Adoption

[Rosedamai]

1. This is going to be a topic that also deals with the problems about international/domestic adoptions, as people don't seem to be aware of this generally. You can post things about how the system is corrupt and such.

 

2. You can also post your own personal tales regarding adoption, but bear in mind that just because you have had a horrible/wonderful adoption, not everyone is going to have a similar experience.

 

3. Try to represent all sides of the story-the adoptees, the adoptive parents, and the biological parents.

 

Begin.

 

ETA:

 

4. This thread is strictly talking about human adoptions.

Edited August 21, 2012 by ylangylang

[Moonbeam22]

Interesting. I am not very educated on the 'corrupt' system. I will be keeping an eye on this thread.

However, I believe there is nothing wrong with adoption in general. If a woman gives birth to a child she either was unwillingly forced into bearing, or simply cannot take care of a child she gives birth to, then putting the child up for adoption is absolutely fine. It is much better for a child to go to a family that can fully provide for it and are commited to raising it than have it be deprived living with it's biological parent/ parents.

Also, I believe tht adopting a child is a wonderful thing to do. People that either cannot conceive, or just want to help a child like that should have that option. There are even those who adopt babies from other countries knowing that they have health issues and are willing to pay for medical care. Again, I would like to know more about the problems.

[Snowytoshi]

Unfortunately there are thousands of children who are never adopted and most children will experience at least one abusive foster home in their life.

 

However for the ones who are adopted it is certainly not wrong. The problems are not so much in the idea, but in the carrying out of the idea.

[Mupen64 Man]

I am adopted, I was a foster child from the age of 5 to the age of 8. The process had its ups and downs, the biggest down was that I got split from my two siblings, and now I can't locate them to see whats up, sometimes I forget I even had siblings. Another down is that I rarely stayed with one foster family for more than a year, so any friends that Ive established I have lost, and I don't have any sort of contact with my biological parents.

 

Despite that, I don't think that adoption was all that bad. Sure, the change of parents and location was kinda scary when I was younger, but now I live in a functional household and grew up relatively normal.

Edited August 19, 2012 by Mupen64 Man

[tyto_alba]

My mother and my uncle were both adopted. My grandmother had to have her ovaries removed, so she locally adopted two babies; my uncle first, and then my mother.

 

Adoption is a fantastic thing, and I'd like to adopt someday, seeing as the thought of being pregnant scares the hell out of me. If I find myself in a relationship with a man, we'll either adopt or just not have babies. If I'm with a relationship with a woman, either she'll be pregnant or we'll adopt. Unless we go the surrogate mother route, though I'd rather adopt, myself.

 

I do not like certain things about the adoption system, and I know it's cracked. However, the idea of adoption is wonderful.

[Ashes The Second]

I was adpoted from out-of-the-US, so I have no idea what adoptions are like here, actually. I was adopted from Belarus, where the adoptions are incredibly strict and you have to be there about two weeks to get to know your child. We also learned how to say 'I love you' in English. Was the first thing I ever said in another language, and now I don't know to speak Russian/Belarusian anymore. >.<. I'll learn someday, but the earlier the better.

[Rosedamai]

Interesting. I am not very educated on the 'corrupt' system. I will be keeping an eye on this thread.

This is a good article I've found on international adoption: http://www.foreignpolicy.com/articles/2008...the_lie_we_love

 

Along the way, the international adoption industry has become a market often driven by its customers. Prospective adoptive parents in the United States will pay adoption agencies between $15,000 and $35,000 (excluding travel, visa costs, and other miscellaneous expenses) for the chance to bring home a little one. Special needs or older children can be adopted at a discount. Agencies claim the costs pay for the agency's fee, the cost of foreign salaries and operations, staff travel, and orphanage donations. But experts say the fees are so disproportionately large for the child’s home country that they encourage corruption....

 

....Poor, illiterate birthparents in the developing world simply have fewer protections than their counterparts in the United States, especially in countries where human trafficking and corruption are rampant. And too often, these imbalances are overlooked on the adopting end. After all, one country after another has continued to supply what adoptive parents want most.

 

In reality, there are very few young, healthy orphans available for adoption around the world. Orphans are rarely healthy babies; healthy babies are rarely orphaned. "It’s not really true," says Alexandra Yuster, a senior advisor on child protection with UNICEF, "that there are large numbers of infants with no homes who either will be in institutions or who need intercountry adoption."

 

Some of these corruption can be: 1. The birth mother has no idea what she's signing, because she doesn't understand the language or she can't read, and can sign away her baby without meaning to. 2. Some of the babies put up for international adoption are kidnapped.

