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DragonMakr

Bullying

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I've been listening to a backlog of various NPR and Savage Love podcasts. There's a lot of discussion about bullies and it's gotten me to thinking about my own youth.

 

What would I say to the kids who bullied me? Not a thing, I wouldn't recognize them if I met them on the street. I may have just been lucky, the kids I grew up with were not especially vicious. Yes, I got picked on a lot, being in special ED for 5 years gave them even more ammo than being one of the "normal" kids, but I got through it.

 

One of the side benefits of having lived the transient life I have since I was 16 means I don't live where I grew up. I never stayed anywhere more than a few years, so the odds of anyone tracking me down is unlikely. This wasn't done on purpose, I'm not on the run or anything, it's just the way things have worked out.

 

I didn't graduate either of the high schools I went to - never even got a yearbook, so I can't even track down the teachers I did like - so no class reunions to worry about (let's not even MENTION that I'd be due for my 25th about now). No college, so no roommates to keep track of either.

 

My mother had the relatively unusual experience of having gone to the same school, with more or less the same group of people from kindergarten to graduation. More than 50 years later, she's in close touch with many of them. Blows my mind. I'm not very good at keeping in touch with people, I seem to come and go from others' lives. Hope I've mostly made good impressions.

 

Back to the original thought, what might you say to someone who bullied you?

 

KD

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The people who bullied me better wish they never see me again, because it would take all my self control to not make them live through everything they put me through (not physically, of course. I'm not a complete nutcase.)

 

I've been bullied since I switched school districts in second grade. I was the new girl, everyone already had their friends, so they wanted nothing to do with me. And I'm autistic, which made me awkward around people (and still does). They didn't understand me, so I was labeled as weird and cast aside.

 

Fast forward to middle school, when all the cliques started to form. It was always the popular girls, the preps, who would torment me. They would always make snarky comments about me behind my back about they way I dressed, my awkwardness around people, and my general oddness. They pushed me and stepped on my heels in the hallway. They called me names, like "freak," "emo," "loser." Always subtle enough so I never had proof they did anything.

 

It got even worse in high school. They started making up just plain viscious rumors. They said I was on drugs, I beat people up, I looked like I was going to murder someone. And yet they always made it look like they were the victim when I finally snapped and confronted them.

 

So yeah, I'm a bit messed up now. Stuff like this you can't just let go, it builds up. Sorry for the long, ranty post, but it was relevant and I needed to share this.

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I've never been bullied. Mostly because I don't take censorkip.gif from anyone. If someone has a problem with me, that better tell it to my face or I'll find the person who started the rumor and ask them straight up what the problem is. If they're genuinely pissed at me, I'm all for going man on man in the parking lot. Not that anyone has ever taken me up on it tongue.gif I think the biggest thing is your reaction and how you deal with it. Sometimes just ignoring them makes it go away. Some of them live for a reaction. If ignoring it doesn't stop it, it's time to stand up for yourself and tell them to back off or you're gonna mess someone up. That typically works wonders ^.^

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Honestly...? :/

A lot of people seem to dislike me, mainly because of my belief systems. I don't remember many that would physically bother me, though... I seemed to be very good at taking on an air of "If you push me, I will hit you back, and that's guaranteed."

Most people are wary of me, and those who aren't just don't bother me.

Maybe I'm like that because I'm used to not being taken seriously by many of my family members most of the time, I don't know. But I have a relatively deep voice, I don't smile much, and I'm involved in a lot of activities and have muscle to show for it. I've never actually hurt anyone, but everyone seems to think I could if I wanted to. xd.png

(... Which is probably not true...)

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Honestly...? :/

A lot of people seem to dislike me, mainly because of my belief systems. I don't remember many that would physically bother me, though... I seemed to be very good at taking on an air of "If you push me, I will hit you back, and that's guaranteed."

Most people are wary of me, and those who aren't just don't bother me.

Maybe I'm like that because I'm used to not being taken seriously by many of my family members most of the time, I don't know. But I have a relatively deep voice, I don't smile much, and I'm involved in a lot of activities and have muscle to show for it. I've never actually hurt anyone, but everyone seems to think I could if I wanted to. xd.png

(... Which is probably not true...)

