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Oh goodness I'm so sorry @*Silver Fox* losing a pet is so difficult, especially one that's been in your life so long!

 

Well, I don't really know what to say about this, but I feel like I need to get it out.... I was supposed to be at work over an hour ago. Obviously I am not there. I am missing an entire day of work because I had a *major* anxiety attack that left me completely unable to even attempt the stress of work. Why did this happen? Because transportation was *ridiculously* late picking me up, *again*, and no one would give me any sort of explanation or answer on how long it would be. I rely on the transportation my work provides for a fee, because my mom's car is unreliable and I can't drive, and normally they pick me up 20-25 minutes before my start-time. But a few weeks ago I changed my schedule just a little, just starting an hour later, and *every* *single* *time* since that change they have been really late picking me up. Like, 10 minutes or less before my start-time. It takes a *minimum* of 13 minutes to get to my work from where I live. Today was worse then usual, it was *past* the time I was supposed to clock in and they *still* weren't here, I called multiple times and was told they couldn't get ahold of the driver and they couldn't tell me when the driver would be here.... I tried so hard to stay calm, I really did. Took an anxiety pill but I guess I took it too late, ended up having a huge hysterical-crying meltdown for a good 20 minutes or so, mom called to complain and such while I curled up on my bed listening to my calm-down music. I'm not crying anymore, but there is no way I can handle work after a big attack like that, so I'm missing a day of work because of their incompetence. For someone who makes less then $400 a month, missing a day of work is pretty darn serious.

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Hi Dragon Cave forum

 

I just happened to see this thread and honestly i do need to get some stuff off my chest

 

I'm in a really stressful point in my life. I just graduate from college with my BA and I intend to continue with grad school, but in the meantime, I need to somehow find a local job, prepare for and then take the GRE, then apply to grad schools which requires writing personal statements and all that stuff, and it's all very scary and exciting.

 

What's got my down is that I made the decision to end my 9 month relationship with my girlfriend because she wants to go to school in Chicago and I want to leave this region entirely and we're just going in different directions and I felt held back by a relationship. I feel terrible. She took it really well and actually comforted me when i told her how I felt and she responded in a really supportive and constructive way and assured me everything is going to be okay and that we can be friends after some time. It was the best case scenario but it still hurts. It was the healthiest relationship I ever had in my life (no exaggeration) so I'm feeling a lot of complicated feelings even though I know it's for the best and that I didn't actually lose her...

 

I just feel really really sad and down in the dumps and scared about where I'm going with my life

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I need a hug and a distraction so badly. I just asked the hardest question of my life and I'm dreading the answer. It's either going to be a huge relief or destroy me completely. I haven't been able to sleep or eat, so it needed to happen, but I'm still so scared. I can barely look at my phone without crying. A small, unrealistic part of me wishes that things could just go back to normal, like they were a month ago. Everything was finally perfect in my life and I was happy; I never would have guessed this would happen. I just don't know what to do. I want to hope that I'm overthinking it and the answer will be good, but I can't help but wonder what I'm going to do if it isn't.

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12 hours ago, The Dragoness said:

I need a hug and a distraction so badly. I just asked the hardest question of my life and I'm dreading the answer. It's either going to be a huge relief or destroy me completely. I haven't been able to sleep or eat, so it needed to happen, but I'm still so scared. I can barely look at my phone without crying. A small, unrealistic part of me wishes that things could just go back to normal, like they were a month ago. Everything was finally perfect in my life and I was happy; I never would have guessed this would happen. I just don't know what to do. I want to hope that I'm overthinking it and the answer will be good, but I can't help but wonder what I'm going to do if it isn't.

*hugs* Waiting for answers for big questions is one of the worst feelings ever. I hope you got the answer you were hoping for, and if not, then I'll be sending more virtual hugs your way. I don't know what your situation is, but life changes, especially sudden, are scary and can leave you feeling so so lost and confused. Remember that it could be a change for better, or that you could learn something from it. It is also important to allow yourself to mourn and acknowledge your own feelings about the change/event, instead of just powering through. I hope you're feeling better soon ❤️

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It's not going to be long until I start working for pretty much the "first" time in my life. I've had one other job before this, but it wasn't much and I didn't get paid. I'm stressed at starting "life" in general because of how difficult everything tends to be for me as it is. Having an executive dysfunction and trying to adult properly is very... challenging and hard to understand if you haven't experienced it first-hand. I feel like I'm going to mess up or that people at the workplace will dislike me because I'm so slow or annoying. I'm also always in pain with my back and legs and just about everything really, hopefully that should go away over time. 

 

The good thing is that my mom is helping me with getting this job, so I'm a bit lucky. Still, when I finally move away from my parents, I hope that I can do stuff like this on my own... I read a lot of stories and blog posts about money struggles... I don't want that to happen to me. I want my life to be as stress-free as possible but I feel like my it's all just going to be filled with stress until I die. Sorry for the morbidity but that is legitimately how I am feeling right now...speaking of stress.