 

Consider the case of Ana Escobar, a young Guatemalan woman who in March 2007 reported to police that armed men had locked her in a closet in her family’s shoe store and stolen her infant. After a 14-month search, Escobar found her daughter in pre-adoption foster care, just weeks before the girl was to be adopted by a couple from Indiana. DNA testing showed the toddler to be Escobar's child. In a similar case from 2006, Raquel Par, another Guatemalan woman, reported being drugged while waiting for a bus in Guatemala City, waking to find her year-old baby missing. Three months later, Par learned her daughter had been adopted by an American couple....

 

....In many countries, it can be astonishingly easy to fabricate a history for a young child, and in the process, manufacture an orphan. The birth mothers are often poor, young, unmarried, divorced, or otherwise lacking family protection. The children may be born into a locally despised minority group that is afforded few rights. And for enough money, someone will separate these little ones from their vulnerable families, turning them into "paper orphans" for lucrative export.

 

Some manufactured orphans are indeed found in what Westerners call "orphanages." But these establishments often serve less as homes to parentless children and more as boarding schools for poor youngsters. Many children are there only temporarily, seeking food, shelter, and education while their parents, because of poverty or illness, cannot care for them. Many families visit their children, or even bring them home on weekends, until they can return home permanently. In 2005, when the Hannah B. Williams Orphanage in Monrovia, Liberia, was closed because of shocking living conditions, 89 of the 102 "orphans" there returned to their families. In Vietnam, "rural families in particular will put their babies into these orphanages that are really extended day-care centers during the harvest season," says a U.S. Embassy spokeswoman in Hanoi. In some cases, unscrupulous orphanage directors, local officials, or other operators persuade illiterate birth families to sign documents that relinquish those children, who are then sent abroad for adoption, never to be seen again by their bereft families.

 

Other children are located through similarly nefarious means. Western adoption agencies often contract with in-country facilitators -- sometimes orphanage directors, sometimes freelancers -- and pay per-child fees for each healthy baby adopted. These facilitators, in turn, subcontract with child finders, often for sums in vast excess of local wages. These paydays give individuals a significant financial incentive to find adoptable babies at almost any cost. In Guatemala, where the GDP per capita is $4,700 a year, child finders often earned $6,000 to $8,000 for each healthy, adoptable infant. In many cases, child finders simply paid poor families for infants. A May 2007 report on adoption trafficking by the Hague Conference on Private International Law reported poor Guatemalan families being paid beween $300 and several thousand dollars per child.

 

Sometimes, medical professionals serve as child finders to obtain infants. In Vietnam, for instance, a finder's fee for a single child can easily dwarf a nurse's $50-a-month salary. Some nurses and doctors coerce birth mothers into giving up their children by offering them a choice: pay outrageously inflated hospital bills or relinquish their newborns...

 

....To smooth the adoption process, officials in the children's home countries may be bribed to create false identity documents. Consular officials for the adopting countries generally accept whatever documents they receive. But if a local U.S. Embassy has seen a series of worrisome referrals -- say, a sudden spike in healthy infants coming from the same few orphanages, or a single province sending an unusually high number of babies with suspiciously similar paperwork -- officials may investigate. But generally, they do not want to obstruct adoptions of genuinely needy children or get in the way of people longing for a child.

 

Also, oftentimes the documents detailing the baby's birthplace and the parents aren't accurate, so if the adoptee wants to find his/her place of origin and parents, it's often very complicated.

Edited August 19, 2012 by ylangylang

[Mousia]

I don't know if I'll ever adopt, but I do have some adopted friends. I think I'd be sad if I adopted a child because I would never be...biologically similar to him/her. I just don't know at this point.

[Mupen64 Man]

I don't know if I'll ever adopt, but I do have some adopted friends. I think I'd be sad if I adopted a child because I would never be...biologically similar to him/her. I just don't know at this point.

Its funny that you say that, even though I am adopted, people often say how much I look like my dad. I guess it goes to show that even adopted children can start to develop traits from the parent taking care of them.

[7Deadly$ins]

Its funny that you say that, even though I am adopted, people often say how much I look like my dad. I guess it goes to show that even adopted children can start to develop traits from the parent taking care of them.

This is impossible. You can't change the genetics of your appearance.

[Cori]

Of course you can't change genetics. Mupen64 didn't say that. :I

But people have so many other factors influencing their appearance, especially parents--whether they're adopted or biological. Hairstyles, clothing, even certain mannerisms all contribute to someone's personality, their appearance, and how they look in the eyes of others. Plus, when someone knows that two people are related they start finding traits on them that are similar. Maybe they have the same shape nose, or the same color eyes.

 

It's not 'impossible' to say that a child can grow to resemble their adopted parents.

Edited August 21, 2012 by Jackal

[dgsunburst]

i know that my family adopted a dog who physically wasnt abused when we got her but emotionally she would flinch all the time she wont jump on couches and she always want attention if she doesnt get it she hides

[Rosedamai]

i know that my family adopted a dog who physically wasnt abused when we got her but emotionally she would flinch all the time she wont jump on couches and she always want attention if she doesnt get it she hides

Uh...we're talking about human adoption, at least that was the intent.

