Posted October 25, 2011 (edited) Story At one time, long ago, there were seven great clan leaders at once. There was Tigerstar from the LynxClan, Blaststar from the FireClan, Mottledstar from the BloodClan, Russetstar from the ShadowClan, Pebblestar from the RiverClan, Harestar from the WindClan and Graystar from the ThunderClan. These great leaders made a decision to join together to battle the foxes that had invaded their territory and by the end of the battle, Mottledstar was chosen to be the leader over everyone. Many years after this battle, Mottledstar was walking alone in the evening underneath the dark night sky, speckled with the bright lights known as stars. As he continued to patrol the area around his territory, he was met by a silky, black temptress who called herself Darkmist. The strange thing about this cat, was it looked like she had no eyes for even they were as black as her coat. As Mottledstar looked into Darkmist’s eyes, he felt his mind slowly disappearing and a new mind being put there in its absence. This new mind, was a destructive mind that Darkmist was going to use to her benefit. The next day, Mottledstar seemed to be fine, but his first order of the day was to have the warriors fight each other for practice. Harestar from the WindClan and Blaststar from the FireClan were angered by his decision and decided to leave with their respective clans. They were not to be the first to leave Mottledstar though. Because of this treachery, Mottledstar asked some of his warriors to kill five warriors from the two clans that had left. This command caused two more clans to leave from the once unified clan; the ShadowClan and the RiverClan. With this final straw, Mottledstar was infuriated as were his followers. They took their anger out on the strongest clan who fought back until Mottledstar calmed things down. But the ThunderClan had had enough. On one evening, the leaders and deputies from the ThunderClan and the LynxClan met and agreed to leave together and take any of the BloodClan warriors who wanted to leave with them. With all of the clans gone, Mottledstar was now left with very few warriors. This only made things worse for him, but soon there would be a Gathering and he would make an announcement. When the Gathering did come, Mottledstar looked at the others around him and stated that his clan would have revenge on all those that had left him and they would pay for what they had done. The other clans merely laughed at him but little did they know that there were several cats that had joined the BloodClan since they had left. Mottledstar knew that if they fought every Gathering, the numbers of the other clans would dwindle and so he suggested just that. “How about this my fellow cats. Each Gathering, we all fight against each other for freedom from the other clans and the clan that wins, has immunity from all of the other clans and is to be left alone.” All of the other leaders and deputies agreed with this idea and so it was put into play. However, Mottledstar knew that they would agree, somehow he just knew and his plan was now working…and so was Darkmist’s. Plot You are in one of the seven clans. ThunderClan, RiverClan, ShadowClan, WindClan, BloodClan, FireClan or LynxClan, and it is your job to fight for your Clan every Battle for Peace. If you have won the battle you will be left alone by all of the clans, and you will be doing normal warrior duties. If you do not win the battle then you will need to worry about your clan, and deputies must send out a lot of patrols. The nursery will be guarded at all times, and you may also do normal warrior duties. You must protect your Clan, and follow the warrior code. It states that a cat must believe in StarClan, protect their Clan, and respect the many other cats around you. If you follow those rules, you should be able to easily find your place in the clans. The wonders of who changed Mottledstar is a secret, and Darkmist likes it that way. She and Mottledstar are still planning things to tell the BloodClan on how they, should attack Recently they have been planning something called: 'Misty Night.' Every night when there is mist, a warrior from BloodClan takes a kit from each Clan. If there are no kits yet, he/she will