Posted May 20, 2012 (edited) History Many moons ago, a leader loved by everyone, died because one of her warriors killed her. The leader's name was Heatherstar. The warrior who killed her was called Amberclaw. Amberclaw was shadowy from the start. She killed the RiverClan deputy, Whitespeckle, then her own brother, because of madness. She went mad because of her ambition for power and killed them the night before Heatherstar died. She was known for her amber eyes that could be seen in the blackest of nights. Amberclaw had so much ambition that she was given a prophecy from StarClan. The prophecy said to Amberclaw: "Your ambition for power will catch the forest on fire with a blazing heat that will take over in horrible ways. But a warrior stronger will put out your fire with water so cold it will freeze your life to ice and shatter it to pieces." Later on, after Heatherstar, Whitespeckle, and Amberclaw's brother were killed, Amberclaw went out in forest. It was silent. No birds were singing, no leaves were falling, and everything was still. Then, an orange pelt burst out of the bushes and she fell to the ground dead. Firecloud, a RiverClan warrior and the water warrior, killed Amberclaw. When Firecloud carried Amberclaw's body back to her clan, ShadowClan, and when the ShadowClan warriors saw what he had done, they voted him leader. Firecloud agreed reluctantly. He didn't want to leave RiverClan, but when he consulted with StarClan, he knew he had done the right thing because who else would lead ShadowClan? Littlestep, from RiverClan, Firecloud's old clan, was traveling to the moonstone to receive her nine lives, she was told Amberclaw trained in the Dark Forest, because she was Firecloud's sister, and Firecloud was becoming the new leader of ShadowClan. The Dark Forest is on the other side of StarClan. The Dark Forest is a dark, marshy place where evil cats go if they don't join StarClan. Snowhare, Littlestep and Firecloud's sister, moved to WindClan recently to become their leader. She was told her mate, Blackwater would become the water warrior. But as she went to receive her nine lives when her leader died, StarClan told her that Blackwater was going to destroy the water warrior instead of becoming the water warrior. Snowhare suddenly felt happy he had died. All of the warrior cats felt torn, no one knew how Littlestep, Firecloud, and Snowhare would work this out. As Snowhare, Littlestep, and Firecloud finally began to settle down and figure the prophecy out, dogs were killing prey on the clans' territories. Dogs were the clans worst nightmare. They came from two-legs that abandoned them. The dogs became so powerful that they had made an army in everyone of the clans' territories. More of cats' lives were lost by fighting the dogs, and each battle ended in failure. Finally, the ThunderClan leader, who's name was Whitestar, stayed out of the fighting because it wasn't worth it to him. He did, however, decide that the dogs must be stopped for the good of everyone. None of the clans listened to him, because they thought it was foolish, and the dogs still remain there. There is a new fire in the forest, dogs, and four cats from the clans will become water again and shatter the dogs to pieces. Plot You are a warrior in ThunderClan, a clan that lives in the forest and climbs trees, RiverClan, a clan that fishes in the river and swims all the time, ShadowClan, a clan that lives in a pine forest or marshlands, or WindClan, a clan that is lithe, and agile, and catches rabbits. You are still hostile to other clans, but you meet them once a week in truce to discuss the dogs. When the time comes to drive the dogs away, the you all must work together. Warriors in General Warriors are cats who live in groups called clans. They have names such as Gingertail, Harepaw, or Littlekit. Warrior cats train to fight, hunt, and guard borders. While they quarrel with other clans, medicine cats do the opposite. Medicine cats meet with each other every half moon. Medicine cats also train to heal their clan-mates. Although trained in different ways, they have the same names. Rules 1. PG 13 please 3. No godmodding 4. No cussing unless it's clan cuss (mouse-dung, fox-heart, etc) 5. No killing without owner's permission 6. Put your favorite animal in the other section 7. Do not PM me forms, post them on here but PM me if you want to be one of the four. 8. No advertising. 