 

I don't want to overshare, but to put it in short... I am absolutely (and silently) terrified of finally starting my life. I feel like everyone around me was already accomplished at age 18....and here I am...nearly 23 and it's like I don't know anything. Oh god. 😥

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Right now, my daughter is facing the most difficult thing she has ever had to face in her life, and I cant be there to support her, and I cant do anything to help resolve the issue. Her cat is gonna die.  What started off as potentially being a flea allergy or infected scratches from the other cat has blown up into the cat being covered in sores and lesions, her refusing to eat or drink, and spending all her time either sleeping, or staring at the wall.  This all happened really, really quickly (within the last two weeks shes gone from tiny irritated bumps to being completely covered in tumors and oozing wounds)
My daughter knows that there is a good chance she will have to make the decision to put her cat down. She also knows that I'm trying everything I can to get her cat to the vet to try to help her. She knows her dad is trying to find a way to make it work, but hes not listening to any of the options for how to pay for the vet visit I've offered him. I really don't know what to do here...
 

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@The DragonessHugs, Santa Dragoness, and you're very brave to ask the hard questions. I hope you get the answer you want, and do take care of yourself. 

 

@Tesla Here's a high-five for starting a new job! Also, you're in good company, because I think we all feel like we're adrift in the adult world sometimes. Even when we've been adults for years and decades, regardless of experience, education, natural talent, personal difficulties, etc. The wonderful thing is that while you're scared, you're doing it anyway, and you're going to give it your best! I hope your worries don't eclipse how great you should feel about yourself :) 

 

@Thuban While I'm sure your cat will be well-cared for (and given peace when necessary), I also know it doesn't help with the pain you'll have to see your daughter experience. I guess there's nothing else anyone can say except to take care of each other, and yourself. And y'know, internet stranger hugs. 

 

I don't often come to this thread, but hugs to everyone who needs it. Whether or not any of my words are okay/relevant/reasonable, I hope you know someone's thinking about you!

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I'm feeling a little.... let down? Worried? Frustrated? Scared? And the friends I would normally turn to are the ones causing those feelings. Long story short, I've been a part of a small but active forum for almost 12 years, and over the years many people who I considered best friends have 'moved on' and left the forum, and new people have come and I've gotten close to them, and I've basically denied to myself that anything was really changing. But the truth is that the forum is a lot quieter then it used to be, there has gone from 30-40 active members to 10-15, and... I'm worried. The forum has had a few major fights/blow-ups over the years, a few of which involved multiple people leaving because of the fights, but it's always 'bounced back' as it were. Maybe not the same as it used to be, but still a close loving community. But the last few days there has been some Serious Talk in a certain member's thread (we all have personal 'update' threads) which for the most part seems to boil down to people not being 'real' friends and only being there for each other when there is a crisis but not communicating much otherwise.... And while that's totally true to a certain extent, tempers have flared and people are feeling attacked and even I'm sort of feeling defensive about it. And I just... I can't help but wonder how long our community is really going to be around, and what will be the 'final straw'. 

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On 8/16/2018 at 10:16 PM, HeatherMarie said:

I'm feeling a little.... let down? Worried? Frustrated? Scared? And the friends I would normally turn to are the ones causing those feelings. Long story short, I've been a part of a small but active forum for almost 12 years, and over the years many people who I considered best friends have 'moved on' and left the forum, and new people have come and I've gotten close to them, and I've basically denied to myself that anything was really changing. But the truth is that the forum is a lot quieter then it used to be, there has gone from 30-40 active members to 10-15, and... I'm worried. The forum has had a few major fights/blow-ups over the years, a few of which involved multiple people leaving because of the fights, but it's always 'bounced back' as it were. Maybe not the same as it used to be, but still a close loving community. But the last few days there has been some Serious Talk in a certain member's thread (we all have personal 'update' threads) which for the most part seems to boil down to people not being 'real' friends and only being there for each other when there is a crisis but not communicating much otherwise.... And while that's totally true to a certain extent, tempers have flared and people are feeling attacked and even I'm sort of feeling defensive about it. And I just... I can't help but wonder how long our community is really going to be around, and what will be the 'final straw'. 

I'm sorry. Building a community like that for so long is like carving out a little part of home on the internet, and when people leave, it leaves a hole behind. I know what that's like, though I don't think any of my communities (beyond this one) have lasted that long. Is it possible to connect with those people you're close to on separate platforms? Facebook, or other shared social media outlets? Or even just emailing each other. I'm definitely the kind of person who doesn't like change, and when I feel people start pulling away or leaving me behind (I have some abandonment issues, for whatever reason) it feels a bit like part of me leaves with them. I know we're not the same people, but the way that I managed to deal with that was to find another online community and meet other people so that I didn't feel like I was the last one left behind on a forum no one visited anymore. (and sometimes I used to go back to those old sites and read through our posts from years ago for some good ole painful nostalgia). Is there a way to invite more people to the server, maybe pick up the activity again? You don't necessarily have to spearhead it, but maybe if you discuss it with your current group, you can all promote new membership so that the forum maintains its activity. 

 

 

 

As for me on a personal note, I'm feeling.... I don't really know, I guess. Kind of nothing. Kind of hollow. I just wake up, go to work, go home, go to bed. It's not always like this, but now I just feel like I'm sinking farther into a fog I can't find my way out of. I've never been a very ambitious person or had a lot of motivation, but I had enough before. Currently I'm just, I don't know, not here. 

Sorry if that doesn't make a whole lot of sense. 

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@*Silver Fox* I'm sorry for your loss, I have kept and lost many pets and I understand how you feel. He's in a better place now where he can eat all his favourite foods without ever getting sick, and he and your grandma have each other for company.

 

On 8/2/2018 at 4:24 AM, HeatherMarie said:

Oh goodness I'm so sorry @*Silver Fox* losing a pet is so difficult, especially one that's been in your life so long!

