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Pokemonfan13

Parenting

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This thread is for:

Parents who want some advice

Parents who have a system that works and want to share it

Debate about parenting styles

Horror stories of kids you've known/seen and/or their parents

Stories of little angels you've met

 

And more. =3

 

 

 

If there's any golden advice posted I'll quote it in this post so lots of people can see it.

Edited by Pokemonfan13

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My only advice to new parents is this:

 

If your baby and the baby book disagree, believe your baby.

 

And if you have a boy, keep his front covered with a diaper at all times while changing him.

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My only advice to new parents is this:

 

If your baby and the baby book disagree, believe your baby.

 

And if you have a boy, keep his front covered with a diaper at all times while changing him.

That second part I learned from my cousin, she always had the front of her baby boy covered when changing him. I asked why that was and she said it was because if he wasn't covered he would start peeing.

 

Both my sister and I were raised pretty well, we are both good people and stayed out of any major trouble. Our parents did a good job with us. There are still a few problems though, like the lack of understanding when it comes to my mental state.

Edited by Cecona

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That second part I learned from my cousin, she always had the front of her baby boy covered when changing him. I asked why that was and she said it was because if he wasn't covered he would start peeing.

 

Both my sister and I were raised pretty well, we are both good people and stayed out of any major trouble. Our parents did a good job with us.

*laughs*

 

Yeah, I learned that one the hard way, babysitting twin boys when I was about 12. No one thought to warn me how likely boys are to pee again when the diaper comes off and the cool air hits their skin. All I can say is, at least I had my mouth shut.

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Backpack style diaper bags are the best. You do *not* need all the "stuff" they try to make you think you do, like a table just for changing diapers. A pad on the bed/couch/table/floor works just as well.

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Eeeeeewww xd.png The only thing I ever babysat was a dog.

 

Although... now that I remember when my sister and I were really young we used to torment our babysitter. We would chase her around and call her "Step on me" Because her name was Stephanie. I don't think it bothered her too much since she still liked us lol.

 

I think the best way to get a child to do something, or stop, is to do what my mom did. If we were doing something bad she would say. "You have to the count of three to stop!" And she would start counting. My sister and I were so afraid of what would happen after three we never chanced it. I remember having thoughts of "I'm gonna let her count to three, I'm not scared" But then she would start "One....Two...." And I would be like "No wait, I am scared" and quickly comply.

 

Also if we acted out in public she would drag us home and not let us go anywhere with her until we behaved.

Edited by Cecona

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I think the best way to get a child to do something, or stop, is to do what my mom did. If we were doing something bad she would say. "You have to the count of three to stop!" And she would start counting. My sister and I were so afraid of what would happen after three we never chanced it. I remember having thoughts of "I'm gonna let her count to three, I'm not scared" But then she would start "One....Two...." And I would be like "No wait, I am scared" and quickly comply.

And sadly no one wants to do that anymore. If your kid acts up actually punish them. A smack on the butt or grounding them wont kill them. I got smacked on the butt when I did stupid things. Still here. Didn't act up a lot compared to some others I went to school with. Giving kids the next iPhone or iPad isn't teaching them anything beyond the fact they can get away with things. They do something stupid take them off it and ground them. Worst it can do is make your kid whine for a few hours then its over with.

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The best behaved children I met belonged to a police officer. My dog(he's ginormous and just his tail wagging is enough to knock a kid over) knocked over his kid, and instead of rushing over to see if his kid was okay and making a big fuss like all the other parents I've met, he said to his kid "Get up, stupid." The kid got up, no tears or anything. It was like it didn't happen. I was in shock.

 

The worst behaved children I've met belong to my inlaws. They don't seem to believe in punishment, or at least I've never seen them punish their kids and there have been hundreds of times where they sorely deserved some sort of punishment or consequence. They try to appease their kids instead. If their kid throws a tantrum because it doesn't want to eat supper, they make it something else for supper. It's insanity.

 

My dog has knocked over their children too. Their kids immediately start crying and the parents rush over to them showering them with unnecessary attention when they aren't the least bit hurt.

 

I definitely like the parenting style of the police officer much better. He doesn't tolerate any crap from his kids, and in turn they are very well behaved.

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The worse kids I have ever seen belong to some family friends. They actually got banned from a local steakhouse because they'd just let their kids run wild all over the place. Screaming, bothering other people, throwing food, that kind of thing.

