Emotional Support

[Draconiusultamius]

@StormWizard212 I've got a plan in place 

I might be going to the EU for university and I've been dying to get a pet giant African land snail.  I absolutely love those guys, but haven't been able to buy since they're banned in Canada.  I think I'd be a responsible owner and I would take extra care to prevent babies from going to the wild.  I might also go for a small snake or a tarantula.  Or maybe even a turtle.

[Claudii]

@w5aw5, @StormWizard212 Thank you! It took me years to realize that it is okay to get professional help, even if the struggles are - compared to those of others - pretty minor. Now the only things that hold me back to get an appointment are the fact that I don't know if I will still be living where I live now after June, and that I don't like making phone calls. At least I already talked with my usual doctor about me wanting professional help from a psychiatrist and she told me that she would of course give me a referral.

I'm working on a plan how to deal with that one friend. I guess I will have to talk to him (or at least send him a voice message), because it absolutely does not help if he unknowingly keeps shoving me into smaller nervous breakdowns everytime we spend time together. One reason why I never really told him about my issues was also that I hoped that I can get used to all those things and would finally "normalize"... well, that didn't work Plus he is not the kind of guy I want to talk to about being a bit than just socially awkward.

 

@Draconiusultamius, do you know someone who owns a pet und would agree to let you visit it from time to time? I know that would be far away from owning a pet. But as long as you live with your parents, it might be a way to get at least some of the mysterious healing powers of an animal (Seriously, I don't know how they do it, but somehow animals are good for the soul).

[Kaemena]

My anxiety is kind of off the charts... Panic attacks are happening again, maybe not as frequently as they were, but they're still not fun at all. :/

[StormWizard212]

7 hours ago, Claudii said:

It took me years to realize that it is okay to get professional help, even if the struggles are - compared to those of others - pretty minor.

 

There are always going to be other people in the world who are experiencing tremendously tough circumstances, but don't let that invalidate your own experiences and feelings. If something is getting you down, those feelings are very real to you. Compare yourself to only yourself, not to other people. If you know you're struggling at the moment, those experiences are completely valid. Glad you've got a plan, though, and good luck!

 

5 hours ago, Kaemena said:

My anxiety is kind of off the charts... Panic attacks are happening again, maybe not as frequently as they were, but they're still not fun at all. :/

 

Do you have strategies in place (breathing exercises, people you can talk to for support, etc.) to help you deal with your anxiety? I hope everything improves! <3 

[Kaemena]

59 minutes ago, StormWizard212 said:

Do you have strategies in place (breathing exercises, people you can talk to for support, etc.) to help you deal with your anxiety? I hope everything improves! <3 

 

Yeah I usually make it through by myself. But I'm really tired of having them all the time, lol.

[C88]

Hey DC forums, it's been a while...

So, recently I've begun therapy for anxiety. My whole life I've been a nervous person, but a while back it got bad. Really bad. I had several thoughts of suicide, and what scares me is that if I'd had a gun, or something like that near me at the time I would be dead right now. Thankfully I am much better now, and learning how to deal with anxiety. I understand my fears are irrational but I still have moments that aren't great. Most of the time I find myself wishing I could just be calm like other people and not freak out so much...

[HeatherMarie]

15 hours ago, C88 said:

Hey DC forums, it's been a while...

So, recently I've begun therapy for anxiety. My whole life I've been a nervous person, but a while back it got bad. Really bad. I had several thoughts of suicide, and what scares me is that if I'd had a gun, or something like that near me at the time I would be dead right now. Thankfully I am much better now, and learning how to deal with anxiety. I understand my fears are irrational but I still have moments that aren't great. Most of the time I find myself wishing I could just be calm like other people and not freak out so much...