9. Only bump a topic once every 24 hours of the last post. 10. Post at least 4 sentences which contain more than 3 words of IC per roleplaying post. 11. Do not spam roleplays. 12. Use constructive criticism. 13. Respect each other. 14. Only post in unapproved roleplays if you have something constructive to add. All other posts are considered spam. 15. Only 1 RP per RPer in the Unapproved Section. 16. Do not Plagiarize. 17. Kicks should be handled privately. Rules About Being one of the Four Whatever clan your cat is in, you must have two or more cats in that clan Don't tell anyone that you are one of the four If you are already on of the four, don't ask be another. Don't act like you are more powerful over everyone else. Who has the four ------------------ SC- I have one of the four TC- Girlfairy76 has one of the four RC- Dewspirit has one of the four WC- dangershy has one of the four ThunderClan Leader- Hollowstar - Long-haired pale brown bulky she-cat with yellow eyes-Dewspirit Deputy- Dreamfeather- gray with pike like fur- Lem Med. Cat- Med. Cat apprentice- Sealedclaw-Golden brown tabby -FlowerOwl Warriors- Stormstrike-Moonbeam22 Foxfur-orange fur with white underbelly-Girlfairy76 Queens- Apprentices- Thornpaw- White with brown spots and green eyes- Girlfairy76 Whitepaw White tom with gray tail and green eyes. -Lem Kits- RiverClan Leader- Brightstar- Black she-cat with white paws and yellow eyes. -Lem Deputy- Flametrail-All black except for chest, foreleg, and tail tip- EchotheWolf Med. Cat- Silverpelt- gray pelt and white underbelly with dark-tipped tail. -TSparkle Med. Cat apprentice- Warriors- Bankfoot - Light gray bushy tom with fain darker stripes and green eyes -Dewspirit Queens- Apprentices- Eaglepaw- handsome strong short rough Golden furred tom , he is very big and tall, has the exact shape of an african cat -Dewspirit Whisperpaw- a pretty slender tortoshell and white she-cat with green eyes -Dewspirit Kits- WindClan Leader- Saberstar-old,Thin, pointy pale gray she-cat with darker stripes- Falling Rain Deputy- Farrowtail -Handsome long-legged, slim tom with green eyes and dark brown leopard-like fur- Dewspirit Med. Cat- Ivyfire Long haired silver tabby with amber eyes. -Lem Med. Cat apprentice- Warriors- Thicketfur- Falling Rain Hareflight- Lem Furzefoot- a lithe fuzzy-furred ginger and white tom -Dewspirit Queens- Apprentices- Creekpaw -Dewspirit Kits- ShadowClan Leader- Crowstar- black with yellow eyes -Lem Deputy- Sandhollow- sandy she-cat with blue eyes -Lem Med. Cat- Med. Cat apprentice- Warriors- Brokenfoot- dark brown tabby with intense blue eyes -Lem Poppyfoot- pale she-cat with green eyes -Lem Queens- Moonwhisker- pale tan she-cat with dark blue eyes -Lem Apprentices- Kits- Form Username- Name- Clan- Gender- Looks- Personality- Rank- Apprentice- Mate- Kits- Other- Edited June 6, 2012 by Lemurtail Share this post Link to post
Posted May 20, 2012 (edited) ThunderClan Username- Lemurtail Name- Whitepaw Clan- TC Gender- tom Looks- white tom with gray tail and green eyes http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-lHPvnrbPsok/TbCJ...reen%2Beyes.jpg Personality- friendly and has a great sense of humor. Rank- apprentice Apprentice- Not until he's a warrior Mate- Never had an interest... maybe a she-cat could win him over... Kits- not yet Other- cat Username-FlowerOwl Name- SealedClaw Clan- TC Gender- Female Looks- Golden brown tabby with moss draped on herself. Personality- Quiet, shy, obedient, and loves to study things like herbs and history. She also studies other animal's behaviours. You can usually find her in an isolated area or hiding behind some bushes watching other cats go on about their day. Rank- Med's Apprentice in Thunderclan Apprentice- None, she is one Mate- None, but she wishes for one in the future though. Kits- None