Posted May 28, 2011 (edited) Broskii Region RP The reason I created this RP is because I wanted to bring an RP I already run on another forum to here. I've seen the other RP's about Pokemon but they are either too advance for me to join or I don't find them of my liking, so I decided to bring mine here. Hope you people like it and more importantly, enjoy it... In the Broskii region, a region where Pokemon from all the other regions can be found, Doctor Pine is ready to send new younglings on their journey to become Pokemon trainers. However, since Broskii contains all of the Pokemon from other regions, having only three starters seemed troublesome. As a solution, he, Prof. Pine, decided to use a new type of selection; a slot-machine-like device that would randomize the options of potential starters for a trainer, based on his or her personality. This is where it all begins... This Pokemon you receive will be your first Pokemon, and your journey will begin whether you are 10 or 17 (17 is the max on your character's age). If you are older than 10, please mention why you did not receive your Pokemon at the age of 10. That's the basics of the story line, except for the encounters you might have with other trainers. OOC Thread // Characters Thread General Rules -No legendaries will be allowed in this RP other than the ones I have you encounter, and there is a designated place for some of them to be, but that doesn't mean you will find them there on your first visit. -Stay Active! It’s a very important part of an RP. If you are going to be unable to post for a while, PM me, so I know why you aren’t posting and won’t kick you out. That's something I wouldn't like, specially if you can't post for major reasons. - If you are finding a rare item (i.e. a TM/hold item), you can post finding the item but not specifically what it is. I will then decide what the item is and inform you. -If you happen to run into another participating RPer, stick to events that you both witness. This means don't talk about events your character hasn't witnessed even if you know about them. -Other than that just follow the basic forum rules and keep it PG13 -Everyone has the chance to encounter a shiny Pokemon, but just one. You can decide which Pokemon it should be, asking for it when a wild encounter resolves (me posting the wild Pokemon you encounter) or when you reach the area the Pokemon appears; you can PM me to tell me which Pokemon you want to be a shiny when you encounter it. -Everyone note I will be strict on shiny posts. If I think the post isn't good enough then the Pokemon will break out and flee. This cannot be over ruled by any RPer. If the post is nearly good enough, I might give you a second bite at the shiny, but if the second post is short then once again it will flee. Obviously the 'stronger' or 'rarer' a Pokemon is the harder the shiny will be to catch. i.e. a shiny Rattata is difficult to catch, but a shiny Scyther will be damn near impossible. Also there will be an absolute maximum of 1 shiny per RPer. This is not negotiable. -Also, every single game starter has a chance to appear everywhere, but it is a small chance. So I don't suggest you keep on a route waiting for one, as it is probable you'll encounter one in the future. -The starters appear in places suitable to their environment. This means Charmander is a "rough terrain Pokemon" so it would appear around mountains or rough terrain routes, water starters are most "river side Pokemon" so they would appear around rivers, ponds or sea, and grass starters are likely to appear anywhere where there is grass so, you get the idea... -Everyone starts with a Pokemon at lvl 5, but your Pokemon will gain levels with almost every battle -refer to the "About Leveling up a Pokemon" part of the rules section. -This RP happens about 8-10 years after the events of the first anime series and characters of the series and games can appear later in the RP. ->This RP is not meant to be just for Semi-Lit RPers, but it would be nice each RPer effort themselve to creat post with at least 3-4 sentences. I want this to be entertraining and despite reading walls of words is not fun, reading one-liners isn't either. That’s all of them. Just follow these rules and this will run smoothly. Sign Up [b]Name:[/b] Your character's name [b]Age:[/b] Your character's Age (10-17) [b]Gender:[/b] Is your character male or female [b]Appearance:[/b] Describe what your character looks like, an img is fine too [b]Personality:[/b] Describe your character's personality [b]History:[/b] A brief history of your character (if they are older than 10, include why they didn't leave at 10) [b]Starter Choice:[/b] Will be randomized. You can request another Pokemon (up to 3) which will be tossed into the pile of the basic Pokemon to increase your chances of getting it. Once you have gotten to the lab and are about to choose your Pokemon, your last sentence should be this: "This computer chooses your partner Pokemon based on your personality," explained by the Professor. "Just place your hand on the scanner and it will display 3 Pokemon for your choosing." After that, I will post your Pokemon and you will continue in the next post on which one you chose. Plot We're in the Broskii Region. Here, Pokemon from all over the other known regions of the Pokemon world appear, even the game starters. In this region, the legendaries aren't exempt to appear (in fact, all the legendaries appear) and so, an evil team seeks control of the World using these Pokemons in their scheme. This team calls themselves Team Joker. Team Joker's scheme is to take over the control of the whole Pokemon world by using 6 legendaries: Reshiram, Zekrom, Kyogre, Groundon, Giratina and Mewtwo, each of them under the control of one of their highest ranked members, the 5 Jesters and their Leader. They use mind control means to control them. Such means also raise each legendary's power, making them even more powerful. So to defeat them we should borrow the power from the rest of the legendaries to free the captured Pokemon and take down Team Joker. In your journey, you will not only face Team Joker, but other trainers, Gym Leaders and Coordinators. Since Team Joker will not always work in plain daylight, you have enough time to try to collect the eight Gym Badges of the Broskii region to participate in its League and use the strength of your Pokemon gained with these battles to defeat the evil team. You can check this site for all the info you might need for your Pokemons Bulbapedia NOTE: I will play in this RP because, well, I need it to stay active in order to keep track of everyone and the events everyone faces. But don't worry, the rules also apply to me and when I want to catch a Pokemon, I'll have one of the other RPers to decide if I succeed or not, otherwise, it wouldn't be fair. Edited November 1, 2011 by RyuKaiser Share this post Link to post
