you, you know that there is help for you after all, which should be a big positive.

 

I know it can be such a strain to try to do something again, but I'm sure it will be worth it. Maybe ask your family to assist you in finding a new therapist/psychiatrist?  I know this might feel embarrassing additional to your lack of energy and fatigue, but maybe it will help you as you know there will be another light at the end of the tunnel!

 

Edit: Or maybe you could visit your old therapist one more time to get at least one new prescription, so that you will feel good enough to start looking for a new one in your vicinity? And you could ask her, too, if she knows someone who can take over your therapy where you live.

 

 

All very solid ideas, honestly. Thank you so much for your kindness, in fact I feel a bit better from your replies. Like, validated.

I'm thinking soon I can sit down with my mom and plan out what to do, at least it's better than doing nothing all day and having my parents worry that I'm getting lazy or something. Also, it's something that'll get me out of the house, especially if I have to drive to my old therapist at all.

Again, thank you. I think sometimes I just need solid advice that is practical and whatever, I often get caught up in my own panicky thoughts (which can get quite stupid sometimes), so it was good to hear what you suggested. ❤️

[Astreya]

@Tesla

 

You're very welcome. I'm glad I could help at least a little bit. If there is anything else, feel free to contact me via PM or so.

[Aqub]

My horse died today. She was acting a little strange for a while but there were no obvious signs that she was anywhere near that sick, so it was really a shock to find out she had died. She was the first horse that my family owned and I rode her a lot while I was growing up. I'm going to miss her. 

[HeatherMarie]

Oh goodness @Aqub I'm so sorry. Losing an animal, especially one you grew up with, can be so hard. *sends hugs*

 

 

I'm starting a new thing with my therapist, a new issue that I'm trying to work through, something that I've approached in many different ways with many different therapists over the years and nothing has ever truly changed. It's a little scary to approach it again, I've been just completely avoiding it for like 3 years now.... So far progress has been small but totally fine, all positive steps and no backsliding. And that scares me too, because it kind of feels like waiting for the other shoe to drop? This issue is something that has sent me into complete hysterics more times then I can count, and I know I'm a lot more stable and strong then I used to be but I almost feel like it can't possibly be as simple as it has been so far. It's baby steps so far, like *really* baby steps, and there is a part of me that feels like I just want to jump in with both feet and sink or swim (figuratively speaking...) because the more baby steps I take the more I worry that it's eventually going to go bad.

Edited November 11, 2018 by HeatherMarie

[Awdz]

@Aqub  So sorry for the loss of your horse; though you cherish the memories, it is hard when they are simply not there anymore. *also sends hugs*

 

@HeatherMarie  Best wishes for you with your therapy!  It's great that it has been going well so far; even if something goes awry, at least you have this positive time to remember and reflect upon - but I pray that you continue to make progress consistently, until you can look back with pride at having lived without the issue negatively affecting your life.  Hang in there!

[Wolfsong442]

I am an anxiety ridden, depressive mess who has never done anything with her life and am way too old to ever do anything with my life and I'm going to die alone. ;;

 

[Nagapie]

@Wolfsong442 Safe to say that it's never too late for you to turn your life around, no matter what it is that feeds your anxiety and depression. I can't really tell what's going on just based on that sentence, but if it's something to do with having dropped out of school due to mental issues or something, it's definitely not too late to change. I myself am a living example of someone who had years of their life go down the drain because of anxiety and depression in my school years yet still managed to bounce back in the end.

 

Don't be too harsh on yourself - question your negative thoughts and learn to believe in yourself. Try to be your own best friend and trust yourself, even if it doesn't feel natural at first. Don't allow yourself to dwell on being the "anxiety ridden, depressive mess". Force yourself to think about other, more positive things and exercise positive thinking in general. Yes, exercise it. It does not come naturally to everyone and you're not abnormal for being a negative thinker by default. Slowly desensitize yourself to the things that make you anxious, be it people or whatever, through controlled amounts of exposure to that thing. It took me years of desensitizing to recover from my own crippling social phobia. Fighting your personal demons isn't easy, but if you commit to it and give it years of time, the negative voices will eventually become quieter and less noticeable. Never accept the negativity as something that is naturally a part of you and shouldn't be gotten rid of even if it tries to tell you that.

 

I hope this wasn't too outspoken. I have a habit of being very direct with people and some find it uncomfortable.

