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Well, what I did mean is she is the one to own my scroll not me

She is the alternate version of me means she is me as a dragon. Understand?

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Well, what I did mean is she is the one to own my scroll not me

She is the alternate version of me means she is me as a dragon. Understand?

Not everyone is a mindreader. You would have to post the description for me to get it or for anyone to help you to edit it.

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Ok here

This dragon is literally the alternate version of an albino serval. She takes care of every eggs and hatchlings in the original cave where all the other dragons came from. Just like her alternative, she is ignorant, but she deeply cares for her friend and will put her life before the others.

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Ok here

This dragon is literally the alternate version of an albino serval. She takes care of every eggs and hatchlings in the original cave where all the other dragons came from. Just like her alternative, she is ignorant, but she deeply cares for her friend and will put her life before the others.

I agree with EG. I would have rejected this as well.

 

What does it mean to be "an alternate version" of a serval? This doesn't make sense. It makes your dragon sound like a shapeshifter or something. I just outright do not know what it means.

 

I believe by alternative, you are going for alternative ego or something, but it really doesn't make sense in the description.

 

If I understand what you're going for, I suggest deleting that altogether - and all other "alternative" references. If you want to expand on it, you could create an Original Works thread to share your writing in.

 

If you want to keep the serval part in it, you could do something like: "This dragon reminds her owner of a serval because she [example 1] and [example 2]."

 

As well, the second sentence has conflicting grammar (every eggs and hatchlings) and "original cave where all the other dragons came from" is lengthy and unclear. Finally "she is ignorant, but" doesn't really make sense because being ignorant does not preclude being caring or compassionate.

 

My suggested edits:

This dragon takes care of all the egg and hatchling of her clan. She is also ignorant, making her stubborn in arguments. She deeply cares for her friends to the point that she will put her life in danger for them.

 

You could replace clan with group, family, etc.

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Well I edited the serval part with "this dragon strangely reminds everyone of an albino serval."

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Hey. I though I would actually make the dragon at the top of my scroll... Well you know, the alternate version of my oc, Rainbow.

When moderator don't get the idea... Is that you, Earth Girl.

EDIT: if you dont understand, you will get it when u just LOOK AT HER NAME FOR ONCE

@Rainbow - My feedback on some of your previous descriptions remains the same. The mod may have different reasons, but something I feel is important is that "a description needs to stand on its own and should NOT require the reader to reference something else for them to understand it."

 

Now, that doesn't mean that that a description can't take on a deeper, funnier, or any other adjective meaning if someone understands to clue in the name of the dragon, make reference to your scroll or some IRL/Earth reference, or some ongoing scroll drama you have written in your mind or interlacing with other dragon descriptions. However, dragon descriptions are meant to be works of writing that can stand completely on their own. Just like any random novel in an ongoing series. It is quite ok if they do more than that, but not at the expense of being able to stand on their own.

 

If the response you have to a mod rejection is "well, if you had only paid attention or known about <some other reference other than the description itself> you would have understood what I was trying to say", isn't a valid reason to get a rejection overturned, in my opinion. You can and should write to any mod who posts in this thread if you don't understand a rejection on a description. Earthgurl is the busiest mod currently reviewing, but others do it to. So while Earthgurl might be the best person to PM today, just be aware in the future that it could be any one of a handful of mods, so ANY mod you see post in this thread in the past few months you could send a PM to. Just an FYI for future.

 

But again, if the description didn't explain itself on its own merit, I really feel you at least need to slightly edit it to make it more clear. You might feel it is repetitive that you have to write certain info over and over (like if I wanted people to know the name of the "Keeper" of my dragons, I wouldn't expect the "reader" to go to the dragons view page, I would put it in my description. NO matter how simple or obvious it might seem. )

 

That is a really long response, but I don't know how else to give you that feedback. The mod may have something completely unrelated to that.

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Well I edited the serval part with "this dragon strangely reminds everyone of an albino serval."

That still leaves me confused. How/why does the dragon remind you of a serval - and why so specifically is it an albino serval? I do not know what kind of dragon it is, but if I can't physically see it right off the bat, I'm going to be confused without an explanation. (Honestly, I can't think of any dragon I would look at and think "serval!".)

 

"a description needs to stand on its own and should NOT require the reader to reference something else for them to understand it."

 

Excellent way to put this.

 

It's one thing to mention other dragons on your scroll and say your dragons are friends. I understand enough of that reference that it's not confusing, even if I don't know the other dragon's personality or anything.

 

But giving an out of context statement for some personal RP or story of yours or something is likely to just lead to confusion without at least a basic explanation/summary of what you're talking about.

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To clarify the albino part, the dragon is an albino dragon. About the serval part... I think I will make it so her horns just looks like white cat ears. Imma edit it for the final time

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I have a quick question for something I'm planning, but I don't want to go ahead with it until I've asked.

 

I plan on trying to make a zombie out of one of my self-bred, childless Avatars of Destruction and describe it, more for my scroll's personal story than anything, but before I attempt it, I want to know; is the idea of a GoN being able to kill an Avatar plausible? Especially one that is it's own child?

Edited by CharonDusk

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I have a quick question for something I'm planning, but I don't want to go ahead with it until I've asked.

 

I plan on trying to make a zombie out of one of my self-bred, childless Avatars of Destruction and describe it, more for my scroll's personal story than anything, but before I attempt it, I want to know; is the idea of a GoN being able to kill an Avatar plausible? Especially one that is it's own child?

Descriptions don't say anything that suggest otherwise that I can see. I don't know how the creators or TJ see it, but I imagine they're all about equally powerful, they just specialize in different magicks. Dunno about the other mods, but this certainly sounds plausible to me. I'm intrigued about your idea and interested to see it fleshed out!

