Gender and Gender Identity

[St. Jimmy]

i honestly dont care about the feelings of genders

It's too bad you don't care about feelings, because it's often those feelings telling us who we are. You'd erase that part of someone's identity because they don't fit your idea of a boy or girl?

 

GET A SEX CHANGE.

Getting a sex change would (sort of) make sense if you're trans*. But what solution do you propose for those of us who are neither? Or switch around? That said, not even all trans* people want to have a sex change.

 

oh and those who have both organs they are considered LADYBOYS or SHEMALES to everyone in the sexual world of pornography so calling them that whereas is accurate is kinda horrible so i think that they should get something a little more friendly like FEMINMALE

Shemale is a transphobic slur. I've never heard ladyboy or feminmale, but they sound just as horrible and ridiculous to me. And I think you should leave the decision of what to call queer people up to, y'know, queer people.

 

Also... pornography =/= real life.

 

[Kestra15]

Why men can't pick the right shade of paint: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/health/healthne...e-of-Dulux.html

[dangershy]

My sex is female, but I really prefer being called male. I'm really more male with touches of female, depending on occasion. I have a couple dresses but I only use then like, once in a blue moon. My usual clothes are a pair of jeans and a random shirt with some not-so-clean tennis shoes. But I'm really into gaming, a few sports, but not many. I normally stay with my books, grammar, and art, haha. ;

[wonton55912]

In elementary school, I got picked on a lot for my body being a female's and wearing males' clothing. It just felt right. I could not, for the life of me, ever even contemplate wearing dresses or frilly little girls' outfits or playing with Barbies instead of dinosaurs. Even now, as a freshman, while a lot of the other girls wear short-shorts, tank-tops, and have lengthy hair that goes down to mid-to-lowback, I'm standing here in a T-shirt, boys' basketball shorts and my hair cut pretty short... It really bugs me because while the people in my grade who I grew up with finally learned that I am who I am, I get asked by strangers, "Are you a girl or a boy?" and I can't answer that and just stare awkwardly because honestly, I've never felt like a female, and don't dress like one. I, however, don't completely act or think like a male and obviously lack male anatomy. When puberty hit I had the sensation of "oh god this is totally unnatural why is this happening", and still get that feeling every special part of the month, whereas the other girls thought the same until they learned to accept that it's a part of their life, so now they're just like "oh god cramps".

 

So I'm wondering, is this normal or am I some weird creature?

I think exactly like this. That's all I will say.

[satyr76]

So, my mom sister and I watched the new glee episode, which had a transwoman join the club. My sister got confused and my mommexplained "he's just confused." I'm really surprised at how many people think that way. DX

[Switch]

So, my mom sister and I watched the new glee episode, which had a transwoman join the club. My sister got confused and my mommexplained "he's just confused." I'm really surprised at how many people think that way. DX

No kidding. Me and my parents somehow once got on the subject of such things as these, and they both got really grossed out looks on their faces and said transgender people just want attention, are confused, and need to be happy with the way god made them, and that there's no way at all to change your sex.

 

You can imagine why I haven't told them anything.

[Gsea]

First and foremost: I'm no expert. I'm hardly even qualified to be speaking. I'm a teenager, my brain hasn't developed all the way, but this is what I think and I'm going to say it.

 

Sex is not the same as gender.

 

Your sex is what you were scientifically, anatomically born as, what you chromosomes literally say you are. Female or male. One or the other - except in cases of hermaphrodites and such, but I'm going to stay away from that topic and keep on this one.

 

Your gender, however, is not set in stone. To me gender is more malleable. Gender, like the title of this thread suggests, would be what you identify as. What you are in every sense except what sex you were born as, if your gender happens to be different from your sex.

 

Get what I mean?

 

To me, and I'm not saying I'm right or accurate, but to me sex and gender are totally different. Because your sex is up to how your chromosomes order themselves, up to your biological father's chromosome, and your gender is up to you.

 

That being said, I am proud to be able to say I have literally nothing against transgenders and the like, nothing against females who identify as males because it feels right, nothing against males who identify as females because it feels right. And in a way, I think transgenders are much less confused than some people think. They actually do know what they are, not what they're "supposed to be."

 

Huzzah, my speech of the day.

 

For information's sake, my sex and gender are female, I was born a female and I identify as one. Am I overly girly? No. I'm girly, yeah, but I don't overdose on makeup and have a strange addiction to cute shoes. I wear the same old pair of flip flops like every day of my life. So I'm not as girly as many girls my age are. So what? I'm fine just like this.

