DNA Dragons

[TSparkle123]

Thanks Winterwhisperz!

[gistofeverything]

In the far future, humans have discovered bones of ancient dragons. Some wished to exploit the find to create new dragons. (We have the technology to make ancient beings come back to life.) Some wished to leave the bones in peace. There was a HUGE debate on the matter; those who wanted new, living dragons won.

When the new dragons were freed to live as they would, people captured their eggs. They raised the dragons into adulthood. After years of this relationship with dragons, humans got bored. This wasn't the excitement they had anticipated. Soon, they melded their DNA with that of their pets. Not all people did this, but the ones who did became the DNA Dragons. They were freaks, partially dragon, partially human, they did not fit with one or the other. These people realized too late what they had done to themselves to reverse it; they left to the countryside, to hide their shame. The DNA Dragons felt even more shame toward themselves upon leaving, but, for that shame, there was no escape.

However, there were some DNA Dragons who found no need to leave. One was a sixteen-year-old girl, whose parents were the ones who discovered Mt. Helga. Mt. Helga was in a valley the girl's parents, Helga and Marcos, had been studying in. They stopped when they found a volcano inside it; they were going to run before the thing blew. They didn't escape fast enough. The girl was named after her mother, Helga. When Helga found out that her parents were dead, she named the mountain after her dead mother, but it was seen as vain; everyone thought she named the mountain after herself, but only her best friend knew better. Helga had named it after her mother.

Helga became a DNA Dragon in hopes that the power she was given would help her destroy the mountain, before it killed anyone else's family. After the other DNA Dragons left, Helga was forced into being a slave to a man named Vincent Garmasor. In the years she waited for the others who had escaped, she became Vincent's best slave, his second in command. She continued to wait until Garmasor became the tyrant of a mega country; then she stopped. She was now one of the most powerful DNA Dragons out there. Helga controlled half of Vincent's entire empire, but she still wanted that snow-tipped volcano gone. Several other DNA Dragons lived with her, fighting the DNA Dragons who wanted to free them. For some of them, it was the only life they knew.

In the countryside, there were disputes as to where to settle. The DNA Dragons who merged their DNA with that of dragons from a volcano or alpine wanted to live near Mt. Helga. Forest and jungle dragons wanted to live in the nearby forest; coastal dragons wanted to live by the sea. Desert dragons wanted to live underground, where they could simulate different habitats. Despite the suggestion of the desert dragons, they all split up and agreed to meet up when they knew what exactly they could and could not do.

After decades of shame, the DNA Dragons who left had a vote to decide if they should go back to their home. Most of them voted to leave the countryside, but there were several who didn't. The hard-headed Mt. Helga colony and the peaceful Coastal colony thought it best to stay, but when the vote came out against them, they were forced to come.

When they made it back, they found that home was ruled by a tyrant, our good friend Vincent Garmasor. Home was incredibly different; people like them were trapped in cages like animals, forced to do labor too hard for normal humans. They were slaves. The DNA Dragons had to do something.

Before they could act, they were noticed.

 

Paragraph separation. >_< All I'm seeing it as is a giant block of text that I'm trying to unsuccessfully plow through. A paragraph consist of five to nine sentences, or in the case of posts, three to four lines. I can see the attempt to break paragraphs, but you didn't press "enter" twice before starting again.

 

This is where I'd break them:

 

In the far future, humans have discovered bones of ancient dragons. Some wished to exploit the find to create new dragons. (We have the technology to make ancient beings come back to life.) Some wished to leave the bones in peace. There was a HUGE debate on the matter; those who wanted new, living dragons won.

 

When the new dragons were freed to live as they would, people captured their eggs. They raised the dragons into adulthood. After years of this relationship with dragons, humans got bored. This wasn't the excitement they had anticipated. Soon, they melded their DNA with that of their pets. Not all people did this, but the ones who did became the DNA Dragons. They were freaks, partially dragon, partially human, they did not fit with one or the other. These people realized too late what they had done to themselves to reverse it; they left to the countryside, to hide their shame. The DNA Dragons felt even more shame toward themselves upon leaving, but, for that shame, there was no escape.

 

However, there were some DNA Dragons who found no need to leave. One was a sixteen-year-old girl, whose parents were the ones who discovered Mt. Helga. Mt. Helga was in a valley the girl's parents, Helga and Marcos, had been studying in. They stopped when they found a volcano inside it; they were going to run before the thing blew. They didn't escape fast enough. The girl was named after her mother, Helga. When Helga found out that her parents were dead, she named the mountain after her dead mother, but it was seen as vain; everyone thought she named the mountain after herself, but only her best friend knew better. Helga had named it after her mother.

