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Description Force!

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^^ I think the implications are pretty subtle (plus you have a description befitting a desipis), but the decision is up to the mods.

 

Tabs, I just reviewed your description for your Blacktip, Amphibiology. I want to meet her! Can I?

<3 She's going to steal your books when you're not looking. For learning purposes.

I like pointing out ambiguous syntax more than other people.

 

I'm not sure I understand. This is a little too complex, I guess. huh.gif

 

That is the sort of description I read carefully and cherish, then approve with no corrections because it's so artistic. Other than "esqe" -> "esque". Prose like that in a dragon description is rare.

 

There are a lot of "Contains out of dragon type behaviors and too many irrelevant details." in my pending descriptions nowadays, including one on Amphibology. :I

 

4 hours... approve:abstain:reject ratio about 7:3:4

Approve: 85

Abstain: 37

Reject: 24

Edited by dirtytabs

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I recently got a 'not-very-nice' abstain on one of the dragon descriptions that I had submitted a while back for one of my frills.

 

-snipped for length-

Hi! Welcome to the Descripforce thread and to description writing!

 

First, I know for a lot of people writing is more personal. Unfortunately, as DC's descriptions are currently moderated - both peer reviewed with the ultimate goal of a moderator making a final decision - it is hard to enter a description onto the site purely for the reason of writing for your own joy. If what you want is just to personally write stories/personalities for your dragon, I suggest that you keep those in a personal word/text document rather than submitting them to the site. If we one day get auto-approval, you could then feel free to attach those personal descriptions to your dragons without having to see any user comments on them.

 

Now, I would like to address the review you got.

 

That review was not a personal attack. A personal attack would have been things such as "this description sucks" or "why are you even writing" or "this was boring" (note: I am not saying any of that, those are pure made up example). As well, the reviewer did add in constructive criticism.

 

They said: "It's a bit short. How does his master feel about him? Does he have any specific friends? You should use the default Dragon Description some more."

"It's a bit short" is the criticism they had. "How does his master feel about him? Does he have any specific friends? You should use the default Dragon Description some more." are all constructive suggestions that the reviewer gave to give you an idea of more things you could write about. The reviewer would not have asked you these questions if they didn't want to get to know the answers! They are interested in what you have to say - and that seems like quite a positive thing to me.

 

Every reviewer has their own style. Some abstain when they really just aren't sure what the final call should be. Some abstain when they provide any concrit or corrections at all. Some abstain when making their corrections/suggestions would mean they would give you an automatic approval. Some abstain because they do not like rejecting.

 

I cannot speak for PL, but I would say that they probably abstained either because they provided some suggestions for you or because if you made their suggestions, they would accept your description.

 

Reviewers also have a very limited space to work with. They have very few characters. A lot of people would like to point out both positives and negatives and just simply don't have the room to do so. They know that if they forgo room and only put positives, then perhaps the description won't be approved by a mod, so they go ahead and go for negatives or even just neutral suggestions on how to improve the suggestion (which is honestly what I would personally label the comments you got: I would label negatives as mistakes or things that break the guidelines).

This space issue is also why a lot of people only leave initials, rather than full names. And people like to leave initials because they review a lot of descriptions and will often review multiple descriptions from one user. Leaving their initials means: that user can see that hey! this one cool reviewer helped review many of their descriptions or if that user is a forum member, they can leave their questions or even thanks for the comment that was left.

 

Also, keep in mind that user reviews are all suggestions. That review you were left? It is pure preference - that is a reviewer who enjoys longer descriptions. You do not have to make any of them if you do not want to or you disagree with them. The only review that has any actual standing on your description is one by a mod, such as myself.

 

Finally, I will say that your description is approveable as is (although I would change the "though" in the last sentence to "however" so it is not a fragment). So if you wish to keep the description up and I ever get around to descriptions, it would be accepted.

 

I'm sorry that you found your first foray into descriptions, one of the few customizable features of DC, so negative that you absolutely do not want to try it again. DC is full of so many wonderful people. I'm sure if you leave your description up, you'll get some good comments and some accepts. I will be honest here and say that the worst thing about descriptions right now is that there are very few of us able to moderate descriptions, much less have the time and energy recently, and there are 16 thousand descriptions waiting to be moderated. The worst experience is the waiting, IMHO.

