Lunevis' Writings!

[Lady_Lunevis]

Hi there! My name is Lunevis, and some of you may know me from my drawing thread. ^^

 

I've had more experience with writing and enjoy doing it both as a hobby and as a profession--I hope to become an author in the near future!

 

Either way, this is just a thread for me to dump random things I write and hopefully keep motivated. Things here include poems, short stories, chapters, and summaries of originals I hope to work on in the future.

 

Please read before continuing on: Some of my writing (mostly poems) may contain dark subjects. I will post possible triggers at the beginning of each piece just in case.

Edited August 21, 2014 by Lady_Lunevis

[Lady_Lunevis]

Originals Masterlist:

 

The summaries of most of my originals. Mostly everything dumped here will be in connection to these stories.

 

Colours of Ash

Summary: Whatever you do, don’t go out after first light.

 

Beyond the distance lies the Coloured World, a magnificent city heated by forever sun, illuminated in light and set ablaze with brilliant hues. Underneath this glorious resident hides the Ashen City, a place doomed to settle in eternal night, a depressing climate with no colour. The two places are forbidden from contact, and residents are content to live out their lives within their respected worlds.

On his passing of age, Dusk Grey, an Ashen City local, spots the brilliant colours dotting the faraway clouds. Determined to discover the world right before his eyes yet forbidden to his fingers, Grey sets to reconnect the two lands. However, his quest for equality brings strife, and Grey must navigate his thoughts carefully. Along the way he meets Crimson Red, a redheaded, hotblooded female sword master, and Dawn Blue, a shy, silent boy with a dark past to hide. The three of them must decide if they want to change history, alienating themselves, or keep things the way they are and forget each other forever.

 

Court Of Masks

Summary: I want to Entertain.

 

In a world where society is divided between the Watchers, higher up citizens that lounge around everyday in luxury, and the Entertainers, slaves made to Entertain the Watchers and obey their beck and call, Watcher Noble Sheryl Reiter feels trapped. She wants to be a Entertainer, to gain the fame and publicity successful Entertainers have. However, as Sheryl dives head first into the stunning world of Entertainment, she begins to realize that the sheltered world she grew up in may be darker than she thought, and there is no way out.

 

Ascendancy

Summary: Teach me how to write.

 

In a world where reading, writing, and drawing are all forbidden, humanity falls into a chaotic time of murders, pillage, assault, and scandal. Lorelei, a young girl travelling on her father’s ship, holds a secret: her mother taught her to read and write. When she meets Asher, a slave bought from the free South that has only one wish: to draw pictures like he used to, the two strike a contract to travel around the world, find the Grand Library, and bring back the one thing that can save humanity—education.

 

DAUNT Project

Summary: Complete anarchy is absolute rule.

 

Ever since the SOCIETY system was implanted, all children are sent to SCHOOL to be modelled into the perfect citizen. Afterwards, they are sent to forget everything that happens and live life as the government orders. Of the people that fall between the cracks, the citizens SOCIETY deemed dangerous, will be thrown into an ashamed, looked down group known as the Failures.

DAUNT is a group risen out of the ashes, composed of those who have no future. Born of the people fed up with a black-and-white view of the world, of the souls that remain unaccepted simply because of who they are, their aim to destroy everything—the SOCIETY system, the way humanity has been living for the past hundreds of years. Time is running out, and as dark secrets spill out the future remains undecided.

 

Working Titles:

Marked

The Train Storyteller

Season Series

Edited July 14, 2014 by Lady_Lunevis

[Lady_Lunevis]

Reserved

[WhyllasTorch]

Sounds pretty awesome! I would love to read and discuss further.

[Lady_Lunevis]

Sounds pretty awesome! I would love to read and discuss further.

Thank you so much! <3 Ahaha, I hope to get something written and posted soon enough.

