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Description Force!

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Hey! I'd like some help because I agree with these critiques! I was literally running on 5 hours sleep when I wrote this description, so I completely forgot about the medieval time period somehow? rofl Sorry about that though!

 

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Baups was once part of a group of other Blacktips that had nested near a town by the shore. Unfortunately, during a unnaturally crowded mating season, she was disregarded and left behind when the others decided to relocate.
Quite the tragedy indeed, and it did leave her feeling empty inside, but not for long.
When Baups realized how beautiful the nearby town looked as the sun was setting, with its boardwalk all lit up for the night, it somehow made her feel anew. So, she fashioned her own little nest in the rocks, close enough to the boardwalk itself so that she could visit it regularly. The townsfolk welcomed her immediately, though at first she feared they, too, would reject her because of her odor--but the smell of the sea was far more pungent.
She is known to hang around the various restaurants, happily chowing down on free chips that the owners gather up from leftovers to give to her; at night, you can see her gazing up towards the sky from atop the boardwalk's Ferris wheel.

 

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Reject: I think this might be too anachronistic for the time period we're in on the site.

Accept: Nice! However, try not to use "you" in your description. Also, please read the restrictions for dragon descriptions, as this description does mention things that were not in the Middle Ages.

Accept:

Accept: Beautiful description, love the details!

Accept:

Accept:

 

I know how I can change the "you" problem in the description, so I've got that handled.

What I would like a bit of help on is to keep the same feel to this description, and a bit of the same setting, but I am at a loss at what I could change things like Ferris wheel and boardwalk to. I could change restaurants to taverns, or inns. Still very stuck on the boardwalk part and Ferris wheel part!

 

Thank you in advance for any suggestions, and thank you for the reject/critiques!

 

EDIT: Changed a few details, hopefully will go through. Thank you Kaini!

 

Edited by Tesla

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3 hours ago, Lagie said:

Thank you, Kaini! :) (At least, I'm guessing that was you? :D )

 

 

'Twas.

 

@Tesla Maybe make the boardwalk setting a port/docks. The water would have been a major mode of transport back then and a lot of stuff would be near the water. Maybe she has a favorite boat to hang out on.

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I appreciate how much you all do and am glad to sneak a peek in here and just am amazed how much is going on in that approving Descriptions just *FLIES* thru, especially compared to **ANY** older time in the past. (Sometimes people forget the past, or may have every been here for it. With Halloween and then November (write ALL the stories) time comes around, are there any upcoming potential Descrip Force events coming up in the near future, or uncertain? If there is, lemme know as I want to encourage more people to get on this fun stuff! Good to be poking back around places again.

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d.png

 

:D

 

Of course I felt a touch of pride when EG told us that during the Dark Times, hundreds of descriptions were by Dirtytabs. B)

Edited by Dirtytabs

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That's why I'm watching u, tabs. 👀

 

There's a little under a hundred right now. I'll get the motivation to go through them at some point 😆

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On 7/16/2018 at 5:13 PM, Mathcat said:

I just found literal description spam. The gist of it was "Come to this (unrelated to DC) link for free stuff!" Okay, that's a first.

 

Of all the places they could try to advertise stuff, why would they pick the approval-needed dragon description section of a rather small adoptable website, where maybe a dozen people will read it IF they’re lucky?

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Screenshot_2018-07-20-10-38-29-1.png.bcfbfe791ef5b2527a5bad2f8df667b7.png

 

What a sight! And a morning well spent. People come up with some great stuff, I really need to make a habit of reviewing descriptions.

 

Maybe one day I'll even write my own.

 

And congrats and thank you to Kaini for keeping the queue short! ^^

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I would like some advice on this description for an Aeon Wyvern named Goottodtz:
 

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This dragon was captured by the owner of a highly illegal establishment. Each day, her captor would force her to look into the future to see gambling results for setting house odds, to determine if any special guests would be arriving that required 'special services', and to see if any law enforcement raids would happen.

For years Goottodtz provided the information, as the best outcome she saw for herself was to cooperate with him. Finally came a day when she foresaw disaster for her captor but freedom for herself. She provided the usual information about house odds, making up some of it, and omitted any word about the tragedy to come.

After her escape, Goottodtz flew to an extremely isolated area where there are no gambling dens or illicit activities of any kind. She stays where life is generally very predictable without using her powers.

User Comments

  • Accept:
  • Accept:
  • Abstain: maybe a bit anachronistic for DragCave because I infer something of a present-day situation. Clarifying it up w/ Royal Guard, assassinations, etc. might help clear it up. Nice job though -PL
  • Accept:
  • Accept:
  • Accept:

I am thinking it is the phrase "law enforcement" that is considered anachronistic by the one reviewer. I did not want to imply any specific government type, which is why I did not go with "knights" or "royal guards". Would omitting "law enforcement" and just leaving it as "raids" work better, or are there other suggestions for better wording?

 

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Law enforcement is not anachronistic. If there are laws, there are people to enforce them. You need not specify who those are.

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1 hour ago, Awdz Bodkins said:

 

  • Accept:
  • Accept:
  • Abstain: maybe a bit anachronistic for DragCave because I infer something of a present-day situation. Clarifying it up w/ Royal Guard, assassinations, etc. might help clear it up. Nice job though -PL
  • Accept:
  • Accept:
  • Accept:

 

That was just me being picky. I see that everybody else gave it an accept, so I think you're fine.

After just watching a medieval show, the term "law enforcement" and "special services" was somewhat used. Sorry for the trouble.