kill a Queen expecting kits. Battles for Peace? The Battles for Peace take place every claw moon. All of the clans must join at the Gathering place to fight. The clan who can fight longest without retreating, wins peace for that moon. The clans must fight again at the next claw moon. You are fighting for freedom so the BloodClan won't get their vengeance on your clan. Character Sheets Username: Cat name: (Warrior names only, unless kit, or apprentice.) Position: (Loner, Warrior, Apprentice) Gender: Looks: Personality: Clan: Other: Positions Leader: Leader of clan, usually the decision maker. One per clan. Name ends in 'star.' (example: Moonstar) Deputy: Takes over leader position when the current leader dies or retires. One per clan. Warrior: Hunting, and guarding duties. Their names end in: blaze, fur, ear, eye, pelt, leaf, etc. (example: Moonfur) Queens: She-cats expecting or already have kits. Their names stay their warrior name. Apprentice: A Warrior in training. Names end in 'paw.' (example: Moonpaw) Kit: A kitten, really. They become apprentices at six moons. Names end in 'kit.' (Moons mean months.) (example: Moonkit) Loner: A cat who is not with humans or in a clan. (example: Moon) Rogue: A cat who has left their clan. (Moon) Medicine Cat: The clan healer/doctor. They have warrior names. One per clan. Medicine Cat Apprentice. The Medicine Cat's assistant. They start out as 'paws', then they receive a warrior name. One per clan. Rules 1. No cussing. Warrior cussing only; frog-dung, mouse-dung 2. No godmodding This means no power playing. 3. Realistic names please; no Dragonwing, etc. 4. STAY ON TOPIC! 5. Let everyone in! If someone posts, don't ignore them. 6. Have fun! 7. No advertising. 8. Post at least 4 sentences which contain more than 3 words of IC per roleplaying post. 9. Do not spam roleplays. 10. Use constructive criticism. 11.Respect each other. 12. Do not Plagiarize. Characters Currently Playing LynxClan Leader: Deputy: Medicine Cat: Warriors: Queens: Apprentices: Kits: FireClan Leader: Flamestar (mrmcafee) Deputy: Medicine Cat: Horsegallop (mrmcafee) Warriors: Queens: Apprentices: Kits: ThunderClan Leader: Deputy: Medicine Cat: Warriors: Queens: Apprentices: Kits: WindClan Leader:Whitestar (mrmcafee) Deputy: Medicine Cat: Warriors: Cedarpool (mrmcafee) Foxfur (girlfairy76) Queens: Apprentices: Canyonpaw (mrmcafee) Kits: ShadowClan Leader: Deputy: Medicine Cat: Warriors: Queens: Apprentices: Kits: RiverClan Leader: Deputy: Moondust (mrmcafee) Medicine Cat: Warriors: Stoneheart (mrmcafee) Boulderfur (mrmcafee) Queens: Apprentices: Kits: BloodClan Leader: Warstar (mrmcafee) Deputy: Lionshred (mrmcafee) Medicine Cat: Warriors:Thistlewing (mrmcafee), Arrowclaw (Dewspirit) Queens: Apprentices: Kits: Character Sheets Submitted Username: mrmcafee Cat name: Warstar Position: Leader Gender: male Looks: White with black paws, blue eyes. Personality: Mean, he loves war, like Mottledstar. He's always determined he's best. Clan: BloodClan Other: His idol is Mottledstar Username: mrmcafee Cat name: Thistlewing Position: warrior Gender: male Looks: Black with white flecks, green eyes. Personality: He is kind and caring. He doesn't like how BloodClan treats others. Clan: BloodClan. Other: Username:Dewspirit Cat name: Arrowclaw Position: warrior Gender: She-cat Looks: beautiful golden coloured she-cat with bengal rosettes with amber eyes and long claws Personality: Born as evil as can be Arrowclaw killed her parents at a young age when she found out she was half-clan. She enjoys watching the light die from her victims eyes and is a fantastic fight and a scary opponent in battles. She does tend to toy with live prey, until she gets board and kills it. She is not as strong as the other warriors but fast and fierce and can deceive even the smartest cats into doing what she wanted, mostly with her looks. Clan:Bloodclan Other: Has an intense crush on Warstar and tries hard to please him during bloody battles Username: mrmcafee Cat name: Lionshred Position: deputy Gender: female Looks: Golden with mud colored paws, brown eyes. Personality: She expects to much out of herself, she tries so hard to be herself, but she won't around Warstar. Clan: BloodClan Other: Username: mrmcafee Cat name: Moondust