[Switch]

Switchy knows the difference. 8D

 

But I do admit I have a habit of accidentally using them interchangeably on occasion. But that's because I'm a gigantic airhead. And I always correct myself when I do. And I'm working on it. But I do know the difference. D'8

 

I'm most definitely not confused. I've known since before I hit puberty what I wanted my sex to be. >:|

[Gsea]

Switchy knows the difference. 8D

 

But I do admit I have a habit of accidentally using them interchangeably on occasion. But that's because I'm a gigantic airhead. And I always correct myself when I do. And I'm working on it. But I do know the difference. D'8

 

I'm most definitely not confused. I've known since before I hit puberty what I wanted my sex to be. >:|

Haha, I wouldn't say you're an airhead for using them interchangeably, I do that too when it doesn't matter, like when I'm taking notes (most recently when learning about population demographics in class) but when it comes to actually discussing it I try to use what I believe to be the correct terminology.

 

And also, it's absolutely wonderful that you know what you want to be. <3 Some people aren't so lucky, and some people aren't open-minded enough to realize that it's a great thing to know who you are.

 

People are always preaching about the most overused theme of all: Be yourself, become who you are, etc.

 

Then they totally turn their backs on what they just said and say that being a transgender (for example) is wrong, that the person is confused.

 

Sigh. People.

[Tazzay]

Pretty much the same reasons for Switch apply to me, only my parents aren't religious. People around this town are horribly narrow-minded, and you have to be full on drug-addicts and party animals to fit in. I'm neither of those, since I hate real-life parties, and the subject of drugs in general makes me cringe.

 

As you can probably tell, the people around here are extremely homophobic, as they think "gay sex is so icky!" or "Transgender people just want attention!".

 

People are always preaching about the most overused theme of all: Be yourself, become who you are, etc.

 

Then they totally turn their backs on what they just said and say that being a transgender (for example) is wrong, that the person is confused.

 

Exactly what all of the teachers and other people around say, and do. There is a small bunch or right-minded people who praise this and actually hold their word when they meet an LGBT member.

Edited March 6, 2014 by Tazzay

[St. Jimmy]

Lately I've been thinking of asking people to use they/them as pronouns for me. I used to not really care either way but lately feminine pronouns haven't felt right (though I still don't care if masculine ones are used).

 

I know a lot of my friends will be willing to listen. But I'm a bit worried about my parents... they're not exactly the most open-minded people in the world. I'm out to them, and they haven't kicked me out or anything. But they just think I'm going through a phase.

 

*le sigh* Has anyone else run into this problem? How did you deal with it?

[blah]

I have a few questions. They're honestly questions, because I want to know.

 

I female in a female body, just a plain girl (I guess cisgender is the term?). I get very confused with all the stuff that is being discussed in this thread and can't really figure out what is offensive and what isn't and what is the proper term for what and last but not least, there are really a lot of things that apparently exist!

 

I kind of do not feel like putting that much effort in this whole gender thing on the off-chance that I might meet someone who isn't as plain and boring as me. I honestly haven't! Or at least they haven't told me. And it just doesn't apply to me.

 

Many here seem to find it offensive when people (like me) just have no idea and ask whether they're a boy or a girl.

 

Here's my question (turns out to be really only one):

 

Why do you find it offensive? There is an incredible number of minorities or people in special conditions (for the lack of a better general term), am I expected to learn about all of them in detail? How? Why?

 

If I refer to someone as he or she, or ask them if they're a boy or girl (not that I ever have) and they'd answer: "Oh, it's complicated, just call me whatevertheyprefer." Or tell me "Please don't call me Jenny any longer, I'm on the way to becoming John."

 

I'd probably just answer "Okay great, I'll try my best."

 

Would that be acceptable without me knowing all the nuances?

[Shienvien]

I find that people shouldn't find it offensive when people simply honestly ask them which they are, or initially call them with the wrong pronoun. (The majority of people, after all, are cisgendered, so it is generally logical to assume that the person you are talking to probably is, too. I myself do not know any trans folk face-to-face, though I do know one person who lacks gender-identity.)

Unless the other person has a problem with the label you want to carry, there is no reason to take offense.

 

- I frequently get mistaken for a man over the internet myself, simply for how I write and what I do (I am heterosexual woman in a female body).

Nothing that a simple "I am actually a she, though" at the bottom of my next post would not solve.

 

 

Frankly, I find that being politely asked and/or told is the best solution.

Edited October 27, 2012 by Shienvien

[TikindiDragon]

I have a few questions. They're honestly questions, because I want to know.

