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Description Force!

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Good luck with the approval process, mods! I recently got back into describing my dragons. Here's one, for one of my Undead dragons! 

 

Quote

Sei'itr hatched in the middle of a a vast desert, carefully nestled in foliage growing around a secluded oasis. It was at this oasis that he grew, nourished by the fruits that were bountiful there. He had just reached maturity when disaster struck: a rampaging Fell Dragon, malnourished by the desert and in search of food and water, trampled into his home, careless of the dragon who made his home there. When the Fell came to, and realized it had trampled the little dragon, it took to burying him by the oasis, giving him some respect after his untimely death. 
Six days later, under the light of a blood red moon, a claw emerged from the mud, followed by another. The shambling corpse of Sei'itr, empowered by some magical force, dragged itself from the ground, heaps of dirt and sand tumbling from his rotting wings, and roared. The decomposing dragon left the oasis for the very first time, determined that even death would not stop him from living.

 

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Thanks to whichever one of you approved my last few stragglers! (Which may have happened a while ago, as I haven't been checking regularly.)

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On 6/15/2020 at 6:50 PM, Dirtytabs said:

Oh my gosh, that spike in early June. There were that many of those non-descriptions?

 

Yes e.e

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Stateraxenowyrms went extinct millennia ago, but some doubt this fact due to their kind's recent resurgence. The truth is, the modern stateraxeno population came from wyrms that were either brought back from fossils by avatar-level creation magic or, like Eeveexeno, pulled into modern day by powerful time magic. Eeveexeno was brought to modern day by the Love Song Chronoxenowyrms. In his native epoch he was looked down upon for being more interested in planning rather than throwing magic at a situation until something worked, but in modern day his intellectual tendencies are appreciated. He is not smart by modern standards, but he has a spell that uses balance mana to temporarily boost cognitive function and often uses it on himself and other dragons he trusts. The Love Song chronoxenos are trying to help him start a business based on his ability to provide this service. He still struggles with a number of modern concepts, most notably money and indoor plumbing.


Reject: this is the middle ages, the era of castles and knights, kings and kingdoms. get with the program.

While I do not appreciate the rudeness of this commenter, upon rereading my description I noticed I used the phrase "modern day". My intention was "contemporaneous with the rest of my scroll" - mediaeval Valkemare as supposed to primeval Valkemare. (I realise indoor plumbing may be a tad anachronistic, but the ancient Romans had plumbing back in their day, and with the GoNC I have an in-lore explanation for superior toiletries.) Do I need to reword "modern day"? I'm 24 characters shy of the limit, so I don't have much wiggle room here.

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So, I keep seeing the term "born" used to refer to dragons in various descriptions. To me, this makes no sense in the context of egg-based reproduction. Is it supposed to refer to when the egg was laid? When the wyrmling hatched? I personally feel like the term "born" is specific to creatures which reproduce via live birth.

 

What does everyone else think?

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I would equate born with hatched and probably not even question it. In fact, I have likely used it in a description or two myself without realizing.

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1 minute ago, Lagie said:

I would equate born with hatched and probably not even question it. In fact, I have likely used it in a description or two myself without realizing.

 

Yea, doesn't bother me. born = hatched, though hatched is probably more 'correct' the other term doesn't phase me.

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I'm also in the 'I probably wouldn't notice it much' camp, though now that I think about it, hatched would indeed probably make a bit more sense? But born wouldn't stand out as terribly strange to me.

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So, reviewing descriptions today I came across a gemshard hatchling with a complaint about mean reviewers in the description field. The scroll name is hidden, so I do not know who it is experiencing these problems, and I do not know if the user is recieving actually-problematic comments or is misinterpreting neutral comments as meaner than they were intended. I suspect the owner doesn't have a forum account, so I'm sharing this here so the situation can be investigated.

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8 hours ago, Kakaru_of_DOOM said:

So, reviewing descriptions today I came across a gemshard hatchling with a complaint about mean reviewers in the description field. The scroll name is hidden, so I do not know who it is experiencing these problems, and I do not know if the user is recieving actually-problematic comments or is misinterpreting neutral comments as meaner than they were intended. I suspect the owner doesn't have a forum account, so I'm sharing this here so the situation can be investigated.