Other- TYTO ALBA BARN OWL! Username- Girlfairy76 Name-Thornpaw Clan- TC Gender- Female Looks-White she cat with brown cut-looking spots. Green eyes? Personality-A playful personality, she climbs up trees very well and enjoys jumping down from great heights. She has long claws that she uses mostly for fighting. She has always dreamed of destroying a dog, but she has never seen one. She gets mad at other clans if the yurt her clan. Rank- Apprentice Apprentice-N/A Mate-N/A Kits-N/A Other- Hamster/ ThunderClans one. Username- Lemurtail Name- Dreamfeather Clan- TC Gender- Female Looks-Pale gray with pike like fur and green eyes http://www.freewebs.com/katfreak123/dapplestar.jpg Personality-A playful and humorous cat. Rank- Deputy Apprentice- Thornpaw Mate-N/A Kits-N/A Other- cat Username- Moonbeam22 Name- Stormstrike Clan- ThunderClan Gender- Male Looks- http://t0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcT...pK82fWszLkX_Xi_ Personality- Very friendly and hardworking. He is extremely loyal and hopes to become deputy someday Rank- Warrior Apprentice- Whitepaw Mate- Open Kits- None yet Other- Nope! I'll make another Username-girlfaiey76 Name- Foxfur Clan-ThunderClan Gender- Male Looks-Orange fur, with white under head black ears,paws, white underbelly, and a bushy tail tipped with white. Yellow eyes Personality- Very kind, hardworking. Has a schedule he keeps in his mind. He loves to see the kits when they get outside the Nursery, and spends most time alone. He keeps most foxes away Rank-Warrior Apprentice-none(I can't apprentice myself) Mate-none Kits-none Other- Hamster again ShadowClan Username- Lemurtail Name- Moonwhisker Clan- SC Gender- she-cat Looks- pale tan she-cat with dark blue eyes http://www.freewebs.com/tribe-cats123/blue.jpg Personality- Sweet and bitter at the same time Rank- queen Apprentice- nope... Mate- nope... Kits- nope... Other- cat Username- Lemurtail Name- Poppyfoot Clan- SC Gender- she-cat Looks- pale she-cat with green eyes http://mossshine.webs.com/Thistledown.jpg Personality- Sweet but is a fierce fighter Rank- warrior Apprentice- nope... Mate- nope... Kits- nope... Other- cat Username- Lemurtail Name- Crowstar Clan- TC Gender- Tom Looks- Black tom with yellow eyes. http://visonoftheclans.webs.com/aaaaaaaaaa...ighrblossom.jpg Personality- He is an odd SC leader, always loving and careful with the other clans. Rank-Leader Apprentice-N/A Mate-He is hoping to win Poppyfoot. Kits-N/A Other-Cat Username- Lemurtail Name- Brokenfoot Clan- SC Gender- tom Looks- Dark brown tabby with blue eyes http://images.wikia.com/thewarriorcatsclan...a8/Hawksong.jpg Personality- When he's told of fighting dogs, his eyes light up. Rank- warrior Apprentice- none Mate- none Kits- none Other- cat Username- Lemurtail Name- Sandhollow Clan- SC Gender- she-cat Looks- small sandy she-cat with blue eyes http://farm1.static.flickr.com/188/4061524...ed5163329_m.jpg Personality- When cats are hurt, she's always scared she'll hurt them. Rank- Medicine cat Apprentice- none Mate- none Kits- none Other- cat WindClan Username- Lemurtail Name- Ivyfire Clan- WC Gender- she-cat Looks- Long haired silver tabby with amber eyes http://i734.photobucket.com/albums/ww350/S.../AngelLight.jpg Personality- Great with herbs but is grouchy because she doesn't have an apprentice to help her Rank- Med. Cat Apprentice- nope... Mate- nope... Kits- nope... Other- cat Username-Dewspirit Name- Farrowtail Clan- Windclan Gender-Tom Looks- Handsome long-legged, slim tom with green eyes and dark brwn leopard-like fur. Personality- Farrowtail can be very silent while deep in thought, he does not agree much with battles and always tries to find another solution to the problem, he is a very smart deputy and is known for his cunning. He shows promise in being the next leader of Windclan and although still fairly young the clans respect him and his wise decisions. Rank- Deputy Apprentice-who wants to be the deputys apprentice?! Mate-none yet Kits-none yet Other- cat Username-Dewspirit Name- Furzefoot Clan-Windclan Gender- Male Looks-a lithe fuzzy-furred ginger and white tom Personality- very