Emotional Support

[vanillachapter]

1 hour ago, HeatherMarie said:

 

Thank you. Yeah, it seems my mom's complaints might have actually gotten through to them. Because of my anxiety I often shy away from 'confronting' people about anything, even something like that, because that conversation will only make the anxiety worse... I also often get embarrassed when my mom steps in on my behalf, but sometimes it really does help. I haven't had any issues at all with transportation since that day, and I was scheduled a different driver who consistently picks me up within five minutes of the normal time.

 

Awh, I'm so glad things worked out for you. 😌 There's no shame in having your mom on your team, and you will get there someday.

Edited September 1, 2018 by vanillachapter

[The Dragoness]

My boyfriend of almost 2 years, who I genuinely thought was my soulmate, broke up with me over text today. I'm still shocked and having trouble believing that it's really over. Besides the very end, he was always so sweet and loving. Other people have even pointed out that he looked at me like I was the most precious thing in the world. And I felt it. We had the same sense of humor and interests and wants for the future. He was exactly what I wanted in a guy, and vice versa. We really were a perfect fit. The only minor annoyance was the distance. The last time I saw him in person, he was extremely happy and couldn't wait for me to come back in September. There were no signals of something being wrong.

 

Then everything changed in July. He randomly stopped responding to my texts and calls for 2+ weeks at a time. When we did talk, it was brief and he avoided all of my questions. He wouldn't tell me why he didn't want to talk, just that he "wanted to be alone" and he "hated everyone." So I started to wonder if we were having relationship issues that I hadn't noticed. I asked and didn't get a response for over a month...which brings me to today. I woke up to a text from him, which I took as a wonderful sign that a horrible week was about to turn around. Instead, he told me that being together wasn't the best idea because he hates himself and didn't want to have anyone in his life. He "was never happy." But what really hurts me is that I don't feel like he truly wants this. We were best friends for years before we started dating, and he told me repeatedly during that time how much I meant to him. He was always so (genuinely) happy when I visited. We didn't have any issues. He just doesn't seem to want himself to be happy, and that makes me worry. I didn't know that he still continued to have horrible mental health troubles. I doubt that's he's willing to let anyone else in if he couldn't tell me. I might hate how he handled the situation, but I don't want him to end up in a hospital again.

 

I miss him and wish I could change his mind, but I know that's silly. I shouldn't continue to give him my time after the way he treated me. But it's heartbreaking to know that I'll never find another person just like him. He was so, so special to me. I want to hate him, but I can't. I still love him. He never did anything to make me hate him anyway; he cared so much and never stopped listening. This feels like a mistake. I want to text him so badly, but the chance of him changing his mind is miniscule. He already made the decision without me.

Edited September 1, 2018 by The Dragoness

[Moonwick]

1 hour ago, The Dragoness said:

My boyfriend of almost 2 years, who I genuinely thought was my soulmate, broke up with me over text today. I'm still shocked and having trouble believing that it's really over. Besides the very end, he was always so sweet and loving. Other people have even pointed out that he looked at me like I was the most precious thing in the world. And I felt it. We had the same sense of humor and interests and wants for the future. He was exactly what I wanted in a guy, and vice versa. We really were a perfect fit. The only minor annoyance was the distance. The last time I saw him in person, he was extremely happy and couldn't wait for me to come back in September. There were no signals of something being wrong.

 

Then everything changed in July. He randomly stopped responding to my texts and calls for 2+ weeks at a time. When we did talk, it was brief and he avoided all of my questions. He wouldn't tell me why he didn't want to talk, just that he "wanted to be alone" and he "hated everyone." So I started to wonder if we were having relationship issues that I hadn't noticed. I asked and didn't get a response for over a month...which brings me to today. I woke up to a text from him, which I took as a wonderful sign that a horrible week was about to turn around. Instead, he told me that being together wasn't the best idea because he hates himself and didn't want to have anyone in his life. He "was never happy." But what really hurts me is that I don't feel like he truly wants this. We were best friends for years before we started dating, and he told me repeatedly during that time how much I meant to him. He was always so (genuinely) happy when I visited. We didn't have any issues. He just doesn't seem to want himself to be happy, and that makes me worry. I didn't know that he still continued to have horrible mental health troubles. I doubt that's he's willing to let anyone else in if he couldn't tell me. I might hate how he handled the situation, but I don't want him to end up in a hospital again.

 

I miss him and wish I could change his mind, but I know that's silly. I shouldn't continue to give him my time after the way he treated me. But it's heartbreaking to know that I'll never find another person just like him. He was so, so special to me. I want to hate him, but I can't. I still love him. He never did anything to make me hate him anyway; he cared so much and never stopped listening. This feels like a mistake. I want to text him so badly, but the chance of him changing his mind is miniscule. He already made the decision without me.

 

Oh I am so sorry to hear this, dear. Long distance relationships can be frustrating, I understand completely how you feel right now. I think that you are being very strong about this, though.

 

What I can tell you is that you should not take this to heart, even though it is hard not to. From reading what you said about him, it seems like there are personal problems he is having that he did not communicate, and it's likely that he needs space and time on his own. So if possible, you should also take some time on your own and make sure to take care of yourself. 

 

Stay strong and know that everything will be okay.

