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Oh goodness I'm so sorry @*Silver Fox* losing a pet is so difficult, especially one that's been in your life so long!

 

Well, I don't really know what to say about this, but I feel like I need to get it out.... I was supposed to be at work over an hour ago. Obviously I am not there. I am missing an entire day of work because I had a *major* anxiety attack that left me completely unable to even attempt the stress of work. Why did this happen? Because transportation was *ridiculously* late picking me up, *again*, and no one would give me any sort of explanation or answer on how long it would be. I rely on the transportation my work provides for a fee, because my mom's car is unreliable and I can't drive, and normally they pick me up 20-25 minutes before my start-time. But a few weeks ago I changed my schedule just a little, just starting an hour later, and *every* *single* *time* since that change they have been really late picking me up. Like, 10 minutes or less before my start-time. It takes a *minimum* of 13 minutes to get to my work from where I live. Today was worse then usual, it was *past* the time I was supposed to clock in and they *still* weren't here, I called multiple times and was told they couldn't get ahold of the driver and they couldn't tell me when the driver would be here.... I tried so hard to stay calm, I really did. Took an anxiety pill but I guess I took it too late, ended up having a huge hysterical-crying meltdown for a good 20 minutes or so, mom called to complain and such while I curled up on my bed listening to my calm-down music. I'm not crying anymore, but there is no way I can handle work after a big attack like that, so I'm missing a day of work because of their incompetence. For someone who makes less then $400 a month, missing a day of work is pretty darn serious.

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Hi Dragon Cave forum

 

I just happened to see this thread and honestly i do need to get some stuff off my chest

 

I'm in a really stressful point in my life. I just graduate from college with my BA and I intend to continue with grad school, but in the meantime, I need to somehow find a local job, prepare for and then take the GRE, then apply to grad schools which requires writing personal statements and all that stuff, and it's all very scary and exciting.

 

What's got my down is that I made the decision to end my 9 month relationship with my girlfriend because she wants to go to school in Chicago and I want to leave this region entirely and we're just going in different directions and I felt held back by a relationship. I feel terrible. She took it really well and actually comforted me when i told her how I felt and she responded in a really supportive and constructive way and assured me everything is going to be okay and that we can be friends after some time. It was the best case scenario but it still hurts. It was the healthiest relationship I ever had in my life (no exaggeration) so I'm feeling a lot of complicated feelings even though I know it's for the best and that I didn't actually lose her...

 

I just feel really really sad and down in the dumps and scared about where I'm going with my life

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I need a hug and a distraction so badly. I just asked the hardest question of my life and I'm dreading the answer. It's either going to be a huge relief or destroy me completely. I haven't been able to sleep or eat, so it needed to happen, but I'm still so scared. I can barely look at my phone without crying. A small, unrealistic part of me wishes that things could just go back to normal, like they were a month ago. Everything was finally perfect in my life and I was happy; I never would have guessed this would happen. I just don't know what to do. I want to hope that I'm overthinking it and the answer will be good, but I can't help but wonder what I'm going to do if it isn't.

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12 hours ago, The Dragoness said:

I need a hug and a distraction so badly. I just asked the hardest question of my life and I'm dreading the answer. It's either going to be a huge relief or destroy me completely. I haven't been able to sleep or eat, so it needed to happen, but I'm still so scared. I can barely look at my phone without crying. A small, unrealistic part of me wishes that things could just go back to normal, like they were a month ago. Everything was finally perfect in my life and I was happy; I never would have guessed this would happen. I just don't know what to do. I want to hope that I'm overthinking it and the answer will be good, but I can't help but wonder what I'm going to do if it isn't.

*hugs* Waiting for answers for big questions is one of the worst feelings ever. I hope you got the answer you were hoping for, and if not, then I'll be sending more virtual hugs your way. I don't know what your situation is, but life changes, especially sudden, are scary and can leave you feeling so so lost and confused. Remember that it could be a change for better, or that you could learn something from it. It is also important to allow yourself to mourn and acknowledge your own feelings about the change/event, instead of just powering through. I hope you're feeling better soon ❤️

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It's not going to be long until I start working for pretty much the "first" time in my life. I've had one other job before this, but it wasn't much and I didn't get paid. I'm stressed at starting "life" in general because of how difficult everything tends to be for me as it is. Having an executive dysfunction and trying to adult properly is very... challenging and hard to understand if you haven't experienced it first-hand. I feel like I'm going to mess up or that people at the workplace will dislike me because I'm so slow or annoying. I'm also always in pain with my back and legs and just about everything really, hopefully that should go away over time. 