[Lady_Lunevis]

Story: Ascendancy

Words: 678

Characters: Lorelei

Triggers: Amputation

 

Just a quick beginning I wrote for Ascendancy a few days ago; wanted to test some things as I'm not too good with first person POV.

 

Early in the morning, I am awakened by the sound of warfare. Shouts echo above deck and screams ring in my ears, the noise of battle and the smell of blood wafting gently through the creaking wooden boards above my head

Carefully, I get off my bed. It's a lumpy thing, barely fitting the name. With a small mattress too hard and thin to be classified as such, the only things I have to keep me warm at night include a worn out blanket and a rolled up dress substituting for a pillow.

Still with the song of fighting accompanying my steps, I gently paddle into the main room of the lower deck of the airship. There, I find many of the servants awake and hustling about in their ragged clothes, thick iron collars clinging around their necks, not tightly enough to choke, but just so that breathing proved to be difficult. Spoils of war, my father would tell me every time he returned with plunder and new prisoners.

My mother sits at one of the tables, staring into space. Her mouth open and closes, yet nothing comes out. Nothing ever comes out.

I hate my mother. Not once has she shown any emotion, any indication she was a parent to me at all.

However, that is a lie, something foolish made up by a child's frustration. Deep inside I remember days spent underneath a hazy field warmed by the sun's rays, a pencil clutched in hand and paper spread out, messy writing scrawled onto the page. Though my mother was never the best at parenting, she gave me a precious gift worth more than anything in this world. Something my father could not buy with all the riches he stole from wars won, a talent my brothers could not boast of and something none of my sisters even thought of.

She taught me to read and write, something forbidden and long forgotten in today's world.

With it my mother taught me to fight back, to oppose the cruelty of the government, the wanton violence of my father. She told me to be brave and curious and daring and graceful, all at the same time.

Remembering such things brought tears I'd rather avoid to my eyes, and quickly I take a deep breath and will my emotions to go down. The world we live in is not a place to show sensitivity. I focus, staring at my mother's limp right sleeve. A horrible feeling fills my stomach, akin to the one I had so many years ago and every other time I dared to look at my mother.

Two years ago, when I had been thirteen, they found out about my mother's skill in literacy. Whoever told, I was never to know. Nevertheless, the act of reading and writing was a forbidden art, and so it was declared that she be punished. My father approved, saying that the law was to be obeyed no matter what. They cut her arm off, all the way to the elbow. She never smiled again after that day.

Now, she sits there and looks at the air before her, as if greeting someone she cannot quite remember. With glazed eyes and unclear vision, she is unresponsive to the world around her, now content to freely let it pass her by. If it were not for her servants, she would simply forget to eat and one day fade away.

When I was little I had tried a few times to attempt to talk to her, trying to elicit a response from the mother I had once loved so much, the mother that spun me around and laughed and smiled and placed a flower crown between my braided curls. Once upon a time, I thought she was the most beautiful thing in the world.

Eventually, I gave up on her. Like all other things in my short fifteen years, I had to give up what I wanted in order to give others what they needed. Isn't that what my mother taught me to oppose?

[WhyllasTorch]

A very interesting concept! I understand it starts on an airship? DOES IT INVOLVE PIRATES? It better involve pirates. Literate lady pirates FTW, I'm hooked.

 

Squeeing aside, it really jumps out to me that you tell more than you show. You tell that Lorelei's mother is unresponsive but you show very little of it. Maybe Lorelei tries to tell her good morning, try to communicate with her somehow, only to be turned down? Then maybe she gets angry at her, then goes and documents it in her diary. I understand that Lorelei has given up on her mother but if you just tell the reader and don't back it up with text, it gets a little hard to believe.

Another this is that it's quite infodumpy. You drop a lot of information a once and takes the focus off the story. Spreading the backstory out on the story keeps the reader more interested.

 

The beginning is good, you're showing that fighting and violence is something Lorelei sees and experiences every day, so she doesn't really pay attention to it.