Posted May 28, 2011 (edited) Rules Gameplay -The RPG will start with each participant immediately after they join so we can advance -I will play the NPCs, the Gym Leaders and stuff like that -The Broskii region is like a fusion of all the other regions; you can find all other regions' pokemon here. The Routes are numbered up from 1, and I will tell you which pokemon you can encounter there -You get your starter pokemon at level 5, and you are given 5 normal pokeballs with it along with a Pokedex, version 15.0, this because I know the anime might be around version 6 and the Pokedex we will use has all the features of the D/P/Pt along with the features of B/W -About pokemon's attacks, you will get your starter at level five, and will have as many wild pokemon battles as you want. However, if you want to catch a pokemon, I will determine if you catch the pokemon based on how good your post was, how the battle was, and if you followed the rules (i.e. you battle a Rattata and throw a pokeball, then your post ends there and I will determine if the ball catches it, gets released, or if it runs away). -In every town/city there is a Pokemon Center and a Shop, unless it says otherwise in the overview (but, not likely) and we will assume we're all rich so we don't have any money trouble that can delay our journey -I will post a "chart" on which I will tell which pokemons you can find in each Route and the levels they might have, so you only have to look for the pokedex info and attacks in Pokemon related pages like Serebii or Bulbapedia -PC pokemon are kept at Prof. Pine's Lab. This is for them to "interact" with each other, so your pokemon can get along a little better with each other even if you use them just a couple times -In the post about the pokemon, there will be also a list of where you can find in each city/town and the pokemon the trainers have. Also, the type of environment each route is (plains, forest, caves, mountains, etc) -Please, fill your joining form in the OoC Thread so it won't interfere with the RP of the other participants. Also, in the joining form include "hints" about your personality that can help me decide which pokemons will be randomized for you to choose one -Once you are accepted, start a post explaining the day you start your journey up to the point you arrive to Prof. Pine's lab and the slot machine starts to move to select your choices About Leveling up a pokemon ->The levels are for you to know, in which level your pokemon is. If they had battle at least one time in that route, they'll gain a level. This is in order for them gain experience, raise level, learn moves and be able to evolve. ->Your pokemon will ALL (including the ones on your PC) gain experience for the battles you have, at one level per battle. This is to make it easier to handle and will let ALL of your pokemon gain experience. Magic you say? Well, maybe, this is to make sure you can use any pokemon you want when you need it, and it is as strong as the rest of yours, so you don't have to spend hours (or in this case Days) to get a pokemon to raise its level... of course, pokemon will only evolve in your possession. So you can have a level 40 Squirtle, but it won't become a Wartortle until you use it and cause it's evolution ->When your pokemon evolves (of course after meeting the conditions needed) try to make its evolution in an epic moment, i.e. a battle, when you or one of your other pokemon need help, so it will be more fun ->I'll post the wild pokemon's level when you encounter them, so if you happen to catch them, you keep their level in mind for the evolution, attacks and stuff in mind... ->You can use this direction to find the wild/your pokemon's move sets up to the specified level so you know what to expect and what to use Bulbapedia ... this is where I took the dex info for the randomized pokemons too ->Battles between trainers and against NPCs doesn't count to raise your pokemons level unless you win that battle. This is to make pokemons gain exp to reach higher levels. Though, you can have them evolve in them if they've reached the conditions, regardless of the outcome of the battle -practice battles between RPers won't raise the level of your pokemon, just normal- competitive battles (i.e. John asks Tom for a practice battle, no experience gained but pokemon can evolve in them/John asks Tom for a battle, experience is gained by the winner and pokemons can evolve too) ->After leaving a place, returning to it won't make your pokemon gain more than 1 level, no matter how many battles you have on your second visit... i.e. if you pass Route 1 and you reach Pring Town with your pokemon at level 7. Then you return for any reason, like catching another pokemon, and you have 3 battles, your pokemon will only gain 1 level for them because this is a region you've previously visited... this doesn't apply to plot events, in which I will tell you if your pokemon gain experience for the battles... ->Starter pokemon will appear randomly in the areas that suit their habitat (but at a low rate, like 1/50 or less chance), so everyone has the chance to catch one, but they will be really hard to catch, and it's possible that they'll end up running from the fight.... ->In every route, listed pokemon's evolutions might appear, but being much more powerful, it will take the RPer's complete abilities to fight them and try to catch them, which will be determined by a formula... or if the RPer prefers, you can run from the fight ->Each RPer's shiny pokemon can be requested -at the area it appears- or request a wild encountered pokemon to be shiny. But, before doing so, remember the rules about shiny pokemon will be applied Approved RPers Jeimuzu woshiico0kie akiraa Shijou-san stromzone RyuKaiser poke11 Alicia-Jewel ziposaki TheFallenAngel6236 Edited October 14, 2011 by RyuKaiser Share this post Link to post
