Relationships!

[cute_Akogara]

Yeah it is.i found out from a dumb app .-. And know I know things I shouldn't.

Look sex is not the forbidden thing that is all scarey its actually pretty natural. I am sure you have sexual health stores in your area. My town has one. I go in there every once in a while to see what new things come in. and I should go soon I have to take my little one to a friends little ones birthday party and I need a shower and such before I go.

[Fuzzbucket]

Being desperate for a relationship is the worst possible way to get into one. It also shows all over you and men may well avoid you because of it.

 

ANY relationship HAS to come from shared interests, and the like. Trying to find a man just to get sons is not good. If that is all you want - IVF would be the best option. But - you just HAVE to wait if you want the good stuff. And yes - it is just possible it may never happen. That would NOT be the end of the world as we know it, truly it wouldn't.

 

BTW what is this 35 thing ? My daughter gave birth at 40, and so have many other women I know. But - stop limiting yourself. Enjoy LIVING and in some part of your life that you enjoy, you will find like minded people. One of them may be a good mate. Or not - but still. Just spending all your time looking for a man is limiting and soul destroying.

[Bardess]

Lol.

 

I'm about your age and I've never had a relationship in all my life. I wouldn't mind having a boyfriend, but I don't mind being single either.

 

I don't have the feeling that it's such a big loss - anyway most of the married adults I know met each other somewhen in their early tweens, seems to be the general age for finding the love for life. Which doesn't surprise me, seeing how in the teenage years lots of rapid development and great changes take place.

 

In other words: You are in an age where it's fairly easy to meet someone. And you have 15 years. 15! That's three-quarters of your life! Longer than the time from first class to school-leaving exam!

And, as some have pointed out, it's not like your ovaries stop working at the age of 35 - it just get's more difficult. After 40 is when it get's really tricky.

 

Generally I think it would do you good to calm down a little. Ok, so I haven't had a relationship and don't really know much about that - but I'm pretty sure that a strained, teeth-gritted search for the perfect match is the wrong way of finding one.

 

And settling down with someone just to be able to get some more children in time won't necessarily make you happy. In my family there's one who got married quite early, and only because both of them wanted to have children fast. The end of the story: Three children, many many arguments, and an expensive divorce with yet more arguments.

 

Be aware that a relationship has it's downsides too. I cannot help but think that you have very great expectations that no one can possibly fulfil.

 

And... you are sitting at home reading books? And complaining that your time's running away with finding someone?

Y'know, I've got a really strange suggestion, but perhaps it's something to consider: How about going outside doing... stuff? Stuff you like? Pursueing your hobbies together with some other people? Because I heard that by meeting poeple you could, perhaps... meet people?

 

 

Edit: And having read that stuff about this guy - be carefull. I don't think it's wise to start a relationship with someone who's got problems with drinking, especially if you wish to have children. Habits are hard to break, and it's all too likely that they start drinking again, making life hard for all of you.

Edited May 6, 2012 by Bardess

[nintendont]

Edited May 8, 2012 by nintendont

[Painter]

I personally enjoy being single. Wouldn't have it any other way.

Edited May 6, 2012 by SockPuppet Strangler

[Wookieinmashoo]

My sister got married at 30, and she's fine. I don't understand what the rush is. You have plenty of time. Rushing things will only hurt you in the long run. It's not like you can't get pregnant after 35, it's still possible.

 

Also I second the notion of going outside.

 

As for a single's life...I'm over the whole dating thing. If the current thing doesn't work out, then so be it. The likelihood of finding another one-percenter is abysmally low so I honestly don't care.

[Stripey]

Single life? I don't miss it, though I didn't mind it when I was.

The life that I miss the least is the in-between single and taken type of life, where one doesn't know if one will stay single, get a partner, or be bouncing between mates like a rubber super ball.

 

Upon reading the thread, all I can think on is that 21 is very young and, (at least where I live) there can be a stigma associated with having a child before the age of 21. I don't share that bias, but I've heard many times, from many people, that "A person shouldn't take on the roll of a parent before they are fully adult."

Oddly enough, there isn't a bias against single parents (at least that I've noticed)

*shrug*

 

[_Z_]

Reminder:

Attack the topic not each other.

