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9pmg5665

The Hyperion

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The Hyperion. She's the beauty of the stars. She knows her role better then any other flotilla. Now that Unitology has reached her, she is more perfect then ever- said just one too many dead Unitologists. Now let's start a bit earlier.

 

History/trivia

 

The year is 2065. About five years after the amazing escape, by escapee Issac Clarke, from the space station Sprawl, about 68% of the population of humans decided that they needed something new, so they built it. They built the largest and constantly advancing Hyperion flotilla, built and upgraded by Earth-Gov. This "Space station", as most people liked to call it, was made for everything. War, religion, living, and even planet-cracking. Unfortunately, as most people may say, the ships were populated by Unitologists. While not a large group of people know why the Church of Unitology is immoral, they are supported by religions of lesser power and people.

 

The main reason Unitology is thought to be bad is because Unitology converts people, secretly of course, into Necromorphs, using the Marker. Necromorphs are zombies created by an alien bacteria. They take any flesh and use it against us, only to have our flesh be manipulated, recreating themselves. Then, when enough are together, they worship the Marker through sacrifice. The Marker is the last remaining piece of an ancient civilization. Thanks to Issac, the Marker "was" the last remaining peace of an ancient civilization. Issac, while fighting for his life, got it destroyed, enraging Unitologists, Earth-Gov, and treasure hunters everywhere. Now, thanks to Earth-Gov and Unitology, Markers are being created over and over again, until one can be usable, which will hopefully be never.

 

The Marker controls people. How, is unknown, though it is known that it makes people insane, at least the ones that resist its "power". It makes them sick, and people that are controlled by it usually become a Necromorph, by secreting a special bacteria that enters the body through cuts, or other insane ways. Unitologists give the "Converter" to a Necromorph without its "weapons" and watch it take it's process. If no Necromorph is available, they inject the host with a serum filled with the bacteria. The change into a Necromorph is quite quick. First, of course, is the face. The jaw slips, unhinges, and the, once was, tongue, starts to shrink into a sharp and trident shaped infection injector, leaving it with an immediate change within 15-20 seconds. That is the most common two ways to be infected and changed. Though it changes depending on age, weight, and height.

 

After Isaac's ruining of the Black Marker, he went insane over two years. He was brought into an Earth-Gov./Unitologist asylum. Through this insanity, Isaac could only focus on building another Marker, and, having gotten supplies from Earth Gov., he could and did create the Red Marker. He later destroyed the Red Marker due to regaining partial sanity, with the help of another prisoner and a girl, Ellie. To this day, their whereabouts are unknown and are Wanted for Treason. Though that seems fairly common these days.

 

Plot

 

A seven year old, seemingly abandoned escape pod has just been recovered by one of the Hyperion's medical ships, Hypo, the largest one of most ships. The pod contained two dead Necromorphs and a box full of the syringes that create the Necromorphs. The Unitologists took the box from the research ship, "Edison", and distributed it to the public in a lie called "Space Flue" Which is any sickness caught in space from unknown causes, which, evidently, happened anyway. Fortunately for the Hyperion, only most of the ships were infected. The smaller ones, the busy ones, and the ones not run by Unitologists, weren't infected by it much until a surprise.

 

In an attempt to launch an escape pod for a friend, some one decided to launch an emergency-nuclear-warhead from the "Bravest", and the radiation blew out communications. The escape pod was still launched, into a high gravity planet, which held few actual people on it. The left-over, uninfected, ships haven't moved at-all, because they run on fuel only one ship, the "Gas Can", has, and that one was noticeably infected relatively early. The other ships ran out trying to get away from the other ones, even the Hypo, which gained the resistance against Unitologist lies, and fought against the Necromorphs.

 

The Hyperion was one of the ships not infected. Though since it was holding the Marker it found, it has the bacteria to infect the crew. They had, in stupidity, decided to hold dead bodies in hope that living people would like to see their loved ones. Those " loved ones" are now coming back and ruining the Hyperion from the inside out. The Hyperion is the only ship with the ability to send emergency signals, and the only one that can unblock the ships to move. Apparently, the Hyperion had some fuel left, but was having a civil war in it's gigantic hull. With no ability of getting out, the other ships have sent escape pods to wrestle the Unitology in the ship.

 

Ships

Hyperion- The best ship in the flotilla. Equipped for war, planet cracking, and political standoffs, this ship was made to be an all around, all-star.

