Jump to content
Descripforce

Description Force!

Recommended Posts

So I was perusing some of my described dragons today, as I do on occasion to see if their descriptions need editing, and I noticed- the description was approved! I checked another. It was too! All of my descriptions were approved!! All of them. Even some written only weeks ago! I just- is this a thing that happens?! biggrin.gif Whoever did this, thank you. You are amazing.

Now I need to go write more. rolleyes.gif

Share this post


Link to post

So I was perusing some of my described dragons today, as I do on occasion to see if their descriptions need editing, and I noticed- the description was approved! I checked another. It was too! All of my descriptions were approved!! All of them. Even some written only weeks ago! I just- is this a thing that happens?! biggrin.gif Whoever did this, thank you. You are amazing.

Now I need to go write more. rolleyes.gif

I was so excited when I saw this! I checked all of the Dragons that I had described and they were all approved leave one.

 

This one was rejected because it had some strange text in it. I of course wrote them, but there is sometimes some weird text in between two words that make no sense.

 

I'm still happy though! I need to write some more soon. biggrin.gif>

 

EDIT: Edit for OCD fixing.

 

 

Edited by PootisLooti

Share this post


Link to post

My black dragon's description got approved too!

 

I've been drafting a description for my other black dragon. Any crits?

Ryuusuke is a hostile warrior who fought in countless wars. He usually leaves his mate, Lu-Yin, to fend for herself whenever he goes to battle. He is merciless, ruthless, and bloodthirsty when he has to fight another dragon. He spends his spare time, scaring hatchlings, and sometimes eating a few of the slower mint dragons. Ryuusuke desperately wishes for a son to fight alongside him, but sadly, his choices are limited, as Lu-Yin usually abandons all the non alts, whether it is male or female.

Share this post


Link to post

My black dragon's description got approved too!

 

I've been drafting a description for my other black dragon. Any crits?

Ryuusuke is a hostile warrior who fought in countless wars. He usually leaves his mate, Lu-Yin, to fend for herself whenever he goes to battle. This black dragon is merciless, ruthless, and bloodthirsty when he has to fight another dragon. He spends his spare tim, scaring hatchlings and sometimes eating a few of the slower mint dragons. Ryuusuke desperately wishes for a son to fight alongside him, but sadly his choices are limited. This is due to the fact that Lu-Yin usually abandons all the non alts, [db]despite[/] whether it is male or female.

 

Edits are in Bold. Feel free to not use them. Also took out the commas in one of the sentences. Corrected all (I hope) grammatical errors.>

Share this post


Link to post

 

Edits are in Bold. Feel free to not use them. Also took out the commas in one of the sentences. Corrected all (I hope) grammatical errors.>

Thanks! I think I'm going to use the corrections.

Share this post


Link to post

What do you think of descriptions that say (to the reader) "you heard right", "you better believe it", etc.?

 

 

Approve: 97

Reject: 23

Abstain: 34

 

Aka Manto is named after a malevolent bathroom spirit, but in truth is probably less dangerous than the average Grave. His name means "red cape" and he is called that because his markings are reddish in color. He has picked up a bit on his namesake urban legend, and will sometimes ask those familiar with it if they want red or blue paper to scare them. This does not end in a gruesome death like the legend, but instead in a very amused dragon.

There really is an urban legend of a public toilet spirit who gives paper to people! I couldn't believe my eyes.

 

And some special ones that will make Lizzyluna sad

ITwasssBornOnAnCloud was laid on a cloud hints the name and doesn't realy have a personality because it fell off of that cloud. But its pretty!!! (JOKE DESCRIPTION)

Such a fierce warrior is this one!

wip. ignore this, cannot save. love you modds c:

After the tranformer movies w Shia LaBeouf they ened up just beoming a dragin and thats it

The texted promise from a person to the owner before she went to bed. This dragon hatched as she was just drifting off, hence its namesake.

99 percent hot gas

Share this post


Link to post

I tend to mention to not involve pronouns such as 'you,' 'I,' and 'me' despite the situation.

 

I didn't do too much, but here is an estimate.

