Posted February 8, 2012 (edited) This is a pack who has to fight for territory and prey. Almost all of the land has been taken but this pack called Element Pack will travel as far as it takes, and fight for what they desire. As this pack travels, many of its members will discover they can control elements such as fire, ice, water, etc. Form: Name: Gender: Age: Rank: Description: Elements later in Rp: Pups: Other Where the pack lives: The pack is constantly moving because the territory is already taken by other packs. But this pack travels in a forest. The pack also has to face the dangers of hunters and attacks bears and other packs. Other Packs The other packs are aggressive and attack any intruders. The other packs rarely welcome any newcomers that cross their borders since there is only enough prey for the pack to survive. These packs can't control elements. The Prey: Hares Elk Deer Fish from the river Goal of this Rp: This pack is trying to find a new home that provides protection, a surplus of prey, and fresh water. This pack has to fight constantly because the territories have been taken already. Element pack is trying to find a forest area with a water source and lots of prey to help the pack to survive. Elements: Fire- Bold wolves. Can survive intense heat and can go through flames without burning up. Fire element wolves can set their fur on fire without burning their skin. Fire wolves can create wildfires during any period of the year except for winter. Ice- Intelligent wolves. Ice wolves can survive in extremely cold temperatures. Ice wolves can turn their fur into ice. During the winter time, Ice wolves can create blizzards. Ice wolves can also unfreeze the river during the winter season. Water- Agile wolves. Water wolves can breathe under water and can swim better than any other element wolves. Water wolves can cause flooding. Air- Fast wolves. Air wolves are the quickest (Except in water). They can run faster than a cheetah and fly (If they have wings) just as fast as they could run. Air wolves can cause tornadoes. Earth- Strong wolves. Earth wolves are strong enough to lift large boulders. Earth wolves can dig deep underground within an hour thanks to their strength and ability to control earth. Earth wolves can also cause Earthquakes, and sometimes Tsunamis since tsunamis are usually caused by earthquakes. Storm-Bold, Intelligent, agile, fast, and strong. Storm wolves are rare to find. Storm wolves can do everything the other elements can do, except storm wolves can only control anything that is a storm, such as tornadoes, hurricanes, thunderstorms, rainstorms, hailstorms,etc. These are also the possible powers your wolf (wolves) can have. Whatever element they have, they can control. Ranks: Alpha-Leader Beta-Second In Command Guard-Watches for enemies Hunter- Hunts for the pack Queen- Mother of pups or expecting pups Pup- A baby wolf Omega- Lowest rank The Territory: Pine trees are everywhere. As you walk, you will feel moist ground covered with pine needles. A large river runs through the middle of the forest which is filled with catfish. During spring, the river floods and small prey is hard to find. During the summer, it is cool and pups play in the slow flowing river. All the prey returns and hunting is easier. In fall, pine cones fall to the ground and the prey becomes scarce. During the winter snow covers the ground and the river freezes. Prey becomes scarce, and most wolves starve. Rules: 1) Don't argue with me because this is my Rp 2) Be nice to one another 3) Don't kill another player's wolf without that player's permission 4) No more than two wolves. If one of your wolves had pups, that won't count. 5) Romance is allowed, but keep it below PG-13 6) Only two Alphas and one Beta 7) Have fun! Edited February 17, 2012 by sassypants888 Share this post Link to post
Posted February 8, 2012 (edited) Hello, I'm Moonbeam22 and I'm here to get your roleplay approved. Okay, first of all, you have almost no background info. Where does the pack live? What kind of biome is it? What kind of prey is living there? Are there other packs? Your plot is really cut and dry and not very descriptive. What is the goal of the rp? Is there an antagonist involved? What problems are likely to occur that the pack must overcome? Are there any ranks? (leader, delta, beta, hunter, guard, etc.?) What kind of powers do the wolves have? What can they do? What can they control? Do you have any rules? There's nothing for me to critique, so please add this info in, then I can get to work! Edited February 8, 2012 by Moonbeam22 Share this post Link to post
Posted February 8, 2012 Hmmm i kinda find it weird that there would only be 1 Alpha. Usually in wolf packs, there are 2 alphas, 1 male and 1 female. Share this post Link to post
Posted February 8, 2012 Actually, there are two alphas. My mind was just on the fritz. Share this post Link to post
Posted February 9, 2012 Ahhhhhh i see Caaannn i join? *shuffles forward nervously* Oh, can the wolves have wings? Share this post Link to post
Posted February 9, 2012 Yes you can join. And these wolves can have wings. Share this post Link to post
Posted February 10, 2012 Save me a female alpha spot Would you like me to do the character sheet now or wait till the RP is approved? Share this post Link to post
Posted February 11, 2012 Wait until the Rp is approved. And I will save the spot. Share this post Link to post
Posted February 12, 2012 Okay, this is looking much better. However here are a few more things: -What are the other packs like, and why do they pose a threat? -Could you give a more detailed description of where the pack is traveling? -Could you try to explain the powers of the wolves more? If they are a water elemented wolf, can they breathe underwater? Can they swim really well? Fire elemented are stronger during the day... are immune to heat and fire, etc. Try to give a more thorough explaination of that. Your description of the Terriotry is good, but the sentences are a bit choppy and uneven. Try to go through it again and correct that please. Once these changes are made, I will target specific errors and then PM a mod to move this! ^.^ Share this post Link to post
Posted February 16, 2012 And thanks moonbeam22! If you see anymore errors, I will fix them as soon as I can! Share this post Link to post
Posted February 16, 2012 Okay, here are the specific errors: Almost all of the land has been taken, but this pack called Element Pack will travel as far as it takes, and fight for what they desire. No comma after takes. As this pack travels, many will discover they can control elements such as fire, ice, water, etc. Many... what? Please specify. The pack also has to face the dangers of hunters and attacks from enemies. What kind of enemies? Humans? Bears? Please specify. Other Packs The other packs are aggressive and attack any intruders. The other packs rarely welcome any newcomers that cross their borders since there is only enough prey for the pack to survive. Describe the other wolves some more. Do they have element powers too? Can people play as wolves from other packs? Bold,Intelligent,agile,fast, and strong. Spaces after each comma needed. Few plants grow here and there. A few plants grow here and there? During the winter, snow covers the ground and the river freezes No comma 4) No more than 2 wolves. If one of your wolves had pups, that won't count. 2 should be two 6) Only 2 Alphas and one Beta Again, 2 should be two Share this post Link to post
Posted February 17, 2012 Fixed those errors, do you see anymore errors Moonbeam22? Share this post Link to post
Posted February 17, 2012 Thank you so much Moonbeam22! You ware a great help! Share this post Link to post
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