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CleanMyWounds

What's the worst family situation you've seen?

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All depends on what you mean by "family situation". Abuse, neglect, dysfunctional, specific situations, etc?

 

My family... my mom and I have certain people on her side of the family that we don't consider family and don't speak of. I didn't actually know the whole story until a few years ago, but... Well, simply put, greed tore the family apart after my grandpa died (greed/jealousy/issues over his will, what of his belongings should and should "belong" to certain people, etc etc). They literally kicked us out of my grandpa's house, we had been living there with him for over two years in order to *take care of him* (like they hadn't), and when he died they put the house on the market as fast as possible.

 

..... (don't really know why I'm admitting this here...) A few years ago I learned it went deeper then that. Apparently grandpa died BECAUSE he was taken off all his medication. Which THEY decided, not him. (Because, somehow, my not-uncle got grandpa to give him medical decision power or whatever). Apparently, among all 4 of grandpa's children, my mom was the only one who opposed the decision. They did it anyways.

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I know some kids who have had it bad, worse than me, but being that know their stories through confidence or from either inpatient or outpatient, I don't feel right revealing them.

 

Not to say mine's perfect. I mean, I just admitted to being in inpatient and outpatient, so there's that.

 

On Saturday I reached for a knife, because I've given up. My father will never change, and our fight proved it. My step mom tried to calm me down, I told her goodbye, and tried to grab a knife. She got my father, and tried to explain what just happened, and why I was upset. According to him, I was blaming every problem I've ever had on my brother, because my father was getting him games no twelve year old should play, especially one with a processing disorder and severe adhd and anger problems and everything else my brother has, he shouldn't be playing grand theft auto and he shouldn't be getting madness 2, and a father with three children that have been to inpatient a total of five times and works in a freaking residential should know that madness 2 is the worst game to get a boy like that. He said it was none of my business, even though I would hear about, and the games my brother plays have been affecting him horribly and changing him from the sweet kid he used to be, into something he shouldn't be. Yep, it's all my oblivious impressionable brother's fault. He's been plotting against me for years >.>

I tried to reach for knife when he wasn't looking, and he told me to stop trying to manipulate him. It never crossed his mind how depressed I was. When my sister went to inpatient, and the last two times I did, he told us "You know how to get yourself out of here", he told us to lie and say we were fine and it was a misunderstanding. The first time he told me that, I did, but that was because it was a misunderstanding on my outpatient's part, and the people at the inpatient realized that too, but the other time, I had said I would dead by Friday, that wasn't a mistake, I meant that. Dad, your kid is sick, man the f*** up and do something.

The man works with people who are suicidal, and homicidal every day. He used to be the one that makes sure that the people who are there, need to be there. He couldn't accept that his daughters needed help. Well, I don't need him anyway.

 

The icing on the cake though? My stepmother didn't know about any of these violent games my brother played at their house, and my mom and stepdad did, (and disapproved, but couldn't do anything about it,) she was really upset, she hates violence, think centaurs from futurama. "Abhorring violence is in itself violent, and should be abhorred!" Oh, and when my dad "explained" why I was hysterical to my stepdad on the phone, this was his story:

Everything was fine, he was playing with the boys on the wii, when my stepmom pulled me aside and started talking to me and trying to psychoanalyze me. Then I got upset and went into the kitchen, and tried to kill myself. He stopped me, but it was all because of stepmom, you see, she's the reason I was so upset *nodnod*.

In reality, she probably saved my life. And now her husband is painting her as a villain, going behind her back. Again.

 

Quality parenting Dad A+ see you next weekend <3

 

(By the way, this isn't the first incident. Just the most recent :( At least he didn't threaten to kill my sister for having trouble falling asleep, or tell my brother that the bible says a man can kill his son if he disrespects him, or let his girlfriend scream and spit and threaten us all to left on the streets.)

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Sorry you have such trouble with your family.

 

This was sometime back in April, but I tried to kill myself too. Family's not the problem here, it was being a burden, and a loser compared to them. I am extremely mean to my autistic older sister Aleah, always insulting, telling her I don't care about what she likes and tell her to leave me alone.

