Jump to content
Descripforce

Description Force!

Recommended Posts

Yeah, I think Viking is a bit too lore-breaking and it's also rather the opposite of what your group does. Real Vikings did the plundering, while yours protect from pirates.

 

Hmm, I can't say that I have great ideas for a different name. I might call them the Gauntlet, as that seems to inspire the idea of a powerful wall of defense. There's that military punishment called the Gauntlet where the offender runs between a row of soldiers who beat them with sticks. So your guys would be beating the pirates.

 

Besides that... hmm, I'll edit this post if I get other ideas. Maybe someone else has an opinion too.

Edited by Dimar

Share this post


Link to post

Yeah, that was my secondary thought with the name "Vikings". The Gauntlet...I actually like that a lot! In that case, their description would read as follows:

 

"The Gauntlet is dedicated to sending out dragons trained for battle on vulnerable ships, especially those belonging to merchants. Brutal and unforgiving, these dragons are expected to destroy pirate ships that come too close to their charges. They are encouraged to bring the pirate captains back alive, but most are content to let the entire crew drown. Gauntlet soldiers are incredibly loyal and only answer to the leader of their camp."

 

Would that work?

Share this post


Link to post

That looks great to me, Az. *salutes*

 

(ehhhh I feel bad when I post too many times on one page x.x)

Share this post


Link to post

Has Pokegirl been on IRC lately? If so, can someone ask her to check her forum PMs, please. =3

 

(Using mobile hotspot during weekdays, and IRC would eat through my data really quickly!)

Share this post


Link to post
Has Pokegirl been on IRC lately? If so, can someone ask her to check her forum PMs, please. =3

 

(Using mobile hotspot during weekdays, and IRC would eat through my data really quickly!)

I've seen her on the irc a while (couple of days) ago. She's not on right now, but if she gets on, me or Dimar will tell her <3

 

BTW - Since you don't answer your pms tongue.gif Would you like the Sunstone as "yours"?

Share this post


Link to post

I was going to look at my submitted descriptions for comments and found they've all been accepted. Thanks!

 

Also, Weird Al and orthography together... <3

Share this post


Link to post

Zenntrixia fled the dragon hunters, stopping only when the chill of the night and severity of her injuries forced her to land in a clearing. At dawn, she awoke to the smell of the hunters surrounding her and the ache of wings too tired to fly. Still, she refused to surrender and fought until her spells failed and her strength fled.

Just as the sword dropped to claim her life, the vines that covered the clearing shifted and she fell into a pit.

Zenntrixia only vaguely remembers the next few weeks as wound fever set in and the Vine Dragon, Beta Trap, tended her, coaxing her to eat and defending her against the hunters and the perils of the forest. Thinking it was all a convoluted trap, she fled as soon as she was able.

She returned when she heard of the hunters going after a vicious Vine Dragon that had been caught out of the safety of his lair, roaming the forest with his vines hopelessly tangled behind him. She defended him as he once defended her and stayed with him when he asked.

 

 

Accept: I#m tempted to refuse bcause of the Vine's behaviour. But this is well written, so I just assume mating season... -H

 

 

Is this to far out of whack for a vine? I had this already written and waiting to be approved for a few months already and just a singular grammar fault that made me fix and resubmit. I had a reject on the previous one for not going into her back story and everything, but I hope her personality shows through.

 

And this is the pending description for Beta Trap, the dragon that saved her.

 

Beta Trap is a clever yet vicious dragon, named after his delight in setting convoluted traps with his vines to ensnare prey. His first and most obvious trap is just a means to get his unfortunate victim to come near, bringing them into position for the even more deadly secondary trap. Beta Trap has been known to tease his prey by letting them 'escape' only to have a well placed pit, dug and covered in vines, ready to catch them on the path out.

 

Should I tweak the Black dragons description? If you look at them both together I think the vines motives show and are true to the vine persona.

Share this post


Link to post

Rather, they burrow underground and get nutrients from their vines. These vines are sometimes referred to as Dragon Grass. These dragons are very violent, and will use their vines to capture, kill, and eat anything that moves, as well as nearby plants. Luckily, their range is limited and they cannot use magic. Dark green dragons tend to be easy to spot since they usually kill all plants around them and thus are usually surrounded by a large clearing.

It's a little off the breed as your vine seems to be quite mobile, while vines aren't, but writing-wise, it's fine.

Share this post


Link to post

 

Is this to far out of whack for a vine? I had this already written and waiting to be approved for a few months already and just a singular grammar fault that made me fix and resubmit. I had a reject on the previous one for not going into her back story and everything, but I hope her personality shows through.

 

And this is the pending description for Beta Trap, the dragon that saved her.

 

 

 

Should I tweak the Black dragons description? If you look at them both together I think the vines motives show and are true to the vine persona.

That comment was me tjsweeper.

I apologise, it was after a really bad row of nice and cuddly to slightly grumpy Vine dragons, so a Vine defending another dragon rose all kind of alarm bells. Although of course even a Vine would let a potential mate live, we need more little Vines after all. I was very afraid that the Vine might be a "defender of the unjustly persecuted" or something, which seeing the Vine's description itself he obviously isn't. The Black's description is in itself fine smile.gif

Share this post


Link to post

I did change the Black's description a bit as Lagie pointed out, Vine's are not mobile.

 

Zenntrixia fled the dragon hunters, stopping only when the chill of the night and severity of her injuries forced her to land in a clearing. At dawn, she awoke to the smell of hunters surrounding her and the ache of wings too tired to fly. Still, she refused to surrender and fought until her spells failed and her strength fled.

