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Zephyr's Writing Thread

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Okay, so I just decided to start a thread for the stories that I write. I do appreciate constructive critiquing, but just know and be relieved that I don't plan on trying to get published any time soon. Right now I mainly just write for fun and to learn more about the craft.


The first story I started not too long ago, but I wasn't exactly happy with it, so I decided to rewrite it. It is set in DC since I thought it would be fun to encorperate my dragons as characters. Here is the Summary:

Empress of the Dragons- A princess is in hiding, guards are searching, dragons are warring, and an orphaned elf finds herself falling smack dab in the middle of the chaos. All she was trying to do was escape prison, but instead she is held captive by a clan of tight-lipped dragons with numerous secrets they do not wish to share. Adriel will do whatever she can to uncover the mysteries of these mythical creatures, but what she doesn't realize is that knowledge comes at a dear price. Will she be willing to give up everything, even her life, to accept the responsibility she so fervently seeks?


I'll start on the prologue tomorrow...

Edited by Zephyrgirl

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Here's the prologue:


December 2, 1231

My words grow sloppy as tears blur the pages of this very precious book. It is time for me to close it, thus ending this golden era of my life. The dragons are upset over my leaving, but not nearly as morose as I. After all, it isn't easy for a human to raise twelve mischievous hatchlings, each one haunting me with bittersweet memories; the only things that I am taking to warm me in these bleak hours. Each face runs through my thoughts as I write and I wonder just how I could leave them.

I glance up and see Gluacio staring at me with that flinty expression. Something is glittering on his tough grey face. I have never seen the mighty stone dragon cry before, but now as I watch his tears splatter to the floor, I realize that parting is harder than it seems, even for good reason. If I don't go, these magnificent creatures would only be endangered. I can only hope that they realize that staying would be next to murdering them. No, it is best I go alone.

Emotions swirl within me. I have their protection here, but how long would it last? My enemies are stronger. They will have me soon, but my chances of accomplishing my one last goal are greater if I leave and shove the past behind me; pile the hurting and mistakes into the deepest cavern and lock it up for good. There is just one more thing I must do before it is over and I'm afraid my time is limited. Therefore the moment has come for me to part with this journal, leaving it in the trustworthy care of my companions.

To them I wish all happiness in the days to come, that they might go on living a peaceful existence far different from my own. Perhaps, one day, they shall stumble across the proper heiress of this book, but that seems too much to hope. Instead I must seek to accomplish my mission myself.

Footsteps ring in the stony canyons. The guards are drawing near. It is time for my final farewell. In parting I can only say that while this might appear to be the end, the legacy I hope to leave behind is just beginning. To the one whom these words were written for, you have a decision to make. Seek wisdom and choose well your path for it will determine the fate of millions.


A slender hand ran over the stained page, the fingers memorizing every crinkled spot where the writer's tears had fallen. Had she read this when she first arrived in this mysterious place, Adriel would have found the words confusing, but now after all she had been through everything was beginning to make sense. Except for one detail. How had Muriel known about the choice and what would she have decided to do were she in Adriel's place?

Fluttering her eyelids closed, the elf's mind began to search through her massive collection of memories. She dug through them, shoving aside the painful ones she did not wish to visit till at last she reached the one that started it all. With a pang, she recalled that bitter night and shivered as the events began to replay in her mind...



Sorry if it is a bit confusing, I was feeling rather wordy and elaborate as I often do if I stay up too late. I hope it will make more sense as the story goes on.

Edited by Zephyrgirl

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The first scene of chapter 1:

The wind was fierce and bitter. It cut right through the thick cloth of Adriel's cloak, ignoring her chattering teeth. With thin white fingers, she struggled to tug the mantle tighter around her to no avail. She didn't have to look to know that tiny bumps were covering her arms under her sleeves. Her whole face had gone numb, she sniffed, but her nose seemed to have disappeared. Every step, her toes came into contact with her thin shoes and stung as though the snow itself was biting them. Only one word ran through her mind, "Hurry!"

Hurry where, though? Shelter should not be so hard to come by in a busy citadel such as Marden, but every time she began to scurry towards a structure, some piercing glare would find her. In the worst cases, Adriel had even been beaten by whatever handy object her foes could find. It was hard enough just being an elf, let alone an orphan and a beggar.