 

The good thing is that my mom is helping me with getting this job, so I'm a bit lucky. Still, when I finally move away from my parents, I hope that I can do stuff like this on my own... I read a lot of stories and blog posts about money struggles... I don't want that to happen to me. I want my life to be as stress-free as possible but I feel like my it's all just going to be filled with stress until I die. Sorry for the morbidity but that is legitimately how I am feeling right now...speaking of stress.

 

I don't want to overshare, but to put it in short... I am absolutely (and silently) terrified of finally starting my life. I feel like everyone around me was already accomplished at age 18....and here I am...nearly 23 and it's like I don't know anything. Oh god. 😥

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Right now, my daughter is facing the most difficult thing she has ever had to face in her life, and I cant be there to support her, and I cant do anything to help resolve the issue. Her cat is gonna die.  What started off as potentially being a flea allergy or infected scratches from the other cat has blown up into the cat being covered in sores and lesions, her refusing to eat or drink, and spending all her time either sleeping, or staring at the wall.  This all happened really, really quickly (within the last two weeks shes gone from tiny irritated bumps to being completely covered in tumors and oozing wounds)
My daughter knows that there is a good chance she will have to make the decision to put her cat down. She also knows that I'm trying everything I can to get her cat to the vet to try to help her. She knows her dad is trying to find a way to make it work, but hes not listening to any of the options for how to pay for the vet visit I've offered him. I really don't know what to do here...
 

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@The DragonessHugs, Santa Dragoness, and you're very brave to ask the hard questions. I hope you get the answer you want, and do take care of yourself. 

 

@Tesla Here's a high-five for starting a new job! Also, you're in good company, because I think we all feel like we're adrift in the adult world sometimes. Even when we've been adults for years and decades, regardless of experience, education, natural talent, personal difficulties, etc. The wonderful thing is that while you're scared, you're doing it anyway, and you're going to give it your best! I hope your worries don't eclipse how great you should feel about yourself :) 

 

@Thuban While I'm sure your cat will be well-cared for (and given peace when necessary), I also know it doesn't help with the pain you'll have to see your daughter experience. I guess there's nothing else anyone can say except to take care of each other, and yourself. And y'know, internet stranger hugs. 

 

I don't often come to this thread, but hugs to everyone who needs it. Whether or not any of my words are okay/relevant/reasonable, I hope you know someone's thinking about you!

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I'm feeling a little.... let down? Worried? Frustrated? Scared? And the friends I would normally turn to are the ones causing those feelings. Long story short, I've been a part of a small but active forum for almost 12 years, and over the years many people who I considered best friends have 'moved on' and left the forum, and new people have come and I've gotten close to them, and I've basically denied to myself that anything was really changing. But the truth is that the forum is a lot quieter then it used to be, there has gone from 30-40 active members to 10-15, and... I'm worried. The forum has had a few major fights/blow-ups over the years, a few of which involved multiple people leaving because of the fights, but it's always 'bounced back' as it were. Maybe not the same as it used to be, but still a close loving community. But the last few days there has been some Serious Talk in a certain member's thread (we all have personal 'update' threads) which for the most part seems to boil down to people not being 'real' friends and only being there for each other when there is a crisis but not communicating much otherwise.... And while that's totally true to a certain extent, tempers have flared and people are feeling attacked and even I'm sort of feeling defensive about it. And I just... I can't help but wonder how long our community is really going to be around, and what will be the 'final straw'. 

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On 8/16/2018 at 10:16 PM, HeatherMarie said:

I'm feeling a little.... let down? Worried? Frustrated? Scared? And the friends I would normally turn to are the ones causing those feelings. Long story short, I've been a part of a small but active forum for almost 12 years, and over the years many people who I considered best friends have 'moved on' and left the forum, and new people have come and I've gotten close to them, and I've basically denied to myself that anything was really changing. But the truth is that the forum is a lot quieter then it used to be, there has gone from 30-40 active members to 10-15, and... I'm worried. The forum has had a few major fights/blow-ups over the years, a few of which involved multiple people leaving because of the fights, but it's always 'bounced back' as it were. Maybe not the same as it used to be, but still a close loving community. But the last few days there has been some Serious Talk in a certain member's thread (we all have personal 'update' threads) which for the most part seems to boil down to people not being 'real' friends and only being there for each other when there is a crisis but not communicating much otherwise.... And while that's totally true to a certain extent, tempers have flared and people are feeling attacked and even I'm sort of feeling defensive about it. And I just... I can't help but wonder how long our community is really going to be around, and what will be the 'final straw'. 