 

I female in a female body, just a plain girl (I guess cisgender is the term?). I get very confused with all the stuff that is being discussed in this thread and can't really figure out what is offensive and what isn't and what is the proper term for what and last but not least, there are really a lot of things that apparently exist!

 

I kind of do not feel like putting that much effort in this whole gender thing on the off-chance that I might meet someone who isn't as plain and boring as me. I honestly haven't! Or at least they haven't told me. And it just doesn't apply to me.

 

Many here seem to find it offensive when people (like me) just have no idea and ask whether they're a boy or a girl.

 

Here's my question (turns out to be really only one):

 

Why do you find it offensive? There is an incredible number of minorities or people in special conditions (for the lack of a better general term), am I expected to learn about all of them in detail? How? Why?

 

If I refer to someone as he or she, or ask them if they're a boy or girl (not that I ever have) and they'd answer: "Oh, it's complicated, just call me whatevertheyprefer." Or tell me "Please don't call me Jenny any longer, I'm on the way to becoming John."

 

I'd probably just answer "Okay great, I'll try my best."

 

Would that be acceptable without me knowing all the nuances?

It's not offensive so much as,ow can I put this.... difficult. Largely because the vast majority of people that ask the "Are you a boy or a girl?" question tend to get extremely negative if they receive an answer that doesn't match how they percieve your physical sex. The question itself is often meant to be insulting, as they already think the person they are asking is not a 'proper' 'man' or 'woman' (based solely on perception of physical sex). It's even worse for people that have gone through the full operative transition process than it is for those of us that haven't, as some people will ask and then still insist on using pronouns that applied to the person's birth sex.

 

Prefacing it it "I don't want to offend" and ending by making it clear you would like to use *their* preference for pronoun is probably the best way to go about it. It's not offensive to be asked by someone that truly just wants to understand, and use the pronoun we prefer, but a lot of us have had very bad experiences and can be quite defensive.

[WereJace]

I have a few questions. They're honestly questions, because I want to know.

 

I female in a female body, just a plain girl (I guess cisgender is the term?). I get very confused with all the stuff that is being discussed in this thread and can't really figure out what is offensive and what isn't and what is the proper term for what and last but not least, there are really a lot of things that apparently exist!

 

I kind of do not feel like putting that much effort in this whole gender thing on the off-chance that I might meet someone who isn't as plain and boring as me. I honestly haven't! Or at least they haven't told me. And it just doesn't apply to me.

 

Many here seem to find it offensive when people (like me) just have no idea and ask whether they're a boy or a girl.

 

Here's my question (turns out to be really only one):

 

Why do you find it offensive? There is an incredible number of minorities or people in special conditions (for the lack of a better general term), am I expected to learn about all of them in detail? How? Why?

 

If I refer to someone as he or she, or ask them if they're a boy or girl (not that I ever have) and they'd answer: "Oh, it's complicated, just call me whatevertheyprefer." Or tell me "Please don't call me Jenny any longer, I'm on the way to becoming John."

 

I'd probably just answer "Okay great, I'll try my best."

 

Would that be acceptable without me knowing all the nuances?

Some people are going to be touchy no matter what, but phrasing things carefully would probably net more positive results. Asking if someone is a 'boy or a girl' is a little impolite-unless it's somehow immediately relevant to know that person's gender, it's intrusive to question them. If you need to know how they identify, it's generally more acceptable to ask what pronouns they prefer.

[Shienvien]

If you need to know how they identify, it's generally more acceptable to ask what pronouns they prefer.

Might be just me, but this question for me feels ... somehow far more assuming than outright asking which gender you are. Honestly, I personally strongly prefer being outright asked "excuse me, are you man or a woman?"

 

I agree, though, that if you are in no hurry to get to know which the other person is, there's not much reason to ask. As long as you're speaking to the one, it's just 'you', if there's a need to refer to the one, the one's name can be used. Eventually you'll probably find out what the person considers oneself to be anyway, given you're going to have further contact with the one.

(How glad I sometimes are that there are no separate pronouns for he/she/it in my language, just one generic one which is to be used for all singular living beings. Avoids a lot of trouble and embarrassing situations.)

Edited October 27, 2012 by Shienvien

[Switch]

I have a few questions. They're honestly questions, because I want to know.

 

I female in a female body, just a plain girl (I guess cisgender is the term?). I get very confused with all the stuff that is being discussed in this thread and can't really figure out what is offensive and what isn't and what is the proper term for what and last but not least, there are really a lot of things that apparently exist!

 

I kind of do not feel like putting that much effort in this whole gender thing on the off-chance that I might meet someone who isn't as plain and boring as me. I honestly haven't! Or at least they haven't told me. And it just doesn't apply to me.

