Transformers 1, 2, and 3!

[cattygal210]

Story and Information:

We will start from the beginning. This is where we are at so far and what has happened: A long time ago, far away on the planet of Cybertron, a war was fought between the noble Autobots (commanded by Optimus Prime) and the devious Decepticons (commanded by Megatron) for control over the Allspark. The Allspark is a mystical talisman that will grant unlimited power to whoever possesses it. The Autobots managed to smuggle the Allspark off the planet, but Megatron blasted off in search of it. He eventually tracked it to planet Earth. Unfortunately, his reckless hunger for power sent him right into the Arctic Ocean, and the sheer cold water forced him into a paralyzed state. We will start our roleplay from here. Also, this roleplay is basically going to follow the events that occur in all three of the Transformers movies. If we get off track, so be it. We don't have to have some of the characters die. We can play around with random roleplaying and going by the movies/series.

 

Other Important Information:

Sam Witwicky has NOT bought Bumblebee yet. Therefore, the humans don't know of the Autobots/Decepticons existence. Mikaela has dumped her rude ex, but has not met Sam yet. (That's just extra information if you're going by the movies. )

 

Rules(MUST read!):

1. Yes, you may create random characters that aren't from the movies, books, series, etc. BUT, you can only have a maximum of 2 main characters from the movies. We have to have room for others to join as there favourite characters too.

2. No godmodding.

3. If you are a character from the movies or series, please act like that character. Do not do something unacceptable or you will be removed and someone else can have your character. (Like if you are Optimus Prime, do not go killing the human race.)

4. No cussing.

5. No spamming.

6. If you are not active in my Roleplay for more than a month, and you haven't notified me beforehand, you will be removed from my roleplay.

7. Do not kill unless it has been agreed with all whom may be affected.

8. Be patient with those who haven't seen the movies/series or forget parts here and there.

9. Be kind, respect others actions and opinions, and include EVERYONE.

10. Have fun!!!

 

Character Sheet:

Name:

Gender:

Age:

Human/Autobot/Decepticon:

Personality:

Looks:

Other:

 

My Character:

Name: Bumblebee

Gender: M

Age: ?

Autobot

Personality: He's a one of a kind car. He's loyal with a sense of humor.

Looks:

Edited July 24, 2011 by cattygal210

[Kokay]

As a major Transformer's fan, I'd like to point out a few things. 1. It will be hard to play the cannon characters true to their personalities unless you've seen everything Transformers. 2. The Autobot leader was Sentinel Prime and the Decepticon leader was Unicron. 3. Are you tieing down RPers to only the story that happens in the movie? No Energon or Minicons? None of the old characters or problems?

 

I'm interested in playing this, just want to know how you'll work it out.

[stromzone]

I'm in training for Approval so I'll be critiquing this. First of all, take notice of Kokay's information, because it is all good stuff. Second, I'll post any of your writing in Italics, as I don't yet know how to Quote sentences.

[cattygal210]

About number one, well, I accept that. We'll just deal with whatever happens when it happens. When I said that if you're a main character, try to act like that character, I meant like, for example, say your Optimus, don't act like the human race is of no concern. You know?

 

And about number two, I totally forgot about that. That is true, my mistake.

 

And about number three, no I am not trying to make people follow just the movies. But, thats what I will be doing because I have not read the books or watched the series.

 

And It would be great to have you in my roleplay!

Edited July 10, 2011 by cattygal210

[Kokay]

Well as this is being done for an Approval test, I'll step out. Good luck to the both of you!

 

PS The books aren't what I'm talking about. There were about a dozen cartoon series. That's what Transformers was based off of.

[cattygal210]

Ok.

 

[stromzone]

Remember I will be posting your writing in italics since I don't yet know how quote separate sentences

 

This is where were at so far and what has happened-

 

Were is we're

 

Ok I'm sorry, I can't do this right now, it's to hard on the iphone. I'll finish up later.

Edited July 11, 2011 by stromzone

[Kaiserf11]

This looks nice... though, you should reconsider about following only the movies plot. Since even when it is good, it is not material for an RP. People would want to do other things than those that happened in the movie.

 

For instance, the people playing Optimus and Bumblebee will be having the most fun, while the one playing Jazz will have its character dead really soon with it having done almost nothing on the RP. the one playing Sentinel Prime will have to wait weeks or maybe months to have its character step in the RP. And the one playing Starscream will only slurk in to kick somebody's ass (literally only kick it) and then scape to appear years later kissing Megatron's ass before dissapearing again. And most of the Decepticons will be dead by the first part (Blackout, Sound Wave and friends )

 

So, it would be better that you changed the plot so more characters can step in and do other things than what they do in the movies, 'cause in them -even though I loved all of them - Jazz, Ironhide, Starscream, Shock Wave, Blackout and some others weren't as great as they are suppose to be. So, my advice to you is that you change that plot or maybe there won't be as many RPers as you expect this RP to have...