 

Also, I sneak food almost every night, making mom go on numerous shopping sprees. She worries about my health, but I don't.

 

I'm kinda jealous of my sisters, they have it so nice compared to me. Aleah gets treated nicely unless she's annoying Mom, never goes to school(even though I'm done with school until fall), and never knows about the world around her, making her completely innocent. Octavia is engaged to married in two years, is in good shape, and has so many friends. They both are covered with insurance, so if they get sick or something, they're ok, while I'm not, unless Mom lies and says I'm Aleah, which she had to do one time.

 

(Is it easy to get an autistic person to have low self esteem? I hope not.....)

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All depends on what you mean by "family situation". Abuse, neglect, dysfunctional, specific situations, etc?

 

My family... my mom and I have certain people on her side of the family that we don't consider family and don't speak of. I didn't actually know the whole story until a few years ago, but... Well, simply put, greed tore the family apart after my grandpa died (greed/jealousy/issues over his will, what of his belongings should and should "belong" to certain people, etc etc). They literally kicked us out of my grandpa's house, we had been living there with him for over two years in order to *take care of him* (like they hadn't), and when he died they put the house on the market as fast as possible.

 

..... (don't really know why I'm admitting this here...) A few years ago I learned it went deeper then that. Apparently grandpa died BECAUSE he was taken off all his medication. Which THEY decided, not him. (Because, somehow, my not-uncle got grandpa to give him medical decision power or whatever). Apparently, among all 4 of grandpa's children, my mom was the only one who opposed the decision. They did it anyways.

it's frightening how similar our situations were

 

even the same amount of time living with my grandpa and the same amount of kids he had and specifically the uncle and everything

Edited by CowlRaven

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On Saturday I reached for a knife, because I've given up.

 

If I had been your parent, I would have watched to see what you would do if you really had grabbed that knife. I wouldn't have stopped you because I wouldn't allow you to manipulate me like that. Sounds more like drama to me and an attempt at attention from where I'm standing. Stabbing yourself is extremely painful. In order to do such a deed, you have to be so far down in the dark pits of hell that the last damn thing you'd be doing is sitting here on DC telling us all about it. Sounds to me like you're trying to emotionally manipulate the people around you. *shrug* If your dad is such a monster, choose not to visit him.

 

I am extremely mean to my autistic older sister Aleah, always insulting, telling her I don't care about what she likes and tell her to leave me alone.

 

Kids are mean sometimes. Nothing new there. If you're aware of it, you can choose to act more kindly tomorrow. Everything you do is a choice.

 

Also, I sneak food almost every night,

 

And? What kid hasn't raided the pantry in secret? lol

 

I'm kinda jealous of my sisters

 

That's normal, too.

 

You're not your mother. You're not your sisters. You're not the neighbor kids. You're who you are. Find your own strengths and stop torturing yourself with useless, unproductive comparisons. You don't like something about yourself? Then change it. You do have that power.

 

 

 

I really hope this thread doesn't turn into one of those 'these are the million reasons life is so UNFAIR and want to DIE threads like I see on so many other forums. >_< I really need to stay out of these things.

 

If what you guys are describing is all it takes to make you want to quit breathing, the real world is going to be a rude awakening. There is no such place as 'Easy Street' out there. Best get stronger mentally now and figure out how to overcome issues and problems, rather than wallowing in them.

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My biological parents couldn't give a damn about what would happen to me, kept restraining me, away from being who I really am. Kept calling me by my 'real' name, which I hate, took away clothes where I felt comfortable in, anything that I enjoyed, was useless and a waste of time. When I scored lower than a B it wasn't good enough, when I had no career path chosen I was lazy and dumb. Father could just hit me when he liked, mother could shout at me non-stop if that made her feel better. Bruises were neatly covered up. The only tender contact I've ever felt from them.

 

I hate them, I really do. I wasn't their child, just a monster living in their house. No respect, no love in the slightest.

 

I'll never regret packing my bag and leaving that prison.

 

There's one important lesson people should remember: blood=/=family. Family are those who you think are family and who deserve it. I love my sister very much, and we're related in everything but blood. And now I live with her and my new family, I'm actually happy being who I want to be.