Position: deputy Gender: female Looks: pale gray with blue eyes. Personality: Harsh, but loving when she wants to be. Clan: RiverClan Other: Username: mrmcafee Cat name: Stoneheart Position: warrior Gender: female Looks: Silver and gray tabby with brown eyes Personality: Sweet and loving, but she loves a good fight. Clan: RiverClan Other: Username: mrmcafee Cat name: Boulderfur Position: warrior Gender: male Looks: bold gray tabby with black eyes. Personality: Caring, but blood thirsty, like his sister, Stoneheart, he loves and good fight. Clan: RiverClan Other: Username: mrmcafee Cat name: Whitestar Position: leader Gender: male Looks: White with black feet, ears, and tail tip, blue eyes Personality: Strong and bold, he takes after Harestar. Clan: WindClan Other: His idol is Harestar Username: mrmcafee Cat name: Canyonpaw Position: apprentice Gender: female Looks: Brown tabby with darker markings, brown eyes. Personality: Sweet, she hates battle. Clan: WindClan Other: Username: mrmcafee Cat name: Cedarpool Position: warrior Gender: male Looks: Tawny brown with amber eyes. Personality: Same as Whitestar, he hopes he'll be deputy. Clan: WindClan Other: Username: mrmcafee Cat name: Flamestar Position: leader Gender: male Looks: Ginger orange, with yellow eyes. Personality: Kind, he makes FireClan te best it can be. Clan: FireClan Other: Username: mrmcafee Cat name: Horsegallop Position: Medicine cat Gender: male Looks: White with brown patches, hazel eyes. Personality: Only grumpy when messed with. Clan: FireClan Other: Username: mrmcafee Cat name: Pinestar Position: leader Gender: male Looks: Tawny brown, with green eyes. Personality: He is a grumpy old hag, he makes his deputy do all the work. Clan: ShadowClan Other: Username:girlfairy76 Cat name: Foxfur Position: Deputy Gender: Tom Looks:Like a fox, greenish yellow eyes Personality: When he was born, he was thought to be a fox. StarClan had came to the Medicine Cat and told her that the kit wasn't a fox. Since there was a big resemblance, his parents named him Foxkit. Foxfur, as a kit, always went outside. Even though his parents told him not to, he always brought prey back. As an apprentice, he was a fierce fighter, with his long, sharp claws. Then he was named Foxfur. Clan: WindClan Other: hmm... Edited May 30, 2012 by mrmcafee Share this post Link to post
Posted October 25, 2011 Hi there dear! Uhm, first off, your History needs to be a history. Not an intro post. If you do an intro post, it will be very difficult for people to critique and too approve. So first you will want to change that into a true History format. Plot What are they protecting their clan from? Why are they protecting their clan? Battle for Peace? Also, you need to type out the number seven. Numbers 1-10 are to be typed out but above that you write as numerals (1,2,3,4,5 and so on). To have your RP approved, you really need to have at least a paragraph to two paragraphs worth of plot. Without that, it makes it hard for people to join and understand what is going on. Font/Format First off, take off all of the italics. They are uneeded and make it very difficult to distinguish certain areas. Format things like this: Plot You are in one of the 7 Clans. ThunderClan, RiverClan, ShadowClan, WindClan, BloodClan, FireClan or LynxClan. It is your job to protect your Clan, and the Battle for peace will soon began. Character Sheets Username: Cat name: (Warrior names only, unless kit, or apprentice.) Position: (Loner, Warrior, Apprentice) Gender: Looks: Personality: Clan: Other: Positions Leader: Leader of Clan, usually the dicision maker. One per Clan. Deputy: Takes over leader position when the current leader dies or retires. One per Clan. Warrior: Hunting, guarding duties. Queens: She-cats expecting or already hav kits. Apprentice: A Warrior in training. Names end in 'paw.' Kit: A kitten, really. They become apprentices at 6 moons. (Moons mean months.) Loner: A cat who is not with humans nor in a Clan. Rogue: A cat who has left their Clan. Rules 1. No cussing. Warrior cussing only; frog-dung, mouse-dung 2. No godmodding (This means no power playing.? 3. Realistic names please; no Dragonwing, etc. 4. STAY ON TOPIC! 