 

But I do hope that you give things a second chance. ^^

 

EDIT: I see that you have deleted your post, so I am deleting your name from my quote. However, I'm going to leave this post up in case you check back. I hate to think of you sitting there in upset and disappointment, not if I can help explain and hopefully help you feel better.

Edited by SockPuppet Strangler

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Babbages loves Cabbages, this is well known.

Thanks.

 

I also wrote one I'm pretty happy with...

A Very Orange Wormy considers himself to be one of the wisest Mageia Xenowyrms in existence. His job in the cave is to teach the little bubbly little hatchlings the ways of the world of Valkemare. He believes it to be a degrading job, as he claims that "one of his intelligence level should not be forced to teach annoying little hatchlings how to fly and hunt." Because of his job, he despises all hatchlings, and absolutely LOATHES all those who mock his name. A Very Orange Wormy spends most of his free time writing in the sand with the end of his tail. Whether what he writes is love letters, poems, journals, or anything, no one can say, as he lashes out at anyone who dares near his writing.

Thoughts?

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Hm, "dares approach his writing"? Or "dares get near his writing"? Uh, his name strikes fear in the hearts of others. Very important and very scary.

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Wrote this up ready for when one of my Radiant Angels grows up... thoughts? It's all looking into what he believes, not what is truth.

 

  This dragon does not know his identity. As far as he is concerned, he is just another dispensable messenger from some great divine providence. Surely his beautiful exterior is just a shell of gold, marble and gems to conceal a hideous interior, raw flesh, eyes placed where they don't belong - just to make him palatable to the foolish inhabitants of Valkemare. Indeed, he holds total and utter contempt towards them all. Filthy, brainwashed sheep, convinced that they can handle themselves and their destinies... Placing meanings on what they don't understand. The sheep has him and his kin pinned under the belief that they resemble the 'essence of love'. Poor, sappy midgets, if only they understood what must really lie beneath. Love is blue, he believes. And he is really a being from their deepest fears. But he'd put up with this... One day, he'd be able to claim their souls for the providence...

 

ive been seeing too much Bayonetta lately

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*reviews descriptions and signs with PL but was never aware of this thread*

Hiya! I love reviewing, so I'll keep my tally up. Thanks!» biggrin.gif

 

Edit:

Accept: 4

Abstain: 0

Reject: 2

 

@wyvy I love the dark side of the Radiant Angel. And somehow I never thought of a simile in a description (plans to use one now in next description). Sorry that I can't provide any constructive criticism.

Edited by PootisLooti

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Wrote this up ready for when one of my Radiant Angels grows up... thoughts? It's all looking into what he believes, not what is truth.

 

  This dragon does not know his identity. As far as he is concerned, he is just another dispensable messenger from some great divine providence. Surely his beautiful exterior is just a shell of gold, marble and gems to conceal a hideous interior, raw flesh, eyes placed where they don't belong - just to make him palatable to the foolish inhabitants of Valkemare. Indeed, he holds total and utter contempt towards them all. Filthy, brainwashed sheep, convinced that they can handle themselves and their destinies... Placing meanings on what they don't understand. The sheep has him and his kin pinned under the belief that they resemble the 'essence of love'. Poor, sappy midgets, if only they understood what must really lie beneath. Love is blue, he believes. And he is really a being from their deepest fears. But he'd put up with this... One day, he'd be able to claim their souls for the providence...

 

ive been seeing too much Bayonetta lately

Looks pretty good to me!

________________________________________________________________________________

 

omg I had forgotten this thread existed... I got busy over the summer and never started checking DC regularly again. I'm so sorry. >.<

 

i'll go check what i missed now

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OKAY, people who never got added to the second post after saying what their comment signature was have now been added. Herk and Dimar are bad at responsibility.

 

Made a banner. Feel free to chuck it into your signature.

 

user posted image

 

[url=https://forums.dragcave.net/index.php?showtopic=158360][img=https://i.imgur.com/bUnHI7R.png][/url]

Thank you so much for this! I've added it to the first post; sorry about being so late. smile.gif

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Finished a Description for Lin Lescude-Vincent. Please give constructive feedback. wub.gif It's greatly appreciated.