 

Well, I don't really know what to say about this, but I feel like I need to get it out.... I was supposed to be at work over an hour ago. Obviously I am not there. I am missing an entire day of work because I had a *major* anxiety attack that left me completely unable to even attempt the stress of work. Why did this happen? Because transportation was *ridiculously* late picking me up, *again*, and no one would give me any sort of explanation or answer on how long it would be. I rely on the transportation my work provides for a fee, because my mom's car is unreliable and I can't drive, and normally they pick me up 20-25 minutes before my start-time. But a few weeks ago I changed my schedule just a little, just starting an hour later, and *every* *single* *time* since that change they have been really late picking me up. Like, 10 minutes or less before my start-time. It takes a *minimum* of 13 minutes to get to my work from where I live. Today was worse then usual, it was *past* the time I was supposed to clock in and they *still* weren't here, I called multiple times and was told they couldn't get ahold of the driver and they couldn't tell me when the driver would be here.... I tried so hard to stay calm, I really did. Took an anxiety pill but I guess I took it too late, ended up having a huge hysterical-crying meltdown for a good 20 minutes or so, mom called to complain and such while I curled up on my bed listening to my calm-down music. I'm not crying anymore, but there is no way I can handle work after a big attack like that, so I'm missing a day of work because of their incompetence. For someone who makes less then $400 a month, missing a day of work is pretty darn serious.

 

I'm sorry that happened to you, @HeatherMarie. I suffer from anxiety issues as well and that would definitely rattle me a little. They sound truly incompetent. Are you feeling better now?

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10 hours ago, vanillachapter said:

 

I'm sorry that happened to you, @HeatherMarie. I suffer from anxiety issues as well and that would definitely rattle me a little. They sound truly incompetent. Are you feeling better now?

 

Thank you. Yeah, it seems my mom's complaints might have actually gotten through to them. Because of my anxiety I often shy away from 'confronting' people about anything, even something like that, because that conversation will only make the anxiety worse... I also often get embarrassed when my mom steps in on my behalf, but sometimes it really does help. I haven't had any issues at all with transportation since that day, and I was scheduled a different driver who consistently picks me up within five minutes of the normal time.

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1 hour ago, HeatherMarie said:

 

Thank you. Yeah, it seems my mom's complaints might have actually gotten through to them. Because of my anxiety I often shy away from 'confronting' people about anything, even something like that, because that conversation will only make the anxiety worse... I also often get embarrassed when my mom steps in on my behalf, but sometimes it really does help. I haven't had any issues at all with transportation since that day, and I was scheduled a different driver who consistently picks me up within five minutes of the normal time.

 

Awh, I'm so glad things worked out for you. 😌 There's no shame in having your mom on your team, and you will get there someday.

Edited by vanillachapter

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My boyfriend of almost 2 years, who I genuinely thought was my soulmate, broke up with me over text today. I'm still shocked and having trouble believing that it's really over. Besides the very end, he was always so sweet and loving. Other people have even pointed out that he looked at me like I was the most precious thing in the world. And I felt it. We had the same sense of humor and interests and wants for the future. He was exactly what I wanted in a guy, and vice versa. We really were a perfect fit. The only minor annoyance was the distance. The last time I saw him in person, he was extremely happy and couldn't wait for me to come back in September. There were no signals of something being wrong.

 

Then everything changed in July. He randomly stopped responding to my texts and calls for 2+ weeks at a time. When we did talk, it was brief and he avoided all of my questions. He wouldn't tell me why he didn't want to talk, just that he "wanted to be alone" and he "hated everyone." So I started to wonder if we were having relationship issues that I hadn't noticed. I asked and didn't get a response for over a month...which brings me to today. I woke up to a text from him, which I took as a wonderful sign that a horrible week was about to turn around. Instead, he told me that being together wasn't the best idea because he hates himself and didn't want to have anyone in his life. He "was never happy." But what really hurts me is that I don't feel like he truly wants this. We were best friends for years before we started dating, and he told me repeatedly during that time how much I meant to him. He was always so (genuinely) happy when I visited. We didn't have any issues. He just doesn't seem to want himself to be happy, and that makes me worry. I didn't know that he still continued to have horrible mental health troubles. I doubt that's he's willing to let anyone else in if he couldn't tell me. I might hate how he handled the situation, but I don't want him to end up in a hospital again.

 

I miss him and wish I could change his mind, but I know that's silly. I shouldn't continue to give him my time after the way he treated me. But it's heartbreaking to know that I'll never find another person just like him. He was so, so special to me. I want to hate him, but I can't. I still love him. He never did anything to make me hate him anyway; he cared so much and never stopped listening. This feels like a mistake. I want to text him so badly, but the chance of him changing his mind is miniscule. He already made the decision without me.

Edited by The Dragoness

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1 hour ago, The Dragoness said:

My boyfriend of almost 2 years, who I genuinely thought was my soulmate, broke up with me over text today. I'm still shocked and having trouble believing that it's really over. Besides the very end, he was always so sweet and loving. Other people have even pointed out that he looked at me like I was the most precious thing in the world. And I felt it. We had the same sense of humor and interests and wants for the future. He was exactly what I wanted in a guy, and vice versa. We really were a perfect fit. The only minor annoyance was the distance. The last time I saw him in person, he was extremely happy and couldn't wait for me to come back in September. There were no signals of something being wrong.