 

The best kid I've seen is my 4-year old nephew. I am not a child fan but this little guy is so smart, so well-behaved, so polite, that I can scarcely believe it. Plus he's adorable.

Edited by Flamingo

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I think the best way to get a child to do something, or stop, is to do what my mom did. If we were doing something bad she would say. "You have to the count of three to stop!" And she would start counting. My sister and I were so afraid of what would happen after three we never chanced it. I remember having thoughts of "I'm gonna let her count to three, I'm not scared" But then she would start "One....Two...." And I would be like "No wait, I am scared" and quickly comply.

 

Also if we acted out in public she would drag us home and not let us go anywhere with her until we behaved.

But absolutely be ready to do something if they don't stop. Time out, whatever. Otherwise if the child is willful and ignores, it suddenly looses all meaning if nothing bad happens with "3".

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But absolutely be ready to do something if they don't stop. Time out, whatever. Otherwise if the child is willful and ignores, it suddenly looses all meaning if nothing bad happens with "3".

I thought it would be something like a spanking. It could be a spanking and a time out.

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The best behaved children I met belonged to a police officer. My dog(he's ginormous and just his tail wagging is enough to knock a kid over) knocked over his kid, and instead of rushing over to see if his kid was okay and making a big fuss like all the other parents I've met, he said to his kid "Get up, stupid." The kid got up, no tears or anything. It was like it didn't happen. I was in shock.

 

I have to disagree with the name calling by the parent... He (or she) could have said, "Get up, Johnny.) without the 'stupid' part.

 

One of the worst cases of spoiling and indifference I ever saw was when I moved to a new city for a job and stayed with a co-workers family for a month... a l-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-n-g month... They had an only child named after Elvis Presley that they called 'Dump' of all things. They ate on a coffee table while watching TV and Aron's plate was next to his parents. He would refuse to eat off his own plate and would hand pick up food from mommy or daddy's plate, spilling it on the carpet as well as shoving it into his mouth! He could pester and tease daddy and daddy would laugh about it until daddy got tired of it, then he would shout at the kid and smack him a hard one...

 

I happened to be at the barber shop for my own haircut one time when Aron was brought in for his first haircut. After making a big deal about it, taking pictures, etc. When Aron started to cry and panic about the sound of the clippers, daddy told him to sit still of the man will cut your ears off... Which set Aron off even more!!! He had to physically hold the kid in the chair until finally the barber gave up...

 

After that I asked the barber how was the best way to handle a 'first' haircut. He said go in as usual with your son beside you and sit down and read a paper or magazine, then you go first and get your hair cut. Then when it is his turn, help him into the chair and go sit down and start reading the paper/magazine again... everythings normal and fine, nothing to worry about, he's seen the clippers cut the hair, etc. Both of my boys were fine. The one jerked around when he heard the clippers come on, but the barber just showed him the clippers and started cutting, no problem...

 

Now, I'm not a great parent and I'm sure that I've made some mistakes over the years, but I started caring for children when I was a child. At 9-1/2 I gave my 3-day old sister her first bath at home because mom was sick. I was the primary care-giver for the next 8 or more years because of mom working. I also did a lot of babysitting around the neighborhood. When our daughter was born, I had to teach my wife some things about caring for a newborn girl.

 

I've got a grown niece who stayed with us for awhile when she was 13 because of probs between her and her mom. She smarted off one evening and I corrected her with a sharp pop to the cheek, she did it again and I did it again and once more. I believe that this was the first time she had been corrected like this in her life. She still thanks me and says that is the single most thing that changed her life around. When she'd do something wrong, she'd remember that fingertip slap and think about what she was doing. She now works in a doctors office and is a valued employee...

 

Sorry for the length... sigh, got carried away... bad husky!!! rolleyes.gif

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I have to disagree with the name calling by the parent... He (or she) could have said, "Get up, Johnny.) without the 'stupid' part.

It was meant as a joke, he said it in a silly voice. And the kid wasn't old enough to know what stupid meant.

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Is it just me or does it seem like a bunch of people here are okay with parents abusing their children?

My mother was verbally and physically abused all throughout childhood and so she knew not to do that to me (so I consider myself lucky). Of course, some harsh insults got through in the heat of the moment, but for the most part I was either too young to understand or too upset to notice.

 

Personally, I think physically hitting one's children is wrong both from witnessing several instances where this goes on and also from a moral standpoint. I mean, when is that really necessary? Of course, some children don't listen to reason and I could see one instance being okay, but unwarranted and repeated child-beating is not okay in my book. Just from my perspective and experiences.

