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Snowytoshi

My book: Shattered.

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Hi everyone! I have recently started writing a story called "Shattered". The link to it is here:Shattered Feel free to comment on it, I would love to hear constructive critiscm. Thanks!

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Don't know why you don't have any comments here yet, I liked it!

 

Your writing style could use quite a bit of work. I'd honestly just suggest practice. You conversations tend to come in a huge block with nothing in between, telling you what the characters are doing or anything. But there is also a lack of real emotion and feeling in the story. It feels like you're just doing a shopping list of what happened rather than telling it.

 

But I like the story idea itself. The beginning especially. It sounds really cool. c: I have seen stories that are kind of like that, but they're always fun. <3 I'd really love to see you finish this.

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Thanks! It's just my first draft and all my real life friend's aren't writers xd.png I think you're right though- I'll edit it when I have time.

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