Description Force!

[SheridanCharon]

I've also been reviewing descriptions in my spare time, not been signing my most recent comments but older ones I used to sign as just CD. More than happy to keep helping out!

 

However, I recently came across one I am rather unsure of how to vote on it. It's a Vampire by the name of Dead John and the description is just;

 

John always dies at the end.

 

I know where this is from, a book called "John Dies At The End", but as far as I can tell, while grammatically correct, it isn't really describing the dragon's personality or story. But I am unsure if it is actually breaking rules or not.

Edited March 3, 2017 by CharonDusk

[Wiz]

I've also been reviewing descriptions in my spare time, not been signing my most recent comments but older ones I used to sign as just CD. More than happy to keep helping out!

 

However, I recently came across one I am rather unsure of how to vote on it. It's a Vampire by the name of Dead John and the description is just;

 

 

 

I know where this is from, a book called "John Dies At The End", but as far as I can tell, while grammatically correct, it isn't really describing the dragon's personality or story. But I am unsure if it is actually breaking rules or not.

I read a quote from TJ a few years ago, time makes the memory hazy but it was about a one liner description that he used as a possitive example. I decided to give it a go as I'm usually quite wordy in my descriptions

Mostly though it's a little easter egg joke to myself. If you go and check out the name of my first GoN on the first page of my scroll (under my eggs) and then check out the very last dragon on my scroll you will see how easy I find it to amuse myself.

 

Edit: Okay I'm done with trying to do one liners now and I fixed it

Edited March 3, 2017 by Wiz

[Estellux]

I did a couple (if you see any by LiP, that's me!), but I'm a tad worried about being too harsh on styles. When would you say it's better to decline/accept and when is it better to abstain?

[Natayah]

@ladyinpink - So glad to see you here! I'm going to send you a PM, but mostly, I am going to defer on your questions to more of the pros here.

 

Also they are in the process of working on a "Best Practices/Guidelines/Examples" of Description Writing so look for that coming. If you aren't sure about a descrip, you can always post it here for advice from others and/or visit the IRC channel. That is one of the main reasons it is set up (also we like each other, motivate each other, and like to share fun descriptions and the like). Sometimes the IRC channel is easier (assuming someone is there, normally people are but sometimes it does get quiet). Room is #descripdoom.

 

There is a lot of good info that I think would answer your question too if you went thru the thread a bit. I'm not saying like the entire thing, but I'd skim thru maybe the last 15 pages or so (I promise it will be faster than you think) and that would probably be really helpful.

 

Also, as to if you are being too strict or not, my advice is always "When in doubt, abstain." and "Keep it positive and/or neutral." There are lots of people here are great on the finer points of grammar and do that well in their comments. I do better at being encouraging. If someone really needs some grammar help badly or just some fine tuning tweaks, I will even encourage them to come to this thread.

 

There is another thread called Completed Descriptions that has a lot of dragons listed you can randomly run thru and see some ideas of the varieties of completed descriptions. Having decent USA English Grammar and a basic coherent story isn't always the same as winning a writing award. Do be aware as well, however, that things that were approved years ago are not always the same as today and some things the rules are a bit stricter on. But those are discussed thru this thread and that might be the best place to start. Also the descrip comments thread is also helpful on some of that too.

 

Cheers!

[Lagie]

It's actually "Approved Descriptions" and you can find it here:

https://forums.dragcave.net/index.php?showtopic=117376

 

I accept when it's well-nigh perfect. If there are corrections to be made, I'll generally abstain if there are two or more. I usually try to give a reason if I've rejected something.

[Estellux]

@Lagie & natayah:

 

Thanks very much for the information/resource. I'll look over them shortly. And I'm really glad to get the chance to help people with this. I'm very passionate about writing, and I always like to see the ideas of others.

[SheridanCharon]

So I'm on a bit of a describe-a-thon (Sorry, backlog!) and am deciding who to describe and started writing them. I described this little devil this morning and had to go away to do some things. Went to take a look at him and there was a single comment, an accept with "I love this", so felt a bit better over it. Just had another look because something was bothering me, I thought I'd made an error, roughly 20 minutes ago and it was already approved! Thank you, mod!

 

Now to go review some more.

[Wiz]

I thought I would check on the comments on some of my descriptions and discovered my frozen chick Buffy has been approved! Thank you so much.

[Lagie]

Is anyone else getting an error message?

Everything else in the cave is fine, but 'review user descriptions' brings up that tombstone.

[Laura-Borealis]

Is anyone else getting an error message?

Everything else in the cave is fine, but 'review user descriptions' brings up that tombstone. 

I'm not getting an error message.

 

 

I have a question about reviewing. I have run across one that uses 2nd person, addressing the reader as "you." I feel that this is jarring, in the same way that 1st person is. But it's not specifically discouraged in the description guidelines.