 

Here if you need to vent more or anything, btw. ❤️

Edited September 2, 2018 by Tesla

[The Dragoness]

On 9/1/2018 at 7:54 PM, Tesla said:

 

Oh I am so sorry to hear this, dear. Long distance relationships can be frustrating, I understand completely how you feel right now. I think that you are being very strong about this, though.

 

What I can tell you is that you should not take this to heart, even though it is hard not to. From reading what you said about him, it seems like there are personal problems he is having that he did not communicate, and it's likely that he needs space and time on his own. So if possible, you should also take some time on your own and make sure to take care of yourself. 

 

Stay strong and know that everything will be okay.

 

Here if you need to vent more or anything, btw. ❤️

Thank you for the kind words. I needed to hear that. I do understand that it most likely was unrelated to me, but I can't help but be hurt by the way he cut me out so suddenly. It doesn't help that it was my first "serious" relationship either. I'm feeling so many conflicting emotions about it all. I can't believe he's really gone.

[HeatherMarie]

I just kind of need to vent right now....

 

Okay, so a few months ago I got a letter from my insurance saying that they no longer 'do business' with Walgreens (a pharmacy) and I'd have to transfer any prescriptions from there somewhere else. That's fine, I only had one prescription at Walgreens because I already got most of my meds from the pharmacy inside my metal-health doctor place. My mom did *not* get one of those letters, which made sense because while she has the same general insurance it's a completely different plan, so we figured that it wasn't changing with her plan. (Actually we didn't really even think about it at all, she didn't get a letter and we have totally different plans so it really didn't even cross our minds.)

 

So this morning we go to Walgreens to pick up her prescription (which she is *completely* out of due to the pharmacy dragging their feet) and we are told they no longer accept mom's insurance and she has to get *all* her meds from somewhere else now. Again, she did not get a letter. She did not get *anything* regarding this change. She got refills on a few other medications, from Walgreens, just last week. Nothing was said about it then and the meds were refilled with no issue. Now suddenly they can't refill anything at all. She is *out* of this specific medication, completely out. She has *five* other medications that she will be out of in the next week (I fill her weekly 'med-packs' for her so I keep track). And of course it's the weekend so she can't talk to her insurance about it or call her doctor or anything. As of right now we have no clue how long it will take to get *all* her meds transferred to somewhere else, or where that somewhere else is going to be, etc. I'm really confused why on earth this is happening *now*, the letter I got months ago said the change would happen at the beginning of August, so why they've been refilling her meds with absolutely no issue until today I really don't understand.

[JavaTigress]

OK, I realize my 'problem' seems smaller than some of the stuff other folks have posted here... that said,it definitely bothers me.

 

I enjoy chess, but at times I think I m not really good enough to warrant. Like I have a tendency to let fall by the wayside anything I don't think I am 'good at'. The issue with chess, and what makes it so emotionally distressing IS that I actually enjoy the game and don't really WANT to quit playing... but at the same time I don't feel good at it. I WANT to be good at it, but I am if I am honest with myself, , at best,a  fairly average player which... in my mind isn't good enough by even a quarter. ( As if, foolish as it sounds even to me when I put it into words, only grandmasters have the right to play, in my mind)  Thing is, I am unclear on what even IS good enough. Stupid, I know but there it is. My ratings number annoys me and WORSE, the more I feel compelled to try to bring that number up, the more stubbornly it stays put. As a matter of fact, when I am more relaxed ( and less focused on that stupid number and trying to bring it up ( Whether because I lost a game and therefor a few points and want to re-earn them or I have got it in my head the number itself is just plain not good enough for my liking)) my chess is actually BETTER than when I am so concerned about it. *Le Sigh* What do I even do about it? The bottom line is that I ONLY feel good about my chess when I am on a winning streak. and I take losses hard.

 

Quitting the game isn't likely to happen, at least not permanently.

I just wish I could reduce the ammount of emotional frustration and pain it brought along witht he pleasure it undoubtedly also brings

[Twyro]

Sending endless love and empathy your way, everyone. Hope you mend your hurts and find solutions to your difficulties and go out from it stronger than before. ❤️ 

I'm not sure where exactly to post this because it's not directly affiliated to me, but it upset me so much that I have to share it somewhere just to show you an example of how life is unfair. 

 

A boy named Dušan from my country, three years old, was diagnosed with adrenal gland tumor and was treated by the best surgeons to get rid of the illness, but after some time the tumor came back so his parents, not being able to gather almost 200.000 euros to pay for his further treatment, asked the charity organizations and the people of my country to help with donations and spreading the word of their little boy and his urgent need for further treatment. On one occasion he and his father were in the morning news broadcast and he was so cute saying: "Daddy, I love you." as his father was holding him in his lap. Somehow the money was gathered and he was escorted to Barcelona to be treated, where they offered him to meet Messi and other football players from their football club, but that cute little boy only wanted to see his favourite Serbian football player. Our people did everything they could by donating, some of my friends organized blog sales and donated their earnings to the total. 

Sadly, today the little boy's father officially confirmed that he passed away. I can't stop crying because all I can think about is that happy little boy not being alive anymore, and his devastated parents living with the fact that they will never hear their son tell them: "I love you" ever again. And it's not fair.