 

Sorry if I came across too harsh, I'm not very good at communicating efficiently. I'm not hating on your story, I'm just pointing out things that I think are flaws. You don't have to heed my advice.

 

 

[Lady_Lunevis]

A very interesting concept! I understand it starts on an airship? DOES IT INVOLVE PIRATES? It better involve pirates. Literate lady pirates FTW, I'm hooked.

 

Squeeing aside, it really jumps out to me that you tell more than you show. You tell that Lorelei's mother is unresponsive but you show very little of it. Maybe Lorelei tries to tell her good morning, try to communicate with her somehow, only to be turned down? Then maybe she gets angry at her, then goes and documents it in her diary. I understand that Lorelei has given up on her mother but if you just tell the reader and don't back it up with text, it gets a little hard to believe.

Another this is that it's quite infodumpy. You drop a lot of information a once and takes the focus off the story. Spreading the backstory out on the story keeps the reader more interested.

 

The beginning is good, you're showing that fighting and violence is something Lorelei sees and experiences every day, so she doesn't really pay attention to it.

 

Sorry if I came across too harsh, I'm not very good at communicating efficiently. I'm not hating on your story, I'm just pointing out things that I think are flaws. You don't have to heed my advice.

Thank you! <3 Ahaha yes pirates I love lady pirates omf yes

 

Nono, you're okay! Thank you so much for your advice <3 This is only the first draft and I'll definitely take your words into heart as I fix it up a bit

 

Thank you for the kind words! I'll see if I can improve on it anytime soon ^^

[WhyllasTorch]

Take your time. I find that being relaxed is very important while writing. Improvement does not come easily and at once is something else is have found.

[Lady_Lunevis]

Take your time. I find that being relaxed is very important while writing. Improvement does not come easily and at once is something else is have found.

Yes, being relaxed really does help! My favourite thing is just to curl up with the computer and a few snacks when everyone else is sleeping or out and just write. ^^

 

That's true!

[LeviathinGeneral]

Looking good.

[Lady_Lunevis]

Looking good.

Thank you so much! ♥

 

I'll try my best to write more later on. ^^

[KoalaNoob]

Ah, I really like the bases for the story! It's interesting, and sets the style quite well, IMO.

The only problem I see is how nothing is really happening. The main character wakes up, walks outside, and then just starts describing things. It's a little dull, and a bit more plot would be nice.

[Lady_Lunevis]

Ah, I really like the bases for the story! It's interesting, and sets the style quite well, IMO.

The only problem I see is how nothing is really happening. The main character wakes up, walks outside, and then just starts describing things. It's a little dull, and a bit more plot would be nice.

Thank you for your words! ♥

Ah yeah, this beginning is pretty old. I'll take your words into consideration and see if I can do some revamping--thanks again ♥

[Lady_Lunevis]

I'm currently doing some development on DAUNT Project, and I thought what better way to develop my world than write a book about it?

 

Thus, I present the world of SOCIETE--utterly messed up and not worth living. Enjoy your stay! ♥

 

A sneak peek at what I'm doing--I still have quite more to write, but I wanted to share this with you guys.

 

Please note that DAUNT deals with sensitive subjects such as religion, sexism, ableism, and homophobia. What I write is not what I personally think--SOCIETE is extremely messed up and old cultured in its ways. It draws influence from dark eras such as the medieval times and the Victorian era.

 

Story: DAUNT Project

Words: 585

Characters: N/A

Triggers/Warnings: Sexism, ableism, homophobia, -shaming

 

 

The SOCIETE system

 

Welcome, young Testee! We are so proud to have young citizens learn more about the wonders of the SOCIETE system. As future generations grow and become today's leaders, this package will help you understand the certainty of our system and stability for a continuing future. Do not fear; the Test is here to understand you and your needs. What it decides for you is only the best of life, tailored to fit your every need as a human being.

 

Index:

-The SOCIETE System

-Our expectations

-The Test

-The Six Branches

-Attending SCHOOL

-Our history

-Famous names

-Being a Failure

-The Failure City

-Acceptance and Farewell

- What is an Institution?