temperamental, Furzefoot can get angry easily and will not back down from a challenge, even if it is a silly one. He is very proud and extremely loyal and is jealous of his brother Farrowtail as he is more handsome and the deputy. He loves his brother but often likes to show of how much better his physical skills are than Farrowtails, yet his brother plays along and soon it is clear who has the brains. Furzefoot longs for appreciation and admiration and hopes to have his first apprentice soon but he knows the clan is not keen on it. He hopes to someday find a mate who loves him for who he is : and arrogant little mousedung. Rank-Warrior Apprentice-none unless he has a fan of anger Mate-longs for one Kits-not too keen but he dosent realize that one day he would love the idea Other- cat Username- Falling Rain Name- Saberstar(Saberclaw) Clan-Windclan Gender-She-cat Looks- old,Thin, pointy pale gray she-cat with darker stripes Personality- A sharp tongue and claws, this old she-cat can be your worst nightmare. Cats go soft on her because shes old (as she lived very well and hardly ever put her clan at risk) yet they do not realize that her spirit is still strong and although her bony physique is a disadvantage she never lets that put her off fighting. She may seem mad at some points in time but she knows what she is doing. She has an odd sense of humor and often has crazy mutterings to herself. But she is a good leader and very reliant. She is fiercely loyal and although sometimes she may not seem in the right mind, Saberstar always has a plan. And don't EVER...EVER mention her age. Rank- Leader Apprentice- Creekpaw Mate- Burrowflight(deceased) Gorgepelt Kits-Hareflight, Thicketfur, Creekpaw, Other- owl Username- Lemurtail Name-Hareflight Clan-Windclan Gender- She-cat Looks- White she cat with gray paw and face. Missing her tail because of a fox. Personality- Although she may have her mothers frown Hareflight has her fathers warm heart and open mind. She is a good hunter, a great listener and above all things a natural leader. She never takes risks and always cares for her clan. She like her little brother is hoping to be Windclans leader one day. She is fair and knows right from wrong. her mothers thinks she's too soft and has not much contact with her. Rank-Warrior Apprentice-none yet Mate-none yet Kits-none yet Other- owl Username-Falling rain Name-Thicketfur Clan-Windclan Gender-Tom Looks- Personality- Thicketfur never takes anything seriously, he sees life as a big game and takes way too many risks. He likes to show off and have fun. He has a big heart and a lot of love to give.Thicketfur's mother disproves of his behavior but he dosent care, his tracking and hunting skills makes up for it. He is a genius in disguise Rank-Warrior Apprentice-none Mate-none Kits-none Other- owl Username- Dewspirit Name-Creekpaw Clan-Windclan Gender-Tom Looks- Personality-Almost an exact replica of his mother Saberstar. He snaps and growls at other apprentices and has a haughty look. The only difference between them is that he is more unprepared. He is proud and is the only kit Saberstar thinks has a promising future so she teaches him and spends the most time with him. He does not know it but his father is Gorsepelt of Riverclan. Creekpaw is proud and arrogant. Rank- apprentice Apprentice-none yet Mate-none yet Kits-none yet Other- owl Username- dangershy Name- Airflame Clan- WindClan Gender- Male Looks- Ginger mackerel tabby with dark ginger stripes and black paws. He has a few scars, the most noticeable being a slash over one eye. He is not blind in that eye, however, but it is slightly blurred vision in it. His eyes are a bright azure (sky-blue) shade that shine at day. Personality- Quiet and level-headed, he can be deadly in battles because he calculates before he attacks. Most say that he should be deputy, but he prefers to be a follower instead of a leader, however much cats turn to him when they need help. But this does not stop him from helping cats in need, and he cares greatly for his apprentice. Rank- Warrior Apprentice- Grasspaw(breeze) Mate- N/A Kits- N/A