 

Eta: but if my situation is the worst? Probably not. I don't like saying I'm the one who 'has it the hardest'. But I don't know a lot of people, so I can't say.

All my love and support to those in a bad situation. You can get out of there, I know you can.

Edited by Fin-Strider

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I'll never regret packing my bag and leaving that prison.

 

There's one important lesson people should remember: blood=/=family. Family are those who you think are family and who deserve it. I love my sister very much, and we're related in everything but blood. And now I live with her and my new family, I'm actually happy being who I want to be.

 

You are strong, intelligent and possessed of great common sense. I like that about you. smile.gif No doubt you'll go far with your positive attitude. Just because someone shares your DNA, or are family, doesn't mean they have a 'crap on you free' card. Toxic is toxic no matter who it is.

 

 

Don't hate your parents, it only hurts you. Pity them instead. Feel sorry for them. Look what an absolutely wonderful kid they lost. *hugs!*

Edited by MedievalMystic

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You are strong, intelligent and possessed of great common sense. I like that about you. smile.gif No doubt you'll go far with your positive attitude. Just because someone shares your DNA, or are family, doesn't mean they have a 'crap on you free' card. Toxic is toxic no matter who it is.

 

 

Don't hate your parents, it only hurts you. Pity them instead. Feel sorry for them. Look what an absolutely wonderful kid they lost. *hugs!*

Oh gosh, you nearly made me fall of my chair. Thank you so much for your kind words! I'm absolutely lost for anything else to say whoa.

 

Heh, that's a whole new perspective. I think I'll keep that one in mind. smile.gif

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I'm not sure if my story is even worth putting up here, since I feel like I'm just complaining for no reason, but here it goes.

 

I'm an only child. My parents are from different countries of origin, and have fairly bad parenting skills, since they're impatient, impulsive, and assumptive. I was born in America, and moved over to Australia when I was a little older.

 

Things were not what I expected them to be in my dreams as a little kid when I moved over to Australia.

 

First of all, I got bullied all the time, and had no one to turn to. The family I had rarely ever seen or talked to in Australia weren't familiar with me, and half the family I rarely ever saw anyway since they were always staying over someone else's place. Since my parents are the way they are, they never gave me proper sympathy either. No one did. I had to grow out of it and learn that you can't always expect to get sweet-talked to. I especially learnt this when my parents made as many enemies with everyone as they could, so I never got to interact with anyone except the bullies at school (who obviously didn't help). My parents didn't like anything I did, and always said that cartoons were too violent, computer games didn't allow me to socialize (which is a stupid reason because I had no friends or siblings, and I was a loner anyway) and they'd always pick on me. School and home were the same thing, because at home my parents bullied me and at school the kids bullied me. I went through this for 3 or so years, until one day someone took it too far and stole my lunch. Guess what I did?

 

I slapped him. Hard.

 

Why? Because I was tired of crying. And at that point in time, I was starting to get to know my best friend that I know today, which gave me confidence since the last time I had a real friend was 3 years prior, and they moved away because of /their/ family problems (which are much worse than mine). My parents haven't really changed, and if they have it's for the worse. But now that I've got friends, I feel relieved of my 3-4 years of loneliness. And guess what slapping that guy did? It actually stopped a lot of people from bullying me, since they saw that I wasn't just a punching bag. And that day, I gained a smidgen of self-respect.

 

So for anyone who thinks that they should commit suicide:

 

It won't change anything. They only way to make things better is to /believe/ that they're better, and make them better. It's all about perspective, and how you look at yourself. If you truly think that something is that bad that you'd give away your life to get rid of it, then don't let it stay there! Make it better. Fix it. I believe that everyone can do that if they try hard enough, because I know I certainly did it, and I never thought I would.

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Lucarri, your story is worth putting out there because of how it ends. You stood up. You faced adversity, pain, loneliness, fear. You carried that burden for a long time. It got real old, carrying that load around, didn't it? Well, you did something about it. You changed it. You didn't let it break you. That's worthy. That's strong, a trait worth having, worth striving to have, and you've got it. smile.gif

 

 

Your posts, and Fin's, are the kind of posts worth reading, not for the situation, but because of how you chose to deal with it, choices that make or break you. You didn't break. You didn't allow it. You were kicked, but you got up. Over and over. Those are the types of messages that I think people in this world need a whole lot more of.