 

Then everything changed in July. He randomly stopped responding to my texts and calls for 2+ weeks at a time. When we did talk, it was brief and he avoided all of my questions. He wouldn't tell me why he didn't want to talk, just that he "wanted to be alone" and he "hated everyone." So I started to wonder if we were having relationship issues that I hadn't noticed. I asked and didn't get a response for over a month...which brings me to today. I woke up to a text from him, which I took as a wonderful sign that a horrible week was about to turn around. Instead, he told me that being together wasn't the best idea because he hates himself and didn't want to have anyone in his life. He "was never happy." But what really hurts me is that I don't feel like he truly wants this. We were best friends for years before we started dating, and he told me repeatedly during that time how much I meant to him. He was always so (genuinely) happy when I visited. We didn't have any issues. He just doesn't seem to want himself to be happy, and that makes me worry. I didn't know that he still continued to have horrible mental health troubles. I doubt that's he's willing to let anyone else in if he couldn't tell me. I might hate how he handled the situation, but I don't want him to end up in a hospital again.

 

I miss him and wish I could change his mind, but I know that's silly. I shouldn't continue to give him my time after the way he treated me. But it's heartbreaking to know that I'll never find another person just like him. He was so, so special to me. I want to hate him, but I can't. I still love him. He never did anything to make me hate him anyway; he cared so much and never stopped listening. This feels like a mistake. I want to text him so badly, but the chance of him changing his mind is miniscule. He already made the decision without me.

 

Oh I am so sorry to hear this, dear. Long distance relationships can be frustrating, I understand completely how you feel right now. I think that you are being very strong about this, though.

 

What I can tell you is that you should not take this to heart, even though it is hard not to. From reading what you said about him, it seems like there are personal problems he is having that he did not communicate, and it's likely that he needs space and time on his own. So if possible, you should also take some time on your own and make sure to take care of yourself. 

 

Stay strong and know that everything will be okay.

 

Here if you need to vent more or anything, btw. ❤️

Edited by Tesla

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On 9/1/2018 at 7:54 PM, Tesla said:

 

Oh I am so sorry to hear this, dear. Long distance relationships can be frustrating, I understand completely how you feel right now. I think that you are being very strong about this, though.

 

What I can tell you is that you should not take this to heart, even though it is hard not to. From reading what you said about him, it seems like there are personal problems he is having that he did not communicate, and it's likely that he needs space and time on his own. So if possible, you should also take some time on your own and make sure to take care of yourself. 

 

Stay strong and know that everything will be okay.

 

Here if you need to vent more or anything, btw. ❤️

Thank you for the kind words. I needed to hear that. I do understand that it most likely was unrelated to me, but I can't help but be hurt by the way he cut me out so suddenly. It doesn't help that it was my first "serious" relationship either. I'm feeling so many conflicting emotions about it all. I can't believe he's really gone.

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I just kind of need to vent right now....

 

Okay, so a few months ago I got a letter from my insurance saying that they no longer 'do business' with Walgreens (a pharmacy) and I'd have to transfer any prescriptions from there somewhere else. That's fine, I only had one prescription at Walgreens because I already got most of my meds from the pharmacy inside my metal-health doctor place. My mom did *not* get one of those letters, which made sense because while she has the same general insurance it's a completely different plan, so we figured that it wasn't changing with her plan. (Actually we didn't really even think about it at all, she didn't get a letter and we have totally different plans so it really didn't even cross our minds.)

 

So this morning we go to Walgreens to pick up her prescription (which she is *completely* out of due to the pharmacy dragging their feet) and we are told they no longer accept mom's insurance and she has to get *all* her meds from somewhere else now. Again, she did not get a letter. She did not get *anything* regarding this change. She got refills on a few other medications, from Walgreens, just last week. Nothing was said about it then and the meds were refilled with no issue. Now suddenly they can't refill anything at all. She is *out* of this specific medication, completely out. She has *five* other medications that she will be out of in the next week (I fill her weekly 'med-packs' for her so I keep track). And of course it's the weekend so she can't talk to her insurance about it or call her doctor or anything. As of right now we have no clue how long it will take to get *all* her meds transferred to somewhere else, or where that somewhere else is going to be, etc. I'm really confused why on earth this is happening *now*, the letter I got months ago said the change would happen at the beginning of August, so why they've been refilling her meds with absolutely no issue until today I really don't understand.

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OK, I realize my 'problem' seems smaller than some of the stuff other folks have posted here... that said,it definitely bothers me.

 

I enjoy chess, but at times I think I m not really good enough to warrant. Like I have a tendency to let fall by the wayside anything I don't think I am 'good at'. The issue with chess, and what makes it so emotionally distressing IS that I actually enjoy the game and don't really WANT to quit playing... but at the same time I don't feel good at it. I WANT to be good at it, but I am if I am honest with myself, , at best,a  fairly average player which... in my mind isn't good enough by even a quarter. ( As if, foolish as it sounds even to me when I put it into words, only grandmasters have the right to play, in my mind)  Thing is, I am unclear on what even IS good enough. Stupid, I know but there it is. My ratings number annoys me and WORSE, the more I feel compelled to try to bring that number up, the more stubbornly it stays put. As a matter of fact, when I am more relaxed ( and less focused on that stupid number and trying to bring it up ( Whether because I lost a game and therefor a few points and want to re-earn them or I have got it in my head the number itself is just plain not good enough for my liking)) my chess is actually BETTER than when I am so concerned about it. *Le Sigh* What do I even do about it? The bottom line is that I ONLY feel good about my chess when I am on a winning streak. and I take losses hard.