Status- Major infection - Civil war

 

Hypo: The biggest medical ship, and unfortunately, the only one. The ship isn't exactly impressive, but it does have well made medicine and trained scientists.

Status- no infection - Civil war

 

Gas Can: The gas can of the ships, it holds gas. It's completely self explanatory, and is around medium size.

Status- Unstable infection - purification by fire

 

Bravest: The medium-large war ship, it was used for planet bombing. While no major enemies are current, it helps when planet cracking.

Status- Major through unstable infection - less then one dozen of survivors.

 

Populace: Close in size to the Hyperion, the Populace is a civilian ship. It has no guns, and is usually first to back away from a fight and last to go into one.

Status- No infection - Panicky, though overall, calm population.

 

Popper: The Popper is a less popular ship. It jumped first and has had to be rebuilt multiple times due to crashes, mostly into salvage. The crew is re-assembled from skeletons, the inexperienced, and volunteers. It is also very, very, small compared to the rest, with a standing crew around twenty.

Status- Unknown

 

Edison: The Edison is the research ship. People knew they'd find amazing things out in space, and the people of the 26th century are no different. The Edison is the most recent addition to the Hyperion crew, being taken from pirates, holding mysterious technology. Typically small, but can split apart.

Status- Unknown

Necromorphs

 

Slasher: Though the most common, they are also the most dangerous. They can infect easily, are hard to kill and are the most flexible, to the point where they can just lift themselves up with just the use of their toes. They grow spikes from their backs and have sharp teeth.

 

Spitter: An uncommon form of Slasher, Spitters usually are the result from people and those that are pregnant. They spit up acid and can burn away armor within twenty minutes. They typically have most of the same looks as a Slasher.

 

Puker: A Puker is a strange Necromorph. Its hard to tell what kind of person they come from, but commonly, they come from sickly people,as well as those who smoke or drink heavy amounts, leaving a very small amount of them aboard the entire Hyperion fleet. They have a very small puking range, and due to the process of them being infected, only Pukers with many years of being infected can projectile puke.

 

Pregnant: A fat person may become this one. A Pregnant is "pregnant" with Swarmers, and shooting it's stomach will release them. Cutting off a limb will cause it to try to rip itself open.

 

Swarmers: A Swarmer is around the size of a rat. They aren't very tough, but they can hide well and are good predators, and would be better if not for their size. They are usually bunched up together and attack in groups, easily killing a person if left unchecked. A group of 30 or more can create an Infector.

 

Waster: A Waster is a less common result of a Unitologist Infection process. The victim must be willing to eat Necromorph flesh, be injected with the bacteria and encase it self in a small, box like area. They have axe like hands and grow back lost limbs in the form of a spear like tentacle. If their torso is blown off, they grow back three spear-limbs. Their face turns black and hate light. When completely exposed to light from all sides, if they can't dig out of it, they'll cut off their own head and destroy it. Given enough time though, they will die and waste away.

 

Infector: An Infector is created from pure bacteria or Swarmers, which are still actually pure bacteria. Their name explains their purpose. They look like a bird with razor sharp tentacles, which rip apart the victims face until the brain is reached and then infects it. They create mostly Slashers, but can also heal and revive dead Necromorphs, if given the time.

 

Creep/Corruption: Creep, or Corruption for the proper term, is just gross. It's just useless, pus-filled, organs, laying around on the ground and doing nothing, except for spawning Necromorphs like Swarmers and Infectors. It grows on everything like a corrupt vine. It releases poison into the area, over a long term period of time.

 

Wheezer: The one, harmless Necromorph, it fills the air with poison. It morphs into the ground, having its body merged to its legs. The lungs grow outside of it, and given about a months time, they can grow to the size of a skyscraper. They are essential to take out.

 

Rules

 

1) I'm going to be lenient here, more then nearly all the other ones I own. I won't kill off your character on the first mistake in grammar. That's better.

 

2)No perfect characters. Whether their dead or alive, your going to need haters or flaws.

 

3) Power playing is a strange and foreign concept to me. In the sense that I have seen that I'm the only one doing it, and usually, the rules don't say I can't do that. So you know. It's bad if you do that. And stuff. And stuff...

 

4) No using other people's characters. If they are AFDCFAK(Away From Dragon Cave Forums And Keyboard), then they will fall in the Necromorph horde, to be later found hiding in a supply closet, just that much more insane. That's a needed condition for later and will have to be mentioned by you or someone else.