Posted May 28, 2011 (edited) Broskii Region Overview Nut Town - Hometown of Prof. Pine and most of the characters, and where the RP begins Route 1 - Connects Nut Town and Pring Town. It's filled with "plague" pokemon like Rattata, Sentret, Zigzagoon, Bidoof, Patrat in the plain areas. It has small bodies of water that are surrounded by Bidoofs and Lotads and with Magikarps, Poliwags and Goldeens on it. Several bird pokemon live here too, you can find Pidgey, Spearow, Hoothoot* .... wild pokemon will be levels 2-4 Pring Town - A small town that means a guide to the new trainers. Old people and experienced trainers gather here as their retirement home and send the young trainers in the right way to their journey. In its park numerous events are held regularyly. You can find some city pokemon here like Meowth, Purrloin, Lillipup, Pidove and some "plague" pokemon wandering around .... wild pokemon will be levels 3-5 Route 2 - Connects Pring Town with Greenwood Forest. To the East of it there is the Pokemon Clinic run by Maria. Pokemon like Poochyena, Nidoran (both), Lotad, Seedot, Hoppip, Ledyba, Starly, Shinx and some Pidoves that fly around Pring Town can be found here .... wild pokemon will be levels 4-6 Greenwood Forest - One of two forests of the Broskii Region, a river crosses this forest, but no wild pokemon seem to be around or in it ... in here you can find almost every type of forest pokemon, from bugs like Caterpie, Weedle, Wurmple, Sewaddle, Venipede, Spinarak* to bird pokemon like Taillow, Murkrow*, Starly, some grass pokemon like Seedot, Shroomish, Odish, Bellsprout, Hoppip, Cottonee and Petilil . Other pokemon fond of forests like Slakoth, Minccino and Bunneary can be found here too .... wild pokemon will be levels 6-10 Route 3 - Connects Greenwood Forest with Greenwood City. The river that crosses Greenwood Forest crosses this route too. Here you can have some river side pokemon like Buizel, Shellos, Krabby, Poliwag, Tympole, Surskit and some other pokemon like Bellsprout, Nincada, Glameow, worm pokemon and even Skitty (very rare) .... wild pokemon will be levels 10-12 Greenwood City - The first city of Broskii Region, it is surrounded and filled inside with tall trees and grass pokemon wonder around it (not for catch) freely. From its major attraction, the "Watch Tree" (a Watch Tower word game name) you can see the plateau where the Pokemon League takes place which is at north of the city and Mt. Yama at the west. In this city you can win your first Badge, the Wonder Leaf Badge, after beating its Gym Leader, Tristan, who uses Grass Type pokemon. Also, Pokemon Contests are held here so it is a good place to start participating if you like contests Route 4 - Leaving behind Greenwood City some tall grass is on this route. Pokemon like Ekans, more Nidorans, Seedot, Ralts, Abra, Murkrow*, Spinarak*, Electrike, Joltik can be found here .... wild pokemon will be levels 12-14 Route 5 - A route that passes by a side of a tall mountain in the Broskii region. Rough terrain pokemon can be found here like Machop, Tyrogue (extremely rare) Mankey, Stunky, Ekans, Ponyta (very rare), Mareep, some Spearows, Timburr, Sandshrew and Zubat*.... wild pokemon will be levels 14-16 Dragged Tunnel - A tunnel that passes through the Mt. Yama. Here you can find pokemon that you usually find in caves like Zubat, Woobat, Geodude, Roggenrolla, Makuhita, Aron, Dunspurce, Stunfisk the ocassional Onix, Gible .... wild pokemon will be levels 16-18 Route 6 - Having crossed Dragged Tunnel, Route 6 passes by a side of a the mountain. Pokemon like Cubone, Dwebble, Sandshrew, Mankey and even Phanpy can be found here.... wild pokemon will be levels 18-20 Ridgerock City - A large city with sort of a theme on ground and rock. It is carved on Mt. Yama's wall, giving most of the city an aforetime look. Here you can win your second Gym Badge after beating the Gym Leader who specializes on ground types. Ridgerock City is famous for having the ancient RegiTemple from which is said that the Regis and their master Regigigas lies dormant until the time to protect Broskii Region comes. Contests are also held here. ->To make things clear, all your pokemon gain a level after you win a battle, so, you can go out of each zone with a higher or lower level. The levels I post for your pokemon on each region are the recommended levels, though you can choose whether or not following those ->If you can think on a better name for the Badges, you're welcome to share it with me *Night Only pokemon Edited December 2, 2011 by RyuKaiser Share this post Link to post
Posted May 28, 2011 (edited) Maps and Gym Leaders Maps Route 1 Pring Town Route 2 Greenwood Forest Route 3 Greenwood City Route 4 Route 5 Gym Leaders Here I'll post basic info about the Gym Leaders, not their personality, because that would be too much work. But I will post the pokemon they'll use in the Gym battles. The info will be displayed like this: Location->Name->Pokemon Greenwood Gym Leader, Tristan Grass Type Specialist Gym Leader, Dylan Ground Type Specialist ->The Gym Leaders will use those pokemon for the Gym Battle that you'll have to acquire the badge, but they have other pokemon that they might use in case you find them anywhere else in the game. Edited October 10, 2011 by RyuKaiser Share this post Link to post
Posted May 29, 2011 (edited) ~place holder~ Edited June 17, 2011 by RyuKaiser Share this post Link to post
Posted June 2, 2011 btw since you joined my rp il join yours ! lol and i know about pokemon too so dont worry Share this post Link to post
Posted June 12, 2011 (edited) ~Heya everyone~ ^ ^ RyuKaiser, to get the posts erased your should PM either a global mod or a roleplay mod (Note: Khallayne is currently busy, so don't PM her). However, you will want to wait to get it wiped until the roleplay has been approved. Alright, on to critique. One thing I noticed a lot is that you tend to use commas where other endmarks should be used. I'll try to point out all of those instances. Ok this RP I made, is because I wanted to bring an RP I already run on another forum to here, I've seen the other RP's about Pokemon but they are either too advance for me to join or don't find them of my like, so I decided to bring mine here, hope you people like it and more important, enjoy it... ~The bolded portion is confusing and should be changed a bit. Try something like this: "The reason I created this RP is because I wanted..." etc. ~Change the comma after "forum to here" to a period. ~Add "I" in front of "don't find them" and change "of my like" to "of my liking". ~Change the comma after "mine here" to a period. ~I don't understand the portion I underlined. What do you mean by "and more important"? You may want to re-word that a bit. In the Broskii region, a region where Pokemon from all the other regions can be found, Doctor Pine is ready to send new younglings on their journey to become Pokemon