[DeathCry]

I'll be 20 in a month, and it's probably because I've never been taken is why I am absolutely fine with the single life. I have enough issues being single that I don't want to have doubled or tripled when I am with someone else. Probably a fear of relationships, actually. =/

 

I always find that if you can't be content with living by yourself, how can you just because you're living with someone else?

 

Plus, you're only 21, you have time

 

*Coming from the person who thinks used to think that people should have children by 25 to allow their parents to have ample time to know their grandchildren*

[cute_Akogara]

I personally enjoy being single. Wouldn't have it any other way.

I am actually stuck in a rut as most would say and right now a change of rutine would be good for me. I go outside a lot. I walk home from my collage every day and I do soak up the sun, but as for my problem hanging out with friends and doing the same old things day in day out depresses me. I been talking to therapists before and none of them helped me find ways to change things. I figure if I get out with more people and try new things like going to movies and talking to more people and get out of the usual group of friends I might find myself brighten up. I have a guy at school flirt with me out of fun and to joke around but he cheers me up about it. He has a girlfriend but I guess he knows what I am going through and wants to see me smile because a smile can go a long way. He is a good friend of mine and I can see he is trying to cheer me up because it don't take very much to see when I walk into my class room that I am fed up with the same old rutine I go through. I try to include my friends in the things I want to do like for example I wanted to go see the movie "The Hunger Games" and I invited my friend but she said it was too mainstream for her and wouldn't go see it and than suggested a movie I didn't want to go see. I didn't want to go to the movie alone so I looked for other people to go with me but everyone turned out to be busy or said no they don't want to go to a movie so I cancled the whole thing and just forgot about it.

Edited May 6, 2012 by SockPuppet Strangler

[Fuzzbucket]

Ah. The depression thing. SO been there and done that. That will inevitably colour everything you think. And make you think nothing good will ever happen and the rest. EVERYTHING goes wrong (like that movie thing )and you know it always will. And it's the worst possible state to be in when you are wishing for a relationship.

 

You have to live through it - there is no other way. Try getting hold of a good CBT workbook (the Dummies one is good !) and do the exercise in there. They help you to think differently - that is a HUGE step towards FEELING differently. Good luck.

[Syaoransbear]

You have tonnes of time to have a second child. You've only been alive for 21 years and you have another 20+ if you want another kid, that's your entire life that you've lived so far!

 

I'm not single. I'm actually getting married on august 18th of this year. I've never felt tied down, and the only thing non-single life has done to interfere with my life is not allow me to date a bunch of other people, but I've never found dating multiple people pleasant anyway(which is probably why I've only dated two people in my whole life).

 

Honestly you seem less concerned with single life and more concerned with mommy life. You don't need to be in a relationship to have kids.

 

Perhaps your eagerness is obvious and it's making guys stay away. Guys your age don't want to be tied down or have children. I mean it's kind of scary when a girl is desperate to settle down and shoot out some babies with whoever she can get a hold of.

[KageSora]

I'm single and I love it. But that's me, I mean, I'm an asexual so living in a society that places emphasis on sexual stuff, and with so many people who want mates around me it's kinda unnerving.

 

It kinda weirds me out how some people my age and younger seem to NEED a mate to be happy. Right now, I'm happy enough not having to deal with a boy/girlfriend, y'know?

 

I mean, just because you don't have a mate doesn't mean you're alone/you'll die alone! As long as you have family and friends, you don't need to be alone.

 

 

But if you want kids, good for you--just try to tone down the desperate a bit. Lots of people your age do NOT want a kid.

 

 

And as people have said, you've still got plenty of time left to have your kids!

[Infinis]

I am starting to see that time is getting short I am turning 21 years old females can only have a sucessful pregnancy rate until they are the age of 35 if I want to have my 2 sons I am going to have to find someone and settle down fast because my ovaries are not going to wait for me.

I just need to point this out:

 

Human females can have children from the time they start menstruation usually into their early forties, sometimes even the late forties, and I think there has even been some cases of women having babies in their fifties. 21 years of age is relatively early in the fertility and viable pregnancy window. My mom had me and my brother at 32 and 33, respectively.