This Wyvern, a beast, is the Official Caretaker of the Abyssal Wake. She serves to bring out the greatness in the Wake. As she was one of the Six original Dragons to be raised by Looti, she was greatly obsessed with his ambition for power. Dreaming of a Dragon Army isn't her only pastime however. She searches the various mines in the Wake for metals to melt. She serves the melted substances to the baby Hatchlings that she protects. The dragons she cared for are well know for being strong and have a metallic vibe to them. Her mate, Vijan, an ex-soldier Tri-Horn Wyvern, is often away looking for family in the mountains of Valkemare. Every time he comes home though, she attempts to mate with him. This behavior was most likely a result of being raised by the Owner himself. From time to time, she attempts to eat a Hatchling, but is always stopped by the Healer, Gauri. She spends most of her time with a little Hatchling named Embracious, who loves to climb around her flaming body. Hatchies..

I reached maximum 1000 characters, so I can't put a final period at the end.

 

EDIT: Here is another description for one of my first Six Dragons. His name is Kxheuk Cabem. He is the Lord of the Skies and a personal mount. wub.gif

One of the Six original Dragons raised by Looti, this beast is the Lord of the Skies. Loot uses this Dragon as his personal Ride, often to deliver eggs and packages to fellow Dragon Tamers. Kxheuk loves to participate in the Dragon King Festival. There, he can show off his speed and mingle with other fast-wingers. Kxheuk was named so because the first time he saw a Human Child, it called him "throat." Kxheuk Cabem loved the ring to it, but Looti couldn't possibly name his Dragon "Throat." It simply wasn't done. Instead, he had the name translated into Saurian. This was much more pleasurable than a mere body part. Kxheuk in no way minded, he just simply wanted a name. At night in the Abyssal Wake, one can spot Royal Blues and Nebulas flying. While flying freely one evening, Kxheuk laid his eyes on a beautiful Royal Blue, Quviny Vawks. He flew down to join her, resulting in a romantic relationship, the second most envied of the Wake. At the Dragon King Festival, he strives to impress.

 

EDIT #2: Yet another Description for my Six original. Meet Gauri Heigan.

Healer, peaceful, blah blah blah. Gauri is all of these things, but rather hates it. He in fact loves interior design. Whenever a new Dragon moves in, he orders the Abyssal Mining team to drill a hole in the Wake. Gauri takes all of the qualities of the Dragon breed and designs custom furniture pieces to make the holes feel more like homes. This White is one of the Six original Dragons raised by Looti himself. Heigan was always disappointed with his master's lack of care for details, so he strived to be the opposite. This has won him the favorable choice as a mate among many of the females, but he always turns them down. Yearning for a model of pure beauty is what drives him to be so rejective. Nevertheless, he is quite friendly. He gently critiques his apprentice, Blusmolder, whenever he helps to serve his master. Blusmolder has quite the attention to detail, which drew Gauri into selecting him. Always the lavish one, Gauri trademarks his lines under the phrase "White is Key.
Edited by PootisLooti

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PootisLooti, those look great to me! The only things that could perhaps be edited is that you have random nouns capitalized when they don't need to be, such as "Hatchling" and "Dragon" and "Human Child" when they're not used in a title. That's not a huge deal though, and could be chalked up to stylistic writing if the rest of your descriptions are written the same way (I wouldn't completely reject them for that). happy.gif

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PootisLooti, those look great to me! The only things that could perhaps be edited is that you have random nouns capitalized when they don't need to be, such as "Hatchling" and "Dragon" and "Human Child" when they're not used in a title. That's not a huge deal though, and could be chalked up to stylistic writing if the rest of your descriptions are written the same way (I wouldn't completely reject them for that). happy.gif

Yeah. I have those Nouns capitalized throughout my Descriptions. That is how I typically keep it! Thanks for the response though! biggrin.gif

 

EDIT: And finally, I present to you the final description for my Six original Dragons! Zunei Tuftak

No one in Zunei's home gleams brighter than him. This is mostly due to the fact that he is a loner. A sad, little loner. However, this doesn't stop him from hunting. It's his passion, his reason for living. His outings typically start at eight in the afternoon and end... whenever he feels like it. He, unlike the other original Six, doesn't have a Hatchie apprentice. Yeah. A loner. Despite this, he is excellent at hunting deer. Zunei swiftly sweeps up a deer with his claws by the antlers and then chokes it with his tail, leaving it mainly unscathed. He then eats everything except the hooves and antlers to keep as trophies. As he is the last of the Six original Dragons raised by Looti, he is pampered to no extent. Whenever he has his house remodeled, he insists on Gauri, the interior designer, to use his hooves and antlers in his furniture and decoration. Zunei really is a sick loner. Disgusting...
Edited by PootisLooti