 

Many here seem to find it offensive when people (like me) just have no idea and ask whether they're a boy or a girl.

 

Here's my question (turns out to be really only one):

 

Why do you find it offensive? There is an incredible number of minorities or people in special conditions (for the lack of a better general term), am I expected to learn about all of them in detail? How? Why?

 

If I refer to someone as he or she, or ask them if they're a boy or girl (not that I ever have) and they'd answer: "Oh, it's complicated, just call me whatevertheyprefer." Or tell me "Please don't call me Jenny any longer, I'm on the way to becoming John."

 

I'd probably just answer "Okay great, I'll try my best."

 

Would that be acceptable without me knowing all the nuances?

Well, I personally don't find it offensive. o.o I can get why people mistake me for a girl, so it doesn't bug me.

 

What TikindiDragon said is right, though. Sometimes it's hard to not get defensive after having someone freak out on you for being something other than what they "say" you are and have them constantly use the wrong term no matter what you say. x_x

[blah]

I'm still not entirely done with thinking this through, I'm not sure how coherent my post is going to be *ahem*

 

Tikindi, I think your answer helped me figure something out. I'm not even sure if it's significant because now that I've thought of it, I find it really obvious.

 

"Gender" just isn't a topic that is able to hurt me. I look what I am, even a bit more cliche than I'd like, what with the blond hair, blue eyes, big yaknow. Anyway, the thing is, I simply don't care what my opposites gender is and I have no interest whatsoever to question what they tell me, why would I waste my time on it? Whatever they say is good for me.

 

Now, I realise that this probably comes off a bit harsh, after all, it isn't an easy path for them. Or while I'm replying to your post, an easy path for you. But in the end, isn't that what it is all about? That it's just no longer a topic that needs to be discussed and cared about?

 

Anyway, I started out thinking "Hm, it's somewhat annoying that they make such a big deal about it. Do they have to force that topic on people and demand understanding?"

 

Now I realized, Yes you do! Because I made the big mistake of comparing other cisgendered people to myself. And unlike me, they make an even bigger deal out of it, than anyone going this path would. And that pretty much sucks.

 

On how to phrase the question -

 

If I ever have to ask that question, I'll be very careful how to do that It can really backfire. Both ways. I mean the "I'm a girl, what are talking about 'what do you prefer'?!" scenario isn't pleasant either. Hm.

 

In general though, I understand where the defensiveness (is that a word?) comes from, but I don't think it's a good thing.

 

When you're acting defensive, you're suggesting there is something wrong, that you're feeling guilty or embarrassed. The more you (general you by now, I've really lost track structuring this post) smile and act normal about it, the more normal it will become. I guess and hope.

[WereJace]

The defensive response is also a response to pain, either anticipated or not. Anyone who is not cisgendered has had to deal with a lot of unpleasant assumptions and questions, which lead to very unpleasant responses from the assumer/questioner that can include physical violence. After the third, tenth, fiftieth, etc. person responds to your gender presentation and your attempts to educate them regarding who you are with disgust and anger, it is hard to maintain your 'niceness'. It hurts to be misgendered and it hurts to be questioned about your gender by people who have no reason to know. It's understandable that people who fall outside of the cisgendered spectrum get angry, defensive and upset at times. Smiling and being nice to people does not stop them from hurting you.

Edited October 28, 2012 by WereJace

[St. Jimmy]

Lately I've been thinking of asking people to use they/them as pronouns for me. I used to not really care either way but lately feminine pronouns haven't felt right (though I still don't care if masculine ones are used).

 

I know a lot of my friends will be willing to listen. But I'm a bit worried about my parents... they're not exactly the most open-minded people in the world. I'm out to them, and they haven't kicked me out or anything. But they just think I'm going through a phase.

 

*le sigh* Has anyone else run into this problem? How did you deal with it?

Sorry if I'm being pushy with this. But it may have gotten missed when the new page happened.

[Shato]

Sorry if this thread is old but I honestly have some questions of my own if anyone is still active here.

 

Since I was around 5 or 6 I always wanted to be a boy, I always pretended I was a boy and strangely enough even at a young age pretended I had girlfriends. I didn't know why and really didn't think it was a problem but I knew not to tell anyone. I'm 20, almost 21 now and still really wish I was a boy, I just think it would be easier all around for me and fit my personality better. I'm bi and have always been a tomboy for as long as I can remember. I absolutely despise anything labeled girly, I think I am aware that I hate gender stereotypes. I am a christian and it really hurts/bothers me to read the bible as it pretty clearly says where the "woman's place" is and to obey men, I honestly can't stand that, it infuriates me but I digress. I have a girlfriend now, we've been dating for almost 2 years and the relationship is great if not for my uncertainties about myself.