[Kyleedj]

I've entered my second year of college. My first year of college? All A's, one B. I made it on the dean's list. I felt so accomplished and like I was finally doing things right in my life. This semester I've got a B and two failing grades. I can't focus in those classes. I can't bring myself to study. I don't understand the material anymore. I spent the whole first month goofing around and when I finally realized what was happening, I was pelted with depression and anxiety. I'm a nervous wreck but feel powerless to do anything about it at the same time. I'm probably going to lose my pell grant. And I don't know how I'm going to tell my mom what's happening. Every time I think about college it makes me sick to my stomach and my pulse races. It makes me want to curl up into a ball and cease to exist. The classes offer no extra credit, and I've been bombing the exams. My boyfriend feels like his fault because I used to spend so much time with him and really it was lack of me sorting my priorities and I don't know how to convince him otherwise. I could try to pay attention in class. I could try to do the online homework... but does it make a difference? It feels so meaningless at this point. There's less than a month left in the semester and all I can think about is when it will be over...

[The Dragoness]

1 hour ago, Kyleedj said:

I've entered my second year of college. My first year of college? All A's, one B. I made it on the dean's list. I felt so accomplished and like I was finally doing things right in my life. This semester I've got a B and two failing grades. I can't focus in those classes. I can't bring myself to study. I don't understand the material anymore. I spent the whole first month goofing around and when I finally realized what was happening, I was pelted with depression and anxiety. I'm a nervous wreck but feel powerless to do anything about it at the same time. I'm probably going to lose my pell grant. And I don't know how I'm going to tell my mom what's happening. Every time I think about college it makes me sick to my stomach and my pulse races. It makes me want to curl up into a ball and cease to exist. The classes offer no extra credit, and I've been bombing the exams. My boyfriend feels like his fault because I used to spend so much time with him and really it was lack of me sorting my priorities and I don't know how to convince him otherwise. I could try to pay attention in class. I could try to do the online homework... but does it make a difference? It feels so meaningless at this point. There's less than a month left in the semester and all I can think about is when it will be over...

*Hugs*

 

I've been going through the same thing, so I understand. I recently started taking a new medication for my anxiety which has only made me drowsier and better at procrastinating, so my grades are less than ideal. I'm terrified for my upcoming chemistry final. Sometimes I just can't push myself to do the work, even though I know I need to. It's kind of like a weight holding me down. Something I have found that helps is trying to tell myself that no, it needs to get done. There are a few online tutoring and study help programs that you can check out as well. Even if you don't get the grade you want, at least you can tell yourself that you tried. I know that it sounds so much easier to let the rest of the semester slide by, but just try. Even 20 minutes a day of reviewing would be better than nothing. It mean, it's pretty scary to be used to succeeding and suddenly feeling like nothing is going right. It takes courage and effort to snap out of that mindset.

 

If you want to chat, feel free to send me a PM.

[Kyleedj]

27 minutes ago, The Dragoness said:

*Hugs*

 

I've been going through the same thing, so I understand. I recently started taking a new medication for my anxiety which has only made me drowsier and better at procrastinating, so my grades are less than ideal. I'm terrified for my upcoming chemistry final. Sometimes I just can't push myself to do the work, even though I know I need to. It's kind of like a weight holding me down. Something I have found that helps is trying to tell myself that no, it needs to get done. There are a few online tutoring and study help programs that you can check out as well. Even if you don't get the grade you want, at least you can tell yourself that you tried. I know that it sounds so much easier to let the rest of the semester slide by, but just try. Even 20 minutes a day of reviewing would be better than nothing. It mean, it's pretty scary to be used to succeeding and suddenly feeling like nothing is going right. It takes courage and effort to snap out of that mindset.

 

If you want to chat, feel free to send me a PM.

One of the classes I'm having trouble with is Chem actually, I feel ya big time ❤️ And you're free to PM me as well! I've been meaning to officially get diagnosed for years but I never find time to go to the doctor. I'm thinking maybe I'll go over winter break? I dunno

[HeatherMarie]

I feel like I post here a lot for someone who's more stable then she's been in years, lol. Just... life happens, I guess? 