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Um, I hope I am doing the right thing by posting this here:

 

When Lu-Yin first hatched from her egg, she saw the majestic black alt, and she swore that when she grows up, all her children will be alts. If, however, her children are not alts, she will disown them. Lu-Yin is a very independent dragon, and she enjoys watching hatchlings play. Her mate, Ryuusuke, does all the hunting for her. Despite the hostile nature of Ryuusuke, Lu-Yin is a very caring mother, but to alts. Lu-Yin manages to keep a stable relationship with Ryuusuke, even though both dragons are a lot unalike.

 

Also, about how long does it take to approve a description? I've waited a week. Only two people pressed the Accept button.

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Um, I hope I am doing the right thing by posting this here:

 

When Lu-Yin first hatched from her egg, she saw the majestic black alt, and she swore that when she grows up, all her children will be alts. If, however, her children are not alts, she will disown them. Lu-Yin is a very independent dragon, and she enjoys watching hatchlings play. Her mate, Ryuusuke, does all the hunting for her. Despite the hostile nature of Ryuusuke, Lu-Yin is a very caring mother, but to alts. Lu-Yin manages to keep a stable relationship with Ryuusuke, even though both dragons are a lot unalike.

 

Also, about how long does it take to approve a description? I've waited a week. Only two people pressed the Accept button.

Hiya! Nice description! Only a few errors that I saw!

Here they are:

  • In "and she swore that when she grows up," "grows" should be changed to 'grew.'
  • In "but to alts," it should be 'but only to alts.'
That's it! Oh, and the Mods have a GIANT queue, so you may have to PM them to get a bulk done.

 

EDIT: Oh yeah! Thanks Dimar for pointing that out. All fixed now. biggrin.gif

Edited by PootisLooti

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Yeah, unfortunately it can take ages for a description to be officially published by a mod... there's way too many submissions for them to reasonably handle at the moment. I'm ashamed to say that I haven't done any reviewing in far too long myself. >.<

 

Also, I think PootisLooti typo'ed an extra apostrophe in "but only to alts". Don't let that confuse you - just stick the word "only" in there! Your first two sentences also have a LOT of commas and that makes them rather choppy to read. I'd suggest getting rid of a few like this:

 

When Lu-Yin first hatched from her egg, she saw the majestic black alt and swore that when she grew up then all her children would be alts. However, if her children are not alts, she will disown them.

The bolded words are small grammar corrections, one of which PL noted already. smile.gif

Edited by Dimar

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Hey everybody! I got a reject (commentless, of course) on this description so I'd like to run it by you all to see if there's something I need to fix. It's for a female Ridgewing named Z'ohno, and her description was inspired by her successful revival last Halloween. Bwahaha.

 

Z'onho shuddered and jerked, air pouring into her lungs. She gasped, trying to roll to her feet, but she was too weak to stand. Something had happened... something terrible. She shook her head, mind strangely fogged, as she tried to remember. Memory eluded her, and she laid her head on the ground. Perhaps sleep would help...

Nightmares flashed in her mind. Shining blades, dark incantations, smoke, evil- humans.

Z'ohho awoke in a panic, memories flooding back. She'd been killed and revived. She had survived death. She pawed at her chest where the knife had struck into her heart, shuddering with horror. She remembered how it felt- the hot agony of her heart shredding itself on the knife, beating faster and faster as she died... She collapsed into a quivering pile, keening her distress for all the world to know.

Z'onho would never be the same.

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Yeah, unfortunately it can take ages for a description to be officially published by a mod... there's way too many submissions for them to reasonably handle at the moment.

Haha, yeah. >_>

 

So sorry about the wait, all. I think some people have been waiting for more than a year now. The queue is up to 16.5k dragons. I would like to tackle some of the queue tomorrow, but I'm in my last semester of my Masters' and am pretty busy, so I know I can't make it regular enough to defeat the queue. Sorry. D:

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Haha, yeah. >_>

 

So sorry about the wait, all. I think some people have been waiting for more than a year now. The queue is up to 16.5k dragons. I would like to tackle some of the queue tomorrow, but I'm in my last semester of my Masters' and am pretty busy, so I know I can't make it regular enough to defeat the queue. Sorry. D:

Oh Socky, there's no need to apologize! Focusing on your degree is much more important, and it would take a miracle for anyone to keep up with the volume all the time. We'll survive with the wait. x3

 

Hey everybody! I got a reject (commentless, of course) on this description so I'd like to run it by you all to see if there's something I need to fix. It's for a female Ridgewing named Z'ohno, and her description was inspired by her successful revival last Halloween. Bwahaha.