-Worthwhile reading material

-Who is DAUNT?

-Wanted figures

 

What is the SOCIETE system?

 

The SOCIETE system splits up the great citizens of our nation into individual groups where we believe they will conspire to flourish and make best of their natural, god-given talents. SOCIETE is divided between fractions known as the Six Branches, different groups designed to welcome an individual and make them feel right at home. There is training available at each branch and helpful mentors who will do their best to guide you towards being a perfect citizen for SOCIETE!

 

What are the expectations?

 

Our expectations are quite simple; in fact, some of you may have heard these in the past. We follow a strict code of conduct that does not allow any changes or exceptions—as worthwhile citizens of SOCIETE, the government as a whole expects you to act accordingly to preserve a working system. Refusal to obey any of these laws will result in either fines, death, or the banishment of you and anyone blood related to keep the bloodlines pure and obedient.

First, clothing is restrictive. No flashing colours nor special cloth not allowed within your line of work should be owned—all questionable clothing are to be donated to the government to be burned at a later date. On no occasion should undergarments or skin not needed be showing—everyone should be covered accordingly.

Second, religion must be followed. We believe in one universal being that heeds all and answers all, and It cares for all of us. We are protected by Its light and, in return, we serve It as our master and saviour. Worship is held every first day of the week from 2:00 PM to 3:00 PM, where all citizens are expected to draw blood as sacrifice. A small cut will suffice. Please obey all callings.

Third, all marriages are final and will be decided by the government. Do not disobey what is their will—the Test believes you are to wed to someone and so be it. Marriage is strictly within a male and a female, and thoughts meaning otherwise will not be tolerated. Punishment will come to those who demand a divorce, report terms of abuse, or think in a way not designed for SOCIETE.

Fourth, mental illness is not accepted. The Test outlaws anyone not mentally stable to work and any signs of showing illness will result in immediate transfer and possible time in an Institution. Please keep yourself healthy and sane for a better future for all of humanity!

Five, enjoy yourself! Life in SOCIETE is tailored for you to become the best human being and to live in a society designed for the better people. Live and prosper!

 

Small note: I'm still trying to think of some awful laws for SOCIETE to have--any advice or tips would be helpful!

Edited July 18, 2014 by Lady_Lunevis

[LeviathinGeneral]

Reminds me in a way of

V for Vendetta. Lune, if you haven't watched it you should. Might even give you some of the laws you are looking for.

[WhyllasTorch]

Sounds interesting and I'd like to know more about it!

[KoalaNoob]

Hmm. The laws you already have are really good, and I can't really think of anything else that's not too over the top and still works for the story.

 

I love the tone of it though- It's positive, and the narrator is very friendly about everything, but the literal words that come out are quite sinister. I've seen similar ideas done before, but this is definitely the best I've seen, since it's not trying to hide the evilness. Great job, I couldn't stop reading! Hope to see more of this story soon!

[Lady_Lunevis]

Reminds me in a way of

V for Vendetta. Lune, if you haven't watched it you should. Might even give you some of the laws you are looking for.

 

ohhh, i never heard of that before! i googled it; it seems really interesting holy crap totally up my genre must watch this immediately--

thank you for reading and the lovely movie suggestion! ♥

 

Sounds interesting and I'd like to know more about it!  smile.gif

 

aa thank you so much! ♥ i've written a bit further into the rules, may post more up soon!

 

Hmm. The laws you already have are really good, and I can't really think of anything else that's not too over the top and still works for the story.

 

I love the tone of it though- It's positive, and the narrator is very friendly about everything, but the literal words that come out are quite sinister. I've seen similar ideas done before, but this is definitely the best I've seen, since it's not trying to hide the evilness. Great job, I couldn't stop reading! Hope to see more of this story soon!