Other- One of the Four Username- dangershy Name- Grasspaw(breeze) Clan- WindClan Gender- Female Looks- A light gray she-cat with happy green eyes and darker dray paws. She has tabby-like stripes on her front right leg, but nowhere else. Personality- Hyperactive and cheerful, she prefers not to battle but will if she must. She isn't as mild and level as her mentor, but they get along well despite their differences. She cares for those around her and if a friend is sad, she'll do anything she can to cheer them up. Rank- Apprentice Apprentice- None. Mate- I think she's a little young for that tongue.gif Kits- Thinking she's a little young for thaaat~ Other- None. RiverClan Username- Lemurtail Name- Brightstar Clan- RC Gender- she-cat Looks- black she-cat with white paws and yellow eyes http://rainingbloods-camp.webs.com/Nightfur.jpg Personality- A great leader, always trying to cheer everyone up. Rank- Leader Apprentice- nope... Mate- nope... Kits- nope... Other- cat Username- EchotheWolf Name- Flametrail Clan- RC Gender-Tom Looks-All black except for chest, foreleg, and tail tip Personality- Kind, but if a different clan tries to hurt any of his clan, he gets as fierce as Tigerstar. Amazing in stealth, persuasion, and hunting. Rank-Deputy of Riverclan. Apprentice-None yet. Mate-None yet. Kits-His kits are his clan. Other-He is very loyal to his clanmates. Username-TSparkle123 Name- Silverpelt Clan- RC Gender- she-cat Looks- gray pelt and white underbelly with dark-tipped tail. Personality- Irritable, but sweet when in her comfort zone. She is happy with being the medicine cat, this gives her an excuse to not have a mate. Loves solving a good medical mystery. Rank- Med. Cat Apprentice- None yet. Mate- ... she's the medicine cat... kinda not allowed... Kits- same as above. Other- I am a kitty cat. Username- Dewspirit Name-Eaglepaw Clan-RiverClan Gender-Tom Looks- handsome strong short rough Golden furred tom , he is very big and tall, has the exact shape of an african cat(the actual cat, not lions, cheetahs whatnot) This is was his face looks like Personality- Eaglepaw is blunt, hes also very secretive and likes to keep to himself,he is like this because he feels he does not fit in. He used to live with the tribe of rushing water when he was a kit, but when his mother died his father brought him to the clans(his dad was Riverclan and his mother the tribe). He loves the mountains and the open air and one day wishes to return. Rank-Apprentice Apprentice-hopefully one day Mate-hopefully one day Kits-hopefully one day Other-cat Username- Dewspirit Name- Bankfoot Clan-RiverClan Gender-Tom Looks- Light gray bushy tom with fain darker stripes and green eyes-Bankfoot pic Personality- open-minded and funny Bankfoot can act like a big kit. He loves to play jokes on others and always has a smile on his face. He comforst any cat who needs it and loves a swim in the river on a warm day. He fell in love with Eaglepaws mother when he met her patrolling the borders. When two cat came into RiverClan with a golden furred kit, they said whose mother it was and left. Bankfoot loves his son, but does not understand his personality well, he was so much like his mother. Bankfoot is also a great hunter. Rank- Warrior Apprentice- Whisperpaw Mate- Hawk arrives at Rabbits burrow(deceased) Kits- Eaglepaw Other-cat Username-Dewspirit Name-Whisperpaw Clan-Riverclan Gender-Female Looks- a pretty slender tortoshell and white she-cat with green eyes- Whisperpaw pic Personality- she is very cunning and loves to show of her hunting skills. She loves it that Bankfoot is her mentor because she can have a fun time with him, and he dosent treat her like a kit, like most mentors do. She likes fighting but is slightly jealous that Eaglepaw is much better at it than her and she gets frustrated with him like every other cat does. She has a slight crush on him, but she deny s it. he dosent think the same of her though and looks elsewhere Rank-Apprentice Apprentice-none Mate-none yet Kits-none yet Other-cat Map- http://images.wikia.com/warriors/images/3/37/Mapwarriors.jpg Edited June 6, 2012 by Lemurtail Share this post Link to post