 

I have only two or three people that know I'm bi. I only say I'm bi because I think of every person as just that, a person, a human being regardless of sex. So if a man or a woman has a good personality and similar morals then I think that is all that should count, not what is between their legs or lack there of. To me that's on the same scale as only being attracted to someone for a physical characteristic and very superficial. If a man had an accident and lost the use of his penis would his wife leave him as he is no longer able to procreate as a male would? or have sex as a male would? or use the restroom as a male would? He would still be the same guy that is kind and loving. So if someone else is kind and loving who cares what sex they are. That's my view on that anyway.

 

I still struggle to this day trying to figure out what and who I am. I think I may be asexual as well but not really sure. My girlfriend has a high sex drive and mine is almost nonexistent. I prefer to think about sex then actually do it. I see no reason to have sex and the whole act kinda feels wrong and disgusting to me, it may be because I'm a girl and would feel better about everything if I was a boy but again, not sure. I sometimes feel like I'm a disappointment to my girlfriend as I'm not able to do everything for her that a guy in a normal heterosexual relationship could, so I doubt the relationship at times and become very depressed.

 

I identify as female and am fine being called she but don't really like being called a girl. I used to pretend online that I was a male and I was extremely convincing and it felt so right but guilt got the best of me and I told all my friends I was a girl, most were mad and confused, some stopped talking to me and my best friend at that time never saw me the same way again. Since then I'm terrified to refer to myself as anything other than female for fear of people finding out I am a girl and getting upset.

 

So I suppose my main question is can anyone help me figure what I am? Maybe I'm just crazy and put too much pressure on myself with this but it's something I think about daily and has become my main point of depression.

 

 

[KageSora]

I'm kinda in the "really confused" boat myself.

 

I don't really... Actually know how to refer to myself properly, so I typically just let people call me whatever because I don't usually care (misgendering me isn't a big deal to me, since I'll pretty much respond to anything so long as I can tell you're referring to me, ahahah).

 

I'd personally rather physically be a guy. I HATE having boobs (honestly, if I had the money and time, I would like to have them removed, they're just all kinds of in the way and uncomfortable and I have no love for them), and I've always wished I had a penis instead (even before I gained another reason to despise being physically female, stupid monthly visits from Mother Nature--sadistic jerk, she is).

 

But, like, I identify as female, I guess. So, like... I'm fine identifying my gender as female, but I wish my sex was male? Like, is there a word for that? I've never been girly, just always kinda been more of a tom boy. Closest I found for gender was perhaps genderfluid, IIRC?

 

I never mind being referred to as female. Sometimes I prefer people refer to me as male (hence my having my gender here set to "male", for example), but I never have issues with being called by female pronouns. Honestly, the only time I really prefer female pronouns is when womens' rights comes up--and that's mostly only because of my sex being female, so laws restricting physically female individuals would restrict me no matter how I identify for my gender.

 

 

So, I really have no idea. But I know for a fact I wish I had been born physically male...

[Shato]

I'd personally rather physically be a guy.  I HATE having boobs (honestly, if I had the money and time, I would like to have them removed, they're just all kinds of in the way and uncomfortable and I have no love for them), and I've always wished I had a penis instead (even before I gained another reason to despise being physically female, stupid monthly visits from Mother Nature--sadistic jerk, she is).

 

So, I really have no idea.  But I know for a fact I wish I had been born physically male...

This, 1000 times this.

[Mousia]

I wouldn't want to be a guy, but I'm not a huge fan of the things that I have to take into consideration all the time.

 

I just think I'd fit better into the male gender role, despite liking being a female.

You know, whatever. We're all going to be judged anyways, you know?

 

Got that off my chest.

Have a good day/night, people.

[esnym]

I'm kinda weird too. Biologically I'm a female, but I can count the times I've put on makeup on the fingers of one hand. I don't dress up, I hate shopping, I never do my hair, etc etc. I wouldn't mind being a guy at all - in fact there are times when I wish I'd been born a dude. I love the smell of men's cologne, my favorite color is blue, and I'm pansexual but with a preference for men.

 

But I still don't feel like I AM a man, or that my preferences somehow make me less... feminine. I just dislike stereotypes in general. SO, stereotypically I guess I'm not a "typical" female, but technically there is no such thing as a "typical" anyone. Think about it. Would you call someone a typical black person or a typical Mexican?

If it's considered racist to say stuff like that, why is it okay to call someone else a "typical" man or woman?

 

Just my thoughts, I guess...