 

I posted before about all the issues with my mom's medical insurance because of her turning 65, all this Medicare stuff, etc.... Finally got that worked out, and yet another thing pops up. Got a letter in the mail and apparently *because* she's now eligible for Medicare, her Social Security payments will be changing dates. Immediately. Like, no notice. Literally 'oh hi, you are turning 65 this month so your payment will be over a week later starting NOW!'. That new payment date? The 3rd. The 3rd of every month. Which is a full week *after* her life insurance is due, 5 days after her phone bill is due, and of course 3 days after rent is due. She was able to change her phone bill due date by paying an extra fee, but rent is a no-go. *Technically* late fees aren't applied until the 4th of the month, so as long as she gets the payment on the 3rd and we put the money in the bank the same day that will be alright, but the letter she got said 'on or about the 3rd' and what the heck does that mean?? Are we just supposed to wait around *hoping* to find the money on her card that morning? Talk about unneeded stress! (By the way, if we do end up paying rent after the 3rd, it's a $75 late fee PER DAY!!)

[Sunlexor]

Honestly I just need a hug right now, I have been having what seems like a snowball of medical problems lately. I started out with a bacterial infection in my stomach, while on the treatment for that I had a nasty cold for about 2 weeks, then had to be on a steroid to reduce the ibflammation in my lungs caused by my asthma reacting to the cold and am now needing to go see a specialist because of heavy nausea and sharp pains in my stomach area. =( All my life I have suffered from pretty chronic or severe illness and I just really want to catch a break.

[Aqub]

1 hour ago, Sunlexor said:

Honestly I just need a hug right now, I have been having what seems like a snowball of medical problems lately. I started out with a bacterial infection in my stomach, while on the treatment for that I had a nasty cold for about 2 weeks, then had to be on a steroid to reduce the ibflammation in my lungs caused by my asthma reacting to the cold and am now needing to go see a specialist because of heavy nausea and sharp pains in my stomach area. =( All my life I have suffered from pretty chronic or severe illness and I just really want to catch a break.

 

*Hugs* Aw man, I'm so sorry to hear all that, it sounds horrible.  I hope you feel better soon. ❤️ 

[hazeh]

On 11/28/2018 at 8:00 PM, Sunlexor said:

Honestly I just need a hug right now, I have been having what seems like a snowball of medical problems lately. I started out with a bacterial infection in my stomach, while on the treatment for that I had a nasty cold for about 2 weeks, then had to be on a steroid to reduce the ibflammation in my lungs caused by my asthma reacting to the cold and am now needing to go see a specialist because of heavy nausea and sharp pains in my stomach area. =( All my life I have suffered from pretty chronic or severe illness and I just really want to catch a break.

That sounds rough and I'm so sorry you have to go through all of that  Maybe you have stomach ulcers from the antibiotics? I hope they can give you something to soothe the pain and help you feel better. Fingers crossed you get that break that you need 🤞 💕

[HeatherMarie]

So.... I'm trying not to freak out right now. I've been told that there is no reason to freak out, that I've done nothing wrong, that this is not about me and my living in this apartment is not in jeopardy at all...... But I'm still really freaking nervous and I have the entire weekend to try to not worry.

 

Long story short, the landlord/company is changing how they calculate sewage/water/etc fees, which means a *big* headache for everyone paying. I got a letter saying I owe $42, which um NO that's not how this works (I pay a portion of rent based on my income and it is not supposed to change unless my income changes). So I had to give the letter to the Housing manager to look over, and then called her this afternoon to follow up.... In the process of talking about rent numbers, I quoted a higher amount then I'm actually obligated to pay through their Housing program, but I was adding the $15/month pet fee I pay. 

 

...... Apparently Housing has been under the impression this entire time that *they* were paying my pet fee. They have been paying a pet fee for the past 3+ years, while I have ALSO been paying that fee. Whaaaaaaa?? So she had to call me back after she talked to someone else, and apparently this is a Big Thing and we have to have a meeting with the apartment manager on Monday to get this straightened out. I'm trying not to think too hard about it all because I'm soooo overwhelmed by it already.... I've been paying $15 extra every month since August 2015. Apparently I wasn't supposed to?? And the apartment workers never said anything?? I've got to think this is *probably* illegal for them to do! 

[Awdz]

Deeeep breath HeatherMarie, you'll get through this.

 

You'll straighten out with Housing whether they've been paying the right amount after all, then work through how/why the pet fee works. The pet fee might be some sort of insurance thing that is not technically a rent fee but that they may be able to require for you to keep the pet on site. If they got paid double and did not refund the extra, I think your landlord(s) should be responsible for what they took in, not you. I doubt they looked closely at it before. Just make sure you have receipts/records available for proof when you go into the discussion.

