Description Force!

[azazelbunny]

Fair enough! Is it okay if I start accepting those one-liners but add the comment "Consider adding more detail"?

[Herk]

Concrit is ALWAYS welcome And of course pointing out glaring typos like the above *grumpy* I hate my typing non-abilities.

[azazelbunny]

Awesome. I wasn't sure if I should say something about the "grumpy" thing either, lol. On the one hand - description force. On the other hand - nitpicking

 

(Ironically enough I just came across one of your descriptions after posting that. Good job, btw!)

[Ansela Jonla]

Oh, you reviewed some of mine, Az.

 

I've taken the stray comma out of my template now, so it shouldn't appear again.

 

Some of my newer descriptions are getting a bit more detail added than the older ones. For reference all of mine will start the same way:

 

<name> is one of the many dragons rescued and nurtured by the wide ranging clan of humans founded by AnselaJonla. His/her egg was found * and taken to a hatchery to be raised.

 

Once s/he matured, s/he found his/her lifemate, a <species> dragon, among the other AnselaJonla dragons. In the tradition of the AnselaJonla flock, both dragons took the same name, <name>, to pass down to any of their offspring that remained within the flock.

 

*along the coast, in the forest, in the jungle, in the desert sands, on the slopes of a volcano, on the slopes of a mountain

[azazelbunny]

Oh hey! That comma was the only thing that ever bothered me Otherwise it's a very solid description template.

[Shelybear]

The comment means that the quote is a complete sentence and therefore the period is a part of the quote and belongs inside quotation marks.

It's a bit tricky with quotations and punctuations though, as a whole quoted sentence does not necessarily end the sentence in which it is embeded and I feel weird if I continue with a lower case letter after a , so I usually leave out the period from the quote, cutting it off early so to speak (as you did) to only put punctuation where it belongs in the "parent" sentence. I'm absolutely not sure if that's the 100% correct approach, but I would have used your way, too.

Thanks for answers, herk and Lagie. But I'm still a bit confused... I know that the quoted sentence is a complete one and there should be a period, albeit if so, how about the "true" sentence?

 

"His motto is blablabla" is the sentence.

 

 

EDIT:

To AJ: I personally dislike descriptions based on templets. IMO, that's not exactly fit the dragons' unique characters, plus using templet is somewhat like simple copy-paste actions repeat.

I remember that once I saw multiple descriptions using the exactly same "format": He/She got the name from xxx. This is from xxx and alike. I accepted a few of them at first because I didn't realise that templet. However after that I pressed reject without hesitation for the rest. And I know CNR rejected all of those descriptions for the similar reason.

So if you want to use templets for your descrips, I would recommend not exceed 1/3 of the whole text.

Edited June 16, 2014 by Shelybear

[Ansela Jonla]

I'm adding more than just the template to the newer ones, but the older descriptions will remain as just that for a bit.

 

Just found a description with a teleport code/link in. Nuh-uh.

 

EDIT; Went back and expanded on some of the descriptions.

Edited June 16, 2014 by Ansela Jonla

[brairtrainer]

Those are left by people trying to give gifts to reviewers, (since reviewing can be somewhat of a thankless job.) Herk even has one that was approved with the teleport link still in it which she keeps because of the specialness . Really feel free to abstain those but they don't need to be rejected.

[Lagie]

Thanks for answers, herk and Lagie. But I'm still a bit confused... I know that the quoted sentence is a complete one and there should be a period, albeit if so, how about the "true" sentence?

 

"His motto is blablabla" is the sentence.

I'd do this:

 

His motto is "Don't ask why I can shoot flames; I eat Siberian Pepper."

 

OR

 

His motto is: "Don't ask why I can shoot flames; I eat Siberian Pepper." [Probably this, in fact.]

 

I'm sure there's some correct format for that, but I actually don't know it. *hides*

 

Welcome to our two newest reviewers! Good to have you with us.

 

*leaves brownies for everyone*

 

[Herk]

I'm adding more than just the template to the newer ones, but the older descriptions will remain as just that for a bit.

 

Just found a description with a teleport code/link in. Nuh-uh.

 

EDIT; Went back and expanded on some of the descriptions.

That was my gift bearing Tsunami - now you missed out on a PB Blusang ;P

[Ansela Jonla]

I'm scroll-locked, so I wouldn't have been able to get it anyway.

[Obscure_Trash]

(Grr, I really didn't want to pop by again, but two quick comments:

-Templates may be boring to read through, but they don't break the rules in any way. As long as it is describing the specific dragon in some way - not just a group that dragon is a part of - I do not mind approving templates. Tbh, they're also easier for quick modding when we're behind, lol.

-You don't have to reject teles since usually gifters remember to delete them, but in case they forget which dragon it was or something, it does help in case a mod gets to it, mostly because it's something we can easily get out of the way if a mod prefers to sort by lowest rating. ^^ )

[Shelybear]

I'd do this:

 

His motto is "Don't ask why I can shoot flames; I eat Siberian Pepper."