I usually link that kind of thing directly to a mod via PM so they can look at the pending description.

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I found the same review, posting it here for anyone curious (with the code blacked out)
image.png.7d1ec51af17591af5cb4c94075ae3e35.png

 

I can provide the code to any moderators if they'd like to look into it ^^

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I have thus far seen no mean comments; positive or good criticism if anything.
 

It does look like someone isn’t a fan of some of my zombie stories and is rejecting/abstaining them with a sad face. How interesting!
 

I have had reject/abstain for typos (or danged autocorrect), fair enough. But not because the story was sad? I’m guessing thats the reason. Unless there is something I am missing?

 

Maybe I will try to make a happier zombie story, but I am always conflicted with how to write about zombies.
 

On one hand, lore wise, they are mindless killing machines. On the other hand, in plenty of the DC games, the characters act like relatively normal dragons. So I tend to go on the notion that whatever breed they were, cause of death and prior personality affects/motivates their behaviour. I feel it sort of a happy medium between the two. Its hard to write happy into that, though.
 

Also, if people see my stuff again and again. Sorry! I didnt realise that some minor typos/edits would be fixed by mods, so I fixed them myself. I don't know why some typos aren't flagged by my phone, never mind. 

 

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1 minute ago, Ruffledfeathers said:

Maybe I will try to make a happier zombie story, but I am always conflicted with how to write about zombies.

Zombie stories are sad, so yeah a happy one would be tricky.

On the plus side, it's zombie day! Aka the 31st so you can see them and their descriptions. ;)

https://dragcave.net/view/pEcwW

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26 minutes ago, Ruffledfeathers said:

On the other hand, in plenty of the DC games, the characters act like relatively normal dragons.

I don't know what age rating DC is supposed to have, but making zombies act like actual zombies and not some whacky cartoon characters could be deemed as inaproppriate and breaking the spirit of  those games (although I have played only the latest game).

edit: zombie sprites already make me wonder what the age rating is.

Edited by Lost_Unicorn

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Happy(ish) attempt at an undead (RougeRaider) description, not submitted. 

 

— 

 

RougeRaider was a purple dorsal, known as Violet. She has a mild temperament, but a boisterous and playful side, particularly towards hatchlings. However, imbedded in her was a deep sense of inadequacy, truly wishing she was a sought-after, red dorsal. Thus, she often attempted to paint her fins red; her one mate believing she was indeed a red dorsal at the time. One day, she was sloppy with her paint job. Her paws in particular were wet with red paint. This was misconstrued as malevolent behaviour; at a time when adults and hatchlings alike mysteriously died. Thus, she was chased into the wilderness by angered dragons with a mob mentality. She, being raised in captivity, she stood no chance in the wild. An unknown being rose her from the dead. Now considered rare “species”, her feeling of inadequacy is gone. She takes zombified hatchlings under her care, whom adore her boisterous, loving side.

 

 

Is this too kind for a zombie? XD 
 

I want to write a happyish one now, I have been challenged by frowny guy, but I feel it goes against what a zombie is. Idk. I find that species like zombies/vamps most interesting to write about, as well as tricky. 

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1 hour ago, Ruffledfeathers said:

Happy(ish) attempt at an undead (RougeRaider) description, not submitted. 

 

— 

 

RougeRaider was a purple dorsal, known as Violet. She has a mild temperament, but a boisterous and playful side, particularly towards hatchlings. However, imbedded in her was a deep sense of inadequacy, truly wishing she was a sought-after, red dorsal. Thus, she often attempted to paint her fins red; her one mate believing she was indeed a red dorsal at the time. One day, she was sloppy with her paint job. Her paws in particular were wet with red paint. This was misconstrued as malevolent behaviour; at a time when adults and hatchlings alike mysteriously died. Thus, she was chased into the wilderness by angered dragons with a mob mentality. She, being raised in captivity, she stood no chance in the wild. An unknown being rose her from the dead. Now considered rare “species”, her feeling of inadequacy is gone. She takes zombified hatchlings under her care, whom adore her boisterous, loving side.

 

 

Is this too kind for a zombie? XD 
 

I want to write a happyish one now, I have been challenged by frowny guy, but I feel it goes against what a zombie is. Idk. I find that species like zombies/vamps most interesting to write about, as well as tricky. 