Edited by MedievalMystic

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You stole my worlds, MedievalMystic.

 

I'm glad you kept on going, Lucarii. You're proof that living through it is possible. smile.gif be proud of yourself!

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I'll never regret packing my bag and leaving that prison.

I really wish I could do this, but being (almost) 15, there's really nowhere for me to go.

 

I get in fights with my mother all the time. Like, screaming, throwing-things-at-eachother-fights. She starts screaming at me for the most ridiculous things, so I try to lock myself in the bathroom to get away from it, and she chases me (my dad took my lock off my door because I "kept locking myself in there"). In August, I was so mad one time that I threw a pillow at her, and she replied by picking up a metal bell that was on my dresser and throwing it at me. I still have the scar in the middle of my forehead. My parents put me in a clinic two years ago because of "my fits". I shouldn't have been there; it was the most terrifying thing, and even just thinking about it now makes me want to burst out sobbing. I shouldn't have been there because I'm not the one causing the arguments. My mother is the one who starts screaming, and doesn't leave me alone when I go to another room to stop the arguing. She always blames it on me, and yells at me about "how could I treat her that way after all she's done for me". And after the arguments, she always acts like nothing happened, which really, really annoys me. I just can't take it anymore.

 

And another thing, my parents are always trying to push me to get more friends in real life. I don't want more friends. I prefer talking to my friends on the internet, but according to my mother "I need to have real friends, not friends on the internet". Why? I prefer people on the internet because I connect with them more. She's always getting mad at me because I spend all my time on my iPad chatting with my online friends instead of going out an doing things like "a normal teenager". She seriously thinks that everyone is a 40-year old man who doesn't live where they say and is out to get me. Back in January she even made me stop talking to one of them, who is a well-known member of DC, because my ex-friend's mother called my school and totally lied and said I was "having sexual conversations with a man under the name of *his username*." I have absolutely no idea where that came from, as 1. I would never have conversations like that and 2. he's certainly not a man, only 16(we've shared pics and I really trust him). I talk to him now, without my mother knowing because he was(is) my good friend. I'm sick of my parents trying to force me to do things I don't want to do. I'm so tired of arguing with them over everything. It's my life, not theirs.

 

Whoa, wall of text, sorry for that.

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Mine isn't as severe, but my brother is kind of an idiot. He gives money to people he shouldn't trust and after they just say "I'm sorry" he trusts them again. He gets into fights with my dad all the time and they're reduced to yelling matches that I have to live though.

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If I had been your parent, I would have watched to see what you would do if you really had grabbed that knife. I wouldn't have stopped you because I wouldn't allow you to manipulate me like that. Sounds more like drama to me and an attempt at attention from where I'm standing. Stabbing yourself is extremely painful. In order to do such a deed, you have to be so far down in the dark pits of hell that the last damn thing you'd be doing is sitting here on DC telling us all about it. Sounds to me like you're trying to emotionally manipulate the people around you. *shrug* If your dad is such a monster, choose not to visit him.

I wasn't trying to manipulate him, or anybody. Originally, I was just going to grab the knife, and my dad or my stepmom would have probably come in afterwards and it'd be too late.

My cry for attention was in March, when I had a nervous breakdown at school, and said I'd be be dead by the end of the week because I couldn't go to the teen arts festival. A cry for attention is saying something, saying "I'm suicidal", not trying to end it. The barking dog doesn't bite. I didn't say a word to my dad until my stepmom brought him in.

I figured I would pass out from the pain/blood loss, and frankly, I didn't care about the pain anymore. "The last place I'd be is on DC." The internet is where I go to pretend I'm not a screw up. I'm on home instruction and barely see any of my classmates, and my mom didn't want to send me to inpatient because she thought I'd been doing better. I spend the day on my computer as my life wastes away.

For the record, I'm not visiting him, or talking to him.

If kind of wish you were my parent, because then I'd be dead, thanks.