Posted May 20, 2012 (This shows promise! I would be honored to be the first person to join!) Share this post Link to post
Posted May 20, 2012 Yep, just PM me it, I know it says in the rules not to but this is still unnaproved. Share this post Link to post
Posted May 20, 2012 Flametrail: I look at the moon. Riverclan has been flourishing....so why is there so much tension between clans? I have no idea....so I go to Brightstar with a huge fish I caught. "Are you hungry, Brightstar?" Share this post Link to post
Posted May 20, 2012 ((We aren't supposed to post until this is approved...)) Share this post Link to post
Posted May 21, 2012 History: Many moons ago, a she-cat named Heatherstar died because one of her warriors killed her. That warrior had ambition, and was given a prophecy from StarClan. The prophecy said to Amberclaw- "Your ambition for power will catch the forest on fire with a blazing heat that will take over in horrible ways. But a warrior stronger will put out your fire with water so cold it will freeze your life to ice and shatter it to pieces." Later on, Amberclaw was killed by the water warrior, known as Firecloud, and he became leader. His sisters, Littlestep and Snowhare, were also leaders. Littlestep of RiverClan and Snowhare of WindClan. Firecloud became leader of ShadowClan. Although siblings, the three clans fought just the same as any clan had, and many lives were lost. But the clans now faced a bigger problem...dogs. Dogs were the clans worst nightmare. The dogs became so powerful that they had made an army in everyone of the clan's territories. More lives were lost by fighting the dogs, and each battle ended in failure. Finally the ThunderClan leader, Whitestar decided the dogs must be stopped. He proposed a plan that would drive the dogs away. None of the clans listened to him, and the dogs still remain there. There is a new fire in the forest, dogs, and four cats from the clan will become water again and shatter the dogs to pieces. (PM me if you want to be one of the four.) Plot You are a warrior in TC, RC, SC, or WC. You are still hostile to other clans but you meet them once a week in truce to discuss the dogs. When the time comes to drive the dogs away, the you all must work together. Form Username- Name- Clan- Gender- Looks- Personality- Rank- Apprentice- Mate- Kits- Other- Rules 1. PG 13 please 2. No ugly mating or kitting 3. No godmodding 4. No cussing unless it's clan cuss (mouse-dung, fox-heart, etc) 5. No killing without owner's permission 6. Put your favorite animal in the other section 7. Do not PM me forms, post them on here but PM me if you want to be one of the four. ThunderClan Leader- Deputy- Dreamfeather- gray with pike like fur Med. Cat- Med. Cat apprentice- Sealedclaw-Golden brown tabby with moss draped on herself. Warriors- Queens- Apprentices- Thornpaw- White with brown spots and green eyes Whitepaw White tom with gray tail and green eyes. Kits- RiverClan Leader- Brightstar- Black she-cat with white paws and yellow eyes. Deputy- Flametrail-All black except for chest, foreleg, and tail tip Med. Cat- Med. Cat apprentice- Warriors- Queens- Apprentices- Kits- WindClan Leader- Deputy- Med. Cat- Ivyfire Long haired silver tabby with amber eyes. Med. Cat apprentice- Warriors- Queens- Apprentices- Kits- ShadowClan Leader- Crowstar- black with yellow eyes Deputy- Med. Cat- Med. Cat apprentice- Warriors- Poppyfoot- pale she-cat with green eyes Queens- Moonwhisker- pale tan she-cat with dark blue eyes Apprentices- Kits- First off, I need to tell you that you can't beg approvers to come to your RP. They will come, you just have to be patient. Anyway, onto critiquing! Your first sentence seems kind of forced. You might want to change it to something like: Many moons ago, a beloved leader, Heatherstar, was murdered by one of her own warriors. (More later, I don't have much time right now.) Share this post Link to post
Posted May 21, 2012 (edited) Allright! Now, we need to make 5 sentence paragraphs! I suggest merging the one that first says dogs and the one after. This would also make it flow better. Finally the ThunderClan leader, Whitestar decided the dogs must be stopped. You need a comma after Whitestar. Edited May 21, 2012 by TSparkle123 Share this post Link to post