That's actually pretty upbeat for a zombie! one tweak - 'she has a mild temperament' needs to be 'had' to match the rest of the description's tense.

Oh and, 'Now considered a 'rare' species' (add a)

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2 hours ago, Ruffledfeathers said:

RougeRaider was a purple dorsal, known as Violet. She has a mild temperament, but a boisterous and playful side, particularly towards hatchlings. However, imbedded in her was a deep sense of inadequacy, truly wishing she was a sought-after, red dorsal. Thus, she often attempted to paint her fins red; her one mate believing she was indeed a red dorsal at the time. One day, she was sloppy with her paint job. Her paws in particular were wet with red paint. This was misconstrued as malevolent behaviour; at a time when adults and hatchlings alike mysteriously died. Thus, she was chased into the wilderness by angered dragons with a mob mentality. She, being raised in captivity, she stood no chance in the wild. An unknown being rose her from the dead. Now considered rare “species”, her feeling of inadequacy is gone. She takes zombified hatchlings under her care, whom adore her boisterous, loving side.

I agree with Lagie's suggested edits. I would also take out the third comma in the third sentence where you wrote "a sought-after, red dorsal." So turn that into "a sought-after red dorsal." And in the third-to-last sentence - "She, being raised in captivity, she stood no chance in the wild." - the two "she"s are redundant. Overall this is a nice description. The story works well, and that's generally the most important part.

 

Personally, I haven't had any problems with making happy, upbeat zombies, but that's probably because mine tend to fall into the 'wacky cartoon character' category. Brains and Noble and Bamkin are prime examples. I don't have many zombies, but the ones I do have are silly.

 

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Just came across the weirdest description. It just said DIE in caps, and I curiously clicked the dragon and it was dead. What!

 

I have a question as well. Some of my descriptions are book related, as the zombies are supposed to be experiments from some a dragon clan who escaped, and were being tracked in these books.

 
I can see that apparently this is sometimes disliked by mods, although I don't really know why.
 

Here is one of them:

 

A dusty old journal, titled The Rogues Of Black Rose- Hitlist, lies on the side, opened on a page titled The Phantom Reaper. A picture of it is on the front, unlike most pages it's a highly detailed drawing as well as a quick picture. It appears to have some gems on its twisted back, and its head is upside-down with a lopsided grin. The entry reads:


The Phantom Reaper, despite its intimidating name, is a timid zombie. It relies on sneakiness to ambush its opponents, and using its grotesque appearance to stun its enemies. Its prey often doesn't know what happened, hence its name The Phantom Reaper. Interestingly, its remaining gems do appear to darken when seeing prey, but it has an uncanny adoration for fruit, even though it can't eat them. It can easily be bribed with mango to chew on.

 

What reasons were given for book based descriptions being rejected? I do wonder if there is a way to keep the flavour and not get rejected by mods. 

 

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3 hours ago, Ruffledfeathers said:

A picture of it is on the front, unlike most pages it's a highly detailed drawing as well as a quick picture. It appears to have some gems on its twisted back, and its head is upside-down with a lopsided grin. The entry reads:

Not sure about the reason for book description rejections, but that bit appears to say the picture has gems on its back and a twisted head. You mean the dragon in the picture, I think, but that's not how it reads.

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Ruffledfeathers, when I made that comment about books potentially being rejected I was remembering a description that came up awhile back which was discussed on the Description Comment thread:

The other user described notes on the scroll accompanying the dragons' descriptions, but on rereading the discussion in the subsequent posts, the reason the moderator rejected the description was not the scroll reference itself but the second-person used to describe examining the images on the scroll. Your description simply states the book's existence rather than telling the reader they are looking at the book, so perhaps it is okay after all? I don't know. Only the mods themselves can answer this one. I wish there were more clarity in the guidelines.

 

@Kaini What are the rules about descriptions that are in-canon written and/or illustrated works?

 

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I don't see anything wrong with books being in the DC universe. I'm sure they have them. I think the issue with that would be that lore dictates that what you are reading is a dragon-keeper's scroll record of their own dragons, and not a tome found elsewhere.

 

The above comment was yes, rejected because of the use of second person. A dragon-keeper's scroll that you pick up to read about your dragons would not tell you what you are doing.

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