3. Try to represent all sides of the story-the adoptees, the adoptive parents, and the biological parents.

You can't represent the dog's story, nor its parents', nor its previous owners'. Yours would go in the "dogs" or "pets" thread.

Edited August 21, 2012 by ylangylang

[~Kat~]

even though I am adopted, people often say how much I look like my dad. I guess it goes to show that even adopted children can start to develop traits from the parent taking care of them.

I agree with you.

[Rosedamai]

http://www.firstmotherforum.com/

 

A forum for women who've "given up" their children through adoption. As you can see, it's not an easy choice.

[Rachel72]

I'm unable to have children, so, if and when I'm ready.. I'll go thru the process of adopting.

[High Lord November]

I think I'd like to adopt a couple of children at some point in my life. Maybe along with a surrogate child, I would not mind, but I have no interest in being pregnant.

[LibbyLishly]

Adoption is such a beautiful thing! I know many, many adopted children (some of whom are now in their 60s, all the way down to newborns), and usually it's a joyous occasion when a family brings in a new member through adoption.

 

I will say that the US foster care system is a complete disaster. Many kids do find good adoptive parents through it, but so many more come out in no better shape than how they went in. Our social services system seems to penalize good parents who simply operate outside the norm by yanking away their children just as frequently, if not more so, as it manages to catch abusive parents and rescue their children.

 

As for overseas adoptions, I know that there are real orphans who desperately need real homes, and it's good that there are arrangements that make it possible for people with the means to be able to adopt. I think the system makes it both far too expensive, and it's the best policy for would-be parents to be diligent in order to ensure that the children have not been kidnapped. I encourage awareness in this matter, but not absolute prohibition of overseas adoption, because of the number of children who DO need help.

[Rachel72]

Adoption is such a beautiful thing! I know many, many adopted children (some of whom are now in their 60s, all the way down to newborns), and usually it's a joyous occasion when a family brings in a new member through adoption.

 

I will say that the US foster care system is a complete disaster. Many kids do find good adoptive parents through it, but so many more come out in no better shape than how they went in. Our social services system seems to penalize good parents who simply operate outside the norm by yanking away their children just as frequently, if not more so, as it manages to catch abusive parents and rescue their children.

 

As for overseas adoptions, I know that there are real orphans who desperately need real homes, and it's good that there are arrangements that make it possible for people with the means to be able to adopt. I think the system makes it both far too expensive, and it's the best policy for would-be parents to be diligent in order to ensure that the children have not been kidnapped. I encourage awareness in this matter, but not absolute prohibition of overseas adoption, because of the number of children who DO need help.

I totally agree with you.

[Brotato]

I'm adopted.

...I don't think about it though.

I find it irrelevant who's genetic material I carry.

So far as I'm concerned, the family that raised me are well, my family.

 

And I honestly don't understand this fascination with people's genetic heritage. It's been mentioned to me multiple times by relatives and family friends that it's "okay" for me to want to meet my biological parents, even after I'd clearly stated that I have no such desire.

 

It's silly.

[Omega Entity]

My oldest sibling (my brother) was adopted from Seoul after my parents couldn't conceive after a couple of years trying. Then lo and behold, along came my sister a year later, and I came along 6 years after her.

 

I don't think that we have any information about my brother's biological parents, and there's an early picture or two that looked like it was an entirely different baby. He's never really had much interest in finding his biological family, that I'm aware of.

[edwardelricfreak]

And I honestly don't understand this fascination with people's genetic heritage. It's been mentioned to me multiple times by relatives and family friends that it's "okay" for me to want to meet my biological parents, even after I'd clearly stated that I have no such desire.

 

It's silly.

Well, personally I don't really think it matters who your biological parents are, but it definitely matters what their genes and genetic history are. It's probably best you do learn at least what kinds of disease or other genetic 'quirks' they may have (good or bad). c: I think that's really the important part.

[Brotato]

Well, personally I don't really think it matters who your biological parents are, but it definitely matters what their genes and genetic history are. It's probably best you do learn at least what kinds of disease or other genetic 'quirks' they may have (good or bad). c: I think that's really the important part.

I suppose, when it comes to medical issues.

But what I was referring to was simple sentimentality.

[edwardelricfreak]

I realized that. c: If I ever adopted, I don't think I would ever try to force my child to learn who their biological parents are; that's really up to them. But I would still encourage testing for medical reasons. Actually that's probably good for *anyone*. I'm not so sure you necessarily need to contact anyone for that, though, right? Simple blood tests should be able to cover most things. Still, probably easier to just ask someone and hope they know at least the worst things running in their family.