trainer. Make "trainer" plural (trainers). However, since Broskii contains all of the Pokemon from other regions, having only three starters seemed troublesome. Maybe Pokemon people would know what a "starter" is, so maybe this doesn't matter, but until I had read most of your RP here I had no idea what a starter was. X3 If this is aimed only at people who have a fair knowledge about Pokemon, you probably don't have to explain "starters" but if you're trying to attract RPers who don't know much about Pokemon, you might want to put in a short sentence explaining it. As a solution, he decided to use a new type of selection; a slot-machine-like device that would randomize the options of potential starters for a trainer, based on his or her personality. This is where it all begins... Specify who "he" is in this sentence to make it more clear. This Pokemon you receive, will be your first Pokemon, and your journey starts whether you are 10 or 17 (17 is the max on your character's age). If you are older than 10, please mention why you did not receive your Pokemon at the age of 10. ~Delete the comma after "receive". ~Personal preference: I'd suggest changing "your journey starts" to "your journey will now begin", but that's just the way I'd do it. :3 -Stay Active! It’s a very important part of an RP, if you are going to be unable to post for a while, PM me, so I know why you aren’t posting and won’t kick you out, that's something I wouldn't like, specially if you can't post for major reasons. This is a really long sentence. Try to spot some places where commas could be changed to periods. -If you happen to run into another participating RPer, stick to events that you both witness, this means, don't talk about events your character haven't witness even if you know about it. ~Change the comma after "both witness" to a period. ~Delete the comma after "this means". ~Change "haven't witness" to "haven't witnessed". ~Change "know about it" to "know about them" because you used the plural of event (events) earlier in the sentence. -If I think the post isn't good enough then the Pokemon will break out and flee, this cannot be over ruled by an RPer. Change the comma after "flee" to a period. Also it will be an absolute maximum of 1 shiny per RPer, this is not negotiable. Change "Also it" to "Also there" to clarify. Change the comma after "per RPer" to a semi-colon OR period. -Also, every single game starter has a chance to appear everywhere, but is a small chance, so I don't suggest you to keep on a route waiting for one, as it is probably you'll encounter one in the future. This sentence is a bit long and seems a bit jolty. Try reading it aloud and perhaps breaking it into two sentences. -The starters appear in places suitable to their environment, this means, Charmander is a "rough terrain Pokemon" so it would appear around mountains or rough terrain routes, water starters are most "river side Pokemon" so they would appear around river, ponds or sea, and grass starters are likely to appear anywhere where there is grass so, you get the idea... ~Change the comma after "to their environment" to a period. ~Delete the comma after "this means". ~Make river plural in "appear around river". b][Name:[/b] Your characters name Age: Your Characters Age (10-17) In both cases here, "characters" should have an apostrophe before the 's'. Also, you may want to either capitalize the first "characters" or lowercase the second one so that they match. Personality: Describe your characters personality History: A brief history of your character (include why they didn't leave at 10) Again, apostrophe before the 's' in "characters" (will look like: character's). For History, what if they did leave at ten? We're in the Broskii Region, here, Pokemon from all over the other known regions of the Pokemon world appear, even the game starters. Change the comma after "Broskii Region" to a period. In this region, the Legendaries aren't exempt to appear(in fact, all the legendaries appear) and so, an evil team seeks control of the World using these Pokemons in their scheme, Team Joker. Add a space between "appear" and the opening parenthesis. Also, capitalize the second "legendaries". ~I'd suggest adding a period after "scheme" and making the new sentence say "This team calls themselves 'Team Joker.'" or "This team is known as Team Joker." Team Joker's scheme is to take over the control of the whole Pokemon world by using 6 legendaries, Reshiram, Zekrom, Kyogre, Groundon, Giratina and Mewtwo, each of them under the control of one of their highest ranked members, the 5 Jesters and their Leader, they use mind control means to control them. Change the comma after "legendaries" to a colon. Also, sometimes you capitalize "legendaries" and sometimes you don't. You should stick to either always capitalizing it or always leaving it lowercase. Such means also raise each legendary's power making them even more powerful. Add a comma after "power". Since Team Joker will not always work on plain daylight you have enough time to try to collect the eight Gym Badges of the Broskii region to participate in it's League and use the strength your Pokemon gain with these battles to defeat the evil team. ~Change "on plain daylight" to "in plain daylight" and add a comma after "daylight" ~Delete the apostrophe in " it's " ~Add "of" after "use the strength" ~Change "gain" to "gained" NOTE: I will play in this RP because, well, I need it to stay active in order to keep track of everyone and the events everyone faces, but dont worry, the rules also apply to me and when I want to catch a Pokemon, I'll have one of the other RPers to decide if I succed or not, otherwise, it wouldnt be fair This should be broken into multiple sentences. It also has a few spelling mistakes and an apostrophe missing in "dont". That's it! Nice work on this Soup and Ryu, it looks like you two have come quite the ways. Glad I could help, I know it's always nice to have a fresh pair of eyes. Edited June 12, 2011 by LadyNatasha Share this post Link to post
Posted June 12, 2011 ok, done it! I've fix them... so many errors were still there... makes me feel like a moron T-T... and is only the first post anything else? Share this post Link to post