 

I'd like to give this writer accurate feedback so - what would you do as reviewers?

Edited March 9, 2017 by Laura-Borealis

[Earth Gurl]

I'm not getting an error message.

 

 

I have a question about reviewing. I have run across one that uses 2nd person, addressing the reader as "you." I feel that this is jarring, in the same way that 1st person is. But it's not specifically discouraged in the description guidelines.

 

I'd like to give this writer accurate feedback so - what would you do as reviewers?

If it's easy, I usually just replace the "you's" in descriptions with "someone", "one", "anyone" depending on context. I've let a few "you's" pass. Just use your discretion. If the description isn't specifically speaking to "you" the reader, I usually let it slide.

 

Anything but third person is discouraged in descriptions. Second is a gray area of sorts.

[Laura-Borealis]

Thank you, I'll keep that in mind in the future. I'm still new to reviewing. This thread is helpful.

 

In this case I did comment that it felt awkward, and that the guidelines encourage 3rd person. (I gave feedback before I saw your reply. I should have waited.)

 

I don't remember the exact wording, but it began along the lines of, "The sight of this dragon will take your breath away," which sounded fine to me. But then it continued, "Would you dare to adopt and train this dangerous dragon," and I just found that jarring. Now that I think about it, it sounds like a sales pitch. Maybe that's why it sounds iffy to me.

 

[Natayah]

Lagie, yes I got the User review error yesterday, reported it in help, it got fixed, so all is good. Sorry I didn't respond here as, no you were not crazy, I was just a bit busy between things.

 

As for 3rd vs 2nd vs 1st, I agree that third person is the best and the one most encouraged. Second is almost always not good. Basically if they use a few "yous" and the rest of the description is fine and it doesn't seem like they are trying to "Force action upon you" (This is the critical one for me, from back in my RP days, you cannot force the reader/other person to come to a certain conclusion, have a reaction, or invoke anything that does not allow the reader to 100% draw their own conclusions. If they are trying to control your thoughts, actions or reactions, even if they don't realize that is what they are doing, auto reject on my end), and/or seem like they were really taking a 3rd person tone and it's a fine descrip minus 1 or 2 (anything more they have to fix to me), then I'm ok with it. But again, if it feels like a sales pitch, it sounds like that "you" is trying to convince you or force an action or thought upon you, and that is specifically forbidden. Maybe not in the Help file itself, but it has been mentioned several times. It's also a basic rule in the RP forums, so ... that goes without saying it's a standard across the game.

 

Now I've seen some really fantastic first person descriptions. Those are more often though written by the more seasoned writers and reviewers who do it because they are particularly creative, or they are specifically writing a fantastic descrip that fits all the rules and showing that, should someone want to do it in first person, they can if they are careful and/or they just want to break one of the "standard rules" in a way to show it can be done or it is perfectly ok when done correctly.

 

I most often see these in the form of someone reading a "journal entry" type format and they are usually hysterical.

 

But yah, if someone is using first person, you can tell if it is being done as that fantastic amazing "exception to the rule" (and usually can click on the dragon itself and recognize the dragon owner/writer as someone well known), or you can tell if it is just wrong. A lot of people try to do "I love this dragon so much they were my first dragon and go everywhere with me and they are the bestest," and that to me seems like it is, again, forcing an interaction upon the reader because ... how likely am I to actually be talking to a dragon owner about their specific dragon in my personal head space. Not likely. So I will Abstain with feedback, and sometimes even Reject in some cases.

 

I'm not gonna lie, if I feel a description need a lot of work or has a nice start but they really need kinda in person not limited to a small space feedback, I refer them to this thread. It's not that I am being lazy. But I feel if someone really wants to work on it and I don't have the space to coach/correct/suggest edits, and they could easily come here and get really great feedback with unlimited room and space from pros, I want them to know they have the option. They don't have to use it. Many of the people I consider pro reviewers can fit all that in there. I can too sometimes. But if I can't, that is my default. And that is a response that isn't uncommon to a description written entirely in first or second person (barring the few classy exceptions).

 

There have also been some very intense discussions over the correct grammatical use of "you" in descriptions in this thread. So if you are willing to go back some pages, you'll see places where the grammar pros make very good cases of when "you" is totally correct to use. One example might be someone making a quote like,

 

This dragon always greets everyone it meets with "Hello how are you, as you can see I like rhyme, but if you didn't get the clue, it will only take a little time!"