 

But I don't dislike child beating as much as I hate child neglect. I have a cousin who was almost completely neglected by his mother (his father didn't have custody over him and was irresponsible as well), resulting in malnutrition and a very low weight, as well as stunted growth. It wasn't due to lack of money either, because his older sister is actually a little overweight (which just makes me angry, but I digress). I think that, if you're going to beat your child, that's your decision to make, but you don't deserve a child if you're just going to neglect him or her. They're a human being and deserve food, love, respect, discipline, and some sense that they have a home and family to return to or lean on. People shouldn't be dependent, but family is really important, I think.

 

*shrug* Just my two cents.

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Is it just me or does it seem like a bunch of people here are okay with parents abusing their children?

I can't find any posts where people are advocating abuse. The law does not consider spanking to be abuse.

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Is it just me or does it seem like a bunch of people here are okay with parents abusing their children?

My mother was verbally and physically abused all throughout childhood and so she knew not to do that to me (so I consider myself lucky). Of course, some harsh insults got through in the heat of the moment, but for the most part I was either too young to understand or too upset to notice.

 

Personally, I think physically hitting one's children is wrong both from witnessing several instances where this goes on and also from a moral standpoint. I mean, when is that really necessary? Of course, some children don't listen to reason and I could see one instance being okay, but unwarranted and repeated child-beating is not okay in my book. Just from my perspective and experiences.

 

But I don't dislike child beating as much as I hate child neglect. I have a cousin who was almost completely neglected by his mother (his father didn't have custody over him and was irresponsible as well), resulting in malnutrition and a very low weight, as well as stunted growth. It wasn't due to lack of money either, because his older sister is actually a little overweight (which just makes me angry, but I digress). I think that, if you're going to beat your child, that's your decision to make, but you don't deserve a child if you're just going to neglect him or her. They're a human being and deserve food, love, respect, discipline, and some sense that they have a home and family to return to or lean on. People shouldn't be dependent, but family is really important, I think.

 

*shrug* Just my two cents.

Spanking is hardly abuse if it's a slap or two on the bottom with a hand. My brother and I were raised with spankings as punishments and we're still here and not mentally or physically scarred in any way. The fact of the matter is that spankings are effective: we learned our lessons. I have been around far too many parents and children to know that talking just doesn't appear to work. Timeouts never worked on me, and I doubt they ever do in a child with an active imagination like I do, because I could amuse myself simply by thinking.

 

As for me, if me or my brother ever misbehaved in public, we were taken home right then and there and NO ONE got to have a fun day out, unless grandma was home, in which case we stayed with her while mom and dad went and had the rest of their nice day out.

 

I see so few parents these days actually disciplining their children, and it's disappointing. We're raising a society of people who don't know how to properly behave in public and around other people. And I'm sick of it. I'm sick of seeing and hearing screaming, crying, and tantruming children in the store with parents who refuse to control or discipline them or even worse, flat out ignore it and do nothing about it. I hate children who run around the store wildly.

 

And what's worse is that parents think they can talk to young children as equals. No. The kid is not your equal. You are the boss, not the kid. It bothers me so much to see parents failing in this area of parenting. The child does not parent the parents.

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The only posts mentioning physically disciplining a child are smacks on the rear [which sound on the gentle side of spanking to me] and a "fingertip slap", which are far from child beating. It's all in your parenting philosophy and the type of kid, but as long as it remains gentle I don't see anything wrong with physical punishment. But the parent would have to be careful not to let any anger/frustration they're feeling increase the force.

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Is it just me or does it seem like a bunch of people here are okay with parents abusing their children?

Please point out where someone said to slap their children for no reason and don't stop until they are bloody, black & blue, unconscious or otherwise harmed? A smack on the rear end does NOT harm a child. I know that for a fact because guess what my mom and dad would smack me on the butt with their hands or sometimes a belt. Yes, a BELT. Does NOT harm a child and is NOT abuse. It is teaching a child discipline.

 

My mom, my dad, my cousins, lots of my family members have had their butts beat when they was acting like a little brat. No harm in it and it is not abuse. I don't see where smacking a child because they are being brats is abuse. No one is beating them for no reason at all, not a single one of them are doing it to harm them (beyond leaving a red mark and slight swelling that will go down within a hour or less). (From my families history as far as I know. I do know that some families go WAY beyond what is needed.)

 

No abuse at all.