Posted June 13, 2011 Oh, believe me, that's not a lot of errors to be 'still there'. X3 Your RP isn't bad at all, and you shouldn't feel bad; it has a well set plot and looks quite interesting, even to someone like me who has never explored the Pokemon world. The errors I pointed out were all teeny tiny... I suppose I should have scrunched up some of my critique.~ Alright, just a few more things: This means don't talk about events your character haven't witnessed even if you know about them. "haven't" should be "hasn't". -Also, every single game starter has a chance to appear everywhere, but is a small chance. So I don't suggest you to keep on a route waiting for one, as it is probably you'll encounter one in the future. ~Add "it" in the first sentence right before "is a small chance." ~Delete "to" in the 2nd sentence after "suggest you". ~Change "probably" to "probable" or "more likely". 2nd Post: -The RPG will start with each participant inmediatly after they join so we can advance Spelling: "inmediatly" should be "immediately". -About of pokemon's attacks, you will get your starter at level five I don't understand the start here: "About of pokemon's attacks". -I will post a "chart" on which, I will tell which pokemons you can find in each Route and the levels they might have so you only have to look for the pokedex info and attacks in Pokemon related pages like Serebii or Bulbapedia Delete the comma after "which" and add a comma after "they might have". -PC pokemon are kept at Prof. Pine's Lab, this for them to "interact" with each other so your pokemon can get along a little better with each other even if you used them just a couple times ~Change the comma after "Lab" to a period and add "is" after "this". ~Add a comma after "each other" and change "used" to "use". -Please, fill your joining form in the OoC Thread so it won't interfere with the RP of the other participants, also, in the joining form include "hints" about your personality that can help me decide which pokemons will be randomized for you to choose one Change the comma after "other participants" to a period. In the "About Leveling Up a Pokemon" section of this post, there are a handful of instances where commas should be periods. Also, there are a few times where you forget the space between a word and an opening parenthesis. Try to spot out those instances and change them, and this post should be good to go. ^ ^ In the "Broskii Region Overview" it's about the same, though a few places you miss apostrophes that should be in "its" (" it's " which is short for "it is"). Just read over it carefully and you'll probably find most of the errors. I'll just point out this one: Nut Town - Hometown of Prof. Pine and most of the characters, and were the RP begins "were" should be "where". Happy RPing, keep up the good work~ ~LN~ Share this post Link to post
Posted June 13, 2011 @LadyNatasha ~ thanks, I've fixed them, and I guess I fixed the errors I had on the second and third posts so, it's good to go now @soupnazi ~ yes please, but.. I don't know if the approvers need to see them or not, but if they don't need them, erase them please. Share this post Link to post
Posted June 14, 2011 (edited) No problem Soupnazi ^ ^. Just a few more things, Ryu: From the 2nd post: ~Gameplay:~ However, if you want to catch a pokemon, I will determine if you catch the pokemon based on how well your post was, how the battle was, and if you followed the rules Change "how well your" to "how good your". Also add a period at the end of the sentence. ~About Leveling up a Pokemon:~ ->The levels are also for you to know, in which level your pokemon is. This sentence seems worded a bit strangely. Could you make it more clear in what it's trying to say? If it had battle at least one time in that route, they'll gain a level. \ Change "they'll" to "it'll" or "it will" because you used "it" instead of "they" earlier in the sentence. This is in order to them gain experience, raise level, learn moves and be able to evolve that is Change "to them gain" to "for them to gain". You can also take "that is" off the end here if you wish. Add an end mark to the end of the sentence. This to make it easier to handle and will let ALL of your pokemon to gain experience. ~Add "is" after "This". ~Delete "to" after "pokemon". Magic you say? well, maybe, this is to make sure you can use any pokemon you want when you need it, and it is as strong as the rest of yours, so you don't have to spend hours(or in this case Days) to get a pokemon to rise its level... of course, pokemon will only evolve in your possession. ~Capitalize "well" at the start of the sentence. ~Add a space between "hours" and the opening parenthesis. ~Change "rise its level" to "raise its level". ->When your pokemon evolve try to make its evolution in a epic moment, i.e. a battle, when you or one of your other pokemon need help, so it will be more fun Make "evolve" plural. Change "a" (in front of "epic") to "an". ->You can use this direction to find the wild/your's pokemons move sets up to the specified level so you know what to expect and what to use ... Delete the " 's " in "your's" and add an apostrophe before the 's' in "pokemons". Then, you return for any reason, like catching another pokemon, and you have 3 battles, your pokemon will only gain 1 level for them because this is a region you've previously visited... Delete the comma after "Then". ->Starter pokemon will appear randomly in the areas that suits their habitat, so everyone has the chance to catch one, but, they will be really hard to catch, including the possibility of they running from the fight.... ~Change "suits" to "suit". ~Delete the comma after "but". ~Change "including the possibility of they" to "and it's possible that they'll end up" or something similar. ->In every route, listed pokemon's evolutions might appear, but being much more powerfull, it will take the RPer's complete abilities to fight them and try to catch them, which will be determined by a formula... Spelling: change "powerfull" to "powerful". 