Better than people perceiving you as weak ^.^ it's better that people have a healthy respect for you even if you WOULDN'T or couldn't hurt someone doesn't mean people shouldn't think you can wink.gif

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I'm weird. I'm an atheist, own goats, I'm a vegetarian and one of four liberals in my class, and the only one who is outspoken about this. So yeah, people don't like me. But because I'm outspoken, I don't give crap about what people think about me, and because I could beat up anyone in my class if I really wanted to, I tend to not be messed with. xd.png I think your attitude really makes a difference about how people treat you. That said, the people on the top of the totem pole should pick on the others because their insecure. I think people should help the little guys sometimes, so long as you're not injuring their pride as you're doing so.

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I was home schooled most of my life so there wasn't alot.png of bullying in my childhood. I was picked on for 2 years in grade school by a girl 2-3 grades higher than me. It sucked but it happens. I'm a very strong person so I didn't really let it get to me after I got over the incidents. In other social situations that were not school I wasn't picked on either (other than my twin sister LOL!). Most other kids either left me alone or I chased them (if they were boys. It was funny, the boys all stared of a girl and fleeing from her!) Maybe I was more of the bully then but I never was mean to them or make the cry, tease them in front of their faces, etc. It was only a game. I usually am the one that if I see someone alone or sad I go and try to become their friend.

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My younger childhood years were spent in Las Vegas, which is surprisingly a conservative town (at least in the area I lived). This was mainly unfortunate because I have two moms, and at that time (and probably still now), children thought it was the perfect ammunition against the new kid. I didn't have many friends- probably three?- in my elementary years and to sixth grade. Some of them got "recycled", I guess you could say, because they lost interest in me and decided I wasn't worthy of their attention.

Anyways, in elementary school, it was especially the hardest. I was pushed around a lot and had my face shoved in dirt several times. I've had my hair pulled and had my head slammed into a locker, my drawings torn up, my lunch kicked across the ground, attacked from behind and choked, and endlessly taunted with jeering remarks and gestures throughout class (even by the people I had considered my friends).

As a child I was always very cautious and a bit on the timid side when it came to confrontations. I was afraid of getting hurt (physically more than emotionally) and so was rather docile when it came to those situations. I was always afraid to fight back because I didn't want to get in trouble.

 

However, one of the friends I had- who ironically turned out to be one of the backstabbers- had a wonderful mom. I remember, the day after I had been choked by a random boy, she brought me a little stuffed animal of a duck. She said, "Demitra, look at this duck. Do you know why ducks are so special? They have special feathers that help them stay dry, because the oil keeps the water from touching them. You need to be like a duck, Demitra. If anyone says something mean to you, just let it roll off your back like water on a duck." I was in third grade and didn't quite understand it then, but I've had that stuffed duck for years and haven't let go of it since.

It also helped that one of my mothers is incredible bold and funny. Anytime I came to her with issues going on at school, she'd always help me find some retort to throw back or something that would make me laugh because it helped me realize how ridiculous the situation was. It was because of my moms, really, that I was able to conquer my natural submission to bullies. Now, I'm quite the different child- I'm brash, outgoing, loud. I've had a few people say mean things to me, and while they might hurt later, I have all the fun I can with talking back. It really does make me feel better to see their dumbfounded faces xd.png

 

Anyways, if I had to meet one of my old bullies from elementary school, I'd probably laugh and go, "Thank you for making me the strong person I am today. Without your bull****, I wouldn't be able to overcome the idiocy that people like you enjoy spewing."

 

^^; Or at least, that's what I can imagine myself saying.

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I've...never been bullied. Unless you count the time when a kid made fun of my middle name in kindergarten, which is why I now tell everyone that my middle name is "Jane". Still, that's hardly bullying.

I feel extremely sheltered compared to what I've read. Anything, even things that I don't consider bullying, can get you a referral at my school, so people stay quiet, except behind people's backs. I feel a bit guilty, but people tend to make fun of my friends rather than me. People have told me that I just...blend in. Even my friends can have trouble finding me when I'm embarrassed. I try to look generic as can be and I don't talk much because my throat freezes up when I'm nervous.

Still, I know what I'd say tot he people who I've seen bullying others. Usually, I just come up with something really pathetic on the spot, like, "Her clothing is her choice. Who cares if she chooses to wear a turtleneck?" Or I just don't know what to say. Then I stay up all night coming up with retorts that would have been so much better...If I could pluck up the courage, I'd walk up tot he bullies and tell them that they've no right to judge people by their clothes and that they're complete idiots. I'm pretty sure that they've forgotten everything that they've said about my friends by now, anyway, though, and I'd end up in the counselor's office with a referral and weeks of "counseling" if I said that anyway.

