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It's not cheating, just not at all helpful. It's a null vote, and we presume you're in the queue to help it along, so abstaining on everything without comment I think doesn't achieve anything. If you really, REALLY want a description approved and are 100% sure there are no grammatical errors and such, mods welcome a private message requesting they take a look.

 

I'd be more disappointed if I checked up on a description in the works and there were no Accepts at all not because it was published but because no one's seen it yet (or everyone hit the null vote...). :lol:

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Is there any way that I could get help with a description that I have not submitted on my scroll yet? It's a rough draft since I'm going through some major writer's block... like one of those where everything is sounding stupid and I keep backspacing everything... bleh. I'm sorry if this is the wrong thread for this, if there is a different one specifically for these types of questions, I'd appreciate being redirected. Thanks. 😉

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1 hour ago, Tesla said:

Is there any way that I could get help with a description that I have not submitted on my scroll yet? It's a rough draft since I'm going through some major writer's block... like one of those where everything is sounding stupid and I keep backspacing everything... bleh. I'm sorry if this is the wrong thread for this, if there is a different one specifically for these types of questions, I'd appreciate being redirected. Thanks. 😉

This is the place! Share away! :D

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1 hour ago, Lagie said:

This is the place! Share away! :D

 

If you say so, then!

 

This is for a Cassare dragon. I mainly want him to have a sad backstory, but I'd love to find a way to make it have a positive note at the end where it showcases this dragon's resilience. I just cannot for the life of me figure out how I should structure the paragraphs, wording, and sentences. Also, I don't want the backstory to take away from the dragon's personality either, but I am finding it hard to include everything in under 1,000 characters.

 

This is what I have so far:

 

Quote

 

Aovulle is a gentle type who mostly keeps to himself, finding it hard to make friends anyway with his magic-deadening aura.

He lives on a farm where he is taken care of and only ever talks to his caretakers. 

 

He used to love to fly around and explore, however, but unfortunately he had a terrible altercation with some kind of knight who was looking for magic resistance to apply to his armor. When Aovulle refused to take part in giving this to him, the vicious man trapped him with a large net and went at him with a sharp blade. Although the frightened cassare managed to escape in the end, his right wing had already been partly lopped off.

 

Unable to fly properly, he had dragged himself for miles until he happened upon the farm previously stated, where he was taken in by a kind soul that spotted him after he had collapsed from exhaustion near the farm's back gate.

 


I'm only happy with like 30% of this entire thing... guh. Hopefully you get the general idea of what this dragon's story is supposed to be.

Edited by Tesla

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So far, at a quick glance:

Take out anyway in that first sentence; it slows down the thought.

 

"however, but unfortunately" --- should be one or the other.

Either: He used to love to fly around and explore; however, he had

Or: He used to love to fly around and explore, but unfortunately he had

 

he had dragged himself for miles --- should be: he dragged himself for miles - to match the tense of the rest

 

The back story comes across fine!

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40 minutes ago, Lagie said:

So far, at a quick glance:

Take out anyway in that first sentence; it slows down the thought.

 

"however, but unfortunately" --- should be one or the other.

Either: He used to love to fly around and explore; however, he had

Or: He used to love to fly around and explore, but unfortunately he had

 

he had dragged himself for miles --- should be: he dragged himself for miles - to match the tense of the rest

 

The back story comes across fine!

 

Gods, I knew something was wrong with that first sentence, at least now I know what it is!

 

Here are the changes:

 

Quote

Aovulle is a gentle type who mostly keeps to himself, finding it hard to make friends with his magic-deadening aura.

He lives on a farm where he is taken care of and only ever talks to his caretakers. 

 

He used to love to fly around and explore, but unfortunately he had a terrible altercation with some kind of knight who was looking for magic resistance to apply to his armor. When Aovulle refused to take part in giving this to him, the vicious man trapped him with a large net and went at him with a sharp blade. Although the frightened cassare managed to escape in the end, his right wing had already been partly lopped off.

 

Unable to fly properly, he dragged himself for miles until he happened upon the farm previously stated, where he was taken in by a kind soul that spotted him after he had collapsed from exhaustion near the farm's back gate. Now he lives in peace, far away from those that would want to harm him for their selfish deeds.

 

Hopefully the snippet I added at the end is fine.

One more thing that bothers me is the first sentence in the last paragraph, though. Is it just me or does it sound weird to say "previously stated"? Is there any other way I could word that?

I think it's possible I've stared at it for too long or something. And I'm picky. 

 

If all is good I am going to submit it. I just like to make it clean as possible first. ^_^ Thank you so much.

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On 3/19/2017 at 2:54 AM, Dirtytabs said:

Thanks for the feedback, guys, and for reassuring me that I'm not nuts/overthinking the concept. 😄

 

 

That's with drakes, too, who probably don't mind as much as a dragon would.

 

user posted image

 

I totally agree about the frustration-about-not-being-approved thing. We frequent Description Force and the comments thread and do a lot of reviewing while most users don't, so I understand the usual writer wouldn't know what reviewing descriptions is like, and of course you can't take too much time on a single description when you're looking through hundreds at a time. I really, REALLY hope URLs show up correctly in comment boxes because I leave links to Description Force and other helpful sites (and sometimes not so helpful like the alot comic, heh heh), and even if they don't have a forum account, they can check out the thread.

