Description Force!

[GalaxyPassion13]

I'm going to start signing off my comments as well I do ~GP

[love_HP]

So many descriptions I'd like to write but too busy(lazy) for them... /sigh

Anyway, thank you all again for your work!

[Dimar]

@GalaxyPassion13: Okay, you're added to the list. :3

_________________________________________________________________

 

Ugh, I got behind on reviewing thanks to finals week and immediately started my summer job. So I still haven't caught up on the queue. Hopefully I can within these next few days as I have a shorter shift and more downtime. <.<

 

The hatching I froze as our thread mascot is still waiting on his description to be Approved, for those who might be wondering whatever came out of that idea.

[HawktalonOfRiverClan]

Since it came up in the comments thread, I figured I'd finally ask that my signature be posted here. If you could add me as -Hawk, that'd be great!

[Pixel.G]

May I be added too? I've been reviewing some descriptions lately, so I sign of as ~G

Edited May 22, 2014 by Pixel.G

[Lagie]

I did some reviewing last night, will try to keep doing so for the rest of the time I'm at this house.

[xeyla]

I need help with my chick description, as Dimar keeps telling me:

"Peep peep"

Always runs around stealing mushrooms from others.

"Peep peep"

Likes to hide under nearby Hens.

"Peep"

Will bravely peep at giant dragons nearby... then hide back under said Hen.

"Peep peep"

 

What is not a complete sentence? I can't seem to tell. I thought I made the non-sound sentences complete? Will accept any help

Edited May 22, 2014 by xeyla

[Lagie]

Actually, none of those sentences are complete! A sentence needs a subject (he, she, the hen, the great big humungous man-eating dragon, etc.) and a verb (walked, slept, laid a great big humungous egg, etc.)

 

So...

This lively little chick always runs around stealing mushrooms from others.

 

She likes to hide under nearby hens. (No capital on hens.)

 

The Chick With No Name will bravely peep at giant dragons nearby... then hide back under said hen. (Again, no capital on hen.)

 

That gives you complete sentences!

[xeyla]

Hmm, being a Native English speaker, I didn't realize that about complete sentences. I blame my schooling, which wasn't the best anyways. At least I graduated High School in 2001, lol.

 

Thank you lagie, I thought they were complete sentences.

[Lagie]

You're welcome, xeyla! One thing I've found is that schools lack is grammar education. I learned the majority of my English grammar when I was studying German.

[Gsea]

Stumbled upon herk's motivational Tsunami and got myself a nice Silver Tinsel :3

I'm off to blaze through a bunch more descriptions in search of inspiration for my own dragons.

 

I really only comment to fix grammar, and I almost always forget to sign or initial it, so I suppose at this point it doesn't matter whether or not people know that it's me criticizing their punctuation, right? I'll remain signature-less

 

And yes, the way grammar is taught at my school makes it far more confusing than it needs to be. Proper grammar comes naturally to me but nearly all students my age still struggle with their semicolons and sentence fragments...

[Lagie]

Will there be another reviewing day any time soon?

[brairtrainer]

We've been in the planning stages (trying to find a day that works for mods).

 

I'll post as soon as we have a date solidified.

[Gsea]

What's the general consensus on descriptions that are written as if they were taken right out of an action scene in a book? Example: "The night was dark and quiet. [Dragon] crept into the cave, careful not to disturb anyone else. More action, blah blah blah, and so on."

 

I especially see them as ways to describe how the dragon was obtained; ex: "This dragon was found by a young human girl one day as she was walking through the woods. She stumbled upon an egg and [did something, took it home, idk]. The egg shell began to crack, and a new hatchling soon emerged." They tend to be very detailed descriptions of one specific event involving the dragon.

 

They don't really seem like descriptions of the actual dragon, in my opinion, and I've bumped into quite a few of them. But they don't seem to be breaking any of the guidelines, as far as I know, so I'm not sure what to do. Are they allowed or frowned upon? I don't personally like them, but they might be totally fine. Idk.

[Dimar]

Explaining how the owner found the dragon or how the dragon got into the clan is fine, since it's backstory. The first example, more of an action scene and not so much an origin story, can be okay too since it shows something about how the dragon behaves. As long as the dragon is the focus of the narrative and gives some detail about their life, it's usually acceptable.

 

@HawktalonOfRiverClan and Pixel.G : I'm adding you to the signature list now. :3

[Shelybear]

Just did a few reviews.<3

 

Oh I do am looking forward to another massive review day.

Edited May 28, 2014 by Shelybear

[Lurhstaap]

What's the general consensus on descriptions that are written as if they were taken right out of an action scene in a book? Example: "The night was dark and quiet. [Dragon] crept into the cave, careful not to disturb anyone else. More action, blah blah blah, and so on."

 

I especially see them as ways to describe how the dragon was obtained; ex: "This dragon was found by a young human girl one day as she was walking through the woods. She stumbled upon an egg and [did something, took it home, idk]. The egg shell began to crack, and a new hatchling soon emerged." They tend to be very detailed descriptions of one specific event involving the dragon.

 

They don't really seem like descriptions of the actual dragon, in my opinion, and I've bumped into quite a few of them. But they don't seem to be breaking any of the guidelines, as far as I know, so I'm not sure what to do. Are they allowed or frowned upon? I don't personally like them, but they might be totally fine. Idk.

IMO, describing the finding of the egg or whatnot is describing part of the dragon's history, which is an aspect of the dragon, which is thus describing the dragon. Scenes are a little iffier - it really depends. If they seem like an illustration of the way the dragon often behaves or a really major event in the dragon's life then it can fly but if it just feels random then I tend to reject.

[love_HP]

Looking forward to another review day+1

I myself thought describing finding of the egg can be part of the description, but it's better if other things are added too.