Edited July 11, 2011 by RyuKaiser

[stromzone]

^^Agreeing with Ryukaiser, if a character dies you should make it so that there is some way they can come back to life. This might increase popularity here, so you would get more RP'ers. Anyway, more grammatical and spelling errors now that I'm on the computer (plus other general things):

 

Also, the whole story and information piece starts in past tense, but then becomes present tense. You need to choose either or (I would suggest past).

 

Sam Witwicky has NOT bought Bumblebee yet. So the humans don't know of the autobots existence.

 

Autobots should be capitalized, as well as Decepticons throughout the entire RP.

 

3. If you are a character from the movies or books, please act like that character. Do not do something unacceptable or you will be removed and someone else can have your character. (Like if you are Optimus Prime)

 

Give more description to the bold part, saying something like "(Like if you are Optimus Prime, and start treating humans like they are useless and begins killing them, your character would be taken from you and given to someone else who wants it)"

 

4. Limit cussing

 

If you checked the rules, which you definitely should, you will find that here on the forums, there is no cussing. So instead you should change that to "No cussing"

 

8. Be pacient with those who haven't seen all of the movies or forget parts here and there.

 

Pacient is patient.

 

Another thing, you should separate the RP information and the character sheets when this gets approved. It would make it a lot easier to look at.

 

The last point I will mention is you put a lot of unnecessary spaces between -(dashes) and words. Instead of something like: So here it is- He walked over there and did blah blah blah.

It should be more like this: So here it is-He walked over there and did blah blah blah.

I'm quite sure you're not supposed to put spaces between that and a word, and my computer agrees with me on this. You do this a lot so please fix that.

 

That's my critique for now, once all that is fixed I will read it over again and tell you the rest of your errors.

Edited July 11, 2011 by stromzone

[cattygal210]

Okay so I touched up on my Roleplay. What else needs to be fixed?

[stromzone]

There are some words that are improperly spelled, if you could just run a spellcheck (computer spellcheck) and fix those, I'll move onto the rest.

[cattygal210]

Okay I did a spell check. Now what should I do?

[stromzone]

do it again, I still am finding that words like favourite are spelled wrong, and that should be fairly easy to fix.

[cattygal210]

Okay well I copied the text and pasted it in Microsoft Word. Microsoft Word did a spell check and everything is normal. What did I mis-spell?

[stromzone]

It looks good, but I still just think it needs more quantity. Maybe explain a little more? I don't know, it just needs more writing it doesn't seem like a big enough plot. Try to add a bit more, then I'll talk to a moderator about approval.

[cattygal210]

Okay. I'll edit this post when I'm done adding more to my roleplay.

 

 

[stromzone]

Ok, remember you still need to change it to either Present or Past tense in the History of Cybertron.

[cattygal210]

Okay I think I fixed it all.

[stromzone]

Wrongo, here's some more

 

We will start from the very beginning.

 

Change it to simply: We will start from the beginning.

 

his reckless desire for power sended him right into the Arctic Ocean

 

Use a simpler word for desire, I suggest using a thesaurus, I know it seems unnecessary but I'm using official grammar rules.

 

Also, sended is not a word, use sent instead.

 

Other important information-

 

This is a title, so the first letter in each word should be capitalized.

 

Mikaela has broke up with her rude ex but has not met Sam yet.

 

Fix all this and I'll give you more...

[cattygal210]

Okay fixed that, what else?

[stromzone]

This is where we are at so far and what has happened- A long time ago, far away on the planet of Cybertron,

 

Delete the dash and replace it with a colon (. Do this everywhere else a dash is not supposed to be, such as the subtitles, and character form. Also, just a suggestion, turn your form into a code. It usually is that, so it would make the RP look nicer.

 

We have to have room for others to join as there favorite characters too.

 

Favourite is spelled improperly in you sentence.

 

6. If you are not active in my Roleplay for more than a month, and you haven't notified me beforehand, you will be removed from y roleplay.

 

Read the sentence and see if that makes sense to you...

 

8. Be patient with those who haven't seen all of the movies/series or forget parts here and there.

 

Make it just "the movies/series. Delete "all of".

 

Name-

Gender-

Age-

Human/Autobot/Decepticon-

Personality-

Looks-

Other-

 

Again, change the dashes to colons.

 

Fix all this, and yet again, I will give you more...

 

 

 

[cattygal210]

Okay, now what?

[stromzone]

You will probably want to press enter after each title and make each title a larger font.

[cattygal210]

okay, done.

[cattygal210]

Hello?