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Laurarockstar

Warriors Of The Forest

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I believe that it should be 'not your DC password' and not 'you' for the character sheets.

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it's "hieght" wiht an e.

 

- It's "height," and "hight" is actually a word. Hight means the same as height, although there is another more common definition. So I recommend you to change it to "height".

 

Hello! It's Dauntingale, back for a follow-up. There'll be more in-depth checking and most likely just minor errors that need fixing. Be warned I am (still) not an approver or approver-in-training, so there are things I will miss.

 

Starclan has given us a prophecy, saying that our land, lost long ago

 

- Take out the first comma. It wouldn't make sense when you take out what would be the parenthetical element if you kept the comma: "Starclan has given us a prophecy lost long ago"

 

he new one at the edge of Shadowclan territory resembles the old Thunderpath at its hieght, although cats don't usually cross it.

 

- Because of my first comment, you're going to have to change "hieght" to "height".

 

Also, in each Clan's territory there is a small clearing where the earth was dug up, and put back.

 

- Comma after "territory".

 

The Old Forest is now overrun with rouges and loners

 

- "rouge" is a shade of red, or describes things having to do with the color red (like cosmetics). This should be "rogue". Do Ctrl+F on a PC to find all the places (there are five including this one) where you put "rouge" instead of "rogue".

 

It seems that the twolegs have planted new saplings here.

 

- Capitalize "twolegs" for consistency.

 

she as white toes and tail tip, and a nick in left earand greenish blue eyes.

 

- "as" should be "has".

- Add "her" before "left ear".

- Take out the second "and".

- Add a comma before the last "and" since it'll be a list once you do the above.

 

Snowkit (not born)- A blind white kit with hazey blue eyes.

 

- Hazey isn't a word.

 

Yarrow Leaves - Makes them throw-up and extract poison.

 

- It is unclear what you mean by "them".

 

Yarrow Ointment – Scraped paws.

 

- Not clear. Add "For" before "scraped".

 

*I'll look through "Clan Ranks" when you've fixed the above and below.

 

**Note: In your first "The Clans" section right before the "Relationships" section, some sentences are complete and some aren't. I think you should stick with all incomplete for a list, or make them all complete sentences. I can't really correct all the incompletes right now since your preference (for list, or all complete sentences) is unclear, but after you change it, I'll look through it again.

Edited by Dauntingale

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I wanted my 2000th post to be something speical, and this seems to be it

 

just wait, with the closing of the old thread maybe one of the approves or mods will move this one soon, read the topic, and it all seemed to be in order.

 

I promise I WILL make time to be active in this one

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okay i pmed Walker about closing Warriors: Return to the Forest but she said that only superguy16, the OP, can request that of a mod so I'm going to try to pm about it being okay if it gets closed and then he has to confirm to Walker that it's okay to do so.

 

edit: also i sent a pm with my char form in it to you Laura happy.gif.

Edited by Dragonpelt

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That's great Sorrowgrave~! biggrin.gif

 

Oh, and that makes sense DP. I'm sure thsi one will get approved anyway though, only the main idea is based off the old one. :3

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okie dokie happy.gif; i wish you luck with getting it approved since i can't wait to start posting as Owlflare again biggrin.gif.

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okie dokie happy.gif; i wish you luck with getting it approved since i can't wait to start posting as Owlflare again biggrin.gif.

the op of the origial one hasn't been on since febuaray, and his scroll is all nameless.

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Yeah, he's pretty much inactive. I don't think that matters though. This RP will never get approved if an approver NEVER looks at it though. I think i'm going to complain of lack of approvers. I haven't seen an active one in the Unnaproved section for a suuuuuppppperrrr long time.

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yeah well it's part of the rules for mods i think; anyway, if you pm a mod and ask nicely I'm sure they'll come and take a look at the rp and possibly approve it.

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well you guys can always send a pm to Walker or Khay and try to get them to look at this so that it can hopefully get approved and we can get started.

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