 

Helga became a DNA Dragon in hopes that the power she was given would help her destroy the mountain, before it killed anyone else's family. After the other DNA Dragons left, Helga was forced into being a slave to a man named Vincent Garmasor. In the years she waited for the others who had escaped, she became Vincent's best slave, his second in command. She continued to wait until Garmasor became the tyrant of a mega country; then she stopped. She was now one of the most powerful DNA Dragons out there. Helga controlled half of Vincent's entire empire, but she still wanted that snow-tipped volcano gone. Several other DNA Dragons lived with her, fighting the DNA Dragons who wanted to free them. For some of them, it was the only life they knew.

 

In the countryside, there were disputes as to where to settle. The DNA Dragons who merged their DNA with that of dragons from a volcano or alpine wanted to live near Mt. Helga. Forest and jungle dragons wanted to live in the nearby forest; coastal dragons wanted to live by the sea. Desert dragons wanted to live underground, where they could simulate different habitats. Despite the suggestion of the desert dragons, they all split up and agreed to meet up when they knew what exactly they could and could not do.

 

After decades of shame, the DNA Dragons who left had a vote to decide if they should go back to their home. Most of them voted to leave the countryside, but there were several who didn't. The hard-headed Mt. Helga colony and the peaceful Coastal colony thought it best to stay, but when the vote came out against them, they were forced to come.

 

When they made it back, they found that home was ruled by a tyrant, our good friend Vincent Garmasor. Home was incredibly different; people like them were trapped in cages like animals, forced to do labor too hard for normal humans. They were slaves. The DNA Dragons had to do something.

Before they could act, they were noticed.

 

This separation also gives the story sophistication, as well.

Post when you are ready for me to continue.

[TSparkle123]

All right, I fixed that and added the double space to my other sections too.

[gistofeverything]

Muuuuuch better~!

 

Helga had named it after her mother.

Redundant. Delete or change this.

 

We have the technology to make ancient beings come back to life.

"We" should be "Humans".

 

Those are the last two things I see.

Edited April 7, 2012 by gistofeverything

[TSparkle123]

Okay! Fixed! (and I completely derped with Helga naming it after her mother *facepalm*)

[elidragon]

I would like to offer my opinions and suggestions on this. My opinion may not weigh much, and this may have already been said, because I didn't have time to read them all.

 

So, first some personal suggestions, it would be more interesting if there were named factions among the DNAs.

 

Second, some more general opinions. The history should be more clear, so instead of "They found bones, wanted dragons, got bored, and combined with dragons" it should be more "They found some bones in remote caves that were passed off as dinosaur bones turned out to be dragon bones and there was a great arguement betwwen scientists as to whether or not to revive the dragons and the consequences . Soon there was almost a civil war and some went on to do it and now there was a new type of segregation, betwwen those who lived with dragons and those without. Soon scientists saw how evaluationinary advanced the dragons were and decided to engineer a Super-Race of human-dragons that would have the ingenuity, coordination, and creativity of humans with the strength, spirit, and adaptability of dragons thus DNA dragons were made. People who lived without dragons saw the new species as the perfect labor force. Strong, smart, and fast, these qualitys that made slaves." That just my two cents so you can do whatever you want with it. Reject it or accept it doesn't matter to me. Also the teams mentioned at the end of the OP seemed like most were similar.

[Celebi112]

Likeyz. TSparkle, what do you think? After this, we'll have to amputate gist's ear... She'll probobly feel holy... harry potter quote... (OH YEAH!)

[TSparkle123]

elidragon- Thanks for the input, I'll mull it over...

Celebi112- Gist said that there wasn't much else she saw, so I'm actually pretty close to getting it approved!

[girlfairy76]

Once it gets approved, imma join ^^

[TSparkle123]

YAY!! ^-^ Thank you all for your support of my RP! I don't think Gist would have even visited without critique from all of you guys! *gives out virtual hugs to everyone who has replied to this topic*

Edited April 12, 2012 by TSparkle123

[RainDash]

Guess who...?

Yep, I'll join. Gimme some time to set up a proficient character chart sis.

[Celebi112]

I'd like to join, too. RainDash, I think it already has character sheets?