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I really wish I could do this, but being (almost) 15, there's really nowhere for me to go.

 

I get in fights with my mother all the time. Like, screaming, throwing-things-at-eachother-fights. She starts screaming at me for the most ridiculous things, so I try to lock myself in the bathroom to get away from it, and she chases me (my dad took my lock off my door because I "kept locking myself in there"). In August, I was so mad one time that I threw a pillow at her, and she replied by picking up a metal bell that was on my dresser and throwing it at me. I still have the scar in the middle of my forehead. My parents put me in a clinic two years ago because of "my fits". I shouldn't have been there; it was the most terrifying thing, and even just thinking about it now makes me want to burst out sobbing. I shouldn't have been there because I'm not the one causing the arguments. My mother is the one who starts screaming, and doesn't leave me alone when I go to another room to stop the arguing. She always blames it on me, and yells at me about "how could I treat her that way after all she's done for me". And after the arguments, she always acts like nothing happened, which really, really annoys me. I just can't take it anymore.

 

And another thing, my parents are always trying to push me to get more friends in real life. I don't want more friends. I prefer talking to my friends on the internet, but according to my mother "I need to have real friends, not friends on the internet". Why? I prefer people on the internet because I connect with them more. She's always getting mad at me because I spend all my time on my iPad chatting with my online friends instead of going out an doing things like "a normal teenager". She seriously thinks that everyone is a 40-year old man who doesn't live where they say and is out to get me. Back in January she even made me stop talking to one of them, who is a well-known member of DC, because my ex-friend's mother called my school and totally lied and said I was "having sexual conversations with a man under the name of *his username*." I have absolutely no idea where that came from, as 1. I would never have conversations like that and 2. he's certainly not a man, only 16(we've shared pics and I really trust him). I talk to him now, without my mother knowing because he was(is) my good friend. I'm sick of my parents trying to force me to do things I don't want to do. I'm so tired of arguing with them over everything. It's my life, not theirs.

 

Whoa, wall of text, sorry for that.

I've only recently turned 15 myself, and I've had the same issues (with the fight thing). Once I had a single moment to rebel against my parents, I grabbed it with both hands. Like I said, bruises and injuries were always neatly covered.

 

Do you have a good friend who lives near you? Try to discuss with them and their parents what the possibilities are if you temporary move in there. At first I was supposed to stay a week with my sister, but I've been living here for two months now, and there's not a plan for me to leave anytime soon. Also, seeing a school counselor might be a good idea. They can give you proper advice and maybe help you out of your situation.

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If I had been your parent, I would have watched to see what you would do if you really had grabbed that knife. I wouldn't have stopped you because I wouldn't allow you to manipulate me like that. Sounds more like drama to me and an attempt at attention from where I'm standing. Stabbing yourself is extremely painful. In order to do such a deed, you have to be so far down in the dark pits of hell that the last damn thing you'd be doing is sitting here on DC telling us all about it. Sounds to me like you're trying to emotionally manipulate the people around you. *shrug* If your dad is such a monster, choose not to visit him.

 

 

 

Kids are mean sometimes. Nothing new there. If you're aware of it, you can choose to act more kindly tomorrow. Everything you do is a choice.

 

 

 

And? What kid hasn't raided the pantry in secret? lol

 

 

 

That's normal, too.

 

You're not your mother. You're not your sisters. You're not the neighbor kids. You're who you are. Find your own strengths and stop torturing yourself with useless, unproductive comparisons. You don't like something about yourself? Then change it. You do have that power.

 

 

 

I really hope this thread doesn't turn into one of those 'these are the million reasons life is so UNFAIR and want to DIE threads like I see on so many other forums. >_< I really need to stay out of these things.

 

If what you guys are describing is all it takes to make you want to quit breathing, the real world is going to be a rude awakening. There is no such place as 'Easy Street' out there. Best get stronger mentally now and figure out how to overcome issues and problems, rather than wallowing in them.

Being stabbed is definitely painful, but if he was referring to slitting his wrists, that is not as painful. I have not been stabbed but I know that is extremely painful. I am still trying to quit selfharming, and from experience I can tell you slitting your wrists is not as painful as it sounds.