 

The problem with late-age pregnancies (especially pregnancies where the woman is 40+) is that the chance of an egg containing DNA with a genetic malfunction skyrockets - especially with Down Syndrome. It's not that they can't, it's just not necessarily medically advisable.

 

As for adoption, it's not a bad idea, but from what I've heard (haven't done any actual research om this so correct me if I'm wrong) the process is long and difficult.

 

So 21 years old is early. You still have loads of time to have a second child, or even three or four if you wanted that many. ^^

 

==========

 

I'm 19 now, I've been single forever, and I personally enjoy being single very much. 'Course, that also probably stems mostly from the facts that I dislike people and human physical contact, but still. I enjoy being free to do what I want without having to work around the plans of a significant other.

 

Maybe it's also because I don't really have the time to devote to any sort of relationship right now, either. I am very set on becoming a doctor and no real interest in having children at this time. I'll probably be single until at least the end of my undergrad years, but preferably until I'm actually out of school completely so I have time to focus on what I want to do first...I want to establish a career for myself before I settle down so I have a way to support any family I may want.

 

o3o

Edited May 6, 2012 by Infinis

[cute_Akogara]

I'm single and I love it. But that's me, I mean, I'm an asexual so living in a society that places emphasis on sexual stuff, and with so many people who want mates around me it's kinda unnerving.

 

It kinda weirds me out how some people my age and younger seem to NEED a mate to be happy. Right now, I'm happy enough not having to deal with a boy/girlfriend, y'know?

 

I mean, just because you don't have a mate doesn't mean you're alone/you'll die alone! As long as you have family and friends, you don't need to be alone.

 

 

But if you want kids, good for you--just try to tone down the desperate a bit. Lots of people your age do NOT want a kid.

 

 

And as people have said, you've still got plenty of time left to have your kids!

well I am not expressing this to the people I meet. if it comes up in a conversation and they ask about children or say they want children then we will talk about it but I am not going to come right out and say it to them. Yes I want kids but I am not expressing this to every guy I meet.

[KageSora]

You don't have to say "I want kids" to give off the "I'm desperate for a relationship" vibe. They may not know WHY, but people can tell if you really feel like you NEED to have a relationship.

[TikindiDragon]

The stop looking thing is kinda the best advice going. My current (fantastic!) relationship started when I was pretty much totally uninterested in relationships (it was only a year after my fiancee had left me for me best friend). So if you stop looking, become really comfortable with the person you are, and happy in your own skin, you're more likely to find someone.

 

That said I know that my sister had a conversation about marriage and kids with her now husband on what was pretty much their first date (I'm serious!). We all thought she'd frighten him off, but something obviously clicked about what they both wanted for the future, and they're happily married now.

[lightbird]

Not sure about the "stop looking and you'll find someone", but as I've found out as of sometime last year that "stop looking and you'll feel better" does work quite fine, though.

Edited May 7, 2012 by lightbird

[Kestra15]

anyone else hate being single or are they living it up being single and enjoying every chance they have because they are not tied down?

 

I know this is going to sound odd but I hate the single life. Everyone tells me to enjoy it while it lasts because once some guy sweeps you off your feet your limited to doing the things you could of done while single.

 

Thing is I don't care for the single life and doing what ever I like. Most of my days are spent at home reading books and spending time with my 3 year old. I am starting to see that time is getting short I am turning 21 years old females can only have a sucessful pregnancy rate until they are the age of 35 if I want to have my 2 sons I am going to have to find someone and settle down fast because my ovaries are not going to wait for me.

 

Lately I been doing everything to find someone. Dateing sites a fetish site because there are men looking for a relationship on there as well. And none of it is working. I am attractive but nobody seems to be messaging me or showing intrest.

 

All of you are probably going to say "Wait and love will find you." but I cant wait I am running out of time and quickly.

Umm...14yrs is plenty of time, to be honest.

[cute_Akogara]

Not sure about the "stop looking and you'll find someone", but as I've found out as of sometime last year that "stop looking and you'll feel better" does work quite fine, though.