I'm sorry. Building a community like that for so long is like carving out a little part of home on the internet, and when people leave, it leaves a hole behind. I know what that's like, though I don't think any of my communities (beyond this one) have lasted that long. Is it possible to connect with those people you're close to on separate platforms? Facebook, or other shared social media outlets? Or even just emailing each other. I'm definitely the kind of person who doesn't like change, and when I feel people start pulling away or leaving me behind (I have some abandonment issues, for whatever reason) it feels a bit like part of me leaves with them. I know we're not the same people, but the way that I managed to deal with that was to find another online community and meet other people so that I didn't feel like I was the last one left behind on a forum no one visited anymore. (and sometimes I used to go back to those old sites and read through our posts from years ago for some good ole painful nostalgia). Is there a way to invite more people to the server, maybe pick up the activity again? You don't necessarily have to spearhead it, but maybe if you discuss it with your current group, you can all promote new membership so that the forum maintains its activity. 

 

 

 

As for me on a personal note, I'm feeling.... I don't really know, I guess. Kind of nothing. Kind of hollow. I just wake up, go to work, go home, go to bed. It's not always like this, but now I just feel like I'm sinking farther into a fog I can't find my way out of. I've never been a very ambitious person or had a lot of motivation, but I had enough before. Currently I'm just, I don't know, not here. 

Sorry if that doesn't make a whole lot of sense. 

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@*Silver Fox* I'm sorry for your loss, I have kept and lost many pets and I understand how you feel. He's in a better place now where he can eat all his favourite foods without ever getting sick, and he and your grandma have each other for company.

 

On 8/2/2018 at 4:24 AM, HeatherMarie said:

Oh goodness I'm so sorry @*Silver Fox* losing a pet is so difficult, especially one that's been in your life so long!

 

Well, I don't really know what to say about this, but I feel like I need to get it out.... I was supposed to be at work over an hour ago. Obviously I am not there. I am missing an entire day of work because I had a *major* anxiety attack that left me completely unable to even attempt the stress of work. Why did this happen? Because transportation was *ridiculously* late picking me up, *again*, and no one would give me any sort of explanation or answer on how long it would be. I rely on the transportation my work provides for a fee, because my mom's car is unreliable and I can't drive, and normally they pick me up 20-25 minutes before my start-time. But a few weeks ago I changed my schedule just a little, just starting an hour later, and *every* *single* *time* since that change they have been really late picking me up. Like, 10 minutes or less before my start-time. It takes a *minimum* of 13 minutes to get to my work from where I live. Today was worse then usual, it was *past* the time I was supposed to clock in and they *still* weren't here, I called multiple times and was told they couldn't get ahold of the driver and they couldn't tell me when the driver would be here.... I tried so hard to stay calm, I really did. Took an anxiety pill but I guess I took it too late, ended up having a huge hysterical-crying meltdown for a good 20 minutes or so, mom called to complain and such while I curled up on my bed listening to my calm-down music. I'm not crying anymore, but there is no way I can handle work after a big attack like that, so I'm missing a day of work because of their incompetence. For someone who makes less then $400 a month, missing a day of work is pretty darn serious.

 

I'm sorry that happened to you, @HeatherMarie. I suffer from anxiety issues as well and that would definitely rattle me a little. They sound truly incompetent. Are you feeling better now?

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10 hours ago, vanillachapter said:

 

I'm sorry that happened to you, @HeatherMarie. I suffer from anxiety issues as well and that would definitely rattle me a little. They sound truly incompetent. Are you feeling better now?

 

Thank you. Yeah, it seems my mom's complaints might have actually gotten through to them. Because of my anxiety I often shy away from 'confronting' people about anything, even something like that, because that conversation will only make the anxiety worse... I also often get embarrassed when my mom steps in on my behalf, but sometimes it really does help. I haven't had any issues at all with transportation since that day, and I was scheduled a different driver who consistently picks me up within five minutes of the normal time.