 

Quitting the game isn't likely to happen, at least not permanently.

I just wish I could reduce the ammount of emotional frustration and pain it brought along witht he pleasure it undoubtedly also brings

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Sending endless love and empathy your way, everyone. Hope you mend your hurts and find solutions to your difficulties and go out from it stronger than before. ❤️ 

I'm not sure where exactly to post this because it's not directly affiliated to me, but it upset me so much that I have to share it somewhere just to show you an example of how life is unfair. 

 

A boy named Dušan from my country, three years old, was diagnosed with adrenal gland tumor and was treated by the best surgeons to get rid of the illness, but after some time the tumor came back so his parents, not being able to gather almost 200.000 euros to pay for his further treatment, asked the charity organizations and the people of my country to help with donations and spreading the word of their little boy and his urgent need for further treatment. On one occasion he and his father were in the morning news broadcast and he was so cute saying: "Daddy, I love you." as his father was holding him in his lap. Somehow the money was gathered and he was escorted to Barcelona to be treated, where they offered him to meet Messi and other football players from their football club, but that cute little boy only wanted to see his favourite Serbian football player. Our people did everything they could by donating, some of my friends organized blog sales and donated their earnings to the total. 

Sadly, today the little boy's father officially confirmed that he passed away. I can't stop crying because all I can think about is that happy little boy not being alive anymore, and his devastated parents living with the fact that they will never hear their son tell them: "I love you" ever again. And it's not fair.

 

Last year on February 17th my college colleague, a year younger than me, passed away after a year of battling leukemia, and everything that we as his colleagues from my college, charities and the people with a good heart did to help ended up being for nothing. And I will always be angry when I hear that the country's budget is financing yet another shopping mall instead of financially contributing to healthcare, educating doctors and renovating hospitals and buying equipment and medicine to treat their ill people, especially innocent children, instead of those helpless people having to rely on charity to send their endangered loved ones to a faraway country for treatment that is beyond expensive to say the least.

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I just saw the listing for my grandparents house. It’s been a year since grandma passed away. It’s finally all cleaned out and empty. I cried. I shouldn’t have looked. 

 

I miss her. I miss her stupid feisty Italian temper. I miss the stupid banana eating plant. She had a stuffed dog in a dog cage at the stairs. And puzzle books in the living room that she’s had since I was little. And the horses on a stick. And the stupid figurines she had everywhere. Her decorations. There were so many. And glass and china she loved. 

 

Shed cook us us breakfast whenever we went. Her cute little aprons. 

 

She had her her van packed with everything you’d need in case of a bad earthquake. And all the jewelry she had. I took a bit of it. I wear it to keep it alive. She kept jewelry I made her as a kid. She had the plastic string replaced with professional work. I put the braclet on her wrist and I kept the necklace. 

 

Its all gone. Other people bought a lot of her stuff. People that don’t know anything about the history. God. It sucks. I’m sobbing. I miss her so much. 

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Posted (edited)

This is going to be a longer post. If you don't like my longer posts, don't read it. You are able to ignore postings. I don't like having to Disclose this, but Since it is the major cause of my issues at work right now (no worries, they are being handled and working), and since some people seem very "unhappy" or feel there must be something wrong with me, that, as a native English speaker, I would always type so much and not be more concise, that I could work on this and more people would read my posts. This is no way as an offense to the person who sent me a very nice PM today. But since I've learned a lot, both pros and cons, of being built this way, and part of that results in both crazy creative awesome things, but also super long posts, I might as well share it since that seem to be the thing causing me the greatest stress right now, and my be positive and nice and creative and supportive and kind attitude and game play, which I want to be, recently sometimes wears thin at times, due to the work situation, without me meaning too. So this will be a one time post and I never really want to talk about it again, however, I feel that maybe those who do not know, and those who do, could benefit from this information.

 

ETA: Just to be fair, the number of issues really falls under a variety of Learning Disabilities, and I do, in this reference, refer to Dyslexia Solely, which isn't fair or right or really correct, it was the number inversions was the first issue I was almost fired from a job for in the first time of my life due to me making "mistakes" and "not being careful, etc." So I always in my life focus on the word Dyslexia, but it is not. If you suffer from these things and take any offense, I am sorry. Some people have things that overlap with other things. If you have a minor version, you may only show a symptom of A a symptom of B or a symptom of C in combo. That is the phrase I latched on to because it is the one most people know of the subcategories. My apologies

 

In school I was very smart. So I was "Gifted". Sometimes people with higher IQ's also have other brain wiring that some people consider either "different" or even "dysfunctional". However, mine never appeared in a way that was life shattering. So it wasn't something that would have been diagnosed, although I'd have done a lot better on my GPA had it been.

 

I am familiar with Dyslexia on more severe cases. People who brightly highlight in alternating colors, different words, different syllables, just so they can read or read aloud. Sometimes they never are really able to read or do math to any degree worth trying or doing. I do not have that form of Dyslexia. But I do have a minor Dyslexia. And it impacts me in ways that I can live with, so no one considers it "serious" until it becomes an issue, even though I am always very open and honest with my workplaces about this.