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I honestly don't know what I'd say. This scenario has run through my head hundreds of times and it's different every time.

 

I really think that, if I were to run into one of my bullies and they spoke to me, I'd just be cold to them. As for exact words I'd say, that would really depend on how they approached me. I could probably say all I need to say with a nice icy glare. If they tried that "Hey what's up I haven't seen you for years how's it going?!?!?!" crap, I'd be sarcastic at them. If they tried to start trouble with me, they'd find I'm a lot more confrontational and a lot more of a loud-mouthed ***** than I was as a child. :P

 

I got picked on for my hair (which, at the time, was a deplorable afro that I couldn't help at all) the most, so I'd love to flip my now luscious butt-length hair at them.

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Someone who bullied me?

Probably nothing special. I tend to forget things fast, so if they hadn't bullied me in a year or two, I would have forgotten entirely about it. I'd treat them normally.

However, God help them if they try to dominate or bully me again. They will feel the wrath of my evil, sarcastic, and cruel alter-ego.

 

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I suppose I had the luxury of changing schools frequently through elementary school, middle school and high school. The school division I've lived in most of my life has grown rapidly in the past 12 years, so there were a lot of people moving in and out of the area, plus kids being divided up with new school buildings opening. Nice thing about that was, new kids were pretty common and were never really bullied.

 

There was a mentally handicapped girl that I was mean to in elementary school. Of course I regret it now, but back when you're a kid, you don't see people the same way as you do when you get older. I apologized to her back in high school when she cornered me and went on about how I use to be mean to her (practically stabbed my conscience 20 times). Can't say I like her now, but more than hate her, I just feel pity for her. She wanted to be a teacher, but because of her handicap, she can really never be trusted to look after kids on her own.

 

Middle school I was really quiet and pretty much kept to myself, which I think made people avoid me, period. High school, only one girl ever tried messing with me and she was pretty much a little spoiled rich girl who probably had self esteem issues because she was so flat chested.

 

Generally, I'm not the kind of person people choose to pick on. Can't really say why...

 

Lately however, my brother's been harassed by some of his classmates. In the locker room before gym class today, some punks wanted to see him strip for them (sounds odd, no?). Just writing about it makes me want to knock those kids to the ground. My brother's pretty easy going and I think people try to take advantage of that sometimes.

Edited by Daydreamer09

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I don't recall ever being bullied...I mean, I wasn't "liked" in I believe it was 6th grade. Only had 2 friends, the teachers didn't like me at all (I joined in the middle of the year because we just moved there), and...well, no one liked me except those 2 people.

Other than that, I never really had any problems in school like bullying. Methinks it's because I would never talk to anyone. No one. Unless I absolutely had to, or if they talked to me first (didn't want to be rude >.> ). At least, if anyone was spreading rumors or crap like that, I was completely oblivious about it. |D

I feel as if anyone did try to bully me, it probably wouldn't bother me that much. I mean, I couldn't care less about being called names/made fun of/etc. If it was physical bullying, then I dunno what would have happened.

Nowadays, though, if anyone would try to bully me physically I most likely would at least try to fight back. I do have a decent amount of self-control, but I don't take crap from anyone if I can help it.

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I've been a victim of bullying more times than you can count, but it never gets physically violent. IRL, I'm mentally hurt easily. I have all sorts of mental problems I can't do anything about. Bullies love to see me angry, so they take that to their advantage. Also, I've been sexually harassed when I was only 10 (WHAT HAS THIS WORLD COME TO?). I'd never bully a person, but I'm the kind that would fight someone if they started it (and probably lose, I have no strategy other than repeatedly attack and my reflexes are slooooow) I once actually couldn't take it and committed suicide (once again, I have problems) and failed, obviously. I haven't been bullied since I got into this school (besides my dad letting his anger out on me, but I don't think that counts)

Edited by wonton55912

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Kind of feel obligated to post in here now. Most of my early bullying actually came from my parents. I'd never set foot in a school building until I entered college, so that's twelve years my parents kept me at the house in easy reach. Mostly it was emotional bullying. "We're homeschooling you because you're too weak to survive the real world" was the standard answer to my yearly request to go to real school.

 

My parents tried to shove me into clubs for homeschooled kids, but because I wanted to go to real school, wanted a higher education, and didn't want to just settle down and raise a family, I was completely ostracized by all the other kids. Public schooled kids wouldn't be seen within a ten food radius of me because I was an "enemy" somehow.