 

I'm very glad you are still here with us, I've dealt with suicidal thoughts many times and looking back I always end up thankful that I never went through with it. I totally get how it can feel like everyone around you is so much calmer and better at dealing with things, especially if your anxiety is bad at the moment, but it may help to remember that no one is perfect. Everyone has issues, even if they aren't the same as yours or aren't as obvious as yours is to yourself. I think the statistics are something like 1 in 5 Americans deal with some form of mental illness, not sure about New Zealand though. Do you have good coping skills that help the anxiety? I actually have a list in my purse of things I can do to ground myself when my anxiety gets overwhelming. Here is one such list.

[Whirlaway]

On 4/16/2018 at 7:07 PM, C88 said:

Hey DC forums, it's been a while...

So, recently I've begun therapy for anxiety. My whole life I've been a nervous person, but a while back it got bad. Really bad. I had several thoughts of suicide, and what scares me is that if I'd had a gun, or something like that near me at the time I would be dead right now. Thankfully I am much better now, and learning how to deal with anxiety. I understand my fears are irrational but I still have moments that aren't great. Most of the time I find myself wishing I could just be calm like other people and not freak out so much...

 

Good to hear that you are starting to feel better now. I know it may sound redundant, but try and not let yourself compare yourself to others. I've done that for so long and, though it is hard to not, when I stopped comparing myself so furiously to others I began to see a small bit of a change in how I treated myself. It is still hard to always remember though...

[Aqub]

A few months ago I finally got up the courage to voice chat with strangers in video games, which has lead to me making quite a few new friends. This sounds like it should be good and not the start of a post asking for help, I know. I guess I just have really big self confidence issues because I constantly worry that the new friends I make don't actually like me that much. Logically, I know that it doesn't make sense because if they didn't like me they wouldn't be so nice to me or would at least not hang out with me much, but I still totally feel like I'm basically an annoyance to everyone I meet. It also doesn't help that I get attached to a lot of people after just a few conversations and want to become good friends with them, because I always feel like there's no way they like me as much as I like them. 

[NoonRaccoon]

32 minutes ago, aqub said:

A few months ago I finally got up the courage to voice chat with strangers in video games, which has lead to me making quite a few new friends. This sounds like it should be good and not the start of a post asking for help, I know. I guess I just have really big self confidence issues because I constantly worry that the new friends I make don't actually like me that much. Logically, I know that it doesn't make sense because if they didn't like me they wouldn't be so nice to me or would at least not hang out with me much, but I still totally feel like I'm basically an annoyance to everyone I meet. It also doesn't help that I get attached to a lot of people after just a few conversations and want to become good friends with them, because I always feel like there's no way they like me as much as I like them. 

 

That sounds like a symptom of anxiety; its a hard thing to push through, but having friends that want to talk to you or be around you means that you're a kind of person that they want to be around. It could just be invasive thoughts that made you feel like that, though in my own experience, if it worsens or if you find yourself isolating yourself from your new friends, then that's when it might be time to seek help. But for now if its just invasive thoughts, maybe keep up the positive thoughts that they're your friends for a reason - and that reason is you!

Edited April 18, 2018 by dark_sama

[StormWizard212]

15 hours ago, aqub said:

A few months ago I finally got up the courage to voice chat with strangers in video games, which has lead to me making quite a few new friends. This sounds like it should be good and not the start of a post asking for help, I know. I guess I just have really big self confidence issues because I constantly worry that the new friends I make don't actually like me that much. Logically, I know that it doesn't make sense because if they didn't like me they wouldn't be so nice to me or would at least not hang out with me much, but I still totally feel like I'm basically an annoyance to everyone I meet. It also doesn't help that I get attached to a lot of people after just a few conversations and want to become good friends with them, because I always feel like there's no way they like me as much as I like them. 

 

It sounds like there are quite a few things that indicate they do want to be friends with you. The best advice I can give is to just keep trying to focus on the facts and the behaviours you're noticing, to try to combat that voice that's telling you otherwise. I know it's easier said than one, but I think logic/reason/rationalising can be one of the best defences against unfair self-doubt. 

 

Well done for summoning the courage to begin chatting with them, though! That's a huge step!  

