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Weblo123

Hetalia: Your Destiny

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One day he just vanished, and is now just a well known legend that is adored by many.

 

No comma.

 

The Axis (Japan, Germany, and N. Italy) were chased by the Allies (America, France, Russia, England, and China) all the time.

 

Perhaps you want to explain some of these relationships/what they mean a bit more or include a link for it, if you're making your RP friendly for people who don't know about Hetalia. :3

 

You start out at the meeting in New Zealand where you begin to discuss what could have happened to the Roman Empire and why he could have vanished.

 

You have him as 'The Roman Empire' earlier in the paragraph.

 

You NEED to be literate with at least four sentences. I can understand writer's block once in a while, but not often or all the time.

 

No comma.

 

You cannot have a country die from old age. They may only be killed to die.

 

'To die' after 'They may be killed' is a tad redundant. =P

 

You may not play as the Roman Empire as he might make an appearance in the role-play.

You may not also play as Chibitalia, the Holy Roman Empire

 

Capitalization for 'the' here, too?

 

Like, if I said, I want to have an OC Niagara Falls (which would be fine) because I want to so bad, would get a no.

 

Like, if I said: "I want to have an OC Niagara Falls," (which would be fine) "because I want to so bad," would get a no.

 

:3

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Okay, I'm just putting it out here for the record that I can't really continue with critique until I know if you only want those who know the anime, or if it's for everyone. Not trying to be threatening or rude or anything; I'm just saying.

 

(Curse "just saying" for having a negative connotation. dry.gif )

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Okay. I would want people to at least know the anime a little. You don't need to be a hetalia maniac or anything like that, just know the anime a little, like, reading a little of the manga or watching some of the anime so you know what I'm talking about. Thanks!

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Okay, I recommend specifying that, as I think anyone who doesn't know the anime a little probably wouldn't understand this--even with your explanations to me, as well as having seen some other Hetalia roleplays, I still don't quite understand how it works. xd.png

 

Because of that, I won't really be able to help you plotwise, I'm afraid.

 

One thing I noticed, however, was that the answers to my questions were not put in the roleplay; while I know I didn't say to, please do so now. (For example, you do need to explain in the roleplay why The Roman Empire is adored by many.)

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Derp. I was incredibly unspecific there, and I'll elaborate now.

 

If countries are people in Hetalia, then how does having a meeting in New Zealand work?

 

Since you've now specified that this is more for people who know Hetalia, I think having this here isn't really necessary. If you still want to keep it, it should be at the beginning and put as information, not a question.

 

Why is The Roman Empire adored?

 

This would make more sense put into the plot; you already have a basic list of why, and you just needed to elaborate on it.

 

Why do the countries have to find out what happened to The Roman Empire?

 

This is something kind of basic, IMO--something that should be specified in the plot, not added in as a question.

 

What exactly are the Axis and the Allies?

 

Since this question was me being an idiot and not knowing some basic history, I don't think it's necessary to have this question here.

 

What other reasons are there, really?

 

The answer to this question should be in the relevant place (rewritten to fit in), and I'm pretty sure nobody will have any idea what this question means since it's all by itself.

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Just one itty bitty thing I noticed glancing over this again:

 

He had it all; he was strong, and had riches.

 

No comma. :3

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I just realized that there are two Polands on the list, and when you put down Holland(Denmark), wouldn't it be Netherlands?

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I also heard that India was a character now... You could add him to the list (not like we need any more charries!)

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and always thinks he's the "hero".

 

Period should go before the quotation. I like it better after, but that's apparently not the right way. D|

 

But, the countries are not the land masses.

 

No comma, I believe.

 

One day he just vanished and is now just a well known legend that is adored by many for his power and wealth.

 

I think it should be something like "well known legendary figure."

 

Now it is up to you and the other countries to find out what happened to him, as it has always been wondered what happened.

 

Second part is awkward, as is the repetitive use of happened.

Maybe "Now it is up to you and the other countries to find out what happened to him, as that has always been wondered about." Although I think cutting out "as that has always been wondered what happened" completely would also work.

 

You start out at the meeting in New Zealand where you begin to discuss what could have happened to The Roman Empire and why he could have vanished.

 

"How he could have vanished" or "why he might have vanished."

 

I also think putting the rules and extra sections before the character sheets would make more sense. I also see a Q&A section mentioned in the last few posts, but I can't find it? o.o

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Thanks Sock!

About the Q and A, I found ways to incorporate the answers in the plot, extras, etc. with help so there is no more need for it.

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(I'll start. Edit stopped on me though...)

 

Nicaragua bounced on her feet, clutching the hand of Niagara Falls. She was like a sister to the young girl. She and America would always send goods to her country when she needed them, and she didn't know how she could repay them. The girl of twelve looked around at the place in New Zealand. It was her first time in the country and also her first meeting. Ah, how excited she was! However, at the same time Nicaragua was very nervous. How would other countries react to her being there? Of course they knew the country, probably. They could also take advantage of her, too. And what if there was a war!? What would she do then? The many questions floated through the young girl's mind, but she shook them away, once again just taking in the thrills of even being at a meeting.