5. Let everyone in! ((What does this mean?)) 6. Have fun! ((You need more rules here. Please look at the RP Guidelines to see the rules that you may need to add.)) The List Thing This one is still kinda confusing for me. I understand the purpose of the lists, but they really are uneeded. If someone isn't obeying the rules, then you kick them from the RP. Generally instead of putting a list (which is public to everyone) there is a three strikes your out rule which is something that I have with all of the RPs that I have ever ran. If they do something against the rules once, they get a warning, twice another warning, and then the third time they have one final warning and if they do something wrong again, they get kicked from the RP. The lists are just taking up space that you can use to store characters and other information about the entire RP. Characters are....Important! First off, my pet peeve Format. Format is really needed in every RP to give it a quality that makes the approvers notice it and want to look at your RP instead of just skipping over it. Not saying that they do that, but that's what I think when I see a lack of good formatting. On the subject of characters, may I ask where are yours? I see that all of those listed are played by you, however, I see absolutely no character sheets for your characters. Just because you are the OP doesn't mean that you don't fill out a character sheet for all of your characters. I usually have more characters than any in all of my RP's which means that I have a max of nine (at one time) characters whose character sheets I have to fill out. I can't not do it because then I am setting a bad example for the people that are going to choose to be in my RP. Again, please copy the formatting that I have here. Characters Currently Playing LynxClan Leader: Deputy: Medicine Cat: Warriors: Hawkwing (mrmcafee) Queens: Apprentices: Mosspaw (mrmcafee) Kits: FireClan Leader: Flamestar (mrmcafee) Deputy: Hailshine (mrmcafee) Medicine Cat: Horsegallop ((played by who?)) Warriors:Powerheart (mrmcafee), Streamfeather (mrmcafee) Queens: Morningflower ((played by who)) Apprentices: Moonpaw (mrmcafee), Dustpaw (mrmcafee) Kits: Bramblekit, Mudkit, Brightkit ((All of these are played by who?)) ThunderClan Leader: Highstar Deputy: Medicine Cat: Shrewfoot Warriors:Wolfhowl (mrmcafee), Bluepool (mrmcafee) Queens: Angelheart (mrmcafee) Apprentices: Kits: Skykit (mrmcafee) WindClan Leader:Whitestar (mrmcafee Deputy: Medicine Cat: Warriors: Rockfur(mrmcafee), Cedarpool (mrmcafee) Queens: Apprentices: Canyonpaw (mrmcafee), Harepaw (mrmcafee) Kits: ShadowClan Leader: Pinestar (mrmcafee) Deputy: Medicine Cat: Warriors: Blasterclaw(mrmcafee) Queens: Apprentices: Heronpaw Kits: RiverClan Leader: Deputy: Moondust (mrmcafee) Medicine Cat: Warriors: Boulderfur (mrmcafee), Stoneheart (mrmcafee) Queens: Rainwhisker (mrmcafee) Apprentices: Sparrowpaw (mrmcafee), Adderpaw(mrmcafee) Kits: Dogkit, Tawnykit (mrmcafee) BloodClan Leader: Warstar (mrmcafee) Deputy: Lionshred (mrmcafee) Medicine Cat: Warriors:Thistlewing (mrmcafee), Owlflight (mrmcafee Queens: Apprentices: Echopaw (mrmcafee) Kits: I just counted that you have 40 characters to roleplay. Can you handle 40 characters at one time? Anyways, hope this helps ya out! Once you make these changes, then I will critique more on grammar and spelling, but for now, I gotta go Share this post Link to post
Posted October 26, 2011 Please finish formatting before I critique any grammar. That way it is done. Share this post Link to post
Posted October 26, 2011 Everything regarding the Characters currently playing is not formatted. If you want, you can quote what I did then copy that and paste it. Did you look at what i did with the format? How certain titles were larger? Copy that to makes things easier to see. Your history needs to be typed out clearly instead of Dick and Jane sentences. If you want, I can re-type it for you; just PM me. The plot is still too shallow. You explain in the history the past battles but a battle for peace doesn't make any sense. You need more explanation as to why they are battling for peace. Share this post Link to post
Posted October 28, 2011 Wow, I didn't know I made this many mistakes! Okay, now is there any Grammar I need to fix? Share this post Link to post