 

I take it this is on top of the stress due to your mother's check coming a week later? Sheesh! This has been a rough month for you! *hugs*

 

I too hate when the rules get all changed around on me and oddities come up as a result. It's like that bumper sticker, "Just when I learned all the answers, they changed all the questions!" I then have to figure out all over how everything works, such a pain. I wish you the very best in working through this!

Edited December 1, 2018 by Awdz Bodkins

[Sazandora]

This is a really minor thing but I felt like saying it.

 

I just woke up from a dream where I played this game that I absolutely loved and had tons of fun with. I felt miserable because I wanted to go back and play that game again, but the game I remember and love is gone forever -- it's been replaced by something that is a hollow mockery of it, riddled with bugs, unpolished and unbalanced as heck and the developers clearly don't care about it anymore.

 

This game I remember, it was something I could play for months on end and then take a break for a few weeks until the urge to play it again drew me back in. It was just perfect for times like these, when I'm so dreadfully bored and all the other things I could do don't feel anywhere as fun as they used to. But now it's gone and it's probably never coming back as it has been replaced with something much, much worse.

 

I'm sure I'll get over this feeling in a few hours, but I've had lots of dreams about this particular game and it's driving me a little crazy. But life goes on, I suppose.

[Ether-Equinox]

During my childhood days, I was a very big bundle o' joy. I'm always happy, helpful, and supportive to others, especially to my best friend who I loved so much above all others (she's also my first love). But 5 years ago...Ever since she moved to another place, I changed...

 

I began to have abnormal outrages, I became silent and neck-deep into academics, I became 8/10 level of introvertedness, I became depressed often, and all of that happened because...I lost the person I love the most.

 

In Highschool, I receive grades starting from "meh" to "still meh" xD

When we started talking frequently in Messenger, my grades went from "meh" to "o.O who tampered this!?". I did it all for her...But now...The worst has happened.

 

Last July of this year...I finally confessed  my feelings to her (I loved her for almoat 10 years) but she wasn't happy. She said she knew that I love her but...she said "You're too perfect. You managed to love me for almost 10 years without giving up. You've done so much for me...I don't deserve you...Sorry". After that, my world became monotone. I don't talk in school often, I only receive mediocre grades now, and I don't eat often now. She was my reason to live, but now...I can't go on. Even after all that, I can't let go of her, and I'm just a mere 15 yr old.

Edited December 2, 2018 by Ether-Equinox
Info

[Ether-Equinox]

Is it wrong to hope for something hopeless?

Edited December 2, 2018 by Ether-Equinox

[Awdz]

Ether-Equinox please don't give up on living because one person is not what you wanted them to be. Please, please, please talk to someone who knows how to counsel others. There are many people who care about you, and everyone needs a support network of more than one person.

 

I know it hurts like crazy right now, but over time and with help you can focus on and develop very close relationships with other people. It will be healthier for you to do so. Please don't hurt everyone else in your life because of someone who does not care for you in the way you want.

 

You may have heard the saying, "If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it is yours; if it does not, it never was." I know it can be really, really hard to have to pick up the pieces left and start over with new friendships, and that it will be a long time before you come to trust sharing with someone else the way you did with her.

 

It may help to find something you enjoy doing that helps others, and focus on that. Helping others can help restore your own sense of worth and give you something to be happy about again.

 

*hugs* I am so sorry for the pain you are going through and wish you the best in sorting things out. As for me, I cling to God and pray to get through terrible times in my life. God does not always answer prayers in the way I like, but it is always in ways that can lead me to better emotional/spiritual health.

Edited December 2, 2018 by Awdz Bodkins

[Redquaza]

Some sad piece of work viewbombed and killed my rare eggs (two caveborn golds) so thanks pal, now I have to hide my entire scroll because you took time out of your day to be a complete and utter waste : ) Imagine being that petty. Imagine ruining someone else's time because you didn't grab a stupid pile of dumb pixels. I was looking forward to those hatchlings, bc yknow I haven't had much luck in caveborns lately, but I guess I'll die. I don't have much going for me IRL bc I don't work, I don't go out, I'm broke and I'm disabled so I take joy in stupid internet games like this but yknow - haha!! It's ok to be a petty garbage pile and ruin someone else's fun!!!!!!