 

That would certainly be a valid use of the word you. But if you don't want to get into all that, until you are comfy, or even if you get comfy but find a description you are on the fence about, I always go abstain, put in my thoughts, and leave it to someone else to make the Accept/Reject Decision. If the user feels strongly about their description and wants to defend it, they can often do that here or PM the mod to explain their reason if it was Rejected. Or if they come here, descrip writing pros can see what they are doing and help them tweak it in a way to keep what they want but fit what the game is trying to accomplish. And that is mostly: decently fine to good to well written descriptions that make sense and flow and allow people to share creativity.

Edited March 9, 2017 by natayah

[Lagie]

I think part of the problem might be that the main page uses you as if it were a Choose Your Own Adventure:

You enter the cave and see many large dragons scattered about, some with hatchlings, sleeping on piles of gold.

And then it continues like this when you go to the biomes or the AP:

You don’t want to disturb the dragons, but some of the eggs are far enough away that you could steal one. Three of the eggs catch your eye. Which do you take?

And when the describer goes to describe, they don't realize they can't continue in this vein. e.g.

You love to have this dragon around because he's really good at cleaning house.

but rather:

This dragon loves to clean house so the cave mistress really appreciates having him around.

 

The occasional you in the context of

Be sure not to leave your socks out or he might just clean the up, too!

isn't going to be amiss, but the Choose Your Own Adventure style isn't allowed in the descriptions.

 

And yes, I can review again. Thanks, Natayah!

[Earth Gurl]

We're officially in the 6,000's. Anyone wanna suggest a breed for me to tackle next?

 

vv You got it.

Edited March 10, 2017 by Earth Gurl

[Dirtytabs]

Xenowyrms!

[Lagie]

Nibts! Nibts? Erm, that was supposed to be mints.

Well done on getting it that low!

[Earth Gurl]

Xenowyrms and Mints are all officially done. I'm open to new suggestions.

 

Edit: Finished Magmas, moving next to Purples later today.

Edit: Purples done. I'll be doing Reds next.

 

@purpledragonclaw: I started out doing that, but then I found myself having to check the breed descriptions a lot. So I switched to breeds cuz I'm lazy.

Edited March 12, 2017 by Earth Gurl

[Natayah]

Purples, Pinks, Magi, Reds, Soulpeace, UVs, Holiday Dragons... umm.... I'd say anything BSA or Hybrid or Holiday related as I know people tend to heavily describe those, and Nebula if not already done.

 

 

That would be my list of suggestions.

[purpledragonclaw]

I'm currently reviewing by user. It seems more manageable for me that way.

[Syiren]

So I'm on a bit of a describe-a-thon (Sorry, backlog!) and am deciding who to describe and started writing them. I described this little devil this morning and had to go away to do some things. Went to take a look at him and there was a single comment, an accept with "I love this", so felt a bit better over it. Just had another look because something was bothering me, I thought I'd made an error, roughly 20 minutes ago and it was already approved! Thank you, mod!

 

Now to go review some more.

My golden CB 'Purest Treasure' had her description approved too which was nice. There was 1 reviewer who really liked it. Thank you, mod.

Edited March 12, 2017 by Syiren

[RainbowTheAlbinoServal]

Hey. I though I would actually make the dragon at the top of my scroll... Well you know, the alternate version of my oc, Rainbow.

When moderator don't get the idea... Is that you, Earth Girl.

EDIT: if you dont understand, you will get it when u just LOOK AT HER NAME FOR ONCE

Edited March 12, 2017 by Rainbowlight

[Earth Gurl]

Hey. I though I would actually make the dragon at the top of my scroll... Well you know, the alternate version of my oc, Rainbow.

When moderator don't get the idea... Is that you, Earth Girl.

EDIT: if you dont understand, you will get it when u just LOOK AT HER NAME FOR ONCE

I'm confused though? Are you comparing her to a cat?... I'm not sure exactly what you mean by that. I did look at her name.

 

The description itself was okay, I just don't get the comparison. Perhaps you can be clearer in the description? Maybe post the description, and we can help you here.

 

Also, just call me EG.

Edited March 12, 2017 by Earth Gurl

[RainbowTheAlbinoServal]

Well actually im my oc on this forum.

I was just thinking. I originally was going to not give her a description, but hey. If that dragon is you, why not give her a description?

I guess I could say she is like me as a dragon. And i'm a serval.

[Obscure_Trash]

Hey. I though I would actually make the dragon at the top of my scroll... Well you know, the alternate version of my oc, Rainbow.

When moderator don't get the idea... Is that you, Earth Girl.

EDIT: if you dont understand, you will get it when u just LOOK AT HER NAME FOR ONCE

If a mod doesn't get it, we're likely not the only ones confused by the descrip. If a mod doesn't get it, that means you need to be more clear in your description. If the stated moderator reject or any comments in general don't make sense, please feel free to ask for clarification. But yelling isn't going to solve anything.

Edited March 12, 2017 by SockPuppet Strangler