I tried to just stop looking and it lead to me getting bored and fed up with what I was doing. There was no way I was going to meet someone in the rutine I was doing. I wont meet anyone if I stopped looking anyway. I feel like one of those girls who will be all alone in the world with like 50 cats and hording books or something. Atlanti-con is coming up and its like a comic con but I hardly doubt I will meet someone there. most of the good guys are hid away and on dating sites and the worst ones are out prowling the streets looking for girl who will give them what they want which is skin. so if I want a good person who will treat me right I am forced to use a dating site.

 

@Infinis that was what I was saying about adoption usually couples have to meet up with someone before they get put on a wait list so the person can evaluate you to see if your a good family for a child and than you get put on a wait list and wait lists usually have a 10 year max wait before a child is actually available for you. I know I am a fit mother for a child to come into my care. I had my daighter for 3 years and had a bit of help from my family so I could finish up school or if I needed to run to the store to pick up a thing of asprin for myself or my iron pills or if the baby needed milk or pampers or new clothes or snacks. I want to be able to have my children in my arms as soon as possable and I miss pregnancie I want to experince it all over again. Adoption is not something for me like Abortion wasn't when my ex boyfriend forced himself on me and I got pregnant for him....He wanted me to termanate the pregnancie and with my mental state the way it was at 16 I was not going to spend the rest of my life crying asking myself "what would it of been like if I hadn't had an abortion? where would my baby be now." so I looked my ex in the eye and said if he wanted to leave than he could but he was not telling me how to run my life or let me kill off my first child. At 16 I made a big choice but I made the right choice because abortion is silencing one voice that could have a chance of doing something great in the world. If my daughter becomes a doctor or something big like that I will know she will do great but than again she is my daughter and I am proud of her no matter what she choses to do in her life.

Edited May 7, 2012 by cute_Akogara

[lightbird]

Yeah, but with "stop looking" I mostly mean - stop being desperate about it. It's generally a turn-off. which I've, as unflattering that is, have experienced myself and learned from that.

Perhaps I don't really understand this desperation anymore, because I've come to the point where I just find doing my own things interesting. However - I've noticed that since I've become more self-sufficient and developed more interests of my own, I've actually been paid more attention to by decent guys, even in my also don't-really-meet-anyone-new-often life - I just haven't gotten the wibe from anyone that they might be a suitable partner.

 

I think that as long as you're desperate, you're more likely to attract either manipulative or very self-depreciating guys, which doesn't sound too delicious, does it?

 

Also, I don't think there's anything shameful with using dating sites, just be careful about it. I had my fun with them for a while until it got boring. :B

 

Lastly, what Kestra said - 14 years is 2/3 of your current life so far = a long time in which a lot can happen.

[cute_Akogara]

Yeah, but with "stop looking" I mostly mean - stop being desperate about it. It's generally a turn-off. which I've, as unflattering that is, have experienced myself and learned from that.

Perhaps I don't really understand this desperation anymore, because I've come to the point where I just find doing my own things interesting. However - I've noticed that since I've become more self-sufficient and developed more interests of my own, I've actually been paid more attention to by decent guys, even in my also don't-really-meet-anyone-new-often life - I just haven't gotten the wibe from anyone that they might be a suitable partner.

 

I think that as long as you're desperate, you're more likely to attract either manipulative or very self-depreciating guys, which doesn't sound too delicious, does it?

 

Also, I don't think there's anything shameful with using dating sites, just be careful about it. I had my fun with them for a while until it got boring. :B

 

Lastly, what Kestra said - 14 years is 2/3 of your current life so far = a long time in which a lot can happen.

Thing is I am not being desprite about anything. when I get out I talk to some new people and joke around like were old friends and when I get on the dating site I ask to go to coffee once in a while. When I am at school I am focused on my work and nothing else. Its time for me to get into the dating secen just because I want a relationship don't make me the person who is always poking my nose into someones like and screaming "HEY I AM SINGLE GO OUT WITH ME!!!!"