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1 hour ago, HeatherMarie said:

 

Thank you. Yeah, it seems my mom's complaints might have actually gotten through to them. Because of my anxiety I often shy away from 'confronting' people about anything, even something like that, because that conversation will only make the anxiety worse... I also often get embarrassed when my mom steps in on my behalf, but sometimes it really does help. I haven't had any issues at all with transportation since that day, and I was scheduled a different driver who consistently picks me up within five minutes of the normal time.

 

Awh, I'm so glad things worked out for you. 😌 There's no shame in having your mom on your team, and you will get there someday.

Edited by vanillachapter

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My boyfriend of almost 2 years, who I genuinely thought was my soulmate, broke up with me over text today. I'm still shocked and having trouble believing that it's really over. Besides the very end, he was always so sweet and loving. Other people have even pointed out that he looked at me like I was the most precious thing in the world. And I felt it. We had the same sense of humor and interests and wants for the future. He was exactly what I wanted in a guy, and vice versa. We really were a perfect fit. The only minor annoyance was the distance. The last time I saw him in person, he was extremely happy and couldn't wait for me to come back in September. There were no signals of something being wrong.

 

Then everything changed in July. He randomly stopped responding to my texts and calls for 2+ weeks at a time. When we did talk, it was brief and he avoided all of my questions. He wouldn't tell me why he didn't want to talk, just that he "wanted to be alone" and he "hated everyone." So I started to wonder if we were having relationship issues that I hadn't noticed. I asked and didn't get a response for over a month...which brings me to today. I woke up to a text from him, which I took as a wonderful sign that a horrible week was about to turn around. Instead, he told me that being together wasn't the best idea because he hates himself and didn't want to have anyone in his life. He "was never happy." But what really hurts me is that I don't feel like he truly wants this. We were best friends for years before we started dating, and he told me repeatedly during that time how much I meant to him. He was always so (genuinely) happy when I visited. We didn't have any issues. He just doesn't seem to want himself to be happy, and that makes me worry. I didn't know that he still continued to have horrible mental health troubles. I doubt that's he's willing to let anyone else in if he couldn't tell me. I might hate how he handled the situation, but I don't want him to end up in a hospital again.

 

I miss him and wish I could change his mind, but I know that's silly. I shouldn't continue to give him my time after the way he treated me. But it's heartbreaking to know that I'll never find another person just like him. He was so, so special to me. I want to hate him, but I can't. I still love him. He never did anything to make me hate him anyway; he cared so much and never stopped listening. This feels like a mistake. I want to text him so badly, but the chance of him changing his mind is miniscule. He already made the decision without me.

Edited by The Dragoness

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1 hour ago, The Dragoness said:

My boyfriend of almost 2 years, who I genuinely thought was my soulmate, broke up with me over text today. I'm still shocked and having trouble believing that it's really over. Besides the very end, he was always so sweet and loving. Other people have even pointed out that he looked at me like I was the most precious thing in the world. And I felt it. We had the same sense of humor and interests and wants for the future. He was exactly what I wanted in a guy, and vice versa. We really were a perfect fit. The only minor annoyance was the distance. The last time I saw him in person, he was extremely happy and couldn't wait for me to come back in September. There were no signals of something being wrong.

 

Then everything changed in July. He randomly stopped responding to my texts and calls for 2+ weeks at a time. When we did talk, it was brief and he avoided all of my questions. He wouldn't tell me why he didn't want to talk, just that he "wanted to be alone" and he "hated everyone." So I started to wonder if we were having relationship issues that I hadn't noticed. I asked and didn't get a response for over a month...which brings me to today. I woke up to a text from him, which I took as a wonderful sign that a horrible week was about to turn around. Instead, he told me that being together wasn't the best idea because he hates himself and didn't want to have anyone in his life. He "was never happy." But what really hurts me is that I don't feel like he truly wants this. We were best friends for years before we started dating, and he told me repeatedly during that time how much I meant to him. He was always so (genuinely) happy when I visited. We didn't have any issues. He just doesn't seem to want himself to be happy, and that makes me worry. I didn't know that he still continued to have horrible mental health troubles. I doubt that's he's willing to let anyone else in if he couldn't tell me. I might hate how he handled the situation, but I don't want him to end up in a hospital again.

 

I miss him and wish I could change his mind, but I know that's silly. I shouldn't continue to give him my time after the way he treated me. But it's heartbreaking to know that I'll never find another person just like him. He was so, so special to me. I want to hate him, but I can't. I still love him. He never did anything to make me hate him anyway; he cared so much and never stopped listening. This feels like a mistake. I want to text him so badly, but the chance of him changing his mind is miniscule. He already made the decision without me.