 

Approve: 3

Reject: 1

Abstain: 2

 

***IMPORTANT EDIT: Does anyone know which moderator approved the recent descriptions? If so, PM so I can ask them to edit one of my descriptions. This isn't like I want to add another part of the story, but another mishap of text in place of symbols.

 

Instead of '"dreamed itself away,"' it's 'quot;dreamed itself away;quot'. This is all accurate and I have no idea why it does that.

 

Please help me. Here is the Dragon Artine Vorpal who has it: Clicky!

Edited by PootisLooti

Share this post


Link to post

I don't know if mods can change it once it's on the breed page, but you can probably fix those marks by resubmitting, and PM ruby/Infinis/yosofine to have it approved. The annoying quotation marks thing happens from time to time. dry.gif

 

Somber time

Arvella is employed by humans in a place grimly nicknamed the "death hospital", but she avoids describing it. Said location is a large room with rows of cots, some occupied by humans. This is where the gravely ill are sent when they can't be cured or a cure is unknown, and magic only briefly delays the inevitable. This is where they go to die. The smell is almost unbearable, the chorus of moaning can be deafening, and due to a fear of becoming sick themselves, most of the staff avoid this ward like, one might say, the plague. Arvella, the only draconic staff-person who frequents the death hospital, is not deterred by anything inside. She is immune to the diseases and has a safe-spell in effect in case, but she would be resigned to her fate should she become ill. Her job there is to drag out the corpses of those who die and calm the still-living. Her glow is a comforting sight to many patients, and even those who cannot see can feel her warm aura and become quiet for the night.
Edited by dirtytabs

Share this post


Link to post

I don't know what happened, but it was fixed. I wonder if a Moderator fixed it or it just went away by itself.

 

If, and I'm pretty sure this happened, a Moderator fixed it, I'm grateful. Artine is one of my favorite Dragons.>

 

EDIT: @SPS Then I have no idea what happened.

Edited by PootisLooti

Share this post


Link to post

Could not fit needed edits, so this is for you, owner of JANEdoe, a female Vampire:

 

Is the so super amazingly cute funny smart abusive sister of JONdoe

Comments: That sentence is not complete. You cannot use that many adjectives in a row. You can't say your dragon is abusive, I believe. Periods at ends of sentences. Could you say more? Maybe describe the dragon's personality further?

 

I'm really unsure about the "abusive" part. I don't think it could fit in with DC, but that might be just me. Especially since there's no context given, I think it should be removed.

Does anyone know for sure? Does anyone have any other edits?

Share this post


Link to post
Could not fit needed edits, so this is for you, owner of JANEdoe, a female Vampire:

 

 

Comments: That sentence is not complete. You cannot use that many adjectives in a row. You can't say your dragon is abusive, I believe. Periods at ends of sentences. Could you say more? Maybe describe the dragon's personality further?

 

I'm really unsure about the "abusive" part. I don't think it could fit in with DC, but that might be just me. Especially since there's no context given, I think it should be removed.

Does anyone know for sure? Does anyone have any other edits?

I'm fairly certain that's a joke description. If not, then you did the best toy could.>

Share this post


Link to post

I don't know if mods can change it once it's on the breed page, but you can probably fix those marks by resubmitting, and PM ruby/Infinis/yosofine to have it approved. The annoying quotation marks thing happens from time to time. dry.gif

 

Somber time

 

Arvella is employed by humans in a place grimly nicknamed the "death hospital", but she avoids describing it. Said location is a large room with rows of cots, some occupied by humans. This is where the gravely ill are sent when they can't be cured or a cure is unknown, and magic only briefly delays the inevitable. This is where they go to die. The smell is almost unbearable, the chorus of moaning can be deafening, and due to a fear of becoming sick themselves, most of the staff avoid this ward like, one might say, the plague. Arvella, the only draconic staff-person who frequents the death hospital, is not deterred by anything inside. She is immune to the diseases and has a safe-spell in effect in case, but she would be resigned to her fate should she become ill. Her job there is to drag out the corpses of those who die and calm the still-living. Her glow is a comforting sight to many patients, and even those who cannot see can feel her warm aura and become quiet for the night.

I love that description! It's very well written, for one, but it also has a unique take on how your dragon interacts with humans.