 

Also, I've been very stern and curt in most of my comments lately, so an Abstain or Reject from DT probably isn't going to make the writer feel better. I reviewed a description about a bronze tinsel who obsessively loved bronze and once tried to steal some from a mine, and I gave it grammatical corrections and pointed out that bronze is an alloy and can't be mined unless the people there were also melting metals in there, and clicked Reject. A day later, the rewritten description appeared saying the dragon once tried to steal a bronze item from a jewellery store, and I realized I was kind of mean earlier and gave it a glowing review.

 

It would be great to see a little news post about descriptions (or a sticky?). I can't see TJ being deeply involved in description-related stuff now, so if it were to happen, he'd probably want to leave it to a mod.

 

 

EG, you're incredible. The graph line is a steep downward line. :0

 

 

I just did a bit of time traveling and WOW what did I find. Do you have any dragons who have any happy, sad or interesting family stories that you can write out in a "story" or a "description" vs the Game Mechanic of Being an Evil Pixel Overlord whipping poor innocent dragons into public "baby making" and decrying and yelling and complaining or even assigning horrible names to that poor dragon because of something due to ratios or breeding coding and nothing to do with the POOR DRAGON and its "LIFE"! Give your dragons some life! Breathe a little life into them with a description, maybe they'll breathe a little life out and FINALLY give you that baby/egg you've been waiting and hoping for (much more so than the expecting parents obviously as you will likely abduct it for other nefarious purposes you bad person you - feel that guilt!).

 

So what do you think? Getting ready for some really important Holiday lines and/or mates? Or Just Important, Beautiful, Rare, etc. Lines in general? Want that pedigree to shine? I know some dragons eat carrots, and they aren't really afraid of sticks, why don't you show your dragon some love (Not inappropriate love!!), and give them a nice lovely description? You never know what kind of lovely creative beautiful thing you might get back!

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13 hours ago, Tesla said:

 

Gods, I knew something was wrong with that first sentence, at least now I know what it is!

 

Here are the changes:

 

 

Hopefully the snippet I added at the end is fine.

One more thing that bothers me is the first sentence in the last paragraph, though. Is it just me or does it sound weird to say "previously stated"? Is there any other way I could word that?

I think it's possible I've stared at it for too long or something. And I'm picky. 

 

If all is good I am going to submit it. I just like to make it clean as possible first. ^_^ Thank you so much.

... on the farm where he now lives... ?

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@Lagie I made a few more edits, and I think it's ready to be submitted on my scroll for more review. I feel a little better about submitting it now at least. I think your suggestions definitely freed up some of my writer's block. I was able to get my brain going in the right direction for the wording, especially with that last paragraph. Thank you so much for your help. ❤️

 

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1 hour ago, Tesla said:

 

@Lagie I made a few more edits, and I think it's ready to be submitted on my scroll for more review. I feel a little better about submitting it now at least. I think your suggestions definitely freed up some of my writer's block. I was able to get my brain going in the right direction for the wording, especially with that last paragraph. Thank you so much for your help. ❤️

 

You are most welcome! :D

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Ok, this Omen Wyrm description is slightly cheeky so I thought I'd better post it here just in case:

 

Quote

Despite not being very good at it, Carianth has loved playing hide and seek ever since she was a hatchling. She would find a group of trees, lie very still, and pretend to be a burning log. But not matter how hard she tried she was always among the first dragons to be found. This is because the other dragons that play with her are too polite to tell her that fires don’t normally burn bluish purple.

 

Also would a changeling themed description for a certain Valentines dragon that was released a year ago be okay?

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3 hours ago, Chaos Rider said:

Ok, this Omen Wyrm description is slightly cheeky so I thought I'd better post it here just in case:

That's cute! :)

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3 hours ago, Chaos Rider said:

Ok, this Omen Wyrm description is slightly cheeky so I thought I'd better post it here just in case:

I'd insta accept if I see it XD

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20 hours ago, Chaos Rider said:

Ok, this Omen Wyrm description is slightly cheeky so I thought I'd better post it here just in case:

 

 

Also would a changeling themed description for a certain Valentines dragon that was released a year ago be okay?

 

I think it is great and I am so glad to see more people coming here to not only get some help with their dragon descriptions, but also coming to get inspiration, helping to polish it off, or you have the idea and something just isn't write or right and it is nagging and eating at you (dragons eating at you - flock of Mimics Eeek!) and getting some quick and great advice and suddenly that grating has turned into greating - making great things! Hope others take advantage and kick off some of that  Summer to Fall to Winter inspiration as we wind up for the Holy-Moly Daze and get our dragons some descriptions worthy of them! Hope people continue to use this place before we suddenly all flood back into chaos and still want to name and write everything!!!

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Hello, this looks nice ^^ Wrote my first dragon description a few days ago, hoping it gets accepted. I love all the descriptions I've been reading so far! Got me back into the writing zone :)

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I am guessing someone didn't like Gooby because this is the first blank reject I've ever gotten. My description is short and sweet because I have decided I'm not writing long ones for frozen hatchlings.