[TSparkle123]

It's in the first post, Celebi.

[gistofeverything]

MMk. After muxh deliberation, this RP is now Approved~! Have fun! *rubs sore ear*

[TSparkle123]

((Thank you, Gist! That also means you all can send in your sheets!))

Edited April 12, 2012 by TSparkle123

[RainDash]

((Member name: RainDash

 

Character name: Karyra

 

Species: DNA Dragon (Electric if possible)

 

Personality: Save the Slaves! (Usually ADD, but once behind a cause, follows it into the grave or until fruition.)

 

What your character looks like: Slitted eyes and semi-pointed ears. Her foldable wings can easily be hidden, but rather than flap, she merely manipulates the air into gliding her around. She can be laid back, or very violent when it suits her. There is no telling where she;ll go or what she'll do, but she is most often the one saying 'causes cannot be abandoned.'

 

Powers: The most she can do with said powers is cause a mild thunderstorm (when she's concentrating and with no distractions.) And (if she's lucky) stir up a massive amount of rain.

 

If your character is a human, are they a Dragon Rider?: No.

 

Password: Black Marrow))

Edited April 12, 2012 by RainDash

[TSparkle123]

((Thank you, RainDash, you have been accepted! You get to be an electric dragon! There's an OOC now, so people can join there! I plan to start the RP today! So, I'll start!))

 

The guards saw Kirian first. It was only their mistake to go after her first, Misfit Pygmies are pretty good at evading capture. She ran toward the nearest house, hoping they would be friendlies.

 

As soon as she got in, she wished she could just leave. It was a senior center. The entire place reeked of old people and sickness. Needless to say, she wanted to vomit up all of her recently stolen dinner. She slinked into one of the unused bedrooms and hid in the, thankfully clean and empty, closet.

 

After what seemed like hours of hiding, the guards finally came into the center. They searched every single room except for the one she was in. Thank the gods! I'll have to wait a little longer before I leave, but at least I'm safe for now. She thought as she let out a quiet sigh of relief.

Edited April 13, 2012 by TSparkle123

[RainDash]

"Get offa me!" Yelled a distinctly muffled voice from behind Kirian.

 

"Not much room in here..." Kirian muttered back, "Shh, some guards just passed by. You want to get us caught?"

 

"I still would like to breathe." She replied after what seemed an impossible amount of time.

[TSparkle123]

Kirian tried to move so they could both have a little personal space. They shuffled around for a little while in the tiny space.

 

"So what is your name? You did just kinda appear right behind me. I can tell you're an electric DNA, but I'm not a mind reader," Kirian asked the girl behind her in her most Fluttershy-like voice.

[RainDash]

"I didn't teleport if you're wondering. I hid here because the guards came. My name is Karyra, Kar for short." Said 'Karyra'. "Hang on, maybe I can..." With that there was the sound of a spark and a brief light illuminated the two girls.

[TSparkle123]

"Okay, Kar, so we're in the same boat. By the way, I knew you didn't teleport, I just didn't see you when I came in. You're pretty good at disappearing," Kirian told her. "Name's Kirian, call me whatever you want, let's just get out of here alive."

Edited April 13, 2012 by TSparkle123

[RainDash]

"As opposed to getting out of here dead? Or even as a zombie? I have this theory that they zombies are actually-" Kar was interrupted by Kirian's stare. "Or perhaps another time. Let's go before the smell of old people gets to us then."

Edited April 13, 2012 by RainDash

[TSparkle123]

Kirian cracked the closet door open by a little less than a centimeter. "Turn the light off, Kar, we're all clear."

 

The two girls carefully slinked out of the room into the main hall.

[RainDash]

Unknowingly, Kar began to hum the mission impossible theme song while creeping around corners. Kirian just grit her teeth and continued with her mission with the ADD electric dragon. Soon they arrived at a door where one man sat there with a newspaper in his hands. Kar's eyes widened with some strange mix of joy and insanity.

 

"I got this." Kar whispered to Kirian before Kirian knew to stop her. Quickly running up to the old guard, she poked him in the face with to two fingers and said, "Stun gun!" With a quick zap he was out cold and Kar was waving Kirian over.

[TSparkle123]

Kirian carefully walked over to her.

 

"What in the name of-" Kirian shook her head. "Can we please just go now?"

 

"GUARD!" Screamed Kar. Kirian took the newspaper and sat on the bench so no one could see her face with orange swirls. That would definitely get them caught.