 

Last year on February 17th my college colleague, a year younger than me, passed away after a year of battling leukemia, and everything that we as his colleagues from my college, charities and the people with a good heart did to help ended up being for nothing. And I will always be angry when I hear that the country's budget is financing yet another shopping mall instead of financially contributing to healthcare, educating doctors and renovating hospitals and buying equipment and medicine to treat their ill people, especially innocent children, instead of those helpless people having to rely on charity to send their endangered loved ones to a faraway country for treatment that is beyond expensive to say the least.

[Evangeline]

I just saw the listing for my grandparents house. It’s been a year since grandma passed away. It’s finally all cleaned out and empty. I cried. I shouldn’t have looked. 

 

I miss her. I miss her stupid feisty Italian temper. I miss the stupid banana eating plant. She had a stuffed dog in a dog cage at the stairs. And puzzle books in the living room that she’s had since I was little. And the horses on a stick. And the stupid figurines she had everywhere. Her decorations. There were so many. And glass and china she loved. 

 

Shed cook us us breakfast whenever we went. Her cute little aprons. 

 

She had her her van packed with everything you’d need in case of a bad earthquake. And all the jewelry she had. I took a bit of it. I wear it to keep it alive. She kept jewelry I made her as a kid. She had the plastic string replaced with professional work. I put the braclet on her wrist and I kept the necklace. 

 

Its all gone. Other people bought a lot of her stuff. People that don’t know anything about the history. God. It sucks. I’m sobbing. I miss her so much. 

[Natayah]

This is going to be a longer post. If you don't like my longer posts, don't read it. You are able to ignore postings. I don't like having to Disclose this, but Since it is the major cause of my issues at work right now (no worries, they are being handled and working), and since some people seem very "unhappy" or feel there must be something wrong with me, that, as a native English speaker, I would always type so much and not be more concise, that I could work on this and more people would read my posts. This is no way as an offense to the person who sent me a very nice PM today. But since I've learned a lot, both pros and cons, of being built this way, and part of that results in both crazy creative awesome things, but also super long posts, I might as well share it since that seem to be the thing causing me the greatest stress right now, and my be positive and nice and creative and supportive and kind attitude and game play, which I want to be, recently sometimes wears thin at times, due to the work situation, without me meaning too. So this will be a one time post and I never really want to talk about it again, however, I feel that maybe those who do not know, and those who do, could benefit from this information.

 

ETA: Just to be fair, the number of issues really falls under a variety of Learning Disabilities, and I do, in this reference, refer to Dyslexia Solely, which isn't fair or right or really correct, it was the number inversions was the first issue I was almost fired from a job for in the first time of my life due to me making "mistakes" and "not being careful, etc." So I always in my life focus on the word Dyslexia, but it is not. If you suffer from these things and take any offense, I am sorry. Some people have things that overlap with other things. If you have a minor version, you may only show a symptom of A a symptom of B or a symptom of C in combo. That is the phrase I latched on to because it is the one most people know of the subcategories. My apologies

 

In school I was very smart. So I was "Gifted". Sometimes people with higher IQ's also have other brain wiring that some people consider either "different" or even "dysfunctional". However, mine never appeared in a way that was life shattering. So it wasn't something that would have been diagnosed, although I'd have done a lot better on my GPA had it been.

 

I am familiar with Dyslexia on more severe cases. People who brightly highlight in alternating colors, different words, different syllables, just so they can read or read aloud. Sometimes they never are really able to read or do math to any degree worth trying or doing. I do not have that form of Dyslexia. But I do have a minor Dyslexia. And it impacts me in ways that I can live with, so no one considers it "serious" until it becomes an issue, even though I am always very open and honest with my workplaces about this.

 

I am very creative. I can probably out-brainstorm most people, and I literally list Brainstorming as one of my favorite hobbies or activities. Yes people think I'm strange. I don't really write out speeches or things. I write a detailed outline. I cannot write essays I'm going to speak. They make no sense to me. Outlines work better. Most professional speakers agree with that. I can follow logic and concepts and things similar to the ideas of mind mapping with connecting, sorting, categorizing and being able to follow logic and conversations on all sorts of random higher end topics just because I can see how the steps go along. Or I just intuit them. Those are some of the Pros. Some of those benefits show up quite a bit in the things I do on DC Forums. My brain makes connections between ideas, words, thoughts, etc. all day long that I find hysterical. I laugh most of the day. It doesn't translate well, but people just assume I'm very happy if not a bit zany. That is a fair statement.

 

However, there are a lot of drawbacks to those brain wirings. Hence, some form of Dyslexia that isn't always parts of how people understand it, or maybe some here do. I invert numbers sometimes, I invert words sometimes, I constantly invert left and right and sometimes have to really focus. It often takes a bit more focus to transition from one thought/action to a completely different one. Not a lot, but some time. It was easier when I was younger. Stress makes it worse, but it is normally not an issue in work or what I do because I am highly focused on my product and like my high performance. So people are incredulous that I have amazing performance, but sometimes it is an issue. They think I am being lazy, careless, not focused enough, not paying enough attention, not being consistent, XYZ. These things are very hurtful, because I am not, and I am tired of having to take jobs that are usually below what I could do, or that completely generally avoid data entry heavy or accounting heavy focus because, it would be a legally unfair, and to me, I don't believe in setting myself up for failure and doing that to my workplace. I like my jobs. I also like Audible speaking and Listening. But I can read and visualize and do all that stuff too. Growing older though, more complex tasks take a longer learning curve than they used to. And I ain't even *THAT* old. Until I have learned it enough that it is a set pattern in my brain, I am just really really struggling and floundering and my fantastic performance drops drastically. And people don't understand this either. But that is work stuff.