Posted May 21, 2012 (edited) Allright! Now, we need to make 5 sentence paragraphs! I suggest merging the one that first says dogs and the one after. This would also make it flow better. Finally the ThunderClan leader, Whitestar decided the dogs must be stopped. You need a comma after Whitestar. As well as after 'Finally'. You also need to specify what: Plot You are a warrior in TC, RC, SC, or WC. You are still hostile to other clans but you meet them once a week in truce to discuss the dogs. When the time comes to drive the dogs away, the you all must work together. are. Change it to the Clan's full name, so people will know. Especially those who have never read, much less heard of the Warriors books. And, Rules 1. PG 13 please 2. No ugly mating or kitting 3. No godmodding 4. No cussing unless it's clan cuss (mouse-dung, fox-heart, etc) 5. No killing without owner's permission 6. Put your favorite animal in the other section 7. Do not PM me forms, post them on here but PM me if you want to be one of the four. Rules in italicized text. 2. No ugly mating or kitting This is already a PG-13 forum, not necessary. Plus, I doubt anyone would RP out mating, and even in the books Erin never writes about them acutally mating, and does not go into detail when they queens are kitting. 6. Put your favorite animal in the other section Don't bold it. It will immediately draw attention when people go to read the rules, and when they know this, they might not read the other rules. 7. Do not PM me forms, post them on here but PM me if you want to be one of the four. When in the Unapproved Section, RP forms being posted in the thread is frowned upon if it's a really popular roleplay. That happened with a Hunger Games roleplay that was posted in the Unapproved: People were going crazy over it, and posted all their character sheets in the RP thread instead of PMing them, which was what should have been done. As for all the Clans and the organization, it is perfectly fine, but I would suggest putting the person's name who is RPing that cat next to it in parenthesis. Ex: Deputy- Dreamfeather- gray with pike like fur (username of person who RPs the cat here) So people won't get confused with characters, as one person might have a cat whose name is similar to another person's cat. And as well for the convenience of other RPers so they don't get confused, either. Last but not least, try moving the character form to the bottom of the OP so people will read the whole post, instead of reading to the 'Form:' section. It is especially so that, since it is in front of the rules, people might skip over them and not be approved. Also, you don't need to post 'Fixed it' and 'Edited' every time you edit the OP. If that was the case, most pages of Unapproved roleplays would be clogged with different crits and then lots of 'Fixed it' and 'Edited' posts. Edited May 21, 2012 by dangershy Share this post Link to post
Posted May 23, 2012 (edited) The history is kind of condensed. You've got a lot going on and you kind of just threw it on us - don't be afraid to take the time to really explain it. Use some descriptive sentences to give us an idea of tone and such. Expand upon relationships and events. :3 Edited May 23, 2012 by SockPuppet Strangler Share this post Link to post
Posted May 23, 2012 Apologies for taking so long to get to this~ The leader's name was Heatherstar You need a period after this. The dogs became so powerful that they had made an army in everyone of the clan's territories. There should be a period in 'every one.' Plot wise, can we learn more about the clan's separate territories? Could you tell us more about Warrior's in general, in case someone isn't familiar with the series? Where did the dogs come from? Why are they warring with the cats? Share this post Link to post
