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A story I wrote...

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I will add updates like this:


Text text text text text text text text text text text new text new text new text new text


New chunks will be in bold. I will stop bolding at the end of a chapter then start in non-bold then add new in bold.


Please tell me if it's stupid. I am not very good. I need nice critiques and grammer/spelling corrections.


Just a chunk I wrote at random:




"Go ahead, look into the Mirror of Time. I can't promise you'll like it but that's what you came for. Don't you want to see her?" A woman stood behind a large bowl made of rock. The liquid surface was still like glass yet it wasn't frozen. A man approached the liquid mirror. He was breathing hard and nervously messing with his leather jacket. He jumped as a drop of water hit his hand. Stumbling over himself, he reached the mirror. She blew on the surface gently causing it to ripple and blur the surface. "Look." she whispered. He peered into the still rippling surface. The water started to spin and an image appeared. A girl huddled in the back of a dark wet cave. She was asleep and shivering. There was blood on the floor of the cave. She awoke suddenly as a roar sounded throughout the cave. A tear hit the surface and the image vanished. The last thing seen was the shadow of a huge beast silouted by the moonlight at the mouth of the cave. "So, now that you have seen her, I must demand my payment." the woman said as the man wiped tears from his eyes. Fear flashed through the man's face for a moment. "I-I looked everywhere for it. I even searched near the Torok Mountains. Please, I had to see her, there was no other way..." he started to back away. The woman's face was filled with rage. "You will pay for this, but not with money or the dark crystal I sent you to find." the woman raised her arm and the man froze in mid retreat. "Raltak orak odia, setak sentak rak." the man fell to knees in pain and grabbed his head. Green and black magic spun through the air and summersaulted off the walls. Everything slowed as the spell neared it's end. The woman let her hand drop to her side and the man dropped to the floor unconscious. "I suppose we will meet again someday, but you won't remember me will you, Jacob."




Chapter One: A Lifetime lost



It is an original by me and only me.

Ya it's stupid isn't it.


I rushed on writing this post so spelling was overlooked.




Messaging list:


1. Fire-Ice

2. Rampaging Wyvern





Will be longer when needed.


This is a list of people who will be PM'ed when an update has been made to the story. To be added to the list, simple say so in a reply.




Begin Replies:

Edited by Azteck

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Not bad, I had trouble following it though.


I'd like to put chapters of my dragon story down but it is a full blown novel and I don't want it stolen. Still working on characters, fixing up the armour on the evil guy. I can tell you some details though, if you like. I started work on it four months ago so it's very blurry and rough, but details will be straightened out. It will be half graphic novel in a way, with lots of pictures highlighting certain sentences.

Edited by rampaging wyvern

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Feel free to add any of your book chapters, Wyvern. I'm sorry it was hard to follow. I'm not that good at writing but this is just practice. Would you like to be added to the PM list?


Edit: spelling error.

Edited by Azteck

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Yup! smile.gif Yeah, I'm not best at writing,either, I tend to go super detailed, which is why I'll be letting my pictures do a lot of the talking.

Edited by rampaging wyvern

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Ya, I don't want pictures in my book, so I just have try to make it sound good. Do you have any ideas on what could make it flow better?

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