[Stormphoenix42]

What is Dragcave's policy on drug-related descriptions? I think we've got a few mild substance abuse dragons out there, but I wanted to check with you guys before I sent this one into the queue. You see, I caught a Swallowtail with the code "PCPyo"...

 

Sernyl likes to help the Whites of the Cave with their medical duties. She has discovered a type of herb that, when crushed, becomes a powerful numbing medicine. Sernyl calls this type of anesthetic "potent crushed plant". The Whites have become wary of Sernyl's help, however - they have noticed that several dragons, after taking Sernyl's mixture, experience strange visions or begin acting oddly. They try not to rely on the potent crushed plant, or PCP, as they fear the side effects may be worse than the temporary pain relief. Sernyl is unaware of their concerns, and believes that she has made a great discovery. She knows several dragons who agree with her, and she is happy to supply them with her medicine for as long as they need it - and she knows these dragons must need the anesthetic badly. She has seen them walking around, sometimes with broken bones, desperately asking for the herb. Sernyl is a very compassionate dragon, but not a very perceptive one.

 

I'm about 30 characters under the limit, and I tried not to make it sound like I was encouraging drug use, without being too gory about the effects. Let me know what you think!

 

Edited, thanks herk!

And thank you as well, Lagie

Edited May 29, 2014 by Stormphoenix42

[Lagie]

Sounds fine to me.

[Herk]

I love it

 

I personally have quite a few dragons who like to indulge in "fermented fruit" and smoking "herbs" (or as Dimar likes to call them my "druggie dragons"). While I try to keep it on the level of recreational alcohol/tobacco use instead of outright addiction I sometimes toe the line and I'd think the above is perfectly fine, especially since you mention the problems and don't glorify it or anything.

 

One thing though:

it- and

should have an additional space before *-* If you don't use the space you bind it to the word and imply that you left out part of the word.

 

Example:

 

"it was cumber- but also awesome" vs "it was cumbersome - but also awesome"

"It was at the same time awesome and -ful" vs "It was at the same time awesome - and aweful"

 

The later implying a pause.

 

In that case some (ADP for example) use *--* without spaces which is some standard (I forgot where from) when unable to use the long *-*

 

Yours would read *it--and* then.

Edited May 29, 2014 by herk

[Obscure_Trash]

Mods talked a while back and the conclusion was that alcohol in descrips wasn't appropriate, so I do not think drug use is either. It is harder when it, is not described/named outright but rather reference. I am not sure what the official call on that it. It may depend on how obvious the reference is and what the substance is.

 

/ipad typos

[brairtrainer]

Mods talked a while back and the conclusion was that alcohol in descrips wasn't appropriate, so I do not think drug use is either. It is harder when it, is not described/named outright but rather reference. I am not sure what the official call on that it. It may depend on how obvious the reference is and what the substance is.

 

/ipad typos

This is news to me, sock I though alcohol was allowed in descriptions and there was a similar disscussion in the TLQ thread?

 

and while I love you and everything can we get another mods confirmation?

 

(I ask because this seems so back and forth, when I first started talking about a fermented hops drink in a description got one of mine rejected, meanwhile I have a dragon who makes chocolate cocktails and herk has dragons drinking wine o.O)

[Stormphoenix42]

Mods talked a while back and the conclusion was that alcohol in descrips wasn't appropriate, so I do not think drug use is either. It is harder when it, is not described/named outright but rather reference. I am not sure what the official call on that it. It may depend on how obvious the reference is and what the substance is.

 

/ipad typos

That's what I was worried about. Do you think the above description is ok, or should I make it a little less obvious? I think someone unfamiliar with the substance would just think it's oddly worded, but I can edit it down a bit if you want.

 

Edit: Hi brairtrainer, didn't see you there.

Do you have a link to the discussion in TLQ?

 

Edit2: I couldn't find the TLQ discussion - I found this in the description guidelines, but it's from January, so maybe things have changed since then?

Edited May 30, 2014 by Stormphoenix42

[Lurhstaap]

FWIW I have an approved description on one of my vines that describes the vine learning how to breathe an intoxicating gas at intruders by talking to 'some plants in the Breedery's garden'. Given the dragon's name is Sativex, it's not exactly a subtle reference. But then again that was written and approved years ago now so the current standard may well be different. If I wrote and submitted such a thing today it might not fly.

 

EDIT: Here it is FWIW. I forgot I had edited for some typos and phrasing so it's no longer approved at this moment, but something almost identical to this -was- approved ans was displayed on Sativex's page for years:

 

"Sativex keeps her earthy lair at the entrance to Lurhstaap's herb garden at the back of the Breedery. She enjoys the ambiance of the plants, and has been known to speak to them and learn secrets and 'tricks' from them. For example, she has taken to breathing an intoxicating cloud of misty smoke at unwanted visitors instead of outright attacking lately. She seems to find the resultant chaotic behavior amongst the helpless victims vastly amusing. And the herb garden remains safe from browsing plant-eaters and greedy humans alike. Although, she sometimes has to resort to violence anyway, because, strangely, some 'victims' keep coming back for more."

 

Since then I've expanded it to be a full garden rather than just an, ahem, herb garden, but you see what I mean I think. Honestly I think so long as it's subtle enough that most children won't get what you're talking about it'll probably be okay, at least based on my own experiences when writing this sort of thing, but I might be wrong and just have slipped through the cracks.

 

I also have a question actually. I keep running into descriptions which are nothing but an explanation of what the dragon's name means. For example, a hypothetical one might be, "Sakura's name means 'cherry blossom'." They don't mention human languages usually, but they don't seem to really... describe the dragon at all. Am I right to reject those as not describing the dragon, or at least ask that more be added to the desc in the comment?

Edited May 29, 2014 by Lurhstaap