Just as the sword dropped to claim her life, the vines that covered the clearing shifted and she fell into a pit.

Zenntrixia only vaguely remembers the next few weeks as wound fever set in and the Vine Dragon, Beta Trap, tended her, coaxing her to eat and defending her against the hunters and the perils of the forest. Thinking it was all a convoluted trap, she fled as soon as she was able.

The smell of smoke brought her back, the hunters having set fire to the clearing the Vine had made and trapping him in his own lair. The flames charring his vines as she battled the hunters back with a ferocity she had never had before.

 

 

The Tale will continue with the White Dragon that is called upon the heal the Vine.

 

P.S lol lagie and your head desk, it was the first comment on the Blacks new description.

Share this post


Link to post

Have Some Tea is actually very good at making tea. He also likes sharing it, so he often invites friends over to his cave. One of his favourite types is Rose-hip tea. He likes people who pay attention to details and enjoys puzzles where the answer is right there, you just have to find it. His mate for life is My name is Cookie who shares his views on attentive people. Together, they often reward these people with eggs. My name is Cookie is an excellent cook and she often makes cookies to serve with his tea.

Have Some Tea

 

My name is Cookie was named for her love of making cookies. She often gives them to the guests who come for Have Some Tea's tea. One time, she felt really sorry for a person who didn't have any orange coppers, and only one brown copper, so she mated with ShineyFly to give the poor person an egg. Since then, she saw Have Some Tea and fell in love with him. He is now her mate for life. She likes people who are observant, and together with Have Some Tea she often rewards them with eggs.

My name is Cookie

 

 

 

What do you think of them?

Share this post


Link to post

They look pretty good to me! Just a couple of things I would change:

 

On the first one, "rose hip" is usually two separate words without a hyphen and both words lowercased. I would also add a conjunction to the fourth sentence, like "...right there, and you just..."

 

For both, I would capitalize the female's name like "My Name is Cookie". Even though "name" isn't capitalized on her official name, in a narrative/description form like this it'd be nicer (and more correct!) to have it capitalized.

Share this post


Link to post
P.S lol lagie and your head desk, it was the first comment on the Blacks new description.

xd.png

 

Totally agree with Dimar on the tweaks! smile.gif (That uncapitalized 'Name' threw me for a loop the second time I saw it.)

Share this post


Link to post

Hello all... so I've been meaning to make a description for a while (this is the first one I've actually asked some people about, the other ones I just wiped), and I did about, oh, a month ago? It's for a dragon I have called Caitlyn III. Her name isn't the important part- more so, I based it off of her lineage, because her family sounds... well... anti-religious, but I didn't want to use a real religion, so I decided to use a DC religion thing. Here it is.

Caitlyn. Born mute in a family that is dark-hearted and cruel, and that worships 90JT, a creature of pure evil. They chant in frightening ways, host unholy rituals, and sacrifice their enemies. Caitlyn had always tried to join in as best she could, but her efforts were always rather pitiful, as she is timid, gentle, calm, and kind and is unable to speak. That night, when she was to be judged whether or not she was worthy of 90JT, she was rejected, once and for all, by the dark god himself. Caitlyn had to flee, leaving behind the dark fires of her family's ancestral home forever, barely escaping with her life. But. Even when she had tried everything she could to appease 90JT, even when silently and sorrowfully hating that she was different, even wishing fiercely to fit in with her family and their evil cult... as she gazed at the bright stars, she thought she sensed... a silently watching presence... one more gentle and forgiving than 90JT, one she hadn't noticed before...

/).(\ I'm kind of afraid that it's bad. I hope not. Thanks for all the help I get.

Share this post


Link to post

Caitlyn had always tried to join in as best she could, but her efforts were always rather pitiful, as she is timid, gentle, calm, and kind and is unable to speak.

 

needs to be

 

Caitlyn had always tried to join in as best she could, but her efforts were always rather pitiful, as she was timid, gentle, calm, and kind and was unable to speak.

 

Otherwise your tenses don't match up.

 

Personally, I dislike an overuse of ellipses (those three dots!).

Share this post


Link to post

ANNOUNCMENT!! URGENT ANNOUNCMENT!!

 

Well we finally decided on a time for the reviewathon. It is to start this saturday and to last until next weekend. So all that time you spend poking TJ's lovelys can be spent also reviewing and working to give people feedback!

 

Later in the week you'll notice that there will be some dragons in the queue with lovely gifts from Descripforce and our lovely helpers! Feel free to join in in the gifting or chatting in #descripdoom! Hope to see you all there!

Edited by Descripforce

Share this post


Link to post

Yay! Hooray! It's a Review-a-thon Day erm... Week! smile.gif

I'll see if I can work out a donating dragon to add to the gifts.

Share this post


Link to post

Cool, I hope you guys have fun! I'll be online when I can (I'm working an unusual amount of hours this week of course), though I've accepted the fact that I'm essentially on a reviewing hiatus until the end of August. I feel awful for not keeping up with submissions but there's only so much I can handle at once. >.< Maybe I can get a bit done when I'm around, though.

Share this post


Link to post

Cool! This is exciting and it'll also be my first reviewathon. biggrin.gif (I need to catch up with reviewing anyways.)

Share this post


Link to post

Unfortunatly we were unable to corrdinate mod help this time around, we hope that with a large amount of reviewing we can help mods when ever they have a chance to go through descriptions. I believe Sock noted how helpful the comments can be to spot mistakes smile.gif.

Share this post


Link to post

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.