 

I don't see any glaring problems with the description! I think it was just another attack of the Random Rejecter. Or they're the type of person who's bothered by killing pixel dragons for zombies.

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(.....) The clan is situated quite far north, so in the summer, the sun never goes far enough below the horizon at the end of the day for its light to completely go away. The closest to night there is is twilight, not true night. During summer, Laccase's excuse of choice for skipping work or procrastinating is "I'll do it tonight".

 

Abstain: The bit about the day and night doesn't seem terribly relevant: does that affect the dragon itself in any way?

 

Er. How can I better explain that the excuse at the end is related to there not being a "tonight"?

 

 

It's been a good couple hours.

Approve: 38

Abstain: 17

Reject: 5

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So sorry about the wait, all. I think some people have been waiting for more than a year now. The queue is up to 16.5k dragons. I would like to tackle some of the queue tomorrow, but I'm in my last semester of my Masters' and am pretty busy, so I know I can't make it regular enough to defeat the queue. Sorry. D:

For my Dragon Artine Vorpal, a Moderator approved the description. I was so happy! I went to the actions page on him to breed, but I accidentally clicked "Describe." This erased the description from the page. Ah well. Hey Socky! Finish that semester! I may write a description on that.

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These ones were written up over the course of a fortnight or thereabouts. Already got some approvals on them, but just want to run them all past here just in case!

 

  Caeda used to be the princess of Talys. When Marth first sought shelter within this island kingdom, she became fast friends with him and later, best friends. To the point that when Marth finally went to war to reclaim his kingdom, she insisted on fighting alongside him and continued to do so thereafter. Following Medeus' second defeat, Caeda and Marth went on to become husband and wife, King and Queen of Altea.

  Caeda proved to be a superbly positive influence on Altean wyvern life - an oppressed race struggling to thrive in a kingdom built for Westerns. She expertly wields her Wing Spear, the weapon that carried her through all these battles. And while her spouse has since developed a narcissistic personality, suffering from vivid flashbacks, hallucinations and outbursts of rage taken out on inanimate objects (and rarely, Gowdali), Caeda still loves him dearly and works her hardest to keep both her life and Altean life running smoothly, keeping her own troubles mostly withheld.

 

  Dauntae is a hunter. Not for survival - for revenge, and he has fun doing it. During one dark night his twin brother was lost one way or another - with blame to be laid on Caligenes, Marrows, Lurkers and the like. All these species Dauntae actively hunts down, claiming all sorts of carves from their corpses to display proudly in his rickety wooden abode.

  He claims to have survived impalement at the hands of his foes a number of times. Though while some of his stunning scales appear marred in places, there's no direct evidence to back up this outrageous assertion.

  Dauntae is very much a flirter, but he doesn't have much luck with the ladies. In a similar vein, he never got along well with his brother, leading to an intense rivalry and numerous fights. They hated each other. Yet following the brother's apparent death, standing next to an ally, Dauntae made a claim that it was 'just the rain'; he couldn't care less.

  To which his ally simply responded that:

  'Even a dragon may cry.'

 

  A leather cowl covering her neck and face, a rather oversized sword belt holding the scabbard to a large, poisoned dagger, feet and tail wrapped in sound-deadening canvas. Drilacy is an assassin, an Archanean native but hired all over Valkemare. As her species is nocturnal, she uses this very much to her advantage - using the cover of darkness to study her prey, to find openings, all part of the buildup to the kill out of nowhere. Her weapon of choice is her natural one: her tail. Once a scratch is delivered, she flees. The dagger merely serves as self defence.

  She lives an unhealthy lifestyle, as evidenced by her dulled colours, underweight build and near-transparent wings. She loves the poison in her dagger, chewing it whenever she feels the urge. Surely it can't hurt her - she built an immunity to it. Her job is ugly, but she is paid so well. She has a record of such great targets hunted down, she finds the thrill of the chase addictive. Conflict is a drug, to her - she can't stop.