[Aqub]

Thank you guys! @dark_sama @StormWizard212 I'm not sure how communicate it but I really really appreciate the help.  It's nice have a voice of reason from you since telling myself I'm being silly doesn't help much. I'll really try to get rid of my negative feelings. Also, as for the courage to voice chat with people, I got it in a really odd way. I had tons of social anxiety for so long that even though I had online friends I had never spoken to them before, then about two years ago I saw some youtube videos of friends playing games together and I thought it seemed so fun that I decided it was time for me to do that, too.  Then recently I got up the courage to talk to strangers from that game VRchat. Even though both were really hard and made me super nervous at first, it was worth it. 

[StormWizard212]

@aqub It's great to hear about how you overcame that nervousness and did something that was worthwhile in the end.  It's always inspiring to hear about ways that people tackle their fears, no matter what those fears are. Keep celebrating the victories like that one when you can and hopefully that will help silence that niggling voice of negativity. Keep up the good work!

[NoonRaccoon]

@aqub I'm really glad to hear that we could help in some way. I'm sure it must have been really hard to take that first plunge and work up the courage to talk to people online like that, but I'm glad that you did! And you got good friends out of it, that's always a good thing. c: Hope you can keep overcoming that fear in the future!

[hazeh]

I'm so frustrated and panicked and at loss for what to do. My little sister (12yrs) had surgery a couple weeks ago to have her tonsils removed. On Friday night, the scabs that formed in the surgery site came off (as they do apparently with this kind of surgery), but she ended up bleeding A LOT from it. According to my moms, she lost about a liter of blood, which amounts to about 1/3 of her total blood volume, and then went into shock. She could have-- WOULD have-- died. She's been in the hospital over the weekend and getting better, but she has some mysterious issue with her blood which is why she bled so much so quickly. But the specialists haven't been able to figure it out? I remember her having to go back and get bloodwork done over and over several weeks in a row a couple months ago, but there were no answers. And now there are STILL no answers. No one knows why this is happening. And then they made an incidental discovery of an enlarged spleen. So who knows what that's going to mean? On top of that, this has given her hypertension, so they have to closely monitor her blood pressure. 

I don't know what to do. I live on the other side of the state and both of my moms are nurses, but the one mom who is an ICU nurse is freaking out about it to me, and I'm only twenty four! I don't know what to do!!! And to top it all off, I found out about all of this through FACEBOOK!!! No one texted or called to let me know what was happening, and when I saw it on facebook and messaged my mom about it, I only got two-word answers at a time. Like!! After emergency personnel, I AM THE NEXT PERSON THAT NEEDS TO KNOW!! I didn't know the severity of all of this (she made it sound like it wasn't a big deal on Facebook?) until today, when mom starts texting me all of this and asking me "You know how severe this was, right? She could have bled to death" and I'm just sitting here at work going WHAT?? WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?

I'm trying to hold it together at work but now I can't help but feel like I'm not going to have a sister much longer and I don't have the financial capability to travel back up to the North Bay. I don't know what to do. 

[Ruby Eyes]

@hazeh That's terrible news about your sister I hope she's pulling through! I remember when my little brother was 2 years old and would bleed from little things non-stop or have pneumonia out of the blue, and he ended up in hospital for a long time (that was 32 years ago though, medicine in the GDR was closer to medieval than it is today). He survived and got engaged last week.

I don't know what his illness was called, I was only 6 years at that point, but it was treatable. The doctors will find what ails (and what will help) your sister as well!

 

37 minutes ago, hazeh said:

"You know how severe this was, right? She could have bled to death"

Maybe she was actually asking herself that in this moment by texting this to you - I could imagine the realization had just hit her and the vent for her own fear happened to be you.