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I just accidentally killed my only CB female Desipis by mistake. I can probably work her death into the story but, man, is it painful...

 

At least it gave me a creative kick, got a whole new idea for my scroll's story and some new descriptions already done, which involves that Avatar getting to live, but with a fate far worse than was intended.

Edited by CharonDusk

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To clarify the albino part, the dragon is an albino dragon. About the serval part... I think I will make it so her horns just looks like white cat ears. Imma edit it for the final time

I'm a little iffy on the white cat ears part, mostly because Albino's horns appear to be black.

 

I'm bringing my original suggestion onto here, and I'll tweak it again:

 

This dragon takes after her master in a lot of ways; she is very serval-like in demeanor. She takes care of the eggs and hatchlings in the original cave from which all the other dragons came. Just like her master and namesake, she is ignorant, but she deeply cares for her friends and puts others before herself.

 

-->

 

This dragon strangely reminds everyone of an albino serval; she slinks around the cave very quietly and cat-like. No one seems to see her sleep, as she's active both day and night. She takes care of all of the eggs and hatchlings, and when they grow up, she lets them start their own families. She is almost always emotionless, but she actually cares deeply for her friends and will put her life on the line for them.

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I know that the guides say to avoid modern stuff, but would this be okay to put in one of my descriptions;

Nicknamed Zazan because of something the Cave Mother refers to as a "code", which Folly can only assume is just another strange custom from a very strange human...
Edited by Earth Gurl

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I know that the guides say to avoid modern stuff, but would this be okay to put in one of my descriptions;

As long as you're not referring to the number/letter code in particular, the word "code" itself goes pretty far back as it's derived from "codex" or "book of laws". So in any context, that would make some sense.

 

 

Edit: I also accidentally edited your post instead of quoted it. xd.png I am still on the struggle-bus this morning.

 

vv Yes. As long as you don't say "This dragon's code is ____." It's fine. But since you said that no one really knows what that means, it's acceptable.

Edited by Earth Gurl

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Hmm, it is actually the dragon in question's code, but it's okay so long as it doesn't blatantly say what the code actually is? Okay, thank you very much! smile.gif

 

Edit: Sorry, one more question; Caligene info says they basically leave their forests during winter and spring, but would one remaining all year round be okay, so long as it was specified why it did so?

Edited by CharonDusk

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Hmm, it is actually the dragon in question's code, but it's okay so long as it doesn't blatantly say what the code actually is? Okay, thank you very much! smile.gif

 

Edit: Sorry, one more question; Caligene info says they basically leave their forests during winter and spring, but would one remaining all year round be okay, so long as it was specified why it did so?

Even if codes as we know it didn't exist on the 9th-12th-century Earth analogue, assigning a sequence of characters to something for identification isn't hard to do. You can write about anachronisms as long as they're not difficult to pull off (like roller skates) or the general public is unaware they're anachronisms if you phrase it carefully enough. I've described a handful of dragons that explicitly refer to their codes, so Zazan should be fine. I think it does help that one party is confused with the concept.

 

Yes, in my experience, offering explanation for something that doesn't go against the breed description too much is acceptable. It's a case by case basis, but sometimes it's like saying that typically the human palate loves sweets, but you probably know people who don't. I think a caligene sticking around a forest + explanation why is perfectly all right, but a white dragon (who's stated NEVER eats meat) eating beef would see a Reject.

Edited by dirtytabs

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I have finished Purples, Reds, Ultraviolets, Soulpeaces, and Pinks. smile.gif I'll be finishing up Magis and Holidays tomorrow, hopefully.

 

We are officially in the 5,000's.

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Wow, i have so many dragons now its hard to keep track of the ones I've described from way back. I found one that I didn't realize had a Mod reject for grammar. I'm glad my writing has improved since then is all i can say.

 

I fixed it, but i wish there was a way to keep some of the comments left by those who liked it. Little zombie Sweet Pea has a lot of fans. smile.gif

Edited by Syiren

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I have finished Purples, Reds, Ultraviolets, Soulpeaces, and Pinks. smile.gif I'll be finishing up Magis and Holidays tomorrow, hopefully.

 

We are officially in the 5,000's.

We need to get together and bake you the BIGGEST batch of brownies for your hard work. =)

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Hoping for some help with a rejected description.

It's for my male vampire Dead John and reads:

He walks through your nightmares and sabotages your dreams. When you are at your lowest and most vulnerable he will feed from your misery. Happiness and innocence are his enemies. Despair and self loathing his victories. Do not close your eyes on the sadness within your soul because he is waiting. Dead John.

 

The rejection reads:

Moderator Reject: This is not a sufficient description. Read descrip guidelines before resubmitting. See Description Comments or Description Force threads on forum for help!

 

Having read the guidelines (again) I'm at a loss as to where I went wrong and could really use some help. Thanks.

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Hoping for some help with a rejected description.

It's for my male vampire Dead John and reads:

 

 

The rejection reads:

 

Having read the guidelines (again) I'm at a loss as to where I went wrong and could really use some help. Thanks.

From what I can see is that I rejected because of second person and possibly the two fragments. Clean those up, and it makes a perfectly fine description. smile.gif

 

 

@Sock: I love brownies a lot. ninja.gif The chocolate-ier the better. xd.png

Edited by Earth Gurl

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And my one rejected pink.. That description was corrected by Sock (I think)

I accepted both of your Pinks. Check again.

 

 

Edit: If I had a dollar for every Bee Movie script as a description, I'd have at least seven dollars.

Edited by Earth Gurl

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