 

I am very creative. I can probably out-brainstorm most people, and I literally list Brainstorming as one of my favorite hobbies or activities. Yes people think I'm strange. I don't really write out speeches or things. I write a detailed outline. I cannot write essays I'm going to speak. They make no sense to me. Outlines work better. Most professional speakers agree with that. I can follow logic and concepts and things similar to the ideas of mind mapping with connecting, sorting, categorizing and being able to follow logic and conversations on all sorts of random higher end topics just because I can see how the steps go along. Or I just intuit them. Those are some of the Pros. Some of those benefits show up quite a bit in the things I do on DC Forums. My brain makes connections between ideas, words, thoughts, etc. all day long that I find hysterical. I laugh most of the day. It doesn't translate well, but people just assume I'm very happy if not a bit zany. That is a fair statement.

 

However, there are a lot of drawbacks to those brain wirings. Hence, some form of Dyslexia that isn't always parts of how people understand it, or maybe some here do. I invert numbers sometimes, I invert words sometimes, I constantly invert left and right and sometimes have to really focus. It often takes a bit more focus to transition from one thought/action to a completely different one. Not a lot, but some time. It was easier when I was younger. Stress makes it worse, but it is normally not an issue in work or what I do because I am highly focused on my product and like my high performance. So people are incredulous that I have amazing performance, but sometimes it is an issue. They think I am being lazy, careless, not focused enough, not paying enough attention, not being consistent, XYZ. These things are very hurtful, because I am not, and I am tired of having to take jobs that are usually below what I could do, or that completely generally avoid data entry heavy or accounting heavy focus because, it would be a legally unfair, and to me, I don't believe in setting myself up for failure and doing that to my workplace. I like my jobs. I also like Audible speaking and Listening. But I can read and visualize and do all that stuff too. Growing older though, more complex tasks take a longer learning curve than they used to. And I ain't even *THAT* old. Until I have learned it enough that it is a set pattern in my brain, I am just really really struggling and floundering and my fantastic performance drops drastically. And people don't understand this either. But that is work stuff.

 

So some of the less obvious things that go with accidental, unaware either inversion, confusion or transition between things is that I get it wrong, or thing I did it right, and almost got it right, but was off a little, and so "I am doing it wrong." It also means I am clumsy. I have bad hand eye coordination. Not great Depth Perception. Sports and manually fine tasks are beyond me. Hence, why if video games didn't already given me migraines to start with, I would not be able to play them. Ever. Not in anything every leading to huge frustration. So I don't do those things. I may not be able to do a team sport, but I can be athletic with myself. That is fine. It took me MANY years to pass my drivers license test and this really hurt and frustrated me, and then at least a few more years to be competent. It isn't so much an issue now, but it was for several years in my life, in a place where cars are often very necessary to get around. That makes one feel very dumb and wonder what is wrong with themselves.

 

I have a memory Hole. I originally thought it was just my brain protecting me from my childhood. I have a great short term memory. Long term, some things are very clear, crystal clear, but other things become hazy to completely disappearing. I could never really tell my life story because some things I know in great detail, others are just a blur and I feel like my brain has taken them from me and hidden them away. I would be OK with this if it was honestly protecting me. But I love my marriage. When my husband dies, most of the time will be stolen from me. It is not a dementia or memory loss. Time lapses and things just gone from the past are also one of those things, but there isn't a rhyme or reason to it. And time placement and order can sometimes be an issue. So I look back upon vignettes. Some vivid and very detailed. Some just completely gone. But they are somewhere back there because I don't really have control over if I hold a grudge or not. The Memory Bulwark controls that. I may want to really hate you, but my brain won't let me. Or I may really want to not hate you and move on, but my brain won't let me. There is something back there. I mean there are things I've gotten old enough to just be stronger than, but it still is there.

 

I really like math. I get all the concepts and theories and logic and understand it very well. But if I have to manually write out and calculate several different problems to turn in homework every day, that isn't a thing I can do even with focus and intent. It is just beyond me. And don't ask me to do repetitive manual, and especially dull, tasks. I would rather be dead. Cannot do it. And H & K (the cosign wave one is -1 and one is +1, I am literally still haunted by these to this day. I cannot keep them straight. I don't even try. It is that traumatic for me.) But I'm good with most everything else! Logic is never a problem, and math is just another language of logic, but it doesn't quite work the same way for me unfortunately.

 

And there is one other thing. I cannot be concise. That may sound really dumb and stupid. But it is an actual thing. I write, and I write and I write. When I write a post, I could edit it down several times and make it shorter, more to the point. But this game, as much fun as it is, is not worth the effort and time and focus and frustration it would take for me to accomplish this having to do it over several times. If you don't like it, that is too bad. My brain isn't going to rewire itself. You get the good with the bad. If the good doesn't outweigh the bad, then just ignore me. Because if this issue **EVER** comes up again, I am not going to be nice about it. I deal with enough grief and angst over this as it is. I'm sorry you don't understand. I'm sorry it isn't so horrific I can barely read and have all the "normal things people think of when they hear the word Dyslexia." Frankly, I am pissed off I have to claim a "Learning Disability" subgroup as a handicap (especially being a person who is very smart and very sharp and very well performing, which further just confuses them, I mean at least if I was on the Autism spectrum that they could understand better because that seems to be the **ONLY** thing most people associate with higher IQ, which riles me too, no offense to those with Autism or various social anxieties, I realize my life is probably MUCH easier than yours. It is just that no one believes me because they literally have never talked about this sort of thing before, despite me lining my desks with neon colored and highlighted colors of all bright sorts, which is a clear sign of - Oh that is usually associated with Dyslexia in some way, or something - no one hangs and decorates their entire cubicle with lots of colors in neon shades and highlights and postcards and more because they just like to rock the Neon Lights.) because my supervisors or managers don't seem to understand why I ask for a few minor things that are normal supervisory simple things, and instead demand I need a Doctor's note verifying that I need an "Accommodation". That is probably what really riles me the most right now. Far more than I even wish to express. So if you want to tread on that area, I wouldn't expect a good reaction. Again, this will be the only reference I make to this.