[HeatherMarie]

Oh goodness @hazeh I'm so sorry! That sounds so scary, especially not knowing exactly what's happening and not being able to be there. Is your sister alert, able to talk on the phone or read a message or something? It might help to be able to communicate with her. I'm so sorry you had to find out through Facebook, that's definitely Not Cool, someone should have told you earlier. *sends lots of vibes for sister*

[Moonlight_Eevee]

Oh man, I'm nervous yet excited. I'm excited in the sense that I'm eventually going to move to Florida yet I'm nervous at the same time about it. Right now, I live in Louisiana and life is passing me by but it's all I know. If I stay here though, I'm just going to rot my life away. I'm going to save up to go back to Florida either in February or March for a week. It was my step dad that originally spoke of us moving but now he refuses to speak of moving. We (my mom, my brother, and I) just came back from a weekend trip in Florida last night to see our other brother and my step dad never once asked my mom how she enjoyed our trip to visit him. He is verbally abusive towards my brother and I because we choose to watch cartoons and the fact he gets mad at my brother a lot for no reason.

 

Ever since one incident, my brother hates my step dad and can't stand to be in the same room as him. I have mixed feelings towards him. At first, I did like him but now it's just... meh :| I know my mom loves our step dad but it may cost their marriage.

 

Edit: I didn't realize how boring it was living here

 

E2: Step dad came back from work today and hasn't asked me how I enjoyed my vacation

Edited April 24, 2018 by Dalek Raptor

[Sazandora]

Today my older brother called me for the first time in well over a year -- and would you look at that, just to ask me to lend him some money. He did that last year and still hasn't paid me back -- good thing it was a small amount he asked and that's not really an issue. No, the problem here is that I honestly don't even know what to believe in anymore. He IS my brother and I've lived under the same roof with him for many years now... but now I'm kinda wondering, how much has he been lying to me all this time?

 

Back when we lived together with my father, well over ten years ago, he was already a hopeless party animal. Weekdays he spent just lying around doing nothing, on weekends he'd often invite some friends over to our (small) house to party all night, or he'd disappear for several days and come back with little to no explanation as to where he went or what he's been doing. It went so far that my dad just... gave up on him, didn't even ask any questions or anything, we just cracked jokes about my bro and where he's vanished to this time. Just harmless fun, I thought.

But today... I have no idea what he's doing, because I have no idea which parts of his tales are true and which are not. One time he told me he's working as some backstage organizer for local celebrities, that he's working with famous singers and the like, and more recently he told me he's working at some factory or whatever. I don't hear much from him, and most of what I do hear come from my mother. He just... never bothers to talk to me, unless he needs more money to probably fuel his partying habit or whatever. He even told me he's got a dog and for a good time I thought the dog was a lie too, but at least that part is completely true. Wow.

 

I hate having to lie to him, to dance around the issue why I don't want to lend him any money because I know he will never pay me back. For gods' sakes he's my brother and I've known him all my life, but today I wonder if I really KNOW him at all, wonder how much of what I know is just lies upon lies. I don't have the heart to set things straight with him, I just invent some white lies and cross my fingers and hope he'll forget about the whole thing, and then we could all go back to the way things used to be, to forget that we even exist. I'm just far too kind a person to ever admit it to him.

 

Long rambly post is long. No need to say anything, I just... had to say all this out loud. Thanks for... uh, listening or whatever.

Edited May 8, 2018 by Sazandora

[Whirlaway]

For me... just because you are related to somebody does not mean you need to help them anymore. It is unfortunate when family turns on you but, in the end, you are what matters most of all.

[HeatherMarie]

I'm a little upset now and needing to be outwardly strong, so.... I come here. *shrugs*

 

Recently my mom's primary doctor of 10+ years died unexpectedly. They were rather close and his death really hit her hard, so she's been really struggling the last two weeks. Last week she got her medical records from that doctor's office, where the workers are trying very hard to help all his patients find new doctors, and made an appt with a new doctor. Today was that appt. And she came home crying. Apparently he was very rude, continually saying she has 'so many problems' and she will 'be a handful to work with' (which seems very very unprofessional!) and complaining that his long appt with her was inconveniencing his other patients. Seriously?! I mean, why even accept new patients if you think it's so inconvenient to learn their history?! I'm feeling very very pissed off at the moment but mom doesn't want to talk about it anymore and I know she'll get even more upset if she knows how upset I am. 