 

So some of the less obvious things that go with accidental, unaware either inversion, confusion or transition between things is that I get it wrong, or thing I did it right, and almost got it right, but was off a little, and so "I am doing it wrong." It also means I am clumsy. I have bad hand eye coordination. Not great Depth Perception. Sports and manually fine tasks are beyond me. Hence, why if video games didn't already given me migraines to start with, I would not be able to play them. Ever. Not in anything every leading to huge frustration. So I don't do those things. I may not be able to do a team sport, but I can be athletic with myself. That is fine. It took me MANY years to pass my drivers license test and this really hurt and frustrated me, and then at least a few more years to be competent. It isn't so much an issue now, but it was for several years in my life, in a place where cars are often very necessary to get around. That makes one feel very dumb and wonder what is wrong with themselves.

 

I have a memory Hole. I originally thought it was just my brain protecting me from my childhood. I have a great short term memory. Long term, some things are very clear, crystal clear, but other things become hazy to completely disappearing. I could never really tell my life story because some things I know in great detail, others are just a blur and I feel like my brain has taken them from me and hidden them away. I would be OK with this if it was honestly protecting me. But I love my marriage. When my husband dies, most of the time will be stolen from me. It is not a dementia or memory loss. Time lapses and things just gone from the past are also one of those things, but there isn't a rhyme or reason to it. And time placement and order can sometimes be an issue. So I look back upon vignettes. Some vivid and very detailed. Some just completely gone. But they are somewhere back there because I don't really have control over if I hold a grudge or not. The Memory Bulwark controls that. I may want to really hate you, but my brain won't let me. Or I may really want to not hate you and move on, but my brain won't let me. There is something back there. I mean there are things I've gotten old enough to just be stronger than, but it still is there.

 

I really like math. I get all the concepts and theories and logic and understand it very well. But if I have to manually write out and calculate several different problems to turn in homework every day, that isn't a thing I can do even with focus and intent. It is just beyond me. And don't ask me to do repetitive manual, and especially dull, tasks. I would rather be dead. Cannot do it. And H & K (the cosign wave one is -1 and one is +1, I am literally still haunted by these to this day. I cannot keep them straight. I don't even try. It is that traumatic for me.) But I'm good with most everything else! Logic is never a problem, and math is just another language of logic, but it doesn't quite work the same way for me unfortunately.

 

And there is one other thing. I cannot be concise. That may sound really dumb and stupid. But it is an actual thing. I write, and I write and I write. When I write a post, I could edit it down several times and make it shorter, more to the point. But this game, as much fun as it is, is not worth the effort and time and focus and frustration it would take for me to accomplish this having to do it over several times. If you don't like it, that is too bad. My brain isn't going to rewire itself. You get the good with the bad. If the good doesn't outweigh the bad, then just ignore me. Because if this issue **EVER** comes up again, I am not going to be nice about it. I deal with enough grief and angst over this as it is. I'm sorry you don't understand. I'm sorry it isn't so horrific I can barely read and have all the "normal things people think of when they hear the word Dyslexia." Frankly, I am pissed off I have to claim a "Learning Disability" subgroup as a handicap (especially being a person who is very smart and very sharp and very well performing, which further just confuses them, I mean at least if I was on the Autism spectrum that they could understand better because that seems to be the **ONLY** thing most people associate with higher IQ, which riles me too, no offense to those with Autism or various social anxieties, I realize my life is probably MUCH easier than yours. It is just that no one believes me because they literally have never talked about this sort of thing before, despite me lining my desks with neon colored and highlighted colors of all bright sorts, which is a clear sign of - Oh that is usually associated with Dyslexia in some way, or something - no one hangs and decorates their entire cubicle with lots of colors in neon shades and highlights and postcards and more because they just like to rock the Neon Lights.) because my supervisors or managers don't seem to understand why I ask for a few minor things that are normal supervisory simple things, and instead demand I need a Doctor's note verifying that I need an "Accommodation". That is probably what really riles me the most right now. Far more than I even wish to express. So if you want to tread on that area, I wouldn't expect a good reaction. Again, this will be the only reference I make to this.