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I really hope you don't self harm regularly. It's very hard to quit once you start. I feel like mentioning my family situation but it would put me in a bad mood.

Edited by CleanMyWounds

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My cry for attention was in March, when I had a nervous breakdown at school, and said I'd be be dead by the end of the week because I couldn't go to the teen arts festival.

 

So, evidently you've done this before?

 

I go to pretend I'm not a screw up.

 

Well, you're in good company. Everybody is 'screwed up' in one way or another. You're nothing special like that. It's how you handle adversity that will define you.

 

If kind of wish you were my parent, because then I'd be dead, thanks.

 

Should I feel guilty now? I don't. Why say 'I'd be dead' like it's a bad thing? That's what you really want, what would make you happy...right?

 

 

I am still trying to quit selfharming,

 

I really wish you would. sad.gif It serves absolutely no purpose that I can see. Why not channel your energy in a different way? If you feel like slicing your arm, or 'punishing' yourself, why not take that out on your whole body? Take it out on the road while you struggle to wheeze through a 5 mile run. Take up rock climbing if you're not used to it. Start lifting the hell out of some weights. The burn you'll feel when you really 'punish' yourself lifting is ungodly. In other words, if you want to 'punish' your body, there are a lot more productive ways to do it.

 

I don't mean to sound flip, but if people have the urge to punish themselves extreme sports seems like a much better way to do it.

 

I'll admit to not understanding the whole 'self harm' thing. At all. I just know it makes me sad that anyone would feel a need to go down that road.

Edited by MedievalMystic

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So, evidently you've done this before?

:? In March when I had a nervous breakdown, I told my classmates why hadn't been in school that much and had missed all of January, after I found out that I couldn't go on a field trip that was the only reason I had tried to stop self harming. sounds silly, I know, but i'd been working a year for that trip, I was going to sing in front of some important people, get some good feedback on that trip. I'd sat in class through panic attacks, considered taking a break and then coming back, as my 504 said I could, and then get more upset when I realized that they would just send me home, for that trip. I wasn't allowed to go. The school counselor told me "it wouldn't matter anymore on friday [the day after the trip]" and I replied that it wouldn't matter because I'd be dead. That was inpatient visit #3

I don't know if you'd call that a cry for help, but I was thinking that. The doctors called it my cry for help, so that's why I used it as an example.

I haven't "done this before", no. That situation was a first.

 

Well, you're in good company.   Everybody is 'screwed up' in one way or another.  You're nothing special like that.   It's how you handle adversity that will define you. 

I never said I was the only one or anything like that, I know I'm not special. I'm a sad kid who can't handle school, and is closer to the nurse than the other students at this point. I go online to pretend I'm not a screw up, as in, ignore the fact that everybody else is in school, and that I can't go because I'm a liabilty and the school doesn't want to be responsible, and try and focus my mind on something besides my depression/anxiety.

I'm a sad kid, who can't handle the world because it makes her cry. Is that you want to here?

 

Should I feel guilty now?  I don't.   Why say 'I'd be dead'  like it's a bad thing?  That's what you really want, what would make you happy...right? 

I didn't say it like a bad thing. "I'd be dead." That's flat; neutral. "It's hot outside. Monday is Memorial Day."

I meant: Thank you hypothetical parent, for letting me do what I want with my life.

 

I don't know what you want to achieve here. I said my family situation is bad, and I got kinda upset. I was only replying to the OP, it's not like I made a whole flipping thread about my problems asking for hugs and blankets attention.

From the looks of things, you don't really know much about suicide/self harm, do you? I'd suggest you lay off then. It's not a matter of "don't do it," this world isn't black and white. For me, cutting is the only way feel better and calm down. For others, it's like an addiction. You shouldn't smoke a cigarette, but if you're addicted, it's hard to quit. Same with self harm. And depression, well-that's usually a chemical imbalance in your hormones. How are you supposed to just ignore something that is literally constantly there?

 

@: CleanMyWounds: I know the butterfly project worked for a friend of mine.

Edited by Delira

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It isn't that simple, sadly.

