The Kingdoms of Izendornia

[Narath]

Vorthal

 

"It's no biggie." Vorthal replied. "My mother taught me plenty of ways to use Holy magic to defend against Demons when I was younger."

As he reminded himself of his mother, his eyes filled with sadness, thinking back to that fateful day that left him alone.

"You needn't apologize. Your reasons for doing so is understandable."

Now that he was able to get a good look at her, he saw that she was actually quite beautiful.

"If you want though, we can talk later when we have the time about how you can make it up to me." He said with a grin.

Then he turned to the Gryphoness.

"I'll walk. I know the forest very well from the ground." Vorthal said.

After all, it was his home. Him and his parents always moved from place to place in the forests and mountains. But that was a long time ago. Now, it was simply him.

[Sylviinael]

"Three. In Flying training were trained to have to full grown male Gryphons of the Saber lineage on our back and hovering for five hours. So I'm good." She smiles and allows the she-werewolf onto her back, also allowing the two men on after the woman. "Just don't kick my sides and my wing bases or I'll drop like a rock." She warns them.

[Narath]

((OOC: You do realize that you are forgetting Raoul right? Also, none of them really agreed to flight.))

[Sylviinael]

((When i meant two men that meant Vorthal and Raoul, because she knows Roark can fly, but she doesn't know Vorthal can.))

[Narath]

((OOC: Ah))

[makenziec123]

Luna grinned back at the tall, dark-haired man. She thought she saw a glint of sadness in his eyes, but it was only for a moment. Not wanting to be rude, she decided not to ask.

 

"I don't doubt that," Luna began, situating herself on the gryphon's back "but can you get out of the city? It might be easier to just fly." She finished, patting the spot behind her on the gryphon's back as an invitation.

 

"Besides, flying is more fun!" She laughed, her eyes seeming to change to a light sky-blue as she smiled.

 

 

 

 

"Whatever you guys decide to do, please do so quickly." Roark said politely, watching a bit nervously as a few people started to venture towards the group.

[Narath]

Vorthal

 

"Very well." Vorthal said, giving up to the wishes of the beauty that beckoned to him.

Climbing nimbly onto the Gryphons back, he became unsure of where he could hold on.

"Um... how am I not supposed to fall off?" He asked.

[makenziec123]

"Um... hold onto me, I guess?" Luna replied, turning and holding onto some of the fur at the scruff of the gryphon's neck so that she herself didn't fall off when they took off... and so that nobody could see her blush. She let some of her red locks hang in her face slightly just to be sure.

 

 

 

 

Roark looked on jealously, his eyes shooting daggers at Vorthal, though nobody could tell because he was already lifting off into the dark sky.

 

"Let's get a move on already!" The angel cried impatiently as he hovered in the air, his trench coat in his arms.

[Narath]

Vorthal

 

"Um... Ok." Vorthal said, tentatively placing his arms around her waist. "That alright with you?"

Vorthal was slightly uncomfortable. Most men would have leaped at the chance for this, but Vorthal wasn't 'most men'. He had never really done something like this before, as he was always traveling. Sure, he flirted with the women in towns before, but it never went anywhere. But here he was, with his arms around who was possibly the most beautiful women he had met. He leaned over to try and get a glimpse of her face, so he could at least smile at her, but her vivid red hair was hanging across it.

[Sylviinael]

"You coming?" Chessayia asks the Male werewolf, fluffing her feathers and fur in the grip of the girl Luna so she doesn't fall off. She is about to leap into the air, but really needs the male werewolf to get on or run with them. She turns and caws angrily at the humans and other creatures that are starting to go towards them. Her sides quiver as she starts to move forward, testing their weight. "You are very light compared to the Saber gryphons." She snickers and flaps her wings encouraging the quickening of pace to the Male werewolf.

[makenziec123]

"M-mhm." The werewolf responds, turning to smile over her shoulder at him. She wasn't uncomfortable, but it did feel strange to have his arms around her waist. Not in a bad way it was just... unusual.

 

"Um... I'm Luna, by the way." She tells him, smiling again.

 

"Thanks?" Luna says to the gryphon, not sure if that was a compliment or not. She then looks at Raoul, waiting to see what he would decide to do.

 

 

 

 

Roark rolled his eyes. "Why does he get to fly with her? I've known her since we were kids, and I've been her guardian angel for years now. So why does he get special treatment then?" Roark thought to himself.