3rd Post: Route 1 - Several bird pokemon too, you can find Pidgey, Spearow, Hoothoot* .... Add "reside here" or "live here" after "bird pokemon". Pring Town - A small town that means a guide to the new trainers, old people and experienced trainers gather here as their retirement home and send the young trainers in the right way to their journey. Change the comma after "new trainers" to a period. Route 3 - Connects Greenwood Forest with Greenwood City, the river that crosses Greenwood Forest crosses this route too. Change the comma after "City" to a period. Greenwood City - The first city of Broskii Region, it is surrounded and filled inside with tall trees and grass pokemon wonder around it (not for catch) freely, from it's major attraction, the "Watch Tree" (a Watch Tower word game name) you can see the plateau where the Pokemon League takes place which is at north of the city and Mt. Yama at the west. ~Change the comma after "freely" to a period. ~Delete the apostrophe in " it's ". In this city you can win your first Badge, the Wonder Leaf Badge, after beating it's Gym Leader, Tristan, who uses Grass Type pokemon. Delete the apostrophe in " it's ". Dragged Tunnel - Here you can find pokemon that you usually find on caves like Zubat, Woobat ... Change "on caves" to "in caves". Route 6 - Having crossed Dragged Tunnel, Route 6 passes by a side of a the mountain, basically all the pokemon from the Route 5 except Ponyta can be found here.... Change the comma after "mountain" to a period. Ridgerock City - A large city, with sort of a theme on ground and rock, it is carved on Mt. Yama's wall, giving most of the city an aforetime look. Delete the comma after "city" and change the comma after "rock" to a period. Ridgerock City is famous for having the ancient RegiTemple from which is said that the Regis and their master Regigigas lies dormant until the time to protect Broskii Region comes, Contests are also held here. Change the comma after "comes" to a period. Those are the last things I see. Fix that up and you're ready to go! Edited June 14, 2011 by LadyNatasha Share this post Link to post
Posted June 14, 2011 ok, I did it! I've fixed them all! so, is it approved now? Share this post Link to post
Posted June 14, 2011 (edited) I believe it is. Seeing no more major errors, I deem this... APPROVED! Edited June 14, 2011 by LadyNatasha Share this post Link to post
Posted June 14, 2011 you should ask a mod to clear up all those comments and you should make an ooc like i did Share this post Link to post
Posted June 14, 2011 I've done both, the link to the OOC is on the first post, and Im waiting for them to erase the comments Share this post Link to post
Posted June 16, 2011 The early morning light streamed through the window of Madison's room, as she ran about emptying every drawer and other thing she used to hold objects. She was trying to find the last few things she needed before leaving, she still hadn't found her coat and hat. Her bag was bulging, mostly with spare clothing and food, but she had also been given a few potions by her mother- the woman was afraid Madison might forget to pick some up until far later on, and besides, it never did hurt to be a little more prepared. When she had finally located her last few things- her coat was lying, rather rumpled, underneath her bed, and her hat had somehow ended up behind the TV- she gave things a quick straightening up, mostly cramming extra clothes into a drawer and fixing the covers on her bed, nevermind the mess under it or that still littered the room. Still... she set her bag down after a few moments, realizing that it would be rather rude to go off for however long and leave her parents with the mess, and she was supposed to be trying to be more responsible. --------- "Bye mom! Bye dad!" Madison shouted nearly half an hour later as she ran out the door. Things weren't perfect, but hey, she had made an effort and it showed. And she couldn't be too late for her journey, what would the professor think? Worse, what if he ran out of the good pokemon, she didn't want to end up with a Magikarp or something! At least she had known to get up as early as possible, she could always rest somewhere else during the day. It was only when she was in sight of the lab that she realized she hadn't gotten any breakfast... that would have to wait. At least she had some sandwiches in her bag. Somewhere, they were probably horribly squished now. Well, she'd deal with that when it came, getting her pokemon was the important thing. "Professor! I'm... I'm here!" she panted, bursting in through the door. "I'm not late, am I?" It was clear that she wasn't though, the lab seemed pretty much empty. She caught her breath as the professor spoke, looking around the room. She was only vaguely aware of Pine's words, her attention was more drawn to the large computer at one end of the room. She shook her head, focusing on the professor's words, hoping she hadn't missed anything important. "This computer chooses your partner Pokemon based on your personality," explained the Professor. "Just place your hand on the scanner and it will display 3 Pokemon for your choosing." Share this post Link to post
Posted June 16, 2011 (edited) It was the big morning... the morning Serena was going to get her own pokemon. She had been up early to pack all the clothes and things she would need for her journy. I wonder what pokemon I will get, she thought as she went over the list her mother had left for her the night before one last time to make sure that she had every thing. It sure didn't help finding things that her room was... well... less than tidy; her mother had gotten after her for that many and many a time. "Serena," she heard her mom call just as she was grabbing a few last minute things," Come down and get yourself some breakfast... your grandparents sent you a surprise!" I wonder what it is!, she thought excitedly as she hurried down to the kitchen. where her mother and two sisters were waiting. "So what pokemon do you want to get, "cried Annabelle, Serena's younger sister, still too small for her own Pokemon as she arrived in the kitchen. The little girl sat at the table eating a bowl of ceral. "I will have to accept whatever Professor Pine's machine picks for me." she replied with a laugh, as she grabbed a bowl herself and began to fill it. "What, no preference at all," asked Brigette, her older sister who was more interested in pokemon research than in training, with a playful smile. "I'd like a vulpix," she said after a moment's thought, " But I will just be happy to even HAVE a pokemon..." she said after a moments thought. "Your grandparents sent this for your journy", said her mother walking over to the table, ' Its a bag for items and things you will find on your journy", her mother said with a smile," Oh I know it seemed like I didn't want you to go, but... I am so proud of you," her mother nearly cried as she spoke these words. "Mom..." Serena's words trailed off as her mother hugged her tight. ... ... ... About thirty minutes later, breakfast eaten and goodbyes said with her mother and sisters, Serena left her house " Take care of yourself Serena, be sure to eat your vegetables and don't stay up too late", called her mom. "Give us a call on your pokegear once you have your pokemon and let us know what you got when you are on your away out of town!' called her sisters after her as