Edited by demonicvampiregirl

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Personally, I think physically hitting one's children is wrong both from witnessing several instances where this goes on and also from a moral standpoint. I mean, when is that really necessary? Of course, some children don't listen to reason and I could see one instance being okay, but unwarranted and repeated child-beating is not okay in my book. Just from my perspective and experiences.

IMO, I think at times, a spanking is somewhat necessary in some situations. When my siblings and I are in serious trouble (ie. lying, sending inappropriate texts, disrespect to our elders, etc.), then the spanking card is pulled. Yeah, I know, it hurts, but after having a timeout and reflecting on the situation, that's probably when I realize that I've really screwed up.

 

Anyways, my parents are good at parenting, IMO. I'm very thankful that I wasn't raised by playing on the games that phones have today. It kind of annoys me that parents let their children play on their phones ._.'

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I babysat a neighbor's kids one day and they were showing me some rather violent cartoons on a smart phone/touch mp3 player. Not like super horrible, but they seemed to me far too much for their age level. But it wasn't my job to judge, just to watch them, so I just stayed quiet.

 

And this was after I did their xmas present wrapping and one of the presents was some M rated games. [like call of duty, waaaaay not appropriate for their age] I brought them to the mother basically saying "Just wanted to make sure you knew these were in there" since the father could have purchased them without her knowing or something.

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There is a huge difference between spanking for discipline and physical abuse i.e. beating. The trouble is, a lot of people have trouble discerning that difference and equate all physical discipline as abuse.

 

The key is you never, ever ever EVER do it while you are angry. If you are angry, walk away. You need to be calm and rational, and the child has to understand why the spanking is occurring. I have my kids tell me why they are getting one so they know exactly why they are being punished.

 

Every kid responds differently to different kinds of discipline. Time outs are a joke to my kids. They do not care and are right back to doing whatever they were doing before. A spanking is much more effective. They know Mommy means it, and the spanking is going to hurt much much less than whatever potentially dangerous thing they were doing.

 

I got spanked as a kid and it was for stuff I darned well deserved and knew it too. I try to use the same standards that I was raised with.

 

The big no-nos in our house are:

 

Doing things they very well know not to do

Dangerous behavior

Blatant disrespect to adults in positions of authority (especially sassing or ignoring)

 

My job is not to be their buddy-buddy at all times. I am the parent, not their bff. My job is to teach them how to be a responsible adult to the best of my ability. We will have good times together most of the time, but actions, both good and bad, will have consequences. And yes, I will be watching what you are doing. (This is how I was raised.)

 

Being a buddy-buddy all the time produces spoiled rotten kids with no concept of boundaries, who demand everything be given to them because they have no concept of discipline or working to achieve something themselves.

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I was spanked as a child, but I believe there is always a better way than spanking your child or raising a hand to your child.

 

Shiny had a post somewhere on how differently different kids reacted to spanking. Every child is different and needs handled differently, and there are various nonviolent ways to discipline a child.

 

My mom and her brother would have to go get her own switches when they were spanked - and if it wasn't good enough, then grandma would get it. Mom would never do that to my sister and I. I like the quote from Roseanne about parents always trying to improve their kids lives by 50% of their own. We learn from our parents mistakes, and our children learn from ours.

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Yea... I in no way condone violence against children. A spanking is not violence, nor is it abuse. A few quick smacks to the bottom is really all you need. I agree that you need to make sure the child knows why they are getting a spanking and to never do it when angry. If I ever do have kids I hope they are too scared to have me reach 3 like my sister and I were when our mom counted.

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I still get spanked occasionally. It's awfully silly and ineffective, as I'm 15. I just laugh it off and tell them that spanking me isn't gonna do anything tongue.gif

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There is a huge difference between spanking for discipline and physical abuse i.e. beating. The trouble is, a lot of people have trouble discerning that difference and equate all physical discipline as abuse.

 

The key is you never, ever ever EVER do it while you are angry. If you are angry, walk away. You need to be calm and rational, and the child has to understand why the spanking is occurring. I have my kids tell me why they are getting one so they know exactly why they are being punished.

This. My Mum used a smack as a punishment only as a '3rd strike' measure. She'd ask us not to do seomething, she'd tell us not to do something, then she'd warn us that if we continued doing that thing we would get a smack.

 

Suffice it to say I can only remember being smacked a very few times.

 

It is not child abuse to do so. In my view, it's proper Parenting. Clearly there are a load of other people on here whose experience of being given a smack is much the same as mine was.

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