Funerals

[Fuzzbucket]

Throw a get together party and go cremation or throw nothing at all. Or throw the ashes into the land to be recycled.

Better to wrap the body in cloth and bury it. MUCH more fertiliser for the soil and no damaging smoke, full of pollutants.

 

And as whoever wrote The Tenth Good Thing About Barney (about the death of a cat) said, helping the daisies to grow is "a pretty good job for a cat."

[VictorianVivian]

Can I just say that I really appreciate the support all of you sweet people gave me? It actually did help me to know that there are people all over the country (and the globe) who had something kind to say.

 

I'm glad I did the pallbearer thing. Oddly enough, no one was crying and carrying on at all. People were laughing and behaving themselves, looking at old pictures, and telling silly stories.

 

This? This I like. I dare say I enjoyed parts of it. I've never been to a funeral where people weren't bawling and acting foolish. I'm proud of my family.

 

I didn't look in the casket. A few family members tried to make me, but I stood my ground. Thankfully, my husband was there to back me up and in the end, people understood. They said my grandfather didn't look like himself and I'm glad I won't have that memory lurking around in my brain.

 

Carrying him gave me a sense of peace.

Edited November 10, 2013 by VictorianVivian

[Lila]

I wish more people did sky burials and other eco-cemetery customs. Good for the environment, saves space and resources, and no risk of undead reanimation by disease.

I love this hahaha.

 

I think when I die, I'd like to have a funeral. Not necessarily for grieving, but just so I could bring people together.

[Fuzzbucket]

I've never been to a funeral where people weren't bawling and acting foolish.  I'm proud of my family.

Mercifully I think funerals are changing. Thank goodness. I'm very glad it was OK for you.

 

The ONLY time I think actively encouraging people to look in a casket are in the sudden death of a young person. I well recall when an 18 y/o friend of mine (I was 40, BTW, and helping out with managing the viewing) was killed in a car crash. After they'd worked on her she didn't look entirely like her, though they did a very good job - but when her mother said the coffin should be closed the funeral directer advised against, as he said it is really hard for such young people to believe their friends are dead, and seeing them in that casket helps them to accept it.

 

Horsefeathers, thought I - but I was only helping, she wasn't my daughter.

 

When I saw how they all reacted as they trooped in chatting almost cheerfully at what looked like just another place to be, and then... not least her boyfriend, who was more serious, but who actually burst into tears when he saw her. That was a smart funeral director.

Edited November 11, 2013 by fuzzbucket

[Daydreamer09]

After they'd worked on her she didn't look entirely like her, though they did a very good job - but when her mother said the coffin should be closed the funeral directer advised against, as he said it is really hard for such young people to believe their friends are dead, and seeing them in that casket helps them to accept it.

I've heard that the traditional reason for open caskets during funerals is to confirm to everyone that, yes, the departed really is dead. Apparently it's thought that psychologically, you don't realize that the person is gone forever without seeing it first hand.

 

Most funerals I've been to have had an open viewing of the casket. The earliest one I remember going to was for my grandfather. I recall looking in and then turning to my grandmother next to me to say that it didn't look like him. Then recently I had a cousin's funeral I went to and he didn't look quite the same either. It's hard to see people whom you've always seen smiling or with some sort of expression, completely still and limp. There's also the aspect of the body's natural decomposing that alters the person.

 

I can't say whether I dislike or like the tradition of funerals. I think though that as a departing gift to the person, it is important to honor them and their life. There is a scene in the book Tuesdays with Morrie that I like where Morrie has a funeral for himself while he's still alive. In which, family and friends come over and he listens to all that they will say when he eventually passes away.

[Totts]

When I die I want to have my Will read out to my children, I'll give them all a equal share, and I have something very close to my heart which I will split into however many parts to make it equal, as if I had three children I would split it into thirds.

[DustyBelle]

The death of a loved one is hard to accept and come to terms with. When you are mourning an older grandparent or parent who has seen decades of life and you are on the shady side of 50, it doesn't seem as difficult to me to say goodbye. I really dislike the funeral home bit.

 

I couldn't afford it for my husband and had hated mom's, dad's, my in-laws, sister's, aunts's, uncle's, friends' funeral parlor torture chamber. That's what the place was for me. The time in the church for the funeral was sad but alright. The time at a relative's or friend's home after the service or memorial service was often calming and soothing. Overlaying some good, happy memories on top of the actual death or retelling of it or their last few weeks of life battling death in many cases.