 

So, the next time you find something that seems out of place or something that most people don't do, consider asking yourself - wow, I wonder why this one person writes these really really really long posts and literally like no one else does. Maybe something is different. Yes, there is something **VERY DIFFERENT**. It is ok that you didn't know. I get that I am not the typical dyslexic whose life struggles are far beyond anything I could imagine. I have **NOTHING** compared to what they go thru. That is why I hate to even talk about it. But since people seem to really dislike my long posts and make a point of writing up how they are just ignoring them and not bothering to read them - I don't give a Donkey. You can just ignore it. If you want the good that comes along with me, you are occasionally see me do or say or not do or say things that sound weird or LONG and maybe that annoys you. It is a package deal. On balance, I tend to hope my contributions to the Community are far more positive than not. But please, if you don't like seeing me type all those words, just ignore it and move on. Just like, with age, we learn to ignore (at least things that aren't worth riling up about) things that annoy us for the benefit of not being mean and move on. Some things just aren't worth it. This is one of those things.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited October 4, 2018 by Natayah

[HeatherMarie]

I'm trying so hard not to freak out about all this stupid Medicare stuff but it's really really hard not to. For my own sanity I'm trying to remind myself that these are issues my mom needs to deal with herself, I'm not legally able to do this stuff for her so it's on her and I don't need to get overwhelmed by it.... But that's really hard when we live together. Medicare just seems sooooo much more complicated then the normal insurance she's had for years and years and I honestly don't *get* why people are forced into such a confusing complicated different insurance just because they turn a certain age. Her current insurance covers doctor appointments, medications, hospitals, tests like bloodwork and MRIs and such... There are certain things that it doesn't cover, like dental, but there are no ridiculous different 'parts' that only cover specific things and have different copays and.... I just don't understand any of this.

 

Mom has been getting a ton of letters about all this, very confusing and contradictory letters. She's called Medicare multiple times and has gotten different information each time. She was told she 'qualifies for additional help' paying for Medicare, and that additional help will cover everything that Medicare doesn't, the deductibles or whatever, and the only thing she'll need to pay is a $1 copay on each medication. But apparently that's *just* for the medication-part of Medicare?? Because today we got a letter from Social Security that they'll be deducting OVER A HUNDRED DOLLARS A MONTH from her Social Security payments in order to pay the Medicare cost. So.... I really don't understand any of this and the more I try to research the more confused I get. And then of course I made the mistake of saying something snippy when mom complained that she can't possibly live on a hundred dollars less a month, and yeah I shouldn't have said it but *ahem* I live on *plenty* less each month thankyouverymuch, and.... Argh. I just have no clue right now.

[Infinis]

6 hours ago, HeatherMarie said:

I'm trying so hard not to freak out about all this stupid Medicare stuff but it's really really hard not to. For my own sanity I'm trying to remind myself that these are issues my mom needs to deal with herself, I'm not legally able to do this stuff for her so it's on her and I don't need to get overwhelmed by it.... But that's really hard when we live together. Medicare just seems sooooo much more complicated then the normal insurance she's had for years and years and I honestly don't *get* why people are forced into such a confusing complicated different insurance just because they turn a certain age. Her current insurance covers doctor appointments, medications, hospitals, tests like bloodwork and MRIs and such... There are certain things that it doesn't cover, like dental, but there are no ridiculous different 'parts' that only cover specific things and have different copays and.... I just don't understand any of this.

 

Mom has been getting a ton of letters about all this, very confusing and contradictory letters. She's called Medicare multiple times and has gotten different information each time. She was told she 'qualifies for additional help' paying for Medicare, and that additional help will cover everything that Medicare doesn't, the deductibles or whatever, and the only thing she'll need to pay is a $1 copay on each medication. But apparently that's *just* for the medication-part of Medicare?? Because today we got a letter from Social Security that they'll be deducting OVER A HUNDRED DOLLARS A MONTH from her Social Security payments in order to pay the Medicare cost. So.... I really don't understand any of this and the more I try to research the more confused I get. And then of course I made the mistake of saying something snippy when mom complained that she can't possibly live on a hundred dollars less a month, and yeah I shouldn't have said it but *ahem* I live on *plenty* less each month thankyouverymuch, and.... Argh. I just have no clue right now.

 

here's a simplified version:

 

part A is hospital insurance

part B is medical insurance (not including vision and dental)

part D is medications

 

If your mom hasn't already, she needs to sign up for part D for drug coverage, part B for doctor visits and related, and part A for hospitals. 

 

Your mom needs to look into that additional help paying for her medications and take what help she can get from that, if she hasn't already. She also needs to look into contacting state welfare services immediately and looking into what they can do to help her pay for medicare costs. It definitely won't hurt to call and ask and get any relevant information and forms sent to you.

 

If there is a social security office near you (you can google "social security office near [address]"), it might do you guys well to go there in person and have an actual person to speak to about it. Here's how to make an appointment: https://faq.ssa.gov/en-us/Topic/article/KA-02771 but I'm not sure you need one, because the one time I went with my mom we just took a number and waited.

 

My mom went through the same thing when she got part B (she'd already had parts A and D), and she was able to get help paying for at least the premium through state welfare services. 

[JavaTigress]

*Sigh* Something is BOTHERING me and I need to 'get it off my chest'.

 

Yesterday I was playing online chess, as I often enough do...so nothing unusual there.

 

The trouble IS that the other player it pulled up as my opponent?
Well, turns out they wanted to 'chat.'

 

NOW normally i don't chat much while playing chess... I find it somewhat distracting and would prefer to focus on the game itself...anyway MOST aren't that chatty either.

AT said, I am not necessarily ABSOLUTELY opposed to a quick,' Oh, Hi' , 'good move' or such as that.

 

The trouble IS that this particular person very quickly became rather abusive

 

Things like : " You must be the stupidest American to ever play chess".