 

most men these days I find are shallow. I offered a guy on a dating site a friendship and he turned me down because I wasn't blond or had a big butt or a big chest. I was like "well way to assume my friendship was a attempt to date you. I don't date sorry losers like you. I was only being nice and offering a friendship but you had to screw it all up." Most men these days wont even consider looking at a girl if they don't look a certin way. its why I am testing myself. I am experementing with weight but I am not losing weight just for a date I am doing it because my doctor also said I had a issue with my heart due to my weight so I am working to being healthy but I also want to see just what kind of men I will draw in when I become smaller. I wont be to srurpised if I have to beat men off with a stick when my body type shrinks because a lot of men only care about looks sometimes.

[Syaoransbear]

Thing is I am not being desprite about anything. when I get out I talk to some new people and joke around like were old friends and when I get on the dating site I ask to go to coffee once in a while. When I am at school I am focused on my work and nothing else. Its time for me to get into the dating secen just because I want a relationship don't make me the person who is always poking my nose into someones like and screaming "HEY I AM SINGLE GO OUT WITH ME!!!!"

 

most men these days I find are shallow. I offered a guy on a dating site a friendship and he turned me down because I wasn't blond or had a big butt or a big chest. I was like "well way to assume my friendship was a attempt to date you. I don't date sorry losers like you. I was only being nice and offering a friendship but you had to screw it all up." Most men these days wont even consider looking at a girl if they don't look a certin way. its why I am testing myself. I am experementing with weight but I am not losing weight just for a date I am doing it because my doctor also said I had a issue with my heart due to my weight so I am working to being healthy but I also want to see just what kind of men I will draw in when I become smaller. I wont be to srurpised if I have to beat men off with a stick when my body type shrinks because a lot of men only care about looks sometimes.

Unfortunately weight makes a gigantic difference. I've known girls who weren't overweight but went from average to bordering on the underweight and severely underweight category of bmi and suddenly they had much more men after them, but they were usually the wrong type of men. Mostly 'bar guys' that weren't interested in dating, just one night stands.

[cute_Akogara]

Unfortunately weight makes a gigantic difference. I've known girls who weren't overweight but went from average to bordering on the underweight and severely underweight category of bmi and suddenly they had much more men after them, but they were usually the wrong type of men. Mostly 'bar guys' that weren't interested in dating, just one night stands.

well like I said I am doing this for my health too. My weight was affecting my heart and I noticed that walking was a chore for me when I would walk and by the end of it I could feel my pulse in my brain and it was rapid. Now when I walk I feel its less of a hassle also this is more of a experement. I wont be dating any of those men and I don't go to the bar that much probably 2-3 times a year at the most and I don't get men flirting with me I just get the guys who think "Oh look its a girl dancing alone I am going to go over there and dance with her and put a smile on her face and have some fun." Now I do get a old pervert hitting on me at the bar but I pay no attention to them because they are old and a pervert and if they buy me a drink I take it and put it someplace else because god only knows what they slipped in it. I play it really safe. I been sexually assulted once that lead to me having my daughter so I don't want it ever happaning again.

[sapphiredragon73]

So there's a guy that I really really like, and it's not just a passing crush. I've liked guys before, and I've crushed on guys before, but my feelings for this guy are really strong. He's told me that he likes me back, and all our friends are encouraging a relationship, and he's said that he needed to make sure that he was ready, but that he definitely likes me. I'd love to go in a relationship with him. He's amazing, and he's really nice and funny. He also talks to me a lot, whenever he has time, and tries to catch my attention. He's adorable in his own little way. All our friends call us "cute" and such. Recently, him, me, and two other friends went to watch Avengers, and the seats were so full that we got separated. I sat next to him while my other friends sat together. It was quite enjoyable, actually.

My only prollem is, me being the very socially awkward person that I am, I stumble over words a lot. I have trouble making conversation at all with any strangers or adults. The only people I actually can talk comfortably to in a full conversation are my closest friends. I'm completely unable to hold a lengthy conversation with this guy, and that's not helped by the fact that he's a billion times smarter than I am, so everything I say sounds either stupid or obvious. I find myself just nodding or saying "yeah" or "mhmm," because I can't come up with better things to say. Being awkward enough already, it just seems to worsen when i talk to him. It's probably because I'm nervous and want to impress him... but any tips on how to get my brain to work again so that I don't sound like a complete idiot?