Niagara Falls watched her young sister excitedly look around at the sights before they stepped in the building for the meeting. Normally, Niagara wouldn't be here, but since it was Nicaragua's first meeting, the girl was practically on her knees, begging for her to join her. Of course she couldn't say no to the Latin American. It seemed that the two were the first to arrive at New Zealand's, so she wondered if she had the right time. It wasn't normal for Niagara to be early, but she would finally have the thrill of teasing those who were late.

 

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America had his arms crossed as he walked into the meeting area in New Zealand. He sat down beside where England would sit eventually and leaned back in his seat, "I don't understand why this couldn't be in my country! I hate traveling..." He muttered in a bad mood rather than his usually cheerful self, "Besides, we all know that I, America, am going to win this war with my amazingly powerful nukes and superheroes."

 

France meanwhile tipped back in his chair slightly with his hands folded on his lap. With a yawn, he brushed a hand through his beautiful blonde hair, "So where are we going to start zese (this) meeting?" He asked, a heavy accent hanging onto his sentences.

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New Zealand looked at France.

"We are going to start when everybody gets here. Be patient" he told him and looked at America, who was muttering. he sighed and looked at the door, which was opening. Nicaragua appeared, as well as Niagara Falls. The two took a seat at the large table, looking around to see who was there.

"Mornin' Zealand" she smiled at a confused New Zealand. "I came with Nic" she said, clearing his confusing.

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user posted image

Japan lifted a hand to adjust the collar of his black suit as he entered the meeting hall in New Zealand, carrying a few necessary things for a meeting with him in his other hand. Just a simple notebook and a pencil to take notes on any emergency situations or any declarations of war to keep track of either side, a camera in case he saw anything he found in New Zealand that simply needed to be photographed, things of the sort. His lank charcoal black hair had been combed neatly down, swaying a bit as he settled down into a seat that was not too far down the middle of the long table, but not too far from the end, either.

There were a few windows open, sending in a delightfully pleasant breeze wafting around the room. The soft white curtains laced around said windows swayed gently with each subtle gust, dancing with the wind. It shifted the top paper laying on the table in front of him slightly, just enough to make him place his notebook on top of them and scoot closer to the table, adjusting his collar again. After all, one had to put on a professional and presentable appearance at a World Meeting; it was only common courtesy. Clearing his throat, his chocolate brown eyes flickered over to his fellow nations seated in the room, delivering something between a nod and a tiny bow from his spot ion his chair as greeting before the Asian nation turned back to his papers and placed his pencil atop the dark blue notebook he had brought. It seemed about time for the meeting to begin. Of course, everyone would probably be late, and when they all finally got there they would most plausibly begin causing chaos as per usual. Why, again, were they all forced to attend these meetings if nothing ever got done..?

Shrugging the thought off, Japan neatly folded his hands together on the table in front of him in silence, patiently awaiting the arrival of any of the other countries.

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Israel walked into the meeting room, smiling, unlike her younger brother, Jerusalem, who had his usual expressionless facial expression as he walked in behind her. Israel took a seat next to Japan, nodding to him before looking at Jerusalem.

"Could you try to not act so bored?" she asked.

Jerusalem shook his head.

"Why should I?" he simply asked, adjusting his glasses. "You were the one who told me to be myself in the first place..." with that statement, he turned away, pulling out a book from his bag and beginning to read it.

Israel sighed.

"You will never change, will you Jerusalem?"she muttered more to herself.

"I was just being me, אחות" he mumbled, reading.

 

( אחות means sister)

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England

 

England stepped into the room, carrying a notebook and pencil and wearing his best suit. He sat down in his seat, suddenly noticing that France had already gotten here. He half wished that France had been unable to show up, just so he wouldn't have to contend with that bloody frog. He tried to ignore France and waited for everyone else to show up.

 

Romano

 

Romano walked into the room, obviously annoyed with the situation. "I can't believe I have to sit in the same room with a bunch of idiotas for this damn meeting which will never actually solve anything," he grumbled. He plonked himself in his seat and looked around the room, to see who was present. Good, no Spain or macho potato, was the first thing he thought. But then he saw France and half panicked. "I-if he doesn't notice me, t-then he won't bother me." He said this to himself while he did his best to not look scared.

 

 

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Australia ran down the streets in New Zealand, carrying a pencil and binder, full of random doodles he drew at past meetings. At least this meeting would be held somewhere close by. Plus, New Zealand was one of his best friends, so he wouldn't want to be late.

Australia got to the building that the meeting was to be held at, trying his best to catch his breath. Then, he walked in the room, now showing no signs of tiredness as he walked down the halls.

 

(All of my characters are free to interact with if you want)

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