 

  Yamoh is a notoriously seedy dragon. Lurking around Altea's skid row pub, he plays rowdy games with other dragons into the early hours, until he's either too exhausted or too inebriated to continue. As a vagrant, he has a habit of betting - the very habit that led to his loss of a home - and continues to make a shoestring living through gambling.

  While most of the dragons he mingles with welcome him, Yamoh has a reputation for being a rude, foul-mouthed knave prone to outbursts of violence. It's probably this very behaviour that leads to his acceptance: unpredictability riles the scoundrels up, to the point of egging on fights between Yamoh and others - with the winner being paid just enough to maybe scrape him through the next day.

  The proper dragons of Altea look down on Yamoh and his 'friends' with disdain, for all they see are unhealthy dragons with bad teeth, dreadful manners, all manner of offences committed and a sad, sad 'life' to lead.

 

  Rivus is one of the scattered Dolhr dragons, who had been living out a quiet enough life in seclusion until she received a message from an individual operating incognito, instructing a meetup and marked with the Dolhr's sign. She showed up at the designated area - to meet up with Tabo and Cadifor, both leaders under Medeus' command.

  Once she had been informed of her new role and had moved to the Dolhr base, Rivus began to put her exiguous resources to use: learning to wrangle exceptionally aggressive beasts. She was training to be the lock holding the key to a secret weapon that, once unleashed, as short-lived as it may end up being, would wreak absolute havoc amongst enemy forces and disorganise them - even lay some to waste.

  This weapon, Rivus was told, was kept trapped in a small area of land. A Flamingo Wyvern under the alias of 'Blood Stained Blades', a beast with such lack of a heart, it would rip to shreds friend and foe alike.

 

  Padri'ghi lives in a shabby, literally half-burnt lodge hidden somewhere in the arid, forested mountains of Archanea. She is a self-proclaimed biologist and, according to the state of her home, somewhat of a hoarder - one wall is lined with jars containing specimens ranging from insects to fish to dragon embryos. Skulls, vertebrae and skins lie wherever they fit, whether it be on tables, shelves or walls alike. Living creatures of wild assortments lurk within chipped terrariums wedged between assorted osteological specimens. Fully articulated skeletons - including those of dragons - gather dust as they stand in powerful poses. And hanging from the ceiling, a Night Glory Drake locked within a cage.

  Padri'ghi seldom sees other dragons unless she herself sets on out to find them. The few who have been allowed to view her collection ask how she reconstructs such magnificent skeletons with just her talons and teeth: practice, Padri'ghi says.

 

  Tataura is a long-time Dolhr dragon, operating under Tabo's command while basically just being her own leader. Once she's given her goal, she will accomplish that goal in whatever particular way she deems most efficient. Her weapon is a large, double ended spear, two-quarters covered in steel forming points on either end. This steel is infused with a magic that allows it to catch fire and burn without consequences - while other fires work well, Tataura prefers to set it alight herself, minacious azure whirls blazing in both terrifying and hypnotising patterns.

  Depending on who her opponent is, Tataura's fighting style varies accordingly. But once a weakness shows, she rushes in no-holds-barred, overpowering as fast as she can tear a wing with her talons. Screeches and howls from her fanged jaws seem to fuel the fires on her armament of red-hot metal, a fireball of fury, bloodied claws and what might as well be the face of death itself: the last sight a target may ever witness.

 

  Forctis is considered Altea's best jeweller, crafting quality work - for a price. His blue flames, carefully controlled over metal or glass, are skilfully worked alongside his delicate paws and instruments specified for certain tasks to form intricate pieces. It's not just metal and glass he works with, either - gemstones, wood he can burn careful patterns and images into, and he implements many natural pieces into his work. Beetle shells are especially popular - he just loves working the things into whatever he can think of. Necklaces, piercings, headwear, you name it, he has at least a dozen designs for each.

  Creating is Forctis' passion. Most of the day, from early morning to late evening, one can pass by and look through the open window to his small stone workshop to see a gentle blue glow and a dragon earnestly working on his next commission, design or just something for fun. As time goes on, he makes increasingly numerous small sculptures as well.