 

The thing to do now is to find another doctor, of course, but I'm not sure how complicated that will be. She gave her medical records to that rude new doctor (neither of us even thought to make copies) and apparently his office has huge fees for gathering and turning over medical records (which really shouldn't apply since *they* have made no records and the only real records they have are the ones she just gave him, but I doubt they'll see it that way). I've always had issues with feeling the need to *act*, to *do* something when something is wrong, so sitting on my hands waiting until mom is ready to look for a new doctor or figure out next steps is sort of difficult for me.

[Claudii]

Kinda upset right now...

I live across the church/temple/gathering building/whatevertheycallit of the local Jehova's witnesses, and apparently they have started to renovate that place last week. They have their own parking lot right next to the building, but because of all the work they are doing there, that parking lot is now filled with huge tents, mobile offices and stuff, so they park their cars on the street in front of our house and another street around the corner. I'm seriously annoyed by that, because they even park on the intersection of those two streets (which is a) prohibited by law and b) pretty dangerous as you can't see cars coming your way when you drive through that intersection). I'm also seriously annoyed by that because if you drive through one of those streets, and another car comes from the other direction, there is no place to get out of each others way. When I came home today, I had to drive backwards on a crossing when I tried to drive into that street, because there was a truck coming my way. A lot of fun if there are other cars behind you, who can't see the truck yet. A lot more fun, if the truck wants to turn into the street where you have been coming from, in which also cars are parking on one side. And today a car honked at me because I stopped for a few seconds, looking for a place to park my car. Lovely. Somehow this whole thing makes me pretty upset right now.

 

... But I guess I know myself well enough to realize that it is not the whole parking situation... It annoys me, yes, but... I guess what really trips me off is my own inability to make choices, and me ending up making choices that I regret afterwards... My work contract ends soon, so I have been looking for a new job. A colleague told a friend that I was looking for a new one, as his company is looking for people to hire. So... I spoke with the boss of that friend, send them an application, had an interview... and I got the job. Which acually should be a good thing, but that new job is in another city, roughly an hour by car from where I live. I thought it would be no problem for me to move. But I seriously don't want to move out of this rotten town. My mother lives here, my best friend lives here, and the horses I take care of... and I don't want to cut that. Additionally I will have to work in big office with lots of other people in it, with a glass wall towards the corridor, and I hate to be watched when I work. It makes me feel uncomfortable und insecure if people are able to see what I am doing. I'm also afraid that I am not good enough for the job, that they expect me to wear more business-like clothing (at my current job, it is totally fine to show up in a hoodie, jeans and sit in the office without shoes - no one cares what you are wearing), that they expect me to socialise...

So... basically... I got this job and signed the contract, but I really, really don't want to work there. But almost everyone told me that I should try it, and that it is good to get out my comfort zone and a possibility to learn new things and get experience, so I signed the contract and I deeply regret it.

[The Dragoness]

I don't know how to handle my mom anymore. Ever since I was a kid, she has never taken accountability for anything. Can't find her shoes? I must have stolen them to make her upset. She doesn't remember promising to do X yesterday? She'll mock me for being delusional, even though I still have the text evidence. And now today, after guilt tripping me into bringing her along on my vacation for weeks, she "forgot" to mention that she won't be paying for her ticket or hotel room. I already booked the entire trip myself days ago, expecting a check from her in return. Nope, she thinks I invited her as a late Mother's Day present and wants to be treated as a guest. We discussed and agreed on the amount owed well before I booked. She told me that I needed to start taking my antidepressants again when I told her I wasn't okay with her new plan, which hurts as someone who has struggled to finally feel successful when managing daily life without them. I'm so pissed. This is why I moved out right after high school, yet it continues to happen. And she thinks she's a calm, reasonable person (her words) as is, so nothing will ever change.