-PL

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I just had a description approved but then reading it over on the dragons page, I realized there was a grammatical error. It's quite small, which sucks because I should have caught it. It's literally just changing "a" to "an".  

 

Should I resubmit it? 

Here's the dragon in question: https://dragcave.net/lineage/aSQEf

 

Sorry this is such a small thing to worry about. ><

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2 minutes ago, Kaini said:

Yea, go ahead and resubmit. I can approve it quickly.

 

Resubmitted--thank you so much Kaini! ❤️

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7 hours ago, Looti said:

 

That was just me being picky. I see that everybody else gave it an accept, so I think you're fine.

After just watching a medieval show, the term "law enforcement" and "special services" was somewhat used. Sorry for the trouble.

-PL

Thank you for clarifying!  On a side note, the 'special services' really had nothing to do with law enforcement; those would be different services, not explicitly stated to keep it family friendly.

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Here's a comment I received:  Reject: Good story but it doesn’t describe the dragon’s personality (which is obligatory).

 

Aside from the fact the first line of the description is, "This dragon applies his intelligence to get what he wants in constructive ways," I would like to know if specifically describing the dragon's personality really is obligatory?  What if a description only describes an odd physical characteristic instead?

 

On a side note, thank you to everyone for putting up with all the old (2008?) descriptions I resubmitted yesterday because of the <BR> typo showing up in them.

Edited by Awdz Bodkins

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39 minutes ago, Awdz Bodkins said:

Here's a comment I received:  Reject: Good story but it doesn’t describe the dragon’s personality (which is obligatory).

 

Aside from the fact the first line of the description is, "This dragon applies his intelligence to get what he wants in constructive ways," I would like to know if specifically describing the dragon's personality really is obligatory?  What if a description only describes an odd physical characteristic instead?

 

On a side note, thank you to everyone for putting up with all the old (2008?) descriptions I resubmitted yesterday because of the <BR> typo showing up in them.

That would have been me, actually, sorry! I always admire your descriptions but asked a mod recently about some of my own descriptions and when to accept/reject/abstain, and was told "Descriptions aren't a place to write a story, they should describe the dragon's personality" and "You can include an anecdote/story in that description, if it demonstrates that personality." (literally). Also that 'Dragon is characteristic-X, and this thing that happened is an example' is fine but 'this thing happened to the dragon' is not, so I've been accepting/rejecting according to that new information.

 

I also have a number of 2008 descriptions with the %nsbp-bug I need to resubmit but which I have to rewrite first because they don't follow the new rules :(

Edited by Mirhana

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Thank you for the clarification. Descriptions I wrote describing what the dragon does or how it interacts with others have always been accepted before. I do not understand the change.

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In all honesty though I’m not sure that rule is enforced as strictly as it was worded. Leigheastar‘s description was re-aproved even though the only direct reference to his character is the word ‘greedy’.

 

On the plus side though, it is absolutely :censorkipz: amazing how fast descriptions get approved ❤️ The dark old days where you’d go on a six month hiatus and they’d all still be in the queue...

Edited by Mirhana

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But... but... of course there's a story with the personality.  Otherwise what's the point? 😮

 

@Kaini, could you confirm/clarify that it's okay to have 'story' as well, please?

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@Lagie

 

Quote

 

What doesn't work is a one-off story. Like what you had up there was the dragon's death, and it was a story's scene, not a description. And I didn't get anything about the dragon's history or personality from it. Who are they? What are they like? All I got was that... they died andtheir son mourned them, if I'm reading it right.

Story is fine as long as it explicitly demonstrates their personality!

 

(Background: dragon commits suicide to reunite with lost love, son revives him against his will, becomes a rage-filled Zombie. I pm’ed to check whether suicide was allowed or not.)

 

(And don’t worry I’ve stopped reviewing descriptions altogether.)

Edited by Mirhana

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From what you've just said, it certainly describes personality/something unique about the dragon: his feelings about losing a loved one, his decision, and his current state.

Maybe it's just the execution.

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@Mirhana You're taking what I said way out of context :c 

 

I'll clarify more when I get home and I'm off mobile, but yes the point is to tell a story about the dragon/ describe the dragon's personality. 

 

But what I was saying didn't work was an RP passage out of context that didn't tell me anything about the dragon. If it doesn't tell me ANYTHING about the dragon(s personality) or is completely unrelated to the dragon, that's when it'll get a reject.

 

The second example you sent me was great, that was fine. With the dead hatchling, that one was just fine.

 

What Awdz is saying is all correct - if a 'scene' describes a dragon's feelings, mental state, what the dragon does/ how it interacts with others story etc that's fine. But yours was so... obscure? That I didn't get anything about the dragon from it. 

 

And maybe I'm wrong, feel free to post it here for others to review! But you're taking my rejection of one description and saying 'stories aren't allowed' and that just isn't the case! Isn't what I said at all and I'm sorry if I just... explained badly.

 

Edit: Now that I think about it I think my main problem was that it was first person from the dragon's POV.

Edited by Kaini

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28 minutes ago, Kaini said:

 

Edit: Now that I think about it I think my main problem was that it was first person from the dragon's POV.

And first person is an automatic reject.

Thank you, Kaini!

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11 minutes ago, Lagie said:

And first person is an automatic reject.

Thank you, Kaini!

 

I mean it didn't use 'I' but it wasn't... from an outside perspective if that makes any sense? Maybe I'm just tripping again they're free to post it but Awdz is correct, totally a misunderstanding.

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