 

NOW mentally, of course, I realize that this individual is a TROLL and that the things that they said reflect more on THEM than on me.( AND as a matter of fact I TOLD them, flat out that they were a troll and I didn't see fit to talk tot hem any further... when they couldn't get anything more out of me after that, they then let the timer run out on the game.) The particular individual EVEN had the unmitigated GALL to ask me for a rematch! Ha! I very quickly shot that down. The problem is that it all sort of struck a nerve for me because I have said things mentally at LEAST as abusive to and about my own self. The truly bizarre thing? I don't LIKE it when those sorts of things are said to me by others and they tend to make me angry more than anything...but I almost half believe them when I say them about myself.

 

Losses are bad enough, but I truly didn't NEED that.

 

ANYWAY...Mentally I know I should be over it, but emotionally... I keep chewing on what was said.

It's hard to 'let it go' when your own mind keeps whispering...."BUT what if they are RIGHT."

Edited October 7, 2018 by JavaTigress

[DuskOfTheStars]

2 hours ago, JavaTigress said:

*Sigh* Something is BOTHERING me and I need to 'get it off my chest'.

 

Yesterday I was playing online chess, as I often enough do...so nothing unusual there.

 

The trouble IS that the other player it pulled up as my opponent?
Well, turns out they wanted to 'chat.'

 

NOW normally i don't chat much while playing chess... I find it somewhat distracting and would prefer to focus on the game itself...anyway MOST aren't that chatty either.

AT said, I am not necessarily ABSOLUTELY opposed to a quick,' Oh, Hi' , 'good move' or such as that.

 

The trouble IS that this particular person very quickly became rather abusive

 

Things like : " You must be the stupidest American to ever play chess".

 

NOW mentally, of course, I realize that this individual is a TROLL and that the things that they said reflect more on THEM than on me.( AND as a matter of fact I TOLD them, flat out that they were a troll and I didn't see fit to talk tot hem any further... when they couldn't get anything more out of me after that, they then let the timer run out on the game.) The particular individual EVEN had the unmitigated GALL to ask me for a rematch! Ha! I very quickly shot that down. The problem is that it all sort of struck a nerve for me because I have said things mentally at LEAST as abusive to and about my own self. The truly bizarre thing? I don't LIKE it when those sorts of things are said to me by others and they tend to make me angry more than anything...but I almost half believe them when I say them about myself.

 

Losses are bad enough, but I truly didn't NEED that.

 

ANYWAY...Mentally I know I should be over it, but emotionally... I keep chewing on what was said.

It's hard to 'let it go' when your own mind keeps whispering...."BUT what if they are RIGHT."

 

That's not fun... I know the feeling. I'm kinda emotional, and people call me "baby", and it always feels like they have a point....

 

I hope you feel better soon. I guess try to remember that thry were sone anonymous jerkwad so they were gonna say whatever they could to hurt someone? Ack I'm sorry, I dunno what to say.

[Awdz]

6 hours ago, JavaTigress said:

*Sigh* Something is BOTHERING me and I need to 'get it off my chest'.

 

Yesterday I was playing online chess, as I often enough do...so nothing unusual there.

 

The trouble IS that the other player it pulled up as my opponent?
Well, turns out they wanted to 'chat.'

 

NOW normally i don't chat much while playing chess... I find it somewhat distracting and would prefer to focus on the game itself...anyway MOST aren't that chatty either.

AT said, I am not necessarily ABSOLUTELY opposed to a quick,' Oh, Hi' , 'good move' or such as that.

 

The trouble IS that this particular person very quickly became rather abusive

 

Things like : " You must be the stupidest American to ever play chess".

 

NOW mentally, of course, I realize that this individual is a TROLL and that the things that they said reflect more on THEM than on me.( AND as a matter of fact I TOLD them, flat out that they were a troll and I didn't see fit to talk tot hem any further... when they couldn't get anything more out of me after that, they then let the timer run out on the game.) The particular individual EVEN had the unmitigated GALL to ask me for a rematch! Ha! I very quickly shot that down. The problem is that it all sort of struck a nerve for me because I have said things mentally at LEAST as abusive to and about my own self. The truly bizarre thing? I don't LIKE it when those sorts of things are said to me by others and they tend to make me angry more than anything...but I almost half believe them when I say them about myself.

 

Losses are bad enough, but I truly didn't NEED that.

 

ANYWAY...Mentally I know I should be over it, but emotionally... I keep chewing on what was said.

It's hard to 'let it go' when your own mind keeps whispering...."BUT what if they are RIGHT."

You are clearly a better person than they are, as they wanted to troll you more. Most games have a "report" button for abusive players; if you encounter that one again, I hope you are able to use it. You deserve to be complimented for playing a game that most find challenging just to start. I wish you the best of luck and better company in future games.

[Awdz]

On ‎10‎/‎1‎/‎2018 at 8:57 PM, Natayah said:

This is going to be a longer post. *Quote cut for brevity*

Hi Natayah,

 

I truly believe the quote in my signature: "Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will spend its whole life believing that it is stupid."  If you are that fish, it sounds like you have a lot of squirrels judging you.

 

I know it is hard to be patient with people who do not understand your situation (and worse, refuse to try to understand it). You know you are bright and creative; ignore the naysayers, use your gifts, and be the best person you can be - others will recognize your beauty for it.