 

OR

 

His motto is: "Don't ask why I can shoot flames; I eat Siberian Pepper." [Probably this, in fact.]

 

I'm sure there's some correct format for that, but I actually don't know it. *hides*

 

Welcome to our two newest reviewers! Good to have you with us.

 

*leaves brownies for everyone*

Okay so I fixed it and re-submitted.

 

*picks brownies* Could we have some chocolate next time?

[Ansela Jonla]

Defence is not a mispelling.

[Lagie]

Did someone say it was?

[azazelbunny]

Oh. I actually didn't realize that was also a correct spelling of the word >.> I was always taught it was *defense. Is that the British English version?

[Lagie]

It is, yes.

E.g. Royal Bahamas Defence Force

(Though oddly, their homepage has both spellings. )

[love_HP]

I wrote a description for a female white dragon and I'd like to see some advice...not a native English speaker, I always feel that I might make grammar mistakes

 

When Adina was young, she decided to take on healing magic as her major, partly because of her breed talent, and partly because of her kind and gentle nature. But she couldn't decide which field of healing magic she wanted to specify in. Then an accident happened to her; not a very serious accident, but she was hurt on the forehead, and left a small scar. In a way, this was actually fortunate for her, because she got the idea of taking up cosmetic surgery.

She traveled far and wide to find an expert. After finally found an erudite old white dragon, Adina learned from him eagerly for five years, practicing all the necessary skills and spells. Then she took to the road once again. And of course, the scar on her forehead was removed long ago. Wherever Adina went, the residents welcomed her, not only because of her profession as a healer, but also because of her own sweetness.

Edited June 18, 2014 by love_HP

[azazelbunny]

Question: I came across a description that references Doctor Who - a lot. It kind of aggressively borders on lore-breaking, but I'm not sure if it actually does ultimately.

 

General take on how to approach this one?

[Lagie]

Does it reference it directly, as in by name? I've seen a few Doctor Who-based dragons, even have a few myself, but they're fine so long as they don't say something like "Dragon XYZ is based on the TV show Doctor Who."

 

"Dragon XYZ believes himself to be a traveler in time and space. The other dragons think he's crazy but that doesn't stop him from keeping his hoard in a large blue box he called his Tardis." would be fine.

 

Do you mean this one:

This little dragoness is quite the Ood-- that is to say, odd-- duck. As is typical for her breed, she is very curious, and she particularly enjoys studying roses, along with any rivers and ponds she comes across. She's even started an exploration club called the T.A.R.D.I.S, which stands for 'Tiny and Radiant Dragon Inquisitive Society', though so far she is its only member. When not out 'exploring the wibbly wobbly timey wimey' as she calls it, she regales anyone who will listen with tales of something called the 'Time War' and of strange beasts called 'Dahlicks' and 'Sighburmen', though where she heard such stories is anyone's guess. Her surprisingly large horde consists, for some reason, entirely of fezzes and bowties she's purloined from nearby villages. If angered or annoyed, she will chase the offending party away, all the while screeching "EXTERMINATE!"

It's fine.

Edited June 20, 2014 by Lagie

[azazelbunny]

Alright, cool. I think it passes then Thank you!

[Lagie]

Actually, I'm not sure why I put "It's fine." It's brilliant!

[azazelbunny]

It is that one indeed And it is quite brilliant! I love Doctor Who, so I was inclined to be like "yes good this" just on principle, but I wasn't quite sure.

 

and thus is why i love this thread and all who dwell within it

[Dimar]

Eek, I am awfully behind on description reviewing and I apologize profusely. I just got back from vacation so I will start working on it again... When I don't have to go to work. x.x

 

I wrote a description for a female white dragon and I'd like to see some advice...not a native English speaker, I always feel that I might make grammar mistakes

 

Overall, it looks good to me. Just a small thing: you should say "After finally finding" instead of "found" in the beginning of the second paragraph. Or, add a pronoun like "After she finally found".

 

Personally, it sounds a bit odd to me to say she chose healing magic "as her major". I know that you mean that like a college major, which is fine in theory but seems weird unless you specify she was at a university or something to give it context. Or choose a different word like "career" instead of "major". You don't have to change that; it was just something that stuck out to me.

_________________________________________________________________

 

Aaaand, unrelated to the above stuff... remember that Sunstone hatchling that Herk and Brair somehow made me freeze and describe back at Easter? Since we seemed to be in need of a thread mascot based on the avatar. Well, I finally got that description approved! So here's Toesocks, whose name I only recently realized was a pun on "Theodore". Well, that's what happens when Herk names things. *goes to OP to add him*

Edited June 21, 2014 by Dimar

[Herk]

Toreador is also a Vampire clan in the World of Darkness RPG setting where they are the lovers of art and beauty among the clans...

Toreador is also a song from Carmen...

Toraedor may also be used to refer to a torero...

It can be also read as "To Read Or" which should be continued with "Die Stupid" instead of Sockmeister...

 

I WAS thinking of the first one but the 3rd one is oddly fitting for a horned little Sunstone, and the last one is actually really cool now that it sprang to my mind.

 

Names have LAYERS