Posted May 23, 2012 Username- Dewspirit Name-Eaglepaw Clan-RiverClan Gender-Tom Looks- handsome strong short rough Golden furred tom , he is very big and tall, has the exact shape of an african cat(the actual cat, not lions, cheetahs whatnot) This is was his face looks like Personality- Eaglepaw is blunt, hes also very secretive and likes to keep to himself,he is like this because he feels he does not fit in. He used to live with the tribe of rushing water when he was a kit, but when his mother died his father brought him to the clans(his dad was Riverclan and his mother the tribe). He loves the mountains and the open air and one day wishes to return. Rank-Apprentice Apprentice-hopefully one day Mate-hopefully one day Kits-hopefully one day Other-cat Username- Dewspirit Name- Bankfoot Clan-RiverClan Gender-Tom Looks- Light gray bushy tom with fain darker stripes and green eyes-Bankfoot pic Personality- open-minded and funny Bankfoot can act like a big kit. He loves to play jokes on others and always has a smile on his face. He comforst any cat who needs it and loves a swim in the river on a warm day. He fell in love with Eaglepaws mother when he met her patrolling the borders. When two cat came into RiverClan with a golden furred kit, they said whose mother it was and left. Bankfoot loves his son, but does not understand his personality well, he was so much like his mother. Bankfoot is also a great hunter. Rank- Warrior Apprentice- Whisperpaw Mate- Hawk arrives at Rabbits burrow(deceased) Kits- Eaglepaw Other-cat Username-Dewspirit Name-Whisperpaw Clan-Riverclan Gender-Female Looks- a pretty slender tortoshell and white she-cat with green eyes- Whisperpaw pic Personality- she is very cunning and loves to show of her hunting skills. She loves it that Bankfoot is her mentor because she can have a fun time with him, and he dosent treat her like a kit, like most mentors do. She likes fighting but is slightly jealous that Eaglepaw is much better at it than her and she gets frustrated with him like every other cat does. She has a slight crush on him, but she deny s it. he dosent think the same of her though and looks elsewhere Rank-Apprentice Apprentice-none Mate-none yet Kits-none yet Other-cat Share this post Link to post
Posted May 24, 2012 (edited) ((Accepted, PM me which warrior you want to be the four...)) Edited May 24, 2012 by Lemurtail Share this post Link to post
Posted May 24, 2012 First off, forms are not to be posted in the RP itself until it is approved. Send them in via PM. Also, please make sure and keep ALL OOC not directly related to the RP out of the thread. Are you still looking for an Approver? I noticed both Sock and Walker came in and helped you out a bit. Have you done the corrections that they suggested? I looked at the history and it still seems like a lot of history in a few short sentences. Would you like help in fleshing things out? Share this post Link to post
Posted May 24, 2012 I did follow their instructions...you can help me if you want. Should I make an OOC? Share this post Link to post
Posted May 24, 2012 You didn't really add much. For example: Later on, Amberclaw was killed by the water warrior, known as Firecloud, and he became leader. Ripplestar, the old leader of ShadowClan was jealous of the young warrior, because he was supposed to be the water warrior. Littlestar was told the fire came from the clouds, and thought Firecloud was the bad guy. Snowhare was told her mate, Blackwater, was the water warrior. Once Ripplestar died, everything became mixed up, and Littlestar, Snowstar, and Firestar were confused. While trying to figure everything out, the clans had some problems... This is a ton of events and it is just thrown on us in a few sentences. There's nothing before this to introduce us to this information. There's nothing really after to even acknowledge this information. The whole history is just a lot of information bare bones stuck together. You don't really have transitions between these events either. How is everything connected? Try to give us some emotion. How are cats feeling? What is the tone? You have lots of space to write; don't be afraid to use some of it! Share this post Link to post
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