 

Unable to watch any more without wanting to shove Vorthal away from Luna and fly off with her, he shouted down to them; "I'll go find a safe spot for us to land." And then flew away before anyone could object.

 

 

"What's wrong with Roark?" Luna thought to herself as he flew away.

[Narath]

Vorthal

 

Vorthall returned a nervous smile towards her.

"I am Vorthal." He replied.

He watched the Angel fly up ahead, wishing that he could just reveal his wings and fly in the sky with him. However, that would just cause too many problems, not just for him this time, but for everyone.

"Have you ever flown before?" Vothal asked.

[makenziec123]

"Vorthal, huh? It's an unusual name… but it suits him." Luna thought.

 

"Yes, I've flown with Roark a few times. We used to fly together a lot more often when we were little kids because he was so much stronger than me and I was a lot lighter back then." Luna replied, smiling at the old memories.

 

"What about you?" She asked.

Edited September 25, 2013 by makenziec123

[Narath]

Vorthal

 

"Well um..." Vorthal began. "Yea, I've flown before. Don't really get to do it that often though."

It sounded as if her and Roark had been through a lot with each other. Vorthal couldn't help but wonder if they had something going on between each other.

"It sounds like you and Roark have done a lot together."

[makenziec123]

"I guess so. I mean, we've been friends for so long he's more like a big brother to me now. I can't remember us -not- being friends, to be quite honest." She replied.

[Narath]

Vorthal

 

So they weren't together. Vorthal was surprised at how releaved he felt.

"So what do you do often together? Besides being chased by a Demon that is." Vorthal asked.

[makenziec123]

Luna paused, blinking at him slowly, as if trying to remember when there was a time they weren't being stalked like deer by a hungry lion.

 

"Well...," She began; "We used to go flying together. Or, more like I would turn into a wolf and he'd carry me like that, since my wolf-form is lighter. Before that though... I don't remember. I can't remember a lot of things from before I was Bitten actually..." She trailed off, feeling the memories that were there just under the surface, but she couldn't reach them.

 

"Roark said that it was because Gibraltr tried to plant different memories in my head so that I wouldn't remember my life or want anything to do with anyone except for him. I guess it worked half-way." She told him, her eyes turning a steel-grey at the thought of the Demon.

[Sylviinael]

Chessayia shakes her head and grunts using her head to push the male werewolf onto her back and leaping into the air in a swift graceful movement. She flaps her wings hard and soars through the air towards the direction in which Roark had flown, her sharp sight spotting everything on the ground. She runs slightly in the air, her body warming up as she flies. Her wings stop and she glides slightly before flapping them again. Let me know if you spot Roark"

[Narath]

((OOC: What happened to all your other characters Sylvi?))

 

Vorthal

 

"That is absolutely horrid." Vorthal said, appalled that one could do such a thing. "This Demon really needs to pay for his crimes."

'But how can one kill a demon?' He thought.

Vorthal pondered this question. There were always stories of mythical powers or weapons and such that could truly kill a Demon, but they are more likely to be tall tales created by drunkards.

He was snapped out of his thoughts as Chessayia leaped into the air, tightening his grip on Luna so he would not fall off. When the Gryphoness leveled out, he loosened his grip, and looked away, his cheeks turning red.

 

((OOC: Sniped. Just wait a sec please. There we go. All better.))

Edited September 25, 2013 by Narath

[Sylviinael]

((I'm going to do one big post for them, Im planning it out on a google doc.)))

[Khallayne]

Critique – No roleplaying until the OP answers me, please. =)

 

Back during medieval times, there were things that people believed didn't exist: dragons, unicorns, gryphons, centaurs, werewolves, vampires, and other mythological creatures.

Minor nit-pick here. The back is redundant… Medieval times where further back. I’d personally start directly at ‘during.’

 

Some people were asked if they wanted to become a vampire or werewolf, some weren't. Some were born the way they are: Hybrids or Pures.

Who were they asked by and how did this choice fall upon them. Is there a way to get more information on that? Also, you switch from past tense to present tense in that sentence. I would even take away that third some and write ‘Others’ if only for repetition sake.

 

The Hybrid creature was like a mix of two things, say a human and a centaur hybrid would be more human than centaur and so they would have the lower half of a horse but only two legs, and the upper half of a human.