 

5)Killing is awkward, so I'd prefer people make two characters. Bringing in another character will be easy, if we are close to the outer hull of the ship. If not, that character will be a veteran at running.

 

6) There's a code. Veteran. Make it bold and bloody.

 

Weapons

 

Pulse Rifle: Your average assault rifle. Often referred to as the "Tube Shot" due to it's cylindrical shape.

 

Plasma Cutter: A pistol like weapon, given to all C.E.C., it's used to force metal together... Or flesh apart. Shoots a blade of pure force.

 

Ripper: Your natural kinetically, up held industrial saw. Can also shoot the blade out of it.

 

Javelin: It shoots out electricity filled javelins.

 

Force gun: Shoots out a wave of force, usually lethal, if on a setting of two or higher.

 

Seeker Rifle: A very long and sharp bullet comes out of a medium weighed gun with a 2.5x scope. Not extremely recommended.

 

Flamethrower: Throws flames into the front of you. Uses radioactivity to keep chemical burnings alive in space.

 

Contact Beam: Shoots a millisecond of a laser with super-colliding atoms, shooting a force so powerful, it could rip through a ship. IF it shot more then one circular inch of power.

 

Line gun: It's basically a two handed Plasma cutter, shooting a longer, and more damaging projectile.

 

Character Sheets

 

Username:

Age and Gender:

Personality:

History:( Not needed.)

Group: (Earth-Gov., Unitology, C.E.C, Civilian, H.Security.)

Weapon: ( A stasis module, and kinetic module are available for everyone except for civilians, unless accompanied by a squad.)

R.I.G.:

Other:

Edited by 9pmg5665

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Hey people. I realize that this hasn't been on any recent priority list, so I'd like to say that if you do find this interesting or something, PM me. I don't have the sheet up yet, but PMing me would just show me that you people would like to join this.

 

Second request, I need more ships. Not necessarily ones we'd play on, but just more in general. Big ones, not ones just the size of a submarine.

Edited by 9pmg5665

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This has been a WIP for awhile... but I was wondering if you're still accepting crit for the paragraphs that are already there?

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Yes. I am. And it has been. So far, I've only be working on it when I know that something is worth adding to it, or if it's needed to know through out the RP.

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Finally, I finished this! Give me some critique at a time! For I have finished this typing!

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Their name explains them They look like a bird with razor sharp tentacles, which rips apart the victims face until the brain is reached and then infects it.

You need a period there. Also, you might wanna code the form.

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Shes' the beauty of the stars.

 

Apostrophe placement.

 

About five years after,and earlier, the amazing escape by escapee, Issac Clarke, from the space station Sprawl, about 68% of the population of humans decided that they needed something new, they built it.

 

Space, although saying after and earlier is redundant.

Should probably be "so they built it".

 

The largest and constantly advancing Hyperion flotilla, built and upgraded by Earth-Gov.

 

Fragment. "They built the largest" or connect it with a colon after the previous sentence.

 

While only a few of the people that actually do detest this, know why it's bad, they are naturally supported by churches.

 

First comma is unnecessary.

 

The main reason Unitology is bad to people is because Unitology converts people, secretly of course, into Necromorphs, using the Marker.

 

Perhaps "Unitology is thought to be bad to the people is because".

 

The Marker is the last remaining peace of an ancient civilization.

 

Peace (tranquility) or piece (bits of something)? o.o

 

Now, thanks to Earth-gov and Unitology, Markers are being created over and over again, until one can be usable, which will be never, hopefully.

 

You've been capitalizing Gov so far. "which will hopefully be never"

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By the time this Role plays approved, I'll be dead from old age won't I?

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If you still want to continue, I'll give you some additional critique for this.

Edited by Dauntingale

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Okeydoke, here's some crit for you:

 

Shes' the beauty of the stars.

 

- Shes' should be "She's".

 

she is more perfect then ever.- said just one too many dead Unitologists.

 

- Eliminate period after "ever".

 

About five years after the amazing escape by escapee, Issac Clarke, from the space station Sprawl

 

- Move those commas around there so that it reads "amazing escape, by escapee Isaac Clarke, from the space station". Otherwise, if you read it without the parenthetical it would be "escape by escapee from the space station" which wouldn't make sense.