Posted October 30, 2011 Plot You are in one of the 7 Clans. ThunderClan, RiverClan, ShadowClan, WindClan, BloodClan, FireClan or LynxClan. It is your job to fight for your Clan every 'Peace War.' If you have won the battle you will be left alone by all of the Clans, and you will be doing normal warrior duties. If you do not win the battle then you will need to worry about your Clan, and deputies must send out a lot of patrols. The nursery will be guarded at all times, and you may also do normal warrior duties. You must protect your Clan, and follow the warrior code. It states that a cat must believe in StarClan, protect their Clan, and respect the many other cats around you. If you follow those rules, you should find your place very well in the Clans. Battles for Peace? The Peace battles take place every claw moon. All of the Clans must join at the Gathering place to fight. The Clan who can fight longest without retreating, wins peace for that moon. The Clans must fight again at the next claw moon. You are fighting for freedom so BloodClan won't get their vengence on your Clan. First off, since you liked what I added to the story, do you want to add anything about Darkmist and her 'devious plans'? It will allow for a more complex plot if you so wish. Or you can save that part for later and have the cats continue to fight against each other until the BloodClan becomes large enough to kill them all. You will still want to add more of a plot because if they are just continuously fighting, then the RP can become monotonous and you don't want that. 7 -> seven Clans -> clans . ThunderClan, RiverClan, ShadowClan, WindClan, BloodClan, FireClan or LynxClan. It -> and it Peace War -> Battle for Peace Clan -> clan Clan -> clan find your place very well -> be able to easily find your place Clans -> clans Peace battles -> Battles for Peace Clans -> clans join -> meet Clan -> clan Clans -> clans so BloodClan -> so the BloodClan Clan -> clan Share this post Link to post
Posted October 30, 2011 Leader: Leader of Clan, usually the dicision maker. One per Clan. Deputy: Takes over leader position when the current leader dies or retires. One per Clan. Warrior: Hunting, guarding duties. Queens: She-cats expecting or already hav kits. Apprentice: A Warrior in training. Names end in 'paw.' Kit: A kitten, really. They become apprentices at 6 moons. (Moons mean months.) Loner: A cat who is not with humans nor in a Clan. Rogue: A cat who has left their Clan. Clan --> clan dicision -> decision Clan -> clan Hunting, guarding -> Hunting and guarding hav -> hae 6 -> six nor -> or Clan -> clan Clan -> clan Also, what do the warrior names end in? How about defining Medicine Cats as well? What do Queen names end in? Or leader names? When formatting the clans' list of members, you did very well on the ranks, but with the titles, you need for format those as well. Like LynxClan, should be formatted as LynxClan. If you could do that with the rest of the titles as well, then I'll look again and see if there is anything else, but I think that this is it dear! Share this post Link to post
Posted October 30, 2011 (edited) Okay, I edited it! Edited October 30, 2011 by mrmcafee Share this post Link to post
Posted November 2, 2011 Two more spelling issues You are fighting for freedom so the BloodClan won't get their vengence on your clan. vengeance They start out as 'paws', then they recieve a warrior name. receive 2. No godmodding (This means no power playing.? 2. No godmodding. This means no power playing. Share this post Link to post
Posted November 4, 2011 Hey there sweety! It's been approved and I hope this one kicks off soon! If you want, I can clear out my posts that way you have more room? Share this post Link to post
Posted November 5, 2011 Yay! orange, you can start roleplaying now, your forms are excepted! Share this post Link to post
Posted May 27, 2012 Okay so I've decided that I want to role-play on this forum again, since I worked so hard on it. Anyone want to join? Share this post Link to post