 

So, the next time you find something that seems out of place or something that most people don't do, consider asking yourself - wow, I wonder why this one person writes these really really really long posts and literally like no one else does. Maybe something is different. Yes, there is something **VERY DIFFERENT**. It is ok that you didn't know. I get that I am not the typical dyslexic whose life struggles are far beyond anything I could imagine. I have **NOTHING** compared to what they go thru. That is why I hate to even talk about it. But since people seem to really dislike my long posts and make a point of writing up how they are just ignoring them and not bothering to read them - I don't give a Donkey. You can just ignore it. If you want the good that comes along with me, you are occasionally see me do or say or not do or say things that sound weird or LONG and maybe that annoys you. It is a package deal. On balance, I tend to hope my contributions to the Community are far more positive than not. But please, if you don't like seeing me type all those words, just ignore it and move on. Just like, with age, we learn to ignore (at least things that aren't worth riling up about) things that annoy us for the benefit of not being mean and move on. Some things just aren't worth it. This is one of those things.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited by Natayah

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I'm trying so hard not to freak out about all this stupid Medicare stuff but it's really really hard not to. For my own sanity I'm trying to remind myself that these are issues my mom needs to deal with herself, I'm not legally able to do this stuff for her so it's on her and I don't need to get overwhelmed by it.... But that's really hard when we live together. Medicare just seems sooooo much more complicated then the normal insurance she's had for years and years and I honestly don't *get* why people are forced into such a confusing complicated different insurance just because they turn a certain age. Her current insurance covers doctor appointments, medications, hospitals, tests like bloodwork and MRIs and such... There are certain things that it doesn't cover, like dental, but there are no ridiculous different 'parts' that only cover specific things and have different copays and.... I just don't understand any of this.

 

Mom has been getting a ton of letters about all this, very confusing and contradictory letters. She's called Medicare multiple times and has gotten different information each time. She was told she 'qualifies for additional help' paying for Medicare, and that additional help will cover everything that Medicare doesn't, the deductibles or whatever, and the only thing she'll need to pay is a $1 copay on each medication. But apparently that's *just* for the medication-part of Medicare?? Because today we got a letter from Social Security that they'll be deducting OVER A HUNDRED DOLLARS A MONTH from her Social Security payments in order to pay the Medicare cost. So.... I really don't understand any of this and the more I try to research the more confused I get. And then of course I made the mistake of saying something snippy when mom complained that she can't possibly live on a hundred dollars less a month, and yeah I shouldn't have said it but *ahem* I live on *plenty* less each month thankyouverymuch, and.... Argh. I just have no clue right now.

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6 hours ago, HeatherMarie said:

I'm trying so hard not to freak out about all this stupid Medicare stuff but it's really really hard not to. For my own sanity I'm trying to remind myself that these are issues my mom needs to deal with herself, I'm not legally able to do this stuff for her so it's on her and I don't need to get overwhelmed by it.... But that's really hard when we live together. Medicare just seems sooooo much more complicated then the normal insurance she's had for years and years and I honestly don't *get* why people are forced into such a confusing complicated different insurance just because they turn a certain age. Her current insurance covers doctor appointments, medications, hospitals, tests like bloodwork and MRIs and such... There are certain things that it doesn't cover, like dental, but there are no ridiculous different 'parts' that only cover specific things and have different copays and.... I just don't understand any of this.

 

Mom has been getting a ton of letters about all this, very confusing and contradictory letters. She's called Medicare multiple times and has gotten different information each time. She was told she 'qualifies for additional help' paying for Medicare, and that additional help will cover everything that Medicare doesn't, the deductibles or whatever, and the only thing she'll need to pay is a $1 copay on each medication. But apparently that's *just* for the medication-part of Medicare?? Because today we got a letter from Social Security that they'll be deducting OVER A HUNDRED DOLLARS A MONTH from her Social Security payments in order to pay the Medicare cost. So.... I really don't understand any of this and the more I try to research the more confused I get. And then of course I made the mistake of saying something snippy when mom complained that she can't possibly live on a hundred dollars less a month, and yeah I shouldn't have said it but *ahem* I live on *plenty* less each month thankyouverymuch, and.... Argh. I just have no clue right now.

 

here's a simplified version:

 

part A is hospital insurance

part B is medical insurance (not including vision and dental)

part D is medications

 

If your mom hasn't already, she needs to sign up for part D for drug coverage, part B for doctor visits and related, and part A for hospitals. 

 

Your mom needs to look into that additional help paying for her medications and take what help she can get from that, if she hasn't already. She also needs to look into contacting state welfare services immediately and looking into what they can do to help her pay for medicare costs. It definitely won't hurt to call and ask and get any relevant information and forms sent to you.

 

If there is a social security office near you (you can google "social security office near [address]"), it might do you guys well to go there in person and have an actual person to speak to about it. Here's how to make an appointment: https://faq.ssa.gov/en-us/Topic/article/KA-02771 but I'm not sure you need one, because the one time I went with my mom we just took a number and waited.

 

My mom went through the same thing when she got part B (she'd already had parts A and D), and she was able to get help paying for at least the premium through state welfare services. 