 

While only a few of the people that actually do detest this and know why, they are naturally supported by churches.

- This needs a little bit of rewriting. It's unclear what you're saying... "While a few people actually do detest this and know why they should detest this, they are still, naturally, supported by the church" (?)

 

- Or, you can replace "While" with "With" because that'd make sense too.

 

- When you use "while" at the beginning of a sentence, it means the second part of the sentence should say they are still [something] even though they are [first part of sentence]. For example: "While they are loved by many, they are still detested by a great amount of people". It's hard for me to explain but using "while" at the beginning of a sentence should be like using "although" at the beginning of a sentence.

 

- EDIT: You could also just take Sockpuppet's suggestion for this.

 

The main reason Unitology is thought to be bad to the people

 

- Take out "to the people". It's too wordy; you've already said "the people" think it's bad in the last paragraph.

 

They take flesh and use it against us

 

- Err... Scary. xd.png So, their flesh, or our flesh?

 

How, is unknown, though it is known that is makes people insane

 

- Second "is" should be "it".

 

If no Necromorph is available, They inject the host with a serum filled with the bacteria.

 

- No capital for "they".

He later destroyed the Red Marker due to regaining partial sanity, with the help of another prisoner and a girl Ellie.

 

- Comma between girl and Ellie.

 

They typically have most of the same looks at a Slasher.

 

-"at" should be "as"

 

They aren't very tough, but they can hide well and are good predators, and would be better if not for there size.

 

-”there” should be “their”

 

The victim must be willingly eat Necromorph flesh, be injected with the bacteria and encase it self in a small, box like area.

 

- Change “willingly” to “willing to”.

 

The plot and explanations are pretty solid. After, this there'll probably be only a few minor things, and then it'll be all good. I'll be back. smile.gif

Edited by Dauntingale

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So the flesh thing is like, they can infect anything, be it bug, be it giant, be it celebrity client. I also have done those, corrections.

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Hello, hello.

Okay, I kind of get it now.

 

While not a large group of people know why the Church of Unitology is unmoral,

 

- “unmoral” is not a word. Change to “immoral”.

 

Necromorphs are, by far, the closest things to zombies and aliens, actually combined.

 

- “actually combined” is out of place. Maybe just make it a separate sentence like: “Actually, it is a combination of the two.”

 

- Or, rearrange the sentence so that it makes sense: “Necromorphs are actually combined versions of zombies and aliens, and are by far the closest things to them.”

 

Markers are being created over and over again, until one can be usable, which will be never, hopefully.

 

- Sentence structure is off. Change to “which will hopefully be never”.

 

How, is unknown, though it is known that it makes people insane, at least the ones that resist it's "power".

 

Unitologists give the "Converter" to a Necromorph without it's "weapons" and watch it take it's process.

 

It morphs into the ground, having it's body merged to it's legs.

 

- In the three sentences above, the bolded “it’s” should be “its”. “its” is possessive while “it’s” means “it is”. Watch out for this.

 

Through this insanity, Isaac could only focus on building another marker, and, having gotten supplies from Earth Gov.

 

- Capitalize “marker” for consistency - you’ve been capitalizing it so far.

 

They look like a bird with razor sharp tentacles, which rips apart the victims face until the brain is reached and then infects it.

 

- “which rips” should be “which rip” since you are referring to the plural “tentacles”.

 

When completely exposed to light from all sides, if they can't dig out of it, they'll cut off their own head and destroy it, like cutting it off.

 

- “like cutting it off” seems kind of repetitive; you already said they’d cut it off. That can be taken out.

 

Contact Beam: Shoots a millisecond of a lazer with super-colliding atoms, but a life time of having a hole in yourself.

 

- “lazer” should be “laser”.

 

- “life time” should have no space in between.

 

- “but a lifetime of having a hole in yourself” doesn’t make sense at the end of this sentence. What are you trying to say? Make it more clear.

 

*Note: there may be more “it’s” that should be “its” I haven’t caught. Scan through for more - I won’t correct each and every one.

 

Good luck editing. I’ll be back when you’re done! It’s starting to look approvable. xd.png

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As much as I'm interested in Dead Space, and going according to the real plot, I don't fell like changing it any further. Sorry for not doing what is requested, but thanks for possible joining.

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Hey joiners. I'm going to be gone for two days. PM forms to me at this point. Posting tomorrow and Saturday would help.

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