 

ohh thank you so much!! ♥

 

ahah yeah i had a lot of fun writing it!

omg thank you so much ♥♥ i'll try to update as fast as i can! ^^

[LeviathinGeneral]

could make a good rp...how about laws against pets? or children?

[octopi]

Nah man, read the comic. From what I've heard the V for Vendetta movie is way more clear-cut/black and white in its portrayals and that's rarely very good for dystopias.

 

Well I'm not very into dystopias in general unless they're fairly well written but I like to think I know a thing or two about cheerfully implying murder. About the religion: what happened to all the other ones? Maybe subtly nudge people who believe in different things or variants of SOCIETE-sponsored deities.

[Lady_Lunevis]

could make a good rp...how about laws against pets? or children?

 

aaa, thank you so much! <3

omg i did not even think of pets or children! thank you for reminding me--i'll see if i can think up anything involving those two subjects!

 

Nah man, read the comic. From what I've heard the V for Vendetta movie is way more clear-cut/black and white in its portrayals and that's rarely very good for dystopias.

 

Well I'm not very into dystopias in general unless they're fairly well written but I like to think I know a thing or two about cheerfully implying murder. About the religion: what happened to all the other ones? Maybe subtly nudge people who believe in different things or variants of SOCIETE-sponsored deities.

 

ohh, thank you! for the advice! <3 i'll do both to see what is better--after all, you never know until you try. c:

 

aaa thank you for taking a look at this one, then!

oh, i haven't updated the full doc (since it's not finished oops) or the post-SOCIETE timeline (not finished either screw me), but there's information there concerning other religions and other worldviews. it's called the forgotten decade, and aaaa flails around i don't want to spoil too much about what actually happens but such subjects and all the groups that were anti-SOCIETE completely disappeared. as well, SOCIETE isn't the only place around--it's just very shut off from the other existing nations. i'm still debating on the geography of the area--i might end up creating an entire new world for that purpose rather than using the continents we have today.

 

thank you both for the tips and questions! <3 i really want to make this story as detailed as i can and all of this helps in loads.

Edited August 7, 2014 by Lady_Lunevis

[Lady_Lunevis]

Okay. While I am still very slowly working on that guide to help develop the world of DAUNT, I've also constructed a masterlist to-do to help me think of other things to develop. I really want to make this world and story shine out, so I'm going to slowly work my way through this list and add things, check off things until the day when it's finally complete. This is just a small fraction currently helping me develop the world; I'll make another list when it comes to characters. c:

ahaha this is technically not writing but it's writing related so... hehe?

 

DAUNT Project official to-do masterlist

 

Geography ;

Map of the world

Map of SOCIETE

SOCIETE Official Guide

SOCIETE culture

Other countries – how many?

Other countries culture

Map of other countries

History of other countries

History of other countries relating to SOCIETE

 

History ;

Pre-SOCIETE timeline

Forgotten Decade details

Rebellion dates

Historical figures - Rebellion leaders

Genocide details

Post-SOCIETE timeline lining up to the creation of DAUNT

Historical figures – Official leaders and great names

Houses

Official timeline of details – Worldtime

Official timeline of details – SOCIETE time

 

SOCIETE ;

Citizenship numbers

COURAGE members

Map

map of COURAGE headquarters

map of SCHOOL

SCHOOl - records

Institutions – records

Institutions – torture

Branches – Detail

Branches – Family in charge

Economy & Currency

Laws

Animals

Religion

 

Failure City ;

map

map of DAUNT headquarters

DAUNT records

Wanted Posters & Bounties

Birth records

Economy & Currency

Laws

Animals

 

DAUNT ;

records

members

details

plans

weaponry & stock

allies

Religion

 

XXX ;

members

records

history

brainwashing

 

other countries ;

Maps

Culture

History

Economy & Currency

Laws

Animals

Religion

 

Characters ;

TBA

[Lady_Lunevis]

oops sorry for double posting

 

I finally made the ten most important laws of SOCIETE! There are way more, but these are the ones everyone entering is immediately taught.