 

[LadyLyzar]

2 hours ago, The Dragoness said:

I don't know how to handle my mom anymore. Ever since I was a kid, she has never taken accountability for anything. Can't find her shoes? I must have stolen them to make her upset. She doesn't remember promising to do X yesterday? She'll mock me for being delusional, even though I still have the text evidence. And now today, after guilt tripping me into bringing her along on my vacation for weeks, she "forgot" to mention that she won't be paying for her ticket or hotel room. I already booked the entire trip myself days ago, expecting a check from her in return. Nope, she thinks I invited her as a late Mother's Day present and wants to be treated as a guest. We discussed and agreed on the amount owed well before I booked. She told me that I needed to start taking my antidepressants again when I told her I wasn't okay with her new plan, which hurts as someone who has struggled to finally feel successful when managing daily life without them. I'm so pissed. This is why I moved out right after high school, yet it continues to happen. And she thinks she's a calm, reasonable person (her words) as is, so nothing will ever change.

 

 

Stand up to her.  You're an adult now, not a child, and you need to set boundaries.  It will be hard - who likes standing up to their mom? -  but it will be incredibly freeing when it is done.

She knows good and well that she was expected to pay her own way, and to insinuate that you should be responsible for it as a "Mother's Day gift" is both rude and pretentious.  That is a major unexpected expense.  Honestly, since you're already out the money and she probably won't pay you back, I would bring a friend instead.

 

My parents used to belittle me for my choice to homeschool my children.  I finally told them it was a banned topic and if they kept doing so, I would be leaving.  They don't like it any more, but they don't talk about it to me or the kids anymore.  Telling them to knock it off was EXTREMELY hard, but it put a stop to it and it was such a relief.

Edited May 23, 2018 by LadyLyzar

[Imzadi]

On 5/8/2018 at 12:27 PM, Sazandora said:

Today my older brother called me for the first time in well over a year -- and would you look at that, just to ask me to lend him some money. He did that last year and still hasn't paid me back -- good thing it was a small amount he asked and that's not really an issue. No, the problem here is that I honestly don't even know what to believe in anymore. He IS my brother and I've lived under the same roof with him for many years now... but now I'm kinda wondering, how much has he been lying to me all this time?

 

Back when we lived together with my father, well over ten years ago, he was already a hopeless party animal. Weekdays he spent just lying around doing nothing, on weekends he'd often invite some friends over to our (small) house to party all night, or he'd disappear for several days and come back with little to no explanation as to where he went or what he's been doing. It went so far that my dad just... gave up on him, didn't even ask any questions or anything, we just cracked jokes about my bro and where he's vanished to this time. Just harmless fun, I thought.

But today... I have no idea what he's doing, because I have no idea which parts of his tales are true and which are not. One time he told me he's working as some backstage organizer for local celebrities, that he's working with famous singers and the like, and more recently he told me he's working at some factory or whatever. I don't hear much from him, and most of what I do hear come from my mother. He just... never bothers to talk to me, unless he needs more money to probably fuel his partying habit or whatever. He even told me he's got a dog and for a good time I thought the dog was a lie too, but at least that part is completely true. Wow.

 

I hate having to lie to him, to dance around the issue why I don't want to lend him any money because I know he will never pay me back. For gods' sakes he's my brother and I've known him all my life, but today I wonder if I really KNOW him at all, wonder how much of what I know is just lies upon lies. I don't have the heart to set things straight with him, I just invent some white lies and cross my fingers and hope he'll forget about the whole thing, and then we could all go back to the way things used to be, to forget that we even exist. I'm just far too kind a person to ever admit it to him.

 

Long rambly post is long. No need to say anything, I just... had to say all this out loud. Thanks for... uh, listening or whatever.

You do not want to be an enabler, which is what you will be if you keep giving him money.  And it does sound like giving, not lending.  I'd just say you can't spare any and leave it at that.