Posted January 15, 2013 (edited) A DREAM The kingdom of Lazerous... It sits in the middle of the continent on a planet several light years away from Earth, a planet named Harlem. Harlem has one major continent, Dumar. The continent is rather ovalish, with multiple branches stretching out into the sea, but for the most part is intact. You can get to every major castle or hold on foot. Dumar consists of 9 kingdoms, all stretching across Dumar. But in the heart of the continent sits Lazerous, its borders touching the other 4 holds. The Kingdom of The Lion, in the east. The Monarchy of Queen Beth, in the North. The Oligarchy of Artacus in the South. And the Republic of the Rifleman in the West. Lazerous is at war with all of these holds... Lazerous city is a strong, and beautiful city. At least, in it's heart... In the heart of the city lies the ten storied castle belonging to Bo Vier, and about 20 blocks out lie the houses of the rich. Tall marble buildings with grand gardens and even gold lined streets. Then, about 100 blocks out from that is the middle class, the streets are a tad bit dirty and the people are rude and usually angry, but you can make your living. But the next 200 blocks is the slums, and they grow more and more every day. The low life area of Lazerous that is left unattended, where crime and filth runs rampant. A grand wall lies around Lazerous, stretching nearly twelve stories high. Some say the cannon gunners on top can barely fire down the walls! Dumar has reached the equivalent of Earth's early 1800s. With the recent perfection of the Musket, war has tided the continent of Dumar. And on top of the pile of gold and bone sits Lazerous and it's master, the evil... The Putrid Monarch Bo Vier! While he wages war against the other kingdoms, all crumbling beneath his massive army, his people die. A black plague, starvation, the rich getting richer as the poor get poorer, crime, corruption, disease, prostitution- THE KINGDOM OF LAZEROUS! IS! DYING! But, this does not matter to some... Not those that believe in order. Those that fight for Bo Vier's orders, his dreaded Royal Guard. A group of lucky men who fight for his word, so they say. They are there to keep the peace down in Lazerous as his armies trample the few squabbling kingdoms, backed against the sea, begging for forgiveness; but as all know, only men give forgiveness. Bo Vier and his Royal Guard are not men, but monsters in men's bodies. Bo Vier's intentions to ignore his people are obvious. Bo Vier is just like his father, General Zaroff Vier. During the olden Great War, which is now forbidden to speak of, Zaroff Vier murdered his king and took his thrown in the name of personal wealth. Those who assisted Vier were equally rewarded, and is the same today. However, not all is lost, for there is a revolution! A group of young men and women fight in pockets all over the city of Lazerous! Most of their outposts lie in the farmland of Lazerous, but in most lower-city taverns you can find contacts willing to assist you in joining the fight. But the whispers of rebellion are starting to turn into roars. The first battles are already in preparation, and rumor has barely brushed the noses of the Royal guard. The time to strike is now, brothers and sisters of Lazerous! Of Dumar! So! Are you with me, are you with HIM, or do you choose to cower in your homes!? FOR FREEDOM! FOR GLORY! FOR A BRIGHTER FUTURE! WE FIGHT! Royal Guard Ranking System (Note: You can choose any of these, but it is suggested you know what you are doing before accepting a high rank. This list is from least to greatest.) *Recruit *Private *Privateer *Second Privateer *Corporal *Second Corporal *Sergeant *Drill Sergeant * Sub lieutenant *Lieutenant *Inspector *1 star General (there can be only one) -Available *2 star General (there can be only one) -Available * Chief of Command (there can be only one) -Available Rebel Ranking (Note: Most of the ranks are not considered important, mostly dictating your specialty. They are mostly not in order, ranks of leading importance are marked with a + plus sign) *Renegade *Night Operative * Musketeer *Cannon Man *Rag-tag (fresh recruit) * Promoter + *Recruiter + * Informant * Supplier * Hasher (can have his own platoon) + * Gold Pins (lieutenants, basically) + * The New King (there can be only one)+ -OPEN! WE NEED A KING! The town of Lazerous is set up similar to early 1800s France. Narrow walk ways, grayish tan buildings reaching bout two to three stories, filth in the streets, castle in the center of town, and so on and so forth. Character Sheet Name: Age: Gender: Job (Royal Guard, rebel (can have a job alongside being a rebel), a normal job, etc.): Military/Rebel rank (option to you being in an army): Specialty: Kin (family; Girlfriend, wife, widowed, children... Dog, cat, goldfish, etc. Bravery (1= Scared Kitten, 10 = Russian Bear): Experience in war?: Physical Description (picture or long descriptive paragraph): Other Information?: PM your character sheets to the owner of this role play! Rules - No meta-gaming, power playing, and so on and so forth. - Sexual role play is to be restricted, but not prohibited. Keep it PG-13, stick to foreplay, but once you touch the bed; cut to black, friend. - Your character is not super man, bullets still hurt him/her. Military experience is one thing, but being the best-of-the-best takes some time. - Try to keep your character unique, but a cookie-cutter character by all technical means is allowed. Just frowned upon. - OOC chat is only allowed within IC posts. - Enjoy yourself; The spoils of war are plenty! Edited January 22, 2013 by azseanster Share this post Link to post
Posted January 19, 2013 Hi! I'm soupnazi and I'll be critiquing your roleplay today. First, you need a lot more information. Is this planet generally like Earth, geographically? What are the other kingdoms? What, exactly, is the technological level? What is the general layout of Lazerous (maps always help, but are not required)? Why does Bo Vier care so little about his people? Who is involved in the resistance? Where is it based? What are its plans? What is Bo Vier currently up to? That sort of thing. Second, you have some pressing grammatical issues. I'll point out most as I come to them, but there are a few ones that happen multiple times. First, you overuse ellipses ("...); only use them when you're trailing off an idea, not as a way to link together ideas. Second, remember that semicolons do not end a sentence, so you do not capitalize the word after them. Third, please run your roleplay through a spellcheck--there are a couple of cases when you simply misspell a word. Share this post Link to post
Posted January 20, 2013 Lazerous is a great and grand city. It'd probably be more clear if you call this "Lazerous city", since you're using the same name for the country. They are there to keep the peace down in Lazerous as his armies trample the few squabbling kingdoms, backed against the sea, begging for forgiveness; But as all know, only men give forgiveness. "But" should be all lowercase letters. - Sexual role play is to be restricted, but not prohibited. Keep it PG-13, stick to foreplay, but once you touch the bed; Cut to black, friend. "Cut" should be all lowercase letters, and the semicolon should be a comma. Other than those, the roleplay is actually looking pretty solid. You may want to consider more rules to cover godmodding and perfect characters, but if not this will be ready for approval after you make the specified changes. Share this post Link to post
Posted January 21, 2013 Okay! This is looking pretty solid, so I'll go ahead and approve it. Have fun roleplaying! Share this post Link to post
Posted January 22, 2013 APPROVED APPLICATIONS (Will be constantly updated) Dragon Cave Name: azseanster Name: Bo Vier Age: 28 Gender: Male Job (Royal Guard, rebel (can have a job alongside being a rebel), a normal job, etc.): Royal King of Lazerous Military/Rebel rank (option to you being in an army): King Specialty: Bo Vier was trained in swordplay from a little boy, and he shows no fear in combat. Kin: N/A Bo Vier is a single man. Bravery (1= Scared Kitten, 10 = Russian Bear): 9 Experience in war?: He is the King, he has fought in many battles before. Physical Description (picture or long descriptive paragraph): http://firsthour.net/screenshots/fable-3/f...-king-logan.jpg Other Information?: Dragon Cave Name: azseanster Name: Gordon McBain Age: 22 Gender: Male Job (Royal Guard, rebel (can have a job alongside being a rebel), a normal job, etc.): College Student/Rebel Military/Rebel rank (option to you being in an army): Golden Pin Specialty: He's a very tactical thinker and prefers to map things out before going through with them. Kin: Gordon has a sister, Addenia, at home. She is 17, and he tries to protect her the best that he possibly can. Bravery (1= Scared Kitten, 10 = Russian Bear): 7 Experience in war?: None what so ever, he's only fueled by his passion for justice! Physical Description (picture or long descriptive paragraph): http://www.blacktieguide.com/History/1800s...e_wikipedia.jpg Other Information?: Share this post Link to post
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