Posted May 28, 2012 Username:Dewspirit Cat name: Arrowclaw Position: warrior Gender: She-cat Looks: beautiful golden coloured she-cat with bengal rosettes with amber eyes and long claws Personality: Born as evil as can be Arrowclaw killed her parents at a young age when she found out she was half-clan. She enjoys watching the light die from her victims eyes and is a fantastic fight and a scary opponent in battles. She does tend to toy with live prey, until she gets board and kills it. She is not as strong as the other warriors but fast and fierce and can deceive even the smartest cats into doing what she wanted, mostly with her looks. Clan:Bloodclan Other: Has an intense crush on Warstar and tries hard to please him during bloody battles Share this post Link to post
Posted May 28, 2012 Warstar narrowed his eyes as he led his clan down into the first battle, the battle with RiverClan. He then lowered himself to the ground, halting his cats. Thistlewing growled. How dare they fight! He glowered at Lionshred, who'd agreed to this fight right away. Whatever Warstar wanted, she wanted. The golden she-cat was covered in scars, while Thistlewing's pelt were clean of scars. Lionshred's whiskers twitched at the sight of Thistlewing. "Put you're heart into it, or else," the deputy hissed. Thistlewing's ears flicked crossly. "I don't know why we're fighting for peace, we don't want peace." Lionshred growled. "That's who we are fraidy cat." Share this post Link to post
Posted May 28, 2012 (edited) Username:girlfairy76 Cat name: Foxfur Position: Deputy Gender: Tom Looks:Like a fox, greenish yellow eyes Personality: When he was born, he was thought to be a fox. StarClan had came to the Medicine Cat and told her that the kit wasn't a fox. Since there was a big resemblance, his parents named him Foxkit. Foxfur, as a kit, always went outside. Even though his parents told him not to, he always brought prey back. As an apprentice, he was a fierce fighter, with his long, sharp claws. Then he was named Foxfur. Clan: WindClan Other: hmm... Edited May 28, 2012 by girlfairy76 Share this post Link to post
Posted May 28, 2012 (edited) Arrowclaw smirked at Thistlewing. "Thats point of fighting." She flashed her long claws and could almost imagining fur ripping under them. She too had scars but they were thin and not very visible. She swiped at a nearby stone, demonstrating what she would do to the next warrior she passed. " Then you bite into their throat" she snickered as she picked up the stone between her jaws and crunched it in two. Her lips turned up into an evil smile. Then she looked down and gasped "they have more warriors, Warstar, what battle tactic should we use?" she growled Edited May 28, 2012 by Dewspirit Share this post Link to post
Posted May 28, 2012 ((Accepted)) "Okay," he muttered. "We split up," he started drawing a map with his claw. "Me and Arrowclaw, and Lionshred with Thistlewing. When I screech, we burst out and attack. BloodClan warriors can take on three other warriors at a time," his eyes darkened. "Mess this up, and you're all fresh meat." Thistlewing stiffened. "Erm, okay Warstar." Moondust's pale coat shone in the moonlight. She could smell BloodClan's horrid scent. A growl escaped her. "Come out cowards!" Boulderfur unsheathed his claws and dug them into the soft hearth. Share this post Link to post
Posted May 28, 2012 (edited) Foxfur padded along the border of WindClan. Rabbits were on his back. Foxfur sniffed the air. Again, he thought, More rabbits Foxfur couldn't control it. He pounced on the rabbit. It was fat, and too lazy to run away from him. Foxfur smiled. Better for the clan he thought to himself. The fox-like cat bounded into the camp. A couple of rabbits had fallen off, but he didn't take notice. The muscular Tom threw off all the rabbits into the fresh-kill pile. Foxfur then noticed the rabbits. He carefully padded up to them one by one, picking them up and throwing them across the camp. Foxfur's energy got the best of him. Edited May 28, 2012 by girlfairy76 Share this post Link to post
Posted May 29, 2012 Arrowclaw threw Thistlewing a glare as if to say "dont push it." She growled as if to agree with Warstars plan. She would show him that Arrowclaw was a true warrior of Bloodclan. She positioned herself beside Warstar and felt herself shaking with excitement. " When do we attack?!" She questioned her leader impatiently. Share this post Link to post
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