You switch tense here. I’d also double ‘enter’ to make it more legible. You also have a run-on sentence. I’d take away creature after the word ‘Hybrid’ (which you have capitalized at places and not capitalized at other places… Decide on which one you want and stick to that one. It’s easier on the readers.) and just continue with The hybrid was a mix of two creatures. As an example: -yada yada yada yada-

 

A Pure is a full bred creature, full centaur or full other creature. Now a Turned is someone who was born one thing, bitten by either A vampire or a werewolf and turned into something else.

Again, a switch of tenses that doesn’t fit with what you were following above. Also, I’d put Turned on its own line by itself. As you’re no longer talking about a purebred.

 

 

Each creature has its own sort of trait or ability that they were born with, Each one determines on what they are. For each race it's different:

That comma should be a period. Also… What do you mean by ‘each one determines on what they are.” Each species determines the trait?

 

Vampires: Super Speed/ Super Strength

Werewolves: Shape-shift into a full on wolf or a mix of both human and wolf. Super speed/ super hearing/ super sight/ and super smell.

Centaurs: Ability to commune with animals

Elves: The ability to manifest elements to their ability (Only partially to fight)

Dragons: Ability to communicate with each other telepathically and the ability to have any kind of element including a species specific element. (Use DC Dragons only not like some make believe dragon)

Unicorns: They can heal with a touch of their horn, but that power determines on how hard they work on it. If they work hard enough of that power they can raise the dead.

Harpies: They have the ability to turn into full birds, and to communicate with other birds.

Gryphons: Their ability is changing shape from a golden eagle to a Savannah lion to a mix of both.

Demons: Possessing of the soul, must be a humanoid like the elves, vampires, werewolves, harpies, and humans.

Angels: Healers of the demon possessed

Humans: Their ability is to become a Mage/ Magick wielder.

In these I’m not reading fully right now. But you have some that end with a period. Some that don’t end with a period. Try to be a bit more consistent. Full stop (period) or no period, and follow it for each one. I’d even bold the names… But that’s just a stylistic difference.

 

The different races have their own sections of the lands, always allowing the other races to journey onto their lands under one condition; kill someone and get killed.

Again, the comma should be a period to make the sentence shorter… Not necessary, then start with ‘They allow the other races to…’ and that semi-colon should be a colon because you’re saying what that one condition is. Kill and be killed.

 

Now there is two Main cities, one for the light creatures (Unicorns, Angels, Light Gryphons, Centaurs, Humans, and Elves.) This city is called Dalanaaricarn.

There are… Not there is. I’d even start off this paragraph with there are two main cities. And then end it with the fact that there is only one condition. That way, you have your last paragraph hit with more of a bang.

 

I’ll stop this her and go through again. However, what I’ve pointed out can help along with the rest as well.

 

[makenziec123]

"I agree. I just wish I knew a way to seal him forever, or kill him, or banish him to some far-away place where he could never hurt anyone again."

 

~~~~~~

 

Roark flew fast and hard- searching the woods for a clearing. Finally, he slowed down and found a large clearing- more than large enough for them all to stay in for a while, and enough room for an entire herd of centaurs if they happened to gallop by.

 

He spotted the gryphoness flying above the city and was about to call out when he saw Luna talking to Vorthal.

 

He knew he was being childish, but he decided that they would just have to come to him.

 

~~~~~~

 

 

Luna turned, scanning the treetops for the Angel in question.

 

"There he is!" Luna cried, pointing towards the winged silhouette just beneath the moon.

 

[Narath]

((OOC: I'm sorry. I was told that the rule was that if you went 2 weeks without a moderator saying something (or something like that) you could begin to RP.))

Edited September 25, 2013 by Narath

[Khallayne]

{{ By all means! You're allowed to continue roleplaying unless someone pops up with critique, and then it is requested that people stop roleplaying until the OP responds to the critiquer.

 

Once the OP has responded, RP can continue, but this makes it easier on the critiquer to continue critiquing.

 

If you are RPing in an RP and then a mod/approver comes in and gives a critique, you must wait until after the OP replies to the critique before you can resume RPing.

 

I only said stop RPing because there was a critique, and it's easier for it to be pointed out in bold than get lost in the roleplay.

 

Just so it's obvious to everyone, it can be found here: Under RPing in Unapproved.}}

Edited September 25, 2013 by Khallayne

[Sylviinael]

((Alrighty, I'll be changing those ^^))