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philpot123

Song writing

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I've written a few songs, and lyrical critique is always something I'm looking for.

 

 

The first one I've kinda titled Summer Days as a stupid working title. I wrote it in about 20 minutes but I liked it a lot xd.png

 

--

Verse 1

Theres a breeze above blowing through the trees,

The sun comes out and he smiles at me,

Sometimes my day just starts out that way.

 

Blue sky above and the birds in the trees,

Sometimes it seems like they're singin to me,

It looks like another perfect day.

 

Chorus

-

So we'll go outside, Ride a bike,

Maybe even fly a kite,

Cuz it's just another perfect summer day...

 

We'll sit outside with nothing to say,

Baby we'll just waste the day

And tomorrow, we'll think of even better ways,

 

Cuz it's just another perfect summer day.

 

Verse 2

There's nothin to do, so let's go do it

It's a lazy day so let's get down to it!

We'll stare at the stars, and wish the night away.

 

It's a perfect day, you know it's true,

So I'll just waste my time with you

And tomorrow will be better than today.

 

Chorus

-

So we'll go outside, Ride a bike,

Maybe even fly a kite,

Cuz it's just another perfect summer day...

 

We'll sit outside with nothing to say,

Baby we'll just waste the day

And tomorrow, we'll think of even better ways,

 

Cuz it's just another perfect summer day.

 

Middle

-

Now you see,

that summer always goes by so fast.

But for now, you're here.

there's no sense in living in the past.

 

So come on lets go climb a tree,

and baby won't you stay with me

every day will be better than the last...

 

Chorus

-

So we'll go outside, Ride a bike,

Maybe even fly a kite,

Cuz it's just another perfect summer day...

 

We'll sit outside with nothing to say,

Baby we'll just waste the day

And I wouldn't have it any other way,

 

Cuz it's just another perfect summer day.

 

 

 

------

 

 

I'll add more tomorrow xd.png that's just the first one I pulled up. any critique is good smile.gif

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The 2nd was written from a prompt. My friend requested a song to be written from something he saw on a Facebook status, something similar to "I don't want our lives to be like parallel lines, always beside each other but never crossing." annnd this is what I came up with xd.png

Lines

--------

V1

I walk by you every day,

But you never seem to look my way.

And I smile to catch your eye,

But every time you just keep walking by.

 

Middle

But today I have decided

Yeah I have made my mind up

That I don't want our lives to be...

 

Chorus

Like lines

Like parallel lines,

For the rest of time

We're right beside each other, but we never do reach over and collide

Like parallel lines

Yes you are here beside me but you never seem to find me,

Like lines.

 

V2

Well I've passed you for so long

And now I'm just trying to hang on

Do you even know my name?

And is everything gonna stay the same?

 

Middle

But today I have decided

Yes I have made my mind up,

That I don't want our lives to be...

 

Chorus2

 

Bridge

We're growing further apart

But I believe our paths are bound to cross...

Not to be cliche,

But I know we'll meet again one day.

And when we do,

I don't want our lives to be

 

Resolved chorus

Like lines

Like parallel lines

For the rest of time

We're right beside each other, and now I'm reaching over to collide

And now you're by my side

Yes you are here beside me, and now our lives don't have to be

Like lines.

 

 

------

 

Horribly cheesy, yes, but for a geometrically themed love song I thought it was decent xd.png

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Thank you!!! smile.gif I just started writing a few months ago, so I'm still learning for the most part xd.png

 

This one I wrote one of those nights when everything seems to be worse than it is? Yeah, everything seems more depressing past midnight. Anyways...

 

 

V1

My mind is letting go,

And I'm losing all control.

I've got to hold my grip on reality.

Cuz I don't want to give in,

To this fighting deep within,

Ive got to win this war that's inside of me.

 

Chorus

Because I'm hovering on this side of sanity,

And somehow this thought inside is taking over me.

I fight with all I am

And I'm holding out my hand,

To keep a grip on this side of sanity.

 

V2

My mind's a raging beast,

Hes the one I've tamed the least,(I don't like this line, but it works best...?)

And now my wild thoughts might have control of me.

And I fight with all my might,

I'm still searching for the light

At the end of this tunnel of uncertainty.

 

Chorus

Because I'm hovering on this side of sanity,

And somehow this thought inside is taking over me.

I fight with all I am

And I'm holding out my hand,

To keep a grip on this side of sanity.

 

Bridge

I need someone to care,

Help! Someone, somewhere.

Because I can't win this fight on my own.

 

A waking dream haunts me

I never wanted it to be

Like this, so close to the edge...

 

Chorus

Because I'm hovering on this side of sanity,

And somehow this thought inside is taking over me.

I fight with all I am

And I'm holding out my hand,

To keep a grip on this side of sanity.

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