 

Then when I got to college, I had no social skills or coping methods for when the teasing began by other students. Within a week I had locked myself in my dorm only to come out for classes and food because of how horrible the rumours about me had already gotten. They said I was easy, they said I was stupid and only got in because I had a pretty face, that I was probably screwing my teachers to pass my tests. My only friends that year were my theatre and computer science teachers, except for people I'd met online.

 

I'm still pretty badly screwed up, and I nixed a lot of stuff because some of it's probably a bit too graphic for a PG-13 board even summarized. I'm probably incapable of trusting anyone I know IRL at this point.

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Sigh. I still remember a particularly annoying boy who almost CONSTANTLY bullied me EVERY DAMN DAY. And guess what? I ended up in the same school and the SAME CLASS as him for four years straight! Yeah.

 

Luckily, during the fourth year, my teacher was a really scary and loud old woman who really censorkip.gif hated bullies. I told my mom about the boy, and she told my teacher about him. That was the only day when I actually felt pity for the boy...

 

And guess what again? During my seventh year, that censorkip.gif*** once again ended up in the same school and class as me! And he started the bullying again, but was transferred to an another class soon after. Hahahahahaha.

 

But today, because I've been bullied for pretty much four years in a row, I really, REALLY hate kids. I'm insanely paranoid when I pass a group of teenage kids, constantly afraid they start making fun of me or something like that. I try to avoid them like the plague, heh.

 

I really wish I'd never meet him again. And I think I never will; I haven't seen him or heard anything about him after the seventh year. *throws a party*

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Well, This happened friday: I was at a dance, wearing 4" heels, (im in middle school--the dance was hosted by my friend) anyway, Taylor girl in my class, pushed my onto Mr. Popular, and who thought I was gonna kill her.... I almost did, we are normally friends, but she loves to tease me, its quite obnoxious, and she knows I think that but, I always act like its cool, and stuff, but to other people I would tell them to &*@$ off.

 

and Its not easy to chase taylor in 4" heels tongue.gif

Edited by Lady-Morgana

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For the most part, if I encountered someone who used to bully me I wouldn't have a whole lot to say, for a couple reasons.

 

My family isn't exactly known for being very...docile, and so when I was in elementary school I didn't put up with being picked on any more than I did at home >.> I was sent to the office several times for punching some kid in the nose for picking on me, actually.

 

Middle school, I went to four different schools in three years, so no one really had time to do much bullying.

 

And in high school, it went pretty much the same way as elementary school. If they tried to push me around, I stood my ground (though apparently, if you're a 5ft tall female and stand up to people, they back down a rather lot for some reason...I guess they assumed I'd be an easier target?). I was, however, on the Army JROTC Raiders team, which might have come off as a little intimidating for the potential bullies >.> (especially after I accidentally kicked this one guy in the jaw o.o)

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I was homeschooled for most of my life, though I did have my small share of bullying. Basically, it was all just kids making fun of my size or lack of athleticism, or kids bullying me for a little while because I hurt their feelings with a little harmless joke.

 

If I met any of those kids now, I'd probably just share a laugh with them over how immature we were in elementary school and kindergarten. If they're still just as bad as they were then, I'd probably just ignore them and tell them "Grow up." if they pushed me far enough.

 

Even though I was very sheltered for most of my life, people just don't really mess with me. I'm short and softspoken, but then again, I'm pretty stoic when people try too hard to get a reaction out of me and I have a "different" sense of humor, so...I'm probably a bully target until they see what they're going up against, lol.

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I don't think I'd need to say anything in particular, I have a well paid job in an honest profession which will never see me out of work or on the dole *touch wood*, I have a beautiful loving boyfriend and am happy.

 

Thats all I need to know really, I don't hate them for what they did so I would just try and show them that actually i did good and they ended up helping me get there.

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I was very lucky in elementary school. We had a very small class, and our school was strictly anti-bullying. Nobody got bullied, aside from the occasional name-calling. Even the 'popular' group in our school was super-nice. Two of my best friends were the most popular kids in our grade.

 

In highschool, it changed a bit. New kids came, and the 'popular group' from elementary school was pushed down the social hierarchy. There was a bit of bullying going on then, usually people picking on others for not dressing fashionably, not having boyfriends, or not having cellphones. Luckily I mangaged to escape all of that, since I was in the 'popular crowd' in elementary.

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Schools and bullies. The place of them mostly. I swear bullies do more damage then kids learn over here. Here if your in the popular crowd guess what ya do? You put those not in the crowd down. What ever the reason.