At long last she spotted it, a tiny abandoned lean-to towards the city gates. There were a couple of dark colored blankets stored there and an old fire pit that had been piled with snow. It wasn't much, but it might at least keep the wind off. With her consent, her legs began to jog beneath her, then stretched out in an all out sprint. The place was deserted! No one would catch her this time!

"Thief! Thief!" She was wrong. The guard's yell filled her ears and left them ringing. With those definite words of doom, blackness began to close in, licking at her vision with its icy fingers. No! She would not faint. Adriel kept running.

"Come back here, you little waif!" The gruff voice was like a stinging slap to her face.

"After her!" Cried another.

The hunt began. Adriel knew only one place to head. The water gates where the Naida river flowed out of Marden. Though she felt as though her knees might buckle at any minute, the yells and footsteps strengthened her determination. Blurred buildings swept by, bantering filled her ears. For once she was grateful for the numbing cold on her nose. The stench of rotting manure and dried sweat barely registered itself in her mind. As she ran, her senses began to dim. Even as her sight and hearing faded though, she could feel the raw wind as it jerked her grey hood away from her head and let her hair fly loose.

Screaming echoed over the city walls as a horrible realization gripped Adriel's thoughts. The guards had horses! Pounding, deafening and deadly came from behind. It was hopeless! The gates! She had to reach the gates! Churning her legs harder than ever, the breath began to rush from her lungs. The chilling air filled them instead. A cough shook her slender frame nearly causing her to fall and it felt as though a knife had run through her chest. She gasped, but every intake of air was excruciating.

Her sight cleared enough to see one thing. The watergate! With every last spurt of energy she shoved each foot from the ground. The hooves were blocking everything else from her ears! They were close!

She leapt for the wooden door and shoved it open. To her amazement, it swung back quite easily.

She didn't bother to even close it behind her. The passage was too small for horses, but soon the men would dismount. Guards who had been raised to pursue would be chasing her in a few minutes.

Her feet found an old, worn trail and followed it. Needles began to pierce through her woolen cloak, but Adriel kept up her pace, never slowing even as the sleet thickened. By now, both ice and snow were being dumped from the sky in a blinding curtain.

It didn't matter. Nothing did anymore. The dulling pain was taking its course. Darkness was at long last winning the victory. Adriel felt her feet sliding out from under her, but wind had deadened her scream. She was falling, but never had the chance to feel the fatal pain that followed.

Edited by Zephyrgirl

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Chapter 1- Scene 2


A light flickered from the other side of Adriel’s eyelids. From somewhere far away came mysterious voices that sounded as though they echoed off of canyon walls. Pain; that’s all the elf could feel. It penetrated every bone and every muscle. Though the cold had long been chased away by enticing warmth, Adriel’s lungs still ached and a cough shook every breath. She knew it wouldn’t last long. There was no one who cared whether she lived or not. Trash was all she ever was and now the people of Marden would get there way. Amalur would be rid of her kind for good.

Drawing a stilted breath, Adriel realized that something was not quite right. Was that wood smoke she smelled? It took all her strength just to crack her eyelids, but when she did, all she could make out was a dancing orange glow with dark objects moving around it. A sharp pain filled her skull and Adriel gave a moan as darkness began closing in once more.

“She’s awake!” The feminine voice was irritatingly close and the pounding in her head drew Adriel back to consciousness.

“I don’t care! I don’t see why we had to keep her in the first place! Humans spell trouble no matter what their intentions!” A deep, surly reply sent chills down Adriel’s spine.

“She’s not a human.”

“Elves, humans, they’re all the same!”

No they aren’t! Adriel wanted to protest at being linked to the offending species so similar to her own.

“What about Muriel? Not all are set against us, Gluacio. Besides, we can’t turn her out like this.”

“Well, you better do something before she sees us or overhears something!”

A slow, heavy thunder could be heard as the owner of the gruff voice presumably stormed off.

“Zylarra? What was going-“ A sharp gasp sent a cringe crawling over Adriel’s face. “What is that?”

“That, Estrilla is an elf and I’ll thank you not to give me the same arguments as that stubborn Glaucio!”

“She looked like Muriel at first glance,” Adriel couldn’t help but detect a note of sadness in the words, “From the looks of the poor little thing, it doesn’t look like she’ll last long! What happened?”

Adriel was aware of her senses growing dim just as words were emitted from a new speaker. A fresh wave of pain washed over her before all went quiet.


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