[Draconiusultamius]

im a mistake.  its a wonder i keep lurking here considering how much crap i cause.  perhaps id be happier if i left this forum and perhaps itd be better for everyone.  but i cant.  even though i cry when im here.  when i see that orange bar that reminds me of how many bridges ive burned.  i guess i deserve it though, after all im a terrible person.  even now, im bringing it up.  why? i dont know and frankly i dont care.  except i do.  and its killing me.  i cant undo it.  i cant even trust myself to not do it again because ive tried.  and ive never succeeded.  otherwise i wouldnt be here saying this.  knowing that i will burn once again.  im made to create.  but all i can create is my own destruction.

[JavaTigress]

1 hour ago, Awdz Bodkins said:

You are clearly a better person than they are, as they wanted to troll you more. Most games have a "report" button for abusive players; if you encounter that one again, I hope you are able to use it. You deserve to be complimented for playing a game that most find challenging just to start. I wish you the best of luck and better company in future games.

I surely WOULD have reported them... if I could have figured out how.

[Evangeline]

On 9/4/2018 at 11:41 PM, The Dragoness said:

Thank you for the kind words. I needed to hear that. I do understand that it most likely was unrelated to me, but I can't help but be hurt by the way he cut me out so suddenly. It doesn't help that it was my first "serious" relationship either. I'm feeling so many conflicting emotions about it all. I can't believe he's really gone.

I’m very sorry to hear this as well. I agree that it’s very unrelated to you. Guys are such foolish creatures sometimes. They don’t think like we do. He probably thought he was saving you. You deserve so much. You deserve the world. I hope you’re feeling a little better. I’m also here if you ever want to talk. 

[HeatherMarie]

@Infinis Thank you for the advice, we have plans to go to the social security office tomorrow and hopefully get some clarity on some stuff (just got yet another letter in the mail, this one saying she's already been enrolled in a certain Medicare plan, and then a different letter the same day from the same place saying they couldn't complete her enrollment...). 

 

I'm feeling a little... confused, right now. Completely separate from the issues with my mom's insurance. I just... For a long time I've relied heavily on close friends and family to point out when I seem to be getting depressed, when I'm acting in certain ways, because so often it's really hard for me to see those signs until it gets really bad. I feel like I've been doing pretty good lately, there have been a few stressors and I've had a few significant anxiety attacks, but compared to just a few years ago I'm feeling fairly stable. And then today mom asks me if I think my medication is actually still helping, and implies that I might need more help then I've been getting lately. And I don't really know what to think. On one hand, my mom has always been kind of overreactive about my mental issues, I have a couple crappy days and she insists I need more help and such. On the other hand it's definitely possible I'm just not noticing that things are slipping, because I'm not struggling at work or holing myself up in the apartment or anything of the big things that happen when I'm depressed. 

 

Edit:

Well the insurance situation just seems to keep getting worse and worse. Went to the social security office, literally over a *hundred* people in line, line around the building, mom can't stand that long so had to come home. So she called them on the phone, spent over *two hours* on hold and talking to them, and was told that her current insurance IS actually going to continue covering her and she doesn't need Medicare at all and she should fill out a form to opt-out of it. .... And then two hours later the mail comes, with a letter from her current insurance saying they won't cover her prescriptions anymore because she's eligible for Medicare. Also in the mail was a very large packet from the Medicare prescription plan she'd asked about, with a very long booklet listing prescriptions they cover and how much she'll have to pay for each prescription. Earlier on in this process a Medicare representative told her over the phone that she'd have to pay $1-7 for each prescription. According to this booklet, however, many of her prescriptions are in the higher 'tiers' and she may have to pay up to 45% of the cost. That will mean almost $200 on *one* specific medication, every month. I didn't even look up all of the medications, but she has a good 12-15 different medications she takes daily. How on *earth* is she expected to afford all of this crap when she gets less then $700 a month?!

......... I guess that earlier paragraph is moot now, I'm unsure if the actual depression is coming back but the anxiety is *definitely* at a high right now!

Edited October 10, 2018 by HeatherMarie

[Starscream]

had a horridfically near contacxt wiht my phobia to my lips.... how do I santitise myself of it. trying not to throw yup, but might happen.

[Aniia]

This isn't really a share-my-pain post, I don't often discuss my emotions/issues, but I need some advice.

 

I've got two friends, both from childhood. I'll call them Amy and Renee, but those aren't their real names obviously. Amy has bipolar and is totally financially dependent on her father, who she lives with. She wants her own space, and is suffering from high anxiety and paranoia. Renee has borderline, is also financially dependent on family, and is struggling with depression and anxiety. Over the summer she pretended to commit suicide to, as she said, see which of her friends cared enough to save her. I care about Amy and Renee a lot. But -

 

Both have been asking to move in with me, because they are so unhappy with their current situations. I live with my husband in a pretty small space; we don't really have room for an extra person. Someone to stay a few nights? Sure. But not indefinitely, or for months on end. So I know that I have to tell them no. But when I let them down (that's not right, my therapist would want me to choose another phrase), Amy gets sulky and resentful, and Renee just sort of fades away into a puddle.