 

Me personally I avoid the crowd over here. I avoid being cool on porpus. More trouble then it will ever be worth. Others have and still are though trying to get me into the crowd. But I do not like what 90% of them do in there. Over here most of the crowd in school is made up of bullies, druggies, censorkip.gifs, and rapists. Really. A good portion of the guys you hear are talking about getting with this girl and then ditch her for that one. Girls its tear each other down cause there not wearing the same thing or there talking about this guy or that guy they'v been with. Both genders also bully and stuff. Really, its not a pretty site. The school can't do much due to them not really having the power needed to lower those numbers. Then again there not helping them selfs either do to teachers at times talk to each other the way kids do minus the swearing. I'v seen it happen mid class.

 

Here if anyones a decent friend its the loners. As odd as it may sound you have your best chances with them. so far I have yet to run into a crowd that does not judge you for what you wear (the bullying gets worse the more decent you get for cloths.... odd) what you do, how you think ect. I'm a loner by choice and plan to stay that way. Have yet to have a decent reason to want to be with the crowds.

 

Sounds bad I know. But this is school over here when class is not in session. Sometimes while it is in session.

 

Best way to deal with a buly though I find is one of 2 things.

 

1: ignore them. Reacting is giving them what they want. Like candy to a baby.

2: Turn there game on them. Revers the affect. Best done with there friends around. Doing this makes them feel worse instead of you and very quickly tells them your not a good target.

 

A bully is looking to make you feel worse and react. Normally due to issues else where making them feel worse. Though sometimes you have to take them lower to bring them higher.

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Schools and bullies. The place of them mostly. I swear bullies do more damage then kids learn over here. Here if your in the popular crowd guess what ya do? You put those not in the crowd down. What ever the reason.

 

Me personally I avoid the crowd over here. I avoid being cool on porpus. More trouble then it will ever be worth. Others have and still are though trying to get me into the crowd. But I do not like what 90% of them do in there. Over here most of the crowd in school is made up of bullies, druggies, censorkip.gifs, and rapists. Really. A good portion of the guys you hear are talking about getting with this girl and then ditch her for that one. Girls its tear each other down cause there not wearing the same thing or there talking about this guy or that guy they'v been with. Both genders also bully and stuff. Really, its not a pretty site. The school can't do much due to them not really having the power needed to lower those numbers. Then again there not helping them selfs either do to teachers at times talk to each other the way kids do minus the swearing. I'v seen it happen mid class.

 

Here if anyones a decent friend its the loners. As odd as it may sound you have your best chances with them. so far I have yet to run into a crowd that does not judge you for what you wear (the bullying gets worse the more decent you get for cloths.... odd) what you do, how you think ect. I'm a loner by choice and plan to stay that way. Have yet to have a decent reason to want to be with the crowds.

 

Sounds bad I know. But this is school over here when class is not in session. Sometimes while it is in session.

 

Best way to deal with a buly though I find is one of 2 things.

 

1: ignore them. Reacting is giving them what they want. Like candy to a baby.

2: Turn there game on them. Revers the affect. Best done with there friends around. Doing this makes them feel worse instead of you and very quickly tells them your not a good target.

 

A bully is looking to make you feel worse and react. Normally due to issues else where making them feel worse. Though sometimes you have to take them lower to bring them higher.

Or just kick their asses and they won't screw with you again. That's the approach that I would take ^.^

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Yet again I'm amazed at how immature people can be. I cut my hair into a mohawk over the weekend and when I got to class the girls that have been picking on me started in like vultures on a corpse. Comments like "Wow, did you get in a fight with a raccoon or something?" or "Did you know there's a dead squirrel on your head?" were the nicer of the things they were saying, a lot of which I can't even post here because of how many rules would be broken.

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Yet again I'm amazed at how immature people can be. I cut my hair into a mohawk over the weekend and when I got to class the girls that have been picking on me started in like vultures on a corpse. Comments like "Wow, did you get in a fight with a raccoon or something?" or "Did you know there's a dead squirrel on your head?" were the nicer of the things they were saying, a lot of which I can't even post here because of how many rules would be broken.

Can you say insecurities? If someone feels the need to put down how someone else does their hair/is dressed, they OBVIOUSLY don't feel good enough about themselves to accept the fact that people are different O.o

 

For instance, I don't like gages. They kinda gross me out, the idea of having them at least. But I know some awesome guys with em, and I don't treat them any different for having them. Geez people, get some self confidence!

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