 

 

For a description of my own! This is one of the few I've written since all my descriptions were approved, and I'm burning to get feedback on it. While it's a reference to a game I don't expect everybody to have played, its last line contains a reference to that game that has become a widespread meme. If you spend any amount of time on the Internet, you've probably heard the last five words of the description....

 

It is well known that attempting to approach a Neglected Dragon is a questionable decision at best and can be fatal at worst. However, with careful study, many have found that Test Subject One can be placated with cake.

This Neglected has a host of interesting stories to tell, and only cake can wrest those stories from him. His tales center around his experiences since hatching. As a hatchling he awoke in some sort of strange vault, with only a computerized female voice for company and a futuristic item he calls a portal gun to help him make his way through a series of test chambers, whose only goal seemed to be trying increasingly harder to kill him.

If ever someone is unfortunate enough to approach Test Subject One without cake and lie about having it, their death is violent and quick.

There is nothing Test Subject One hates more than when the cake is a lie.

Edited by Sylph264

Share this post


Link to post

EEee! :D A huge huge thank you to whichever Mod(s) approved a lot of my descriptions! *applauds*

 

For a description of my own! This is one of the few I've written since all my descriptions were approved, and I'm burning to get feedback on it. While it's a reference to a game I don't expect everybody to have played, its last line contains a reference to that game that has become a widespread meme. If you spend any amount of time on the Internet, you've probably heard the last five words of the description....

 

-snip-

I've never played Portal but I recognized the reference. c: The only thing I'd change is "computerized female voice" to something like "disembodied female voice" or "sinister female voice" since DC is a medieval setting. "futuristic item" is okay, I think, because that could be interpreted as the dragon being strange in the head, which I can't imagine that there's a Neglected out there that's 100% sane. XD

Share this post


Link to post

EEee! biggrin.gif A huge huge thank you to whichever Mod(s) approved a lot of my descriptions! *applauds*

 

 

I've never played Portal but I recognized the reference. c: The only thing I'd change is "computerized female voice" to something like "disembodied female voice" or "sinister female voice" since DC is a medieval setting. "futuristic item" is okay, I think, because that could be interpreted as the dragon being strange in the head, which I can't imagine that there's a Neglected out there that's 100% sane. xd.png

Ahh, yes, I slipped with the computerized bit. I was thinking of the best word to describe the voice and I missed that, oh, hey, that doesn't fit. tongue.gif As for "futuristic item," I remembered the medieval setting for that and figured it'd be the best name a dragon from DC's setting would be able to create for a portal gun to describe it to others who hadn't seen it for themselves.

Thanks for the crits!

Edited by Sylph264

Share this post


Link to post

Here is the queue status for the day/night.

 

Approve: 9

Reject: 5

Abstain: 1

 

HIGHLIGHTS:

 

Daisfike had a heart of flame,

Protecting it was once his aim

When Zabmin stole it, he felt gray

Without it he was not the same

.

He sought it back, a drear cliche,

When he got close, she ran away

He thought he'd kill her, but that changed soon,

His anger faded more each day.

.

The chase became inopportune,

He felt he'd turned into a goon

As he was curling up in shame,

She gave it back neath two full moons.

 

Dis Dragin Doesn't said BLAHBLAHBLAH

I think that's a little Dracula reference. xd.png

 

Here are some of my Descriptions. Please give me crits as none of them have comments yet.

 

While she may have been very wild and eccentric during her youth, Quviny has since calmed down to be a very placid Dragon. However, this serene and soothing trait has also acted as an alluring charm. Whilst whiling the night away with some Nebula friends, she met Kxheuk Caubem, a magnificent flyer. He felt complete bliss around her, and she became devoted to him. Her mate constantly attempts to win races during the Dragon King Festival in her honor, but she is simply amused by these small acts of love. Despite her loyalty, she once birthed an egg from a dear childhood friend. This Dragon was unimaginably lonely, and desperately wished for a child. With Kxheuk's approval, she granted that wish, resulting in a kind, yet rebellious little Hatchling. Quviny and Kxheuk's love has since increased as her mate recognized the love she had inside her. This love is the second most envied in all of the Abyssal Wake of Eremorea.