 

I've only just recently started getting over my own depression, anxiety, and guilt issues. I made a lot of progress over the last year but their emotional pressure, intentional or not, is sort of pulling me back down. Having each of them clutch me as their lifeline is draining and fills me with guilt even though I know I can't provide what they need. How can I tell them no in a way that doesn't hurt them, but that they will also accept?

Edited October 13, 2018 by Twimm

[Terces]

Unfortunately there's no magic sentence to make them understand and accept that you cannot 'save' them, they will likely be upset and sulky regardless of how you phrase your words. Their demands are not reasonable and they know it. They simply don't want to hear the word 'no'... but 'no' is exactly what you need to say if you want to protect your sanity. It's important to remember that their overreactions are not your fault - your reasoning for not desiring them in your home is logical and makes perfect sense. I know from experience that people with bi-polar or borderline disorder can be very emotionally manipulative, and exhausting to deal with for extended periods of time. Bringing either of them into your home will definitely cause problems for you, make your friendship with them even more difficult and may even put a strain on your marriage. No sane person would say you are in the wrong for protecting yourself, your marriage and home.

 

I agree that 'letting them down' is not the right phrase - what you are really doing is 'standing up for myself'. Keep reminding yourself that you are doing the right thing, and that you are not being mean or uncaring by refusing to take on more than you can handle. Especially since you are struggling again with your own mental health issues - taking care of yourself is the most important thing you can do. I know you care about them a lot, but don't let them drag you down. You know what needs to be done, you just need to muster up the inner strength to do it. Steel your nerves and emotions as best you can, and just say no. It's not the easiest thing to say, but you can do it! How they choose to respond is 100% on them, not you.

 

If they are your true friends, they will understand. I hope they do, but prepare yourself if they don't.

[RandomBreeder]

Ok. So. I've been dawdling about for a while, going on and off, trying to phrase how best to put my point across without coming across as too overbearing or outright rude. But I can't. I know this is a place to provide support, and that is what I hope to, but I just can't help but be painfully blunt about this. Again, in no way do I intend to hurt or offend you, or anyone in this thread, @Twimm.

 

Stop it.

 

I understand that they're both good friends of yours, need help and support, and you care very much about them. But remember- from what you said, you're only so much better than them, and are on the verge of relapsing. And you should know just as well as I do that you do not want to go there again. Right now you're able to trample over yourself to be there for them, but if it goes on, there's eventually be no "you", and no one left for them. But it seems you've already figured out that much.

 

Directly answering your question, I do not fully agree with Terces. One of them is bipolar, while the other's borderline and anxious to the point of faking suicide. The worst combo for a blunt sit-down and face-to-face talk. They may mean no ill will, but it is just too difficult, to the point of impossible, even, to just make them see your side of the story like it's nothing. Trust me, I know. To them, they've already got a world's worth of problems, and often, from my experience, such people tend to trivialize others' problems without knowing just how much it might shatter them. They mean no harm, but they simply don't know better. The best you can do is refer them to professional treatment and be there while they go through it. Some things are just beyond our capacity.

Again, it's not my intention to second-hand your problems, and I apologize if it comes off that way. I just don't want you to walk down the same path I did. I may not have the power to turn time, but I do enough to make it so that others don't wish for the same.

 

With love and prayers that you sort it out,

RB

[Terces]

10 hours ago, RandomBreeder said:

Directly answering your question, I do not fully agree with Terces. One of them is bipolar, while the other's borderline and anxious to the point of faking suicide. The worst combo for a blunt sit-down and face-to-face talk.

 

To be fair, I didn't say it should be a face-to-face talk. It can be done through any medium, on the phone, texting, email, etc... but sooner or later they will bring up the subject of moving in with her again, and she needs to say no. It can't be some vague answer, it's got to be a firm 'no, that isn't going to happen'. We both know that sugar-coating it won't smooth things over because her friends are so dead-set on moving in, we know they will not be happy with her answer no matter how nicely she phrases it. So I think it's best if the OP just rips the band-aid off and says no when the time comes. No drawn-out arguments, no debate whatsoever. As long as she sticks with no, and is firm that her mind cannot be changed, she'll be fine. The friendship might not be fine, but I don't want the guilt of that to stop her from doing what's best for herself.

 

I agree with everything you said. Guilt is such a powerful emotion, it can easily make us act against our own best interests. I just want her to know that she is doing the right thing, and to not feel so bad about doing what needs to be done.

[Astreya]

@Twimm

 

You definitely need to tell them "no" in very clear terms. If they want to play the "guilty" card, tell them that they need to get help to get their psychological problems fixed so that they can try and look for an independent life of their own. If they would move in with you, they would not change their situation at all - from living dependant on father/family, they'd go to live dependant on you. The only thing that will change their life to the better is that they need to learn to live not dependant on somebody else.

 

Plus I would like to give you one very important advice that might sound a bit egotistical, but it might be good for your own mental help: In your life you should be the main person. Never give more than you can afford of your energy and life, no matter how much others may nag and moan. (The only exception to that would be your own children, until they can fend for themselves, of course, but even then you need to be sure that you keep enough energy to yourself so that you can live well, or you would risk not being able to care for them either.)

 

Edited October 13, 2018 by Astreya
typos, typos...