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sapphiredragon73

The Tribes OOC

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Well we're on the second "day" of the rp. Athena, Mitsuko, and Shadow found Sikara after she was chased by a group of rather unpleasant humans. Mitsuko got hurt badly, Shadow was reunited with his brother, and Athena brought Sikara to the Sares Tribe.

 

Oh and Fascino went out to meet with a human female to knock her up and continue with his evil plan to spread the power of the barrier so thin that a simple tap will break it.

 

short summary is short

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You could make your character talk to Darius/Shadow who is the only one in the Mak Cave. He got a day off from Athena and he's asleep there. =P

 

And two and a half more weeks to go. smile.gif

Edited by flamedraco

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You should be writing in past tense, but you seem to be switching back and forth.

Also, some of your sentence frames tend to not make sense. Can you fix those?

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I'll try to. We didn't reach past tense yet in school. Is past simple/perfect okay? Also, can you show me some of the sentence frames?

 

Edit: I editted my post at the IC thread.

Edited by Brainiac

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past tense is like saying something already happened.

 

Present tense:

"She moves gracefully through the forest"

 

Past tense:

"She moved gracefully through the forest"

 

Let me adjust your post to show you:

The majestic dragon looked outside the den, extending his nekc in order to see what was going on. He went outside and noticed Athena and Sikara. He went over to them. "How are you doing today?" He asked the dragons. As he approached them he felt tired. 'ugh' was all he could think as he tried to get over the tired feeling. The majestic dragon looked over at Athena. "Good day," he smiled at her then at Sikara. It indeed was a good day; the sun was bright and it felt good.

 

He then gave the two quick glance as he scanned the tribe with his eyes. 'Good,' He thought to himself. "When will we head off to catch prey?" The dragon asked. Having yet to introduce himself to Sikara, he lowered his head to look directly at her. "Oh, Sikara I forgot to tell you, I am Crester the second Kay. I wanted to congratulate you on catching that mouse this morning; you did very well!" Crester told Sikara encouragingly. He knew something good would come from the small hatchling if encouraged and trained correctly.

 

When a person speaks or thinks, they think in present tense. Actions are written in past tense. Speaking is often marked with "..." and thoughts are often marked as '...' or without quotations at all.

 

A little suggestion from me: it's always good to put a little more description into a post, especially about your own dragon or about what your dragon is looking at. Sometimes other people forget what another character looks like and a simple reminder in a post can be very helpful rather then running back and forth between the OOC and the main thread to find out.

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Yay indeed, though I was kind of hoping you'd do something with Ares. I can't really do anything with my characters until something happens in Laeas. Speeking of which, Sares seems to be outnumbering Laeas again tongue.gif

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ORLY?! Well I can't post until the ones I named reply so we can start the hunting patrol. Bummer!

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Should be able to post on Friday.

 

And Mitsuko, what do we do with the mentorship? ohmy.gif

Edited by flamedraco

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Somehow I don't think darkangel is coming back . . . I'll probably have Nanashi put her in a sort of "rotation" with the Maks and Sars until they find a mentor who can stand Mitsuko for more then five seconds tongue.gif Well, I did say that her mentor situation would wait until she has a couple "days" to heal up, but that's my current plan.

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Filled the gap of the three dragons up, but something tells me that he won't hold his secret for long. xd.png

 

And 10 more days until my exam ends. All my written papers are done, it's just the Multiple-Choice Questions of my Science courses left. smile.gif

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Brainiac, Darius is free for the day, so he shouldn't be sent on a patrol. Also, Cerise is a Sar, so she shouldn't be hunting. Please check the characters profile and let them do what is appropriate for their position.

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Trying to keep Nightsreak out of the picture for a while. I'm still busy so please forgive the quick post. And I know I keep forgetting to say this but Mitsuko is currently passed out in Nanashi's lair. Now back to the pile of math problems ><

 

Also, flamedraco, maybe we should give those three dragons some names, it seems a little awkward to keep refering to them like this.

Edited by Mitsuko

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I want to join!

Username: Team EG-X

Character's Name: Ferr'Corvus a.k.a "The Iron Raven"

Age: 36

Third Animal Form: Raven (White)

Appearance:

 

Dragon Form: http://partneryahoo.photobucket.com/albums...es/bhjhbhjb.png

 

Fer is rather quick in comparison to most dragons, but her build is for speed and offense, causing her to want badly in the defensive section, If she's hit, it's likely that damage has been done unless she managed to use her arms to grab and resist whatever attempted to strike her. She's, in comparison to quadrupeds of equivalent size, somewhat brittle.

 

Human Form: http://partneryahoo.photobucket.com/albums...s/bvhjbjhjm.png Her markings are usually hidden, though they still exist over nearly her entire body. Due to his markings also being on her face, she rarely uses her human form, and covers herself completely when she does.

 

Animal Form: Fer's animal form is that of an albino raven.

 

Personality Ferr'Corvus is rather vicious in combat, though she tends to keep to herself in most situations. A cold and uncaring killer, she shows no remorse in her attacks, aiming to take down opponents as quickly as possible. She is ambitious and wishes to one day lead the tribe, and has considered less than honorable means to reach that goal. She tends to be as honest as her plans will allow to her superiors, though she seldom speaks to those below her in ranking, as they aren't needed at the time being.

Tribe: Sares

Rank:Sar

Favored Element/Breath Power: Her breathing ability allows her to simulate night in small enclosed spaces and cause others to become extremely drowsy from her breath. This assists her in combat and especially at night, allowing her to slow down her enemies and use her already advantageous speed to take them down.

 

History: Ferr'Corvus was found as an egg and immediately taken in lest she die before hatching. Raised by her adoptive mother as a normal member of the tribe, she grew up and learned she was quite different from many of the tribe members. Capable of being bipedal and quadrupedal, she is extremely agile. What she lacks in wings she makes up for in unprecedented speed and an impressive leap, though it still certainly isn't a leap comparable to actual flight.

Edited by Team EG-X

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i'm going to have to ask you to change the part about where moonlight makes her stronger; that's not really a breath power. I don't mind about her actual breath power though. Also, i don't really see flaws in her, which brings her much too close to a Mary Sue. could you make a drawback of some sort?

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