she trotted off down the cobblestone pathway to the road. In no time at all, Serena was hurrying along down the street to Professor Pine's lab... she really must not be late. She saw another girl heading into the lab ahead of her just as she came into sight of the building. She made a dash for the door... she couldn't let someone else get there ahead of her and perhaps get the last pokemon. "Professr! Professor!"Wait for me!" she called as she hurried in through the door. She stopped to catch her breath and it was then that she noticed the large computer sitting at the far end of the room.That must be the machine... the one that chose the pokemon for the new trainers she realized. "Ah, Serena," the Prfessor said," Welcome." She nodded a response to the Professor although her mind was already swimming with thoughts of what pokemon she might recieve... would it be a red hot fire type, a cool flowing water type... or maybe a green and wild plant type? " As I was just explaining to Miss Madison here," he said with a friendly smile," "This computer chooses your partner Pokemon based on your personality," explained the Professor. "Just place your hand on the scanner and it will display 3 Pokemon for your choosing." Edited June 16, 2011 by LeopardDragon Share this post Link to post
Posted June 16, 2011 Prof. Pine saw both new trainers, both girls, they were the first ones to arrive to his lab. he decided to let them choose who goes first to choose their pkmn since he didn't wanted to 'cause any unnecessary trouble between them... now your choices: Dr. Paine - The screen whirled around black shapes of potential Pokemon. Like a casino slot machine, the three slots started to fill up with the dark sillouetts. BEEP! The first pokemon appeared and the computer spoke. "Buneary, the Rabbit Pokémon. When it senses danger, it perks up its ears. On cold nights, it sleeps with its head tucked into its fur." The computer continued to spin through the slots. BEEP! The second Pokemon was chosen. "Numel, the Numb Pokémon. Numel is extremely dull witted - it doesn't notice being hit. However, it can't stand hunger for even a second. This Pokémon's body is a seething cauldron of boiling magma." Once again the computer spun its last slot. BEEP! The final Pokemon was chosen. "Snivy, the Grass Snake Pokémon. They photosynthesize by bathing their tails in sunlight. When they are not feeling well, their tails droop." LeopardDragon - The screen whirled around black shapes of potential Pokemon. Like a casino slot machine, the three slots started to fill up with the dark sillouetts. BEEP! The first pokemon appeared and the computer spoke. "Pansear, the High Temp Pokémon. When it is angered, the temperature of its head tuft reaches 600º F. It uses its tuft to roast berries." The computer continued to spin through the slots. BEEP! The second Pokemon was chosen. "Whismur, the Whisper Pokémon. Whismur is very timid. If it starts to cry loudly, it becomes startled by its own crying and cries even harder. When it finally stops crying, the Pokémon goes to sleep, all tired out." Once again the computer spun its last slot. BEEP! The final Pokemon was chosen. "Surskit, the Pond Skater Pokémon. From the tips of its feet, Surskit secretes an oil that enables it to walk on water as if it were skating. This Pokémon feeds on microscopic organisms in ponds and lakes." He stepped aside of the machine to let the girls choose their pkmn. Meanwhile he went to a side of the Lab to bring thier Pokedex' and the five pkblls that belong to each girls to be ready to give them. Share this post Link to post
Posted June 16, 2011 (edited) Madison carefully looked over the pokemon, actually putting some thought into her choice for once. Numel, certainly not. For one, she wasn't sure if she could manage to feed the thing enough, she had read about them a few times while she was working with Pine. Besides, she was a little wary about starting with anything involving fire, they were usually bad tempered pokemon, and she had no faith in her ability to deal with that. Buneary... well, Buneary was certainly cute, and she had even been around a couple before. Very friendly little pokemon, but... not quite her type. She didn't want cute. True, she wasn't quite sure just what she wanted, but cute wasn't it. That just left Snivy. The most she could tell was that it was a Grass type, and probably looked a little odd. She had never seen them, and had only read the name once- when she was looking over different regions, and the listing of the usual starting pokemon. She hadn't quite made it to the Unova pokemon yet, she was still studying the Sinnoh region. It seemed a little interesting, though. "I think I'll go with... this one," she finally said, having waited a little while for the other girl (Serena? She seemed vaguely familiar) to think on her choice. Madison reached for the machine, pressing the button that held the silhouette of Snivy. No going back now. And who knew, if things went badly, she could always try to catch other pokemon, a Vulpix was high on the list. Or Abra, working with Psychic types could be interesting. (I wanted to make sure I got this in before I had to sleep, sorry ) Edited June 16, 2011 by Dr. Paine Share this post Link to post
Posted June 16, 2011 (edited) Hmmm.... , Serena thought as she watched the other girl make her choice, a Snivy. A Pansear, a Whismur and a Surskit, She sat before the machine staring at the three pictures of the pokemon it had chosen for her to pick from. Whismer and Surskit were both mainly Hoenn pokemon, she knew, which left Pansear... a pokemon from the far away Unnova region. Now, the choice was up to her. After a moment or two of thought she realized that the Unnova pokemon species were the ones she knew the least about; though she gathered from its picture and discription that it must be a fire type. This thought actually fascinated Serena as she looked at the outlines of the pokemon the machine presented her with, what a funny little primate pokemon! Even so, she figured that to be fair, she should at least consider the other two options the machine had given her. Serena grinned, the other two were nice, but fire types had always been her favorite, and a Unnova pokemon could be an interesting learning experience. Whismer would typically be a tad too timid for her taste, and besides she had seen the evolved form of whismur and thought them a little scarey. And surskit was small and cute, but it might take some training if it were to stand up to any sort of battle. In a moment or two more, she was decided. Pansear it would be for her! She looked back at Professor Pine as she was ready to make her decision and saw that he had two poxedexes and a handful of pokeballs. "I pick Pansear," she called, pressing the button on the machine indicating the little fire type. She was certain that she would catch herself a vulpix, later and many other pokemon, too. Yes, she was excited, and her and Pansear would get along just fine, she was sure, or so she hoped. She and her new, relatively unknown pokemon were going to be going off on a great big adventure, the two of them together. She then turned her attention to her fellow new trainer,... a potential rival, perhaps? The other girl, she noticed was probably a good few years older than she was. Edited June 16, 2011 by LeopardDragon Share this post Link to post