 

This Dragon is a mechanic. Not just any mechanic though, as he fixes board games. A natural at it, in fact. Since the Spessartine is so good at what he does, he gets jobs from all over the region. However, it isn't his passion at all. His love is well, his love. His mate Xone Pafonon, has a very bad temper. She is never nice in the evenings. Hence, this mechanic must please her with gifts of rare board game pieces throughout the day. One might think that it isn't a very healthy relationship, but the two have had many children and still love to this day. This love has increased the amount of Dragon Mechanics in the area, so the region's villages are prospering. He was given the title of Mechanical Gem because of this increase. And despite all this, he absolutely stinks at board games. It's not even funny.

Thanks DT! Can't believe I missed that stuff.

Edited by PootisLooti

Share this post


Link to post

I love that description! It's very well written, for one, but it also has a unique take on how your dragon interacts with humans.

wub.gif

 

Here are some of my Descriptions. Please give me crits as none of them have comments yet.

 

I'd say "natural at it, in fact" and "evenings. Hence, this" for the second. Maybe mention what the increase is in (increase in tourism, increase in business...) because it sounds odd without.

Share this post


Link to post

I'm far too impatient to wait any longer for feedback on a description I recently wrote (I waited two weeks! Auuuugh) so now you all are going to be subjected to it. >:D This is for one of my CB female Golds, Tmerr- she's part of a very special lineage I started thanks to being gifted Persosmeri as a hatchling from angelicdragonpuppy. smile.gif Persosmeri, her mate Distant Sunglint, and her parents all have approved descriptions, so now I'm moving on to describing their children and Sunglint's parents.

Enjoy!

 

Though her beauty is like that of the stars, Tmerr's demeanor is not far from them either- cold and distant, she remained completely solitary for the first centuries of her life. That is not to say she is cruel. However, she spent those first centuries pursuing only a single task: killing humans.

Tmerr was orphaned before her wings grew in a savage attack by bandits hungering for Gold Dragon hides. Both her parents were murdered before her eyes, and their scales were hacked from their bodies and hauled away before she could move from hiding to intervene. Now Tmerr remembers little of her parents but their heartbreaking remains, stripped of all their dignity, and though it was the cause for her killing she kept thoughts of them from her mind. She remained emotionless in her slaughter. She was not without reason, however, and destroyed only those humans whose actions deserved death.

Though her childhood can't be restored, Tmerr has found greater reason to live in her love for her mate.

 

Note: If you have any crits, I'd probably need a bit of help implementing them- I've only got two more characters of space to work with!

Share this post


Link to post

I'd swap over 'wings grew' and 'savage attack' because as it stands now it sounds as though her wings grew in during the attack.

 

Now: Tmerr was orphaned before her wings grew in a savage attack by bandits hungering for Gold Dragon hides.

 

Suggested: Before her wings grew, Tmerr was orphaned in a savage attack by bandits hungering for Gold Dragon hides.

Share this post


Link to post

Since I'm having trouble shifting dragons, I decided to review -

 

Approved: 125

Rejected: 40

Abstained: 70

Share this post


Link to post

Hm... I think I'll help out too. Wouldn't mind going through some here and there smile.gif I'll sign them as LOTMC

Share this post


Link to post
Hm... I think I'll help out too. Wouldn't mind going through some here and there smile.gif I'll sign them as LOTMC

Do you by any chance know Moonchild? tongue.gif

 

 

Approve: 121

Abstain: 27

Reject: 18

Share this post


Link to post

Approve: 71

Reject: 43

Abstain: 30

 

I have seen a lot of it's for its out there these last two times.

Share this post


Link to post

I have seen a lot of it's for its out there these last two times.

I would like to compliment the one description that used its, its', and it's once each - guaranteed to be right in one instance, at least. tongue.gif

 

user posted image

Share this post


Link to post
I would like to compliment the one description that used its, its', and it's once each - guaranteed to be right in one instance, at least. tongue.gif

 

user posted image

I think I saw that one! xd.png

 

Love the cartoon. Did you draw that, Tabs?

(Ooh, and enjoyed your Lego dragon. laugh.gif )

Share this post


Link to post

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.