So now I'm back in this thread again to ask moar thingz! 

 

Description is simply this:

"This little dragon, lovingly referred to as Gooby, loves ice cream with lots of sprinkles. They have to be rainbow sprinkles; he will wrinkle his nose at sprinkles that are all one color."

 

I don't feel like making some kind of ice cream with colored sugar on top would be a difficult feat in the middle ages, either.  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ice_house_(building)

Is the blank reject anything I should worry about? Should I write something different? I just really hate receiving a reject and nothing is said about why it was rejected, so I have to guess. ><

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Personally, I will just ignore blank rejects, since they're probably balanced with the blank accepts anyways. I focus on critiques that has comments in them, that way I'll know if my description is decent enough or it could be made better.

 

So, I think you shouldn't worry about it.

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Exactly!  There's nothing wrong with short descriptions, and one random blank reject is unlikely to sway a mod if the rest are accepts (blank or otherwise).

I keep getting to the end of the queue. XD

 

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I was wondering if I could ummm.... potentially ask here for the assistance of people who are good at this sort of thing, but realized where would I find them, and I realized - DUH all the grammar people, it is like organizing writing, a table of contents, or whatever, so not only is wording and grammar something they are great at, but general organization. So I was wondering if I could put consider asking for assistance, because I realize the "Grammar" and organization of my Groups and Sub-Groups of Trying to "Organize" my resource, events, groups, threads, on and off site, etc. has begun to overlap and certain really creative Groups, I am sometimes really struggling where to put them in my current "Resource Organizational List" and I want to create something that is neat, clear and simple and that people from newbies, to growing players, to even older players, who want to explore new options or remember, oh yah there was a really good organized reference out there, and I would like to be that place. I don't have to be the BEST ever.... and I want to add more to it, but I need to get my category headings and sub categories and "Current Events" Vs. Ongoing Steady References and Threads and Groups that provide amazing ongoing services, but are not something that is necessarily different at different times of years (and those that are) and organizing all that stuff.

 

one of the reasons I want to do this is, specifically, I want to draw a lot more attention to the Description Force for people to start get into writing, and have a good time, know where to go to look up lore, know to come here for everything, and get more into it, and get better at it, and **ALSO** get involved to help to remember to give back by reviewing other Dragon Descriptions. As it isn't just about finding new ways to have fun and grow and being involved and engaged, but also how to GIVE BACK and have a fun time doing it, and maybe for people who really enjoy that (we all know you secret hiding Grammar Nerds, you are all cool and come out of the Predicated subclause you've been hiding behind that Questionable Oxford Comma, so step out of your COMA, and come join the fun here.

 

So if someone, or certain someones, would be interested in, really a very simple activity, then I can get back to adding more things more regularly and more easily, and us possibly partnering to do a cool Promo or even a cool event to draw a little more interest to anything you like, I have both Prizes, and willingness to pay for time to individuals, and to the project. I normally send this via a PM privately, but I'm not sure who in this general group may or may not be interested, and I've been wanting to do a fun activity, we can squeeze it in between Holiday stuff, even if you want to join in with a NomoWriting November, or use that more storied and do another one of those outside of just June..... as it is a great activity ALL year... please let me cuz I'm dying to do have some fun, and .... you all should realize if I am wanting to Rock Out and Have Fun here, I have a fine taste in great organizations - so if I'm all about trying to get this place the props it deserves..... you should be checking this place out on your OWN before all the Hipsters find out about it. Or maybe YOU can be the Kewl Grammar Hipster and when everyone is all flooding here and going crazy raves and party all night and day with all the letters of the Alphabet of all Countries.... You can smirk and feel self important knowing you were here and so into it way before it was "Kewl and popular."

 

(I can make ANYTHING back on topic....this is totally **NOT** off Topic, I am all doing this SOLELY for the benefit of this Thread.... and bring more people here and more parties!! See I was a good poster!!)

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I figured most dragons don't bother with the "marriage" thing. :P

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Hi guys! This Description isn't even approved yet, but I want your opinion. I like to write stuff like this. I'm basically building a kingdom story off my dragons. I love to write stories and the descriptions are really fun to write. So anyway, I need some proofreading/suggestions here.

GERlx.gif

Matilda, at the beginning of her life, was an energetic and hard-to-control hatchling. When the adult dragons were paying attention to the other hatchlings, she would swim away and end up near human territory. Here is why some dragons call her 'Matilda the Interested'- She was so interested in humans. She would watch from under docks as humans built mysterious structures, which she heard were houses. She watched from underwater as they caught fish with metal hooks attached to string and wooden sticks.When the adults finally noticed she was gone, they'd go into panic.Eventually, they learned where she would go all the time. She always returned home, so they learned not to panic as well. Even though she is mature now, she still watches the humans. Because of this, she has the most knowledge about humanity. Dragons use her knowledge to protect eggs and hatchlings and to avoid them. Some say if you look deep in the water near the dock she lingers in, you might just see her.

Edited by Wolves-and-Wings

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