Posted June 16, 2011 As Professor Pine was occupied with two new, younger trainers, Diomedes spent his time feeding the pokemon the Professor kept around the lab. All he needed to do was find them all, really. It wasn't too hard. After seven years, he had actually grown to know them well, at least enough to know where their favourite hiding and relaxing places were. He also snuck in a few choice berries for pokemon that he knew particularly well, seeing as the professor didn't seem to mind. The pokemon certainly appreciated it. This type of relationship between him and the lab pokemon often made Diomedes question why he never took the first chance he got to become a trainer; It all seemed like a wonderful experience, especially when he saw trainers that first came to the lab for their first pokemon that came back for a visit... They all seemed so happy. Diomedes sighed. When he turned down the offer to take a pokemon and start his journey, he always felt as though he had spoiled a chance of having a bond with the pokemon that was presented to him. He had always felt so bad about that... He occasionally met the creature, more and more often after his first year here, and it always seemed so unsure - as if Diomedes had shattered it's self-confidence. It was always happy to see him and often took to following Diomedes around, but something about seemed... Distant. Biting the inside of his cheek, Diomedes came to a small pond. This was normally the place the little guy liked to be. He frowned, crouching over the water and gazing in curiously... Before he was pounced by something small. Diomedes knew, who and what, it was before he even fell into the water. He couldn't help but grin slightly. Share this post Link to post
Posted June 17, 2011 Dr. Paine and LeopardDragon ~ Prof. Pine saw the girls making their choices, a Snivy and a Pansear, curiously, both pkmn from the Unova region, and of opposite types... very interesting, though he didn't mention something about it. Instead, he handed them their new pokedex' and 5 pokeballs to each of them. "here you go" he said with a smile on his face "now, I assume you want to begin your journey ASAP to begin winning gym badges or contest ribbons right? well, the first stop you should make is Pring Town, is a small town up to the north of this, it has no Gym or Contest Hall, but I heard there was going to be some type of tournament in the park of it in a couple days, so you should go there to check it out, they might not give you a badge or ribbon, but the experience will be usefull to you" he said just before going outside of the lab to the ranch where he kept the pkmn other trainers sent him and leave the girls... Jeimuzu ~ On the side of the pond Mudkip was standing there watching Diomedes fall. The pkmn was seemingly happy to see the boy again, after all, they were meant to leave on a journey together and thus Mudkip never wanted to leave the lab, to stay with him. At that very momment Prof. Pine came outside to check on the pkmns and saw the img of Muskip pushing Diomedes to the pond. "I see Mudkip is happy to see you again Diomedes" he said approaching them "I believe you should reconsider your decision about your journey, Mudkip has stayed here all this time just to be around you, even when you declined to have it as your companion" the professor knelt to the ground to pet the Mudkip and to help the boy go out of the pond... Share this post Link to post
Posted June 17, 2011 "Awesome," Madison said, grinning as she examined the pokedex and pokeballs. The empty five were attached to her belt (she had managed to have enough foresight to get one that allowed for easy access), while the one containing Snivy remained in her hand. "Alright then... guess I should get a look at you," she said, pressing the button on the front of the pokeball. There was a flash of light, and Snivy appeared. The green pokemon gave itself a little shake before turning its attention to Madison, regarding its new trainer with a rather indifferent gaze. "Ah... hi," Madison said, smiling slightly at the pokemon. She had the distinct impression that it was not impressed, but.. well, it hadn't tried to attack her or anything. So that was good. And it (she? Madison would have to check with someone later on, but she had the feeling that this particular pokemon was female) did stand next to her after a few moments. "So, what's your pokemon look like?" Madison asked, looking at Selene. Snivy seemed rather curious as well, tilting her head slightly and focusing her gaze at the other trainer. Share this post Link to post
Posted June 17, 2011 (edited) James hurried to pack all his clothes and get ready to leave for the lab. Plusle and Minun helped him pack as fast as they could, the two electric pokemon where his parent's from when they had gone out into the world and these were the two pokemon they had agreed to keep when they settled down since they went together. "Thanks Plusle and Minun." They smiled at him and followed him to the door to see him out since his parents had already left for work. James left his house and cursed his luck that he lived at the edge of Nut Town. He broke into a run as he left his yard and headed toward the lab which was atleast a mile away. James arrived at the lab completely out of breath and was panting when he walking in the door and saw that there were two people in the lab but no professor. "Don't worry, I'm finally here." He noticed that the two girls were older that him by several years and had already gotten their pokemon. He sighed and sat down wondering where the professor had gotten off to. Edited June 17, 2011 by monkeyboy225 Share this post Link to post
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