These may change in the future; I'm not that happy with a few, but I'm glad to have ten done and presented!

 

Our expectations are quite simple; in fact, some of you may have heard these in the past. We follow a strict code of conduct that does not allow any changes or exceptions—as worthwhile citizens of SOCIETE, the government as a whole expects you to act accordingly to preserve a working system. Refusal to obey any of these laws will result in either fines, death, or the banishment of you and anyone blood related to keep the bloodlines pure and obedient. We have listed ten of the most important laws below to help you prepare for your life with SOCIETE.

First, SOCIETE does not approve of unnecessary individualism through special clothing--such things negatively affect the productivity of our nation. No flashing colours nor special cloth not allowed within your line of work should be owned—all questionable clothing are to be donated to the government to be burned at a later date. On no occasion should undergarments or skin not needed be showing—everyone should be covered accordingly.

Second, religion must be followed. We believe in one universal being that heeds all and answers all, and It cares for all of us. We are protected by Its light and, in return, we serve It as our master and saviour. Worship is held every first day of the week from 2:00 PM to 3:00 PM, where all citizens are expected to draw blood as sacrifice. A small cut will suffice. Please obey all callings.

Third, all marriages are final and will be decided by the government. Do not disobey what is their will—the Test believes you are to wed to someone and so be it. Marriage is strictly within a male and a female, and thoughts meaning otherwise will not be tolerated. Punishment will come to those who demand a divorce, report terms of abuse, or think in a way not designed for SOCIETE.

Fourth, mental illness is not accepted. The Test outlaws anyone not mentally stable to work and any signs of showing illness will result in immediate transfer and possible time in an Institution. Please keep yourself healthy and sane for a better future for all of humanity!

Five, English is the only language acceptable in SOCIETE. Other languages are only to be spoken with a permit and any rulebreakers will be subject to a fine and time in an Institution.

Six, there is no currency in SOCIETE. The Government branch decides your worth depending on your status and sends the needed rations at the beginning of each month. If you wish to attain items not on the list of resources your family needs, then please file a report with a government official. Your request will be received and you shall be given a reply within two to four weeks, depending on the item you are requesting.

Seven, children are to be raised with SOCIETE's expectations. Children have no rights until they come within age to take the Test; thus, they are to obey their parents above all. Children born in SOCIETE will be taken away from their families at the age of five to be entered into the SCHOOL system to turn them into citizens of SOCIETE; during this time, no contact between family and child is permitted. This is to ensure the child will not have influence from outer sources and thus will guarantee the future of the SOCIETE system. After the child has taken the Test and passed, they will be welcomed back to their family with a grand party.

Children born amongst Failures are to stay with their family once their birth has been entered into the system. Nothing else will be recorded or permitted.

Eight, pets are strictly restrained to a cat, dog, hamster, or bird. Keeping any other animal not on the list will result in immediate action and jailtime, as well as a hefty fine. The animals not listed here are considered dangerous and will not make good pets; such creatures are contained within the Animal Facilities and should only be viewed with permission.

Nine, medical issues are to be reported to either the Sciences branch or the Humanities branch depending on the situation. On no occasion is a normal member of SOCIETE to attempt any kind of medical procedure or use medicine without registered permission; the doctors we have are here to help you and better trained to do so.

Ten, enjoy yourself! Life in SOCIETE is tailored for you to become the best human being and to live in a society designed for the better people. Live and prosper!

Edited August 14, 2014 by Lady_Lunevis

[KoalaNoob]

Nice! I really like how what you're writing is designed to flesh out your ideas instead of being an actual story- it'll be much better and more consistent when the plot is introduced!

 

One nitpick I have is that "donated" is not the right word for sending the government your improper clothing. Donating is giving something so someone else is using it, not burn it. I know it's part of the slight odd and morbidity of your land, but it still doesn't make much sense since the narrator said both of these things.