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Posted (edited)

*Sigh* Something is BOTHERING me and I need to 'get it off my chest'.

 

Yesterday I was playing online chess, as I often enough do...so nothing unusual there.

 

The trouble IS that the other player it pulled up as my opponent?
Well, turns out they wanted to 'chat.'

 

NOW normally i don't chat much while playing chess... I find it somewhat distracting and would prefer to focus on the game itself...anyway MOST aren't that chatty either.

AT said, I am not necessarily ABSOLUTELY opposed to a quick,' Oh, Hi' , 'good move' or such as that.

 

The trouble IS that this particular person very quickly became rather abusive

 

Things like : " You must be the stupidest American to ever play chess".

 

NOW mentally, of course, I realize that this individual is a TROLL and that the things that they said reflect more on THEM than on me.( AND as a matter of fact I TOLD them, flat out that they were a troll and I didn't see fit to talk tot hem any further... when they couldn't get anything more out of me after that, they then let the timer run out on the game.) The particular individual EVEN had the unmitigated GALL to ask me for a rematch! Ha! I very quickly shot that down. The problem is that it all sort of struck a nerve for me because I have said things mentally at LEAST as abusive to and about my own self. The truly bizarre thing? I don't LIKE it when those sorts of things are said to me by others and they tend to make me angry more than anything...but I almost half believe them when I say them about myself.

 

Losses are bad enough, but I truly didn't NEED that.

 

ANYWAY...Mentally I know I should be over it, but emotionally... I keep chewing on what was said.

It's hard to 'let it go' when your own mind keeps whispering...."BUT what if they are RIGHT."

Edited by JavaTigress

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2 hours ago, JavaTigress said:

*Sigh* Something is BOTHERING me and I need to 'get it off my chest'.

 

Yesterday I was playing online chess, as I often enough do...so nothing unusual there.

 

The trouble IS that the other player it pulled up as my opponent?
Well, turns out they wanted to 'chat.'

 

NOW normally i don't chat much while playing chess... I find it somewhat distracting and would prefer to focus on the game itself...anyway MOST aren't that chatty either.

AT said, I am not necessarily ABSOLUTELY opposed to a quick,' Oh, Hi' , 'good move' or such as that.

 

The trouble IS that this particular person very quickly became rather abusive

 

Things like : " You must be the stupidest American to ever play chess".

 

NOW mentally, of course, I realize that this individual is a TROLL and that the things that they said reflect more on THEM than on me.( AND as a matter of fact I TOLD them, flat out that they were a troll and I didn't see fit to talk tot hem any further... when they couldn't get anything more out of me after that, they then let the timer run out on the game.) The particular individual EVEN had the unmitigated GALL to ask me for a rematch! Ha! I very quickly shot that down. The problem is that it all sort of struck a nerve for me because I have said things mentally at LEAST as abusive to and about my own self. The truly bizarre thing? I don't LIKE it when those sorts of things are said to me by others and they tend to make me angry more than anything...but I almost half believe them when I say them about myself.

 

Losses are bad enough, but I truly didn't NEED that.

 

ANYWAY...Mentally I know I should be over it, but emotionally... I keep chewing on what was said.

It's hard to 'let it go' when your own mind keeps whispering...."BUT what if they are RIGHT."

 

That's not fun... I know the feeling. I'm kinda emotional, and people call me "baby", and it always feels like they have a point....

 

I hope you feel better soon. I guess try to remember that thry were sone anonymous jerkwad so they were gonna say whatever they could to hurt someone? Ack I'm sorry, I dunno what to say.

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6 hours ago, JavaTigress said:

*Sigh* Something is BOTHERING me and I need to 'get it off my chest'.

 

Yesterday I was playing online chess, as I often enough do...so nothing unusual there.

 

The trouble IS that the other player it pulled up as my opponent?
Well, turns out they wanted to 'chat.'

 

NOW normally i don't chat much while playing chess... I find it somewhat distracting and would prefer to focus on the game itself...anyway MOST aren't that chatty either.

AT said, I am not necessarily ABSOLUTELY opposed to a quick,' Oh, Hi' , 'good move' or such as that.

 

The trouble IS that this particular person very quickly became rather abusive

 

Things like : " You must be the stupidest American to ever play chess".

 

NOW mentally, of course, I realize that this individual is a TROLL and that the things that they said reflect more on THEM than on me.( AND as a matter of fact I TOLD them, flat out that they were a troll and I didn't see fit to talk tot hem any further... when they couldn't get anything more out of me after that, they then let the timer run out on the game.) The particular individual EVEN had the unmitigated GALL to ask me for a rematch! Ha! I very quickly shot that down. The problem is that it all sort of struck a nerve for me because I have said things mentally at LEAST as abusive to and about my own self. The truly bizarre thing? I don't LIKE it when those sorts of things are said to me by others and they tend to make me angry more than anything...but I almost half believe them when I say them about myself.

 

Losses are bad enough, but I truly didn't NEED that.

 

ANYWAY...Mentally I know I should be over it, but emotionally... I keep chewing on what was said.

It's hard to 'let it go' when your own mind keeps whispering...."BUT what if they are RIGHT."

You are clearly a better person than they are, as they wanted to troll you more. Most games have a "report" button for abusive players; if you encounter that one again, I hope you are able to use it. You deserve to be complimented for playing a game that most find challenging just to start. I wish you the best of luck and better company in future games.

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