 

  Crocodylus acinosus, along with his brother C. similis, were first gathered as eggs straight from an unattended nest by an amateur herpetologist. As a result of said amateurism, the brothers were completely misnamed - at least, placed in the wrong genus. They were eventually released once their abrasive personalities proved too much trouble to handle, and long since parted ways.

  C. acinosus lives in a broad lake in the middle of the densest forest he could find. Within the first year of him moving there, word spread fast to go to every possible length to stay away from that place once the weather began to warm - not because its infamous inhabitant was out to hunt everything he could, but because he'd persistently try to pair up both himself and other dragons. Once C. acinosus noticed the decline in local activity, he developed the habit of wandering far from the lake in search of others - thus missing the subsequent hustle of dragons gathering what they could before he returned.

 

  Now taking over Malledus' position as Marth's tactician, Zeihan is one of very few Altean Xenowyrms, since the kingdom is not structured for a wyrm's way of life. Zeihan is endowed with a magnificent, detailed cape, embellished with the Time mana's symbol and golden tassels, on his head a tall and magnificent metal ornament locked around his horns, a single platinum piercing near his ear. For warfare, he decks his tail out in a series of articulated metal loops and thorny chains ending with a whip.

  His most important skill is his natural ability to manipulate time. On the battlefield, since he can't manipulate it for an entire army, he simply adjusts his own perception and scopes out the opposing army in what seems like seconds to onlookers - he'll be back at Marth's side in moments, giving him thorough details on as many technicalities as possible - an immense advantage before a fight even breaks out.

 

It's... rather a few ^^;;

Edited by rampaging wyvern

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Seeing this thread gave me the Force, so I clicked the infamous link and bam:

this is a green dragin she co stars on Morgan Freemans free the dragin dragin podcast along with 666DaSatin who works back stage (joke description)

 

 

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Couldn't comment all of the edits needed, so here you go, owner of "king of the hell", a Duotone:

 

He is The Evil Ancestor of the powerfull  Magma Dragon which battled him afterhe was defeated he created HELL and sealed away all the powerfull dragons after that he is living still in hell as a king

Comments: "The Evil Ancestor" -> "the evil ancestor", "powerfull" -> "powerful" both times, period after "him", "HELL" -> "hell/Hell". Change last sentence to either "After that, he lived in hell as a king." or "He is still living in hell as a king.". Change "which battled him" to "that battled him".

 

2 headed dragons cannot breed with one-headed dragons, so how could this dragon be the Magma's ancestor?

Your dragon seems overpowered. This description might fit better on something like an Avatar of Destruction, as Duotones are not this destructive.

Also, why did the Magma fight him?

 

Here is the edited version (fixed spelling, capitalization, and grammar)

He is the evil ancestor of the powerful Magma Dragon that battled him. After he was defeated, he created hell, and sealed away all the powerful dragons. After that, he lived in hell as a king.

 

Any other crits? How could the scroll owner make the dragon less overpowered?

 

EDIT: Lizzyluna, I've seen some of those joke descriptions too. There's a lot of them.

EDIT 2: Grammatical error in a grammar correction post.

Edited by Meg_752

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I recently wrote a description for a White Hatchling named "Hickory Dickory." I wasn't trying to be very literate, just a little 'joke dexcription' of mine.

 

user posted imageHickory Dickory

"Hickory Dickory Dock. This Dragon went up the clock. The clock struck one, this Dragon came down. Hickory Dickory Dock." This White Hatchling has forever thought it was a mouse. It never interacts with the other Dragons in the Abyssal Wake. It simply climbs up the old birch grandfather clock the master salvaged from a wreck at one o'clock each day. Only the master knows where it came from. All of the other Dragons have no idea. Hickory Dickory Dock.

Any crits are welcome. Oh, and by the way. Meg, I think you've done everything you can to that description.

 

PootisLooti>

 

EDIT: It has 3 Accepts without comments. I'm aware of a few grammatical issues, but I'm unsure if I should fix them or not.

Edited by PootisLooti

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It's cute, PootisLooti, but it sounds vaguely as though the wreck was salvaged at one o'clock every day rather than the dragon climbing the clock at one o'clock!

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It's cute, PootisLooti, but it sounds vaguely as though the wreck was salvaged at one o'clock every day rather than the dragon climbing the clock at one o'clock!

Yes, I realized that when I first submit it. I suppose if other people recognized it, I should best edit it.

 

Thanks Lagie.>

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