 

Oh I am so sorry to hear this, dear. Long distance relationships can be frustrating, I understand completely how you feel right now. I think that you are being very strong about this, though.

 

What I can tell you is that you should not take this to heart, even though it is hard not to. From reading what you said about him, it seems like there are personal problems he is having that he did not communicate, and it's likely that he needs space and time on his own. So if possible, you should also take some time on your own and make sure to take care of yourself. 

 

Stay strong and know that everything will be okay.

 

Here if you need to vent more or anything, btw. ❤️

Edited by Tesla

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On 9/1/2018 at 7:54 PM, Tesla said:

 

Oh I am so sorry to hear this, dear. Long distance relationships can be frustrating, I understand completely how you feel right now. I think that you are being very strong about this, though.

 

What I can tell you is that you should not take this to heart, even though it is hard not to. From reading what you said about him, it seems like there are personal problems he is having that he did not communicate, and it's likely that he needs space and time on his own. So if possible, you should also take some time on your own and make sure to take care of yourself. 

 

Stay strong and know that everything will be okay.

 

Here if you need to vent more or anything, btw. ❤️

Thank you for the kind words. I needed to hear that. I do understand that it most likely was unrelated to me, but I can't help but be hurt by the way he cut me out so suddenly. It doesn't help that it was my first "serious" relationship either. I'm feeling so many conflicting emotions about it all. I can't believe he's really gone.

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I just kind of need to vent right now....

 

Okay, so a few months ago I got a letter from my insurance saying that they no longer 'do business' with Walgreens (a pharmacy) and I'd have to transfer any prescriptions from there somewhere else. That's fine, I only had one prescription at Walgreens because I already got most of my meds from the pharmacy inside my metal-health doctor place. My mom did *not* get one of those letters, which made sense because while she has the same general insurance it's a completely different plan, so we figured that it wasn't changing with her plan. (Actually we didn't really even think about it at all, she didn't get a letter and we have totally different plans so it really didn't even cross our minds.)

 

So this morning we go to Walgreens to pick up her prescription (which she is *completely* out of due to the pharmacy dragging their feet) and we are told they no longer accept mom's insurance and she has to get *all* her meds from somewhere else now. Again, she did not get a letter. She did not get *anything* regarding this change. She got refills on a few other medications, from Walgreens, just last week. Nothing was said about it then and the meds were refilled with no issue. Now suddenly they can't refill anything at all. She is *out* of this specific medication, completely out. She has *five* other medications that she will be out of in the next week (I fill her weekly 'med-packs' for her so I keep track). And of course it's the weekend so she can't talk to her insurance about it or call her doctor or anything. As of right now we have no clue how long it will take to get *all* her meds transferred to somewhere else, or where that somewhere else is going to be, etc. I'm really confused why on earth this is happening *now*, the letter I got months ago said the change would happen at the beginning of August, so why they've been refilling her meds with absolutely no issue until today I really don't understand.

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OK, I realize my 'problem' seems smaller than some of the stuff other folks have posted here... that said,it definitely bothers me.

 

I enjoy chess, but at times I think I m not really good enough to warrant. Like I have a tendency to let fall by the wayside anything I don't think I am 'good at'. The issue with chess, and what makes it so emotionally distressing IS that I actually enjoy the game and don't really WANT to quit playing... but at the same time I don't feel good at it. I WANT to be good at it, but I am if I am honest with myself, , at best,a  fairly average player which... in my mind isn't good enough by even a quarter. ( As if, foolish as it sounds even to me when I put it into words, only grandmasters have the right to play, in my mind)  Thing is, I am unclear on what even IS good enough. Stupid, I know but there it is. My ratings number annoys me and WORSE, the more I feel compelled to try to bring that number up, the more stubbornly it stays put. As a matter of fact, when I am more relaxed ( and less focused on that stupid number and trying to bring it up ( Whether because I lost a game and therefor a few points and want to re-earn them or I have got it in my head the number itself is just plain not good enough for my liking)) my chess is actually BETTER than when I am so concerned about it. *Le Sigh* What do I even do about it? The bottom line is that I ONLY feel good about my chess when I am on a winning streak. and I take losses hard.

 

Quitting the game isn't likely to happen, at least not permanently.

I just wish I could reduce the ammount of emotional frustration and pain it brought along witht he pleasure it undoubtedly also brings

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