 

I have a strange mix of emotions reading these kinds of posts. On the one hand, I feel such incredible sadness that anyone would harm themselves as you're doing. You deserve much better than you're giving yourself credit for, and you should treat yourself with respect and kindness. I wish I had the words to convince you of that simple truth. You aren't your mom, you haven't lived her life or made her decisions for her. That's on her, not you. But if you don't believe it yourself, nothing changes. Half of me wants to comfort you, half of me wants to put my foot up your arse and ask you what the hell you're thinking, harming yourself like that.

 

 

Why in the world are people so ready and willing...so eager, almost...to take the burdens of others on their shoulders, and ACCEPT it and carry that crap around with them? I've never understood it.

 

Let me ask you, are you harming yourself because you choose to...or is it more of a compulsion, something you can't control? Like I said, I don't understand it at all. I just feel that there's nothing good in the behavior, and if it isn't good, it must be bad. And if it's a bad thing, you need to stop it, to find another, more productive, way to deal with the pain..

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I really wish you would. sad.gif It serves absolutely no purpose that I can see. Why not channel your energy in a different way? If you feel like slicing your arm, or 'punishing' yourself, why not take that out on your whole body? Take it out on the road while you struggle to wheeze through a 5 mile run. Take up rock climbing if you're not used to it. Start lifting the hell out of some weights. The burn you'll feel when you really 'punish' yourself lifting is ungodly. In other words, if you want to 'punish' your body, there are a lot more productive ways to do it.

 

I don't mean to sound flip, but if people have the urge to punish themselves extreme sports seems like a much better way to do it.

 

I'll admit to not understanding the whole 'self harm' thing. At all. I just know it makes me sad that anyone would feel a need to go down that road.

I agree with this. I've been suicidal and depressed for 14 years now and while I totally understand the want to self harm to punish yourself or use it as a form of release, I don't understand cutting. I never started cutting BECAUSE of my hatred for myself. I have always thought, "I'm flawed enough as it is, why would I want to create more flaws by leaving obvious scars on myself?". My self-hated is overwhelming enough as it is, I wouldn't be able to cope with having more reasons to hate myself. And such permanent, obvious, visible reasons.

 

There are a lot better ways to punish yourself than doing something that is going to leave obvious scars in obvious places. And I guess I have a bit of a sour taste in my mouth from cutters because I had 3 friends that were cutters: two cut on their wrists which makes no sense to me since it's such a visible area, and the other guy cut on the outsides of his ankles and wore shorts to show them off.

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I'm a sad kid, who can't handle the world because it makes her cry. Is that you want to here?

 

No, absolutely not. I know all about the black pits of hell. I've visited there a few times myself. It's ugly, and it's scary and yes, it's very, very painful. I know all about pain. Nothing so far has made me break enough to want to self harm or kill myself. In spite of my past, I always liked who I was, no matter how many times my mom tried to pound into my head that I wasn't worth a damn with endless, daily, verbal abuse. I simply refused to own her labels for me, or to believe her and tuned that mess out as much as I could. Was listening to her painful? Yeah. But in my mind it was her that was the sad one, not me. I was a good kid, a good person. I had a lot of love to give, but she made that impossible. I felt sorry for her, not me.

 

 

My only point is that you can't will yourself to die everytime the going gets tough, that's not the answer. It's not the answer now, and it won't be the answer when you're grown. And you'll face a lot more stress when you're an adult than you do at the moment, bet on it. What then? You whip out the knife? Is that always going to be the answer? It shouldn't even be a consideration. For me, it's all about attitude and how you choose to handle things. You might be a kid, but you do have the power to make choices even now, for good or ill.

 

For me, cutting is the only way feel better and calm down.

 

I wish that wasn't the case. I wish you, and everyone that feels like that, could find another solution, a different outlet. There must be another way than what you guys are doing.

 

 

"I'm flawed enough as it is,

 

Everyone is flawed. That's not a good enough reason for self hate. Exactly who or what convinced you that you had to achieve personal perfection in order to be worthy? If you believe that, you've been believing a lie. And if someone else's words convinced you to hate who you are, why did you choose to believe them and let them win?

 

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Edited by MedievalMystic

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