 

After my husband died I spent time in the chapel and also in a nearby church. I took a few walks out in the neighborhood and contemplated the fields, the woods, the spring flowers, the inland waterway and the nearby ocean. His ashes are awaiting mine and will be sprinkled over some beautiful spot we loved. I actually have some cemetary plots, but lost the deeds to the 6 plots. That's me. My head would be gone if not attatched. I love and miss him and it hurt like hell to see him sicken and die slowly to both of us. I wish in some ways the first stroke he suffered had killed him so he didn't have to linger for almost a month in constant pain when he was coherent and conscious.

 

Arrangements for caskets, church services, funeral parlor services or memorials are done first and foremost for the comfort of the loved one left behind, then the children or grandchildren. As a family member if your mental and physical health allows you attend for them. If you are going to gripe and wail or fall apart, you might be better off at home or in a place of peace and solitude while the services are being held. No one should have the right to force you to attend a funeral. It is and should be a very personal choice.

 

A gathering of people who will miss the deceased where food and beverages and good memories are shared is a kindness and should be held. It helps the bereaft to face up to their loss and acknowledge it which is necessary for each person to do before they can move on with the rest of their life.

 

I am glad you chose and wisely for you. I am also so sorry for your loss. A girl's grandfather is often one of the most significant figures in her life. Cherish the memories and relive the good ones on days you might have spent with him if he were still alive. Live your life as if he is watching and you'd like him to be proud of your actions. Cherish life.

[aurorain]

I'm too lazy to post my opinion on right now... I may later. Anyway, I know a funeral-related article that might be of some interest o.O

 

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-25...n-FUNERALS.html

[shibathedragon]

I went to a funeral for my cousin last year. ;^;

[CJLambert]

When I was younger, I tried to avoid funerals since A, they bored me (I'm a horrible person I know) and B, I'm VERY emotional. So when my grandfather died 2 years ago and went to the funeral, it took all of my self-control not to lose it.

[Renhart]

I've only been to one funeral but I've attended several memorials. Both were VERY different experiences. I'll probably rant a bit... I just need to get this out of my system.

 

My little brother was born with a number of disabilities and whenever me and mom traveled to Vancouver (lots of family living there) we would travel with him by bus and have him admitted to a children's hospital close to where we were staying. When he eventually moved on we attended a yearly memorial that this hospital held for all they're patients who passed away. Every year was the same... surrounded by grieving people, sad music being played on stage (and they always played "Let it be" which really isn't that sad but now I can't hear it without feeling down...) and really emotional stories. Then they'd do something fun with us afterwards which didn't make up for how depressing the whole thing was. Don't get me wrong, it's nice of them to do this, I just thought the whole thing was pretty traumatic.

Some years later I went to a friends funeral. Obviously people were sad but there was some laughing also. Afterwards there was a banquet where we could greet one-another and have coffee. The only downside was the funeral home was crowded and I was sick at the time so I couldn't stand up for more than ten minutes, but overall it was a nice experience.

 

TLDR: Memorials were hell, funeral was a nice get-together where we could celebrate someones life instead of falling to pieces.

Edited December 8, 2013 by Booo

[NecronLordofLawtan]

Hmm...

While I can sympathize with your feelings on funerals - they rarely (so I have found) give closure as they are supposed to - and wasting time with the matter - it is a way to help others move on.

My mother and I share the trait that we are more "there to help those in mourning" than to mourn.

As for myself, if I'd like no one to find out when I die...

Edited December 8, 2013 by NecronLordofLawtan

[Draikette]

I'd say if I had to pay for tickets, I'd like my money back.

Funerals aren't exactly very fun.

Not necessarily because of the ritual but the people who show up.

They glare across the room at the wake as if to ask "who the hell are you?" and "how dare you be here" when I've never met them before in my life.

So I say boooo.

 

Different observation if you go to a funeral in New Orleans. Now that's a FUNeral!

[Rachel72]

A glorified party for the deceased

[Kestra15]

I think the UK does a bad job of wakes in particular. Wakes are supposed to be a celebration of life in my opinion, and yet they are always rather somber occasions with everyone dressed in black, sat around crying. Yes, I know rather acutely that we've lost a loved one, but we should be trying to remember the good in life, not bemoan their absence. We'll have plenty of time to do that in the years to come.

 

A friend of mine who died had an edict that at his funeral and all subsequent remembrance events, black-and-white attire was expressely forbidden. My Dad wants to be put in a canoe, set alight, and shoved over a waterfall. As for me?

 

[Rachel72]

I just read that Willie Nelson passed away, at the age of 81...

[shadowfighter]

To be honest, I have agreed with my mother on something for once. When I die, I plan on being cremated, and should I be married and die before my partner, I would want to be buried with them. I don't want an overly complicated funeral, but the wake is what is important to me.

[Darien]

My father died on February 20th of this year and he wanted too be cremated, I thought about getting cremated but I will be buried next too my wife that way I can be with my soulmate forever...

[Rachel72]

Cremation