Gender and Gender Identity

[MathiasTolerain]

I was telling my friend about gender the other week/month, and I mentioned zie/zir. The thing is, I dunno how to pronounce them. o-o Any help? c:

I always pronounce it "zee" so it is similar to the already known "he" and "she."

 

Then "zer" similar to "her."

 

I'm split between "zis" or "zers." The first balances the inspirations as it is closer to "his," but it has unfortunate similarity to a rather vulgar slang here in the US. "Zers" doesn't have that, but it does take two pronunciations from classical female words.

[Justin-]

I am male and i feel like a boy for sure! but one of my friends is male to female transgender and she is one of the prettiest girls I know its a shame that her parents cant see that.. they are completely against it

[Dr. Paine]

All I'll say is I am perfectly happy with my physical sex, and I adore making people guess what I am- no real reason, it's just fun to see why someone thinks I'm one or the other.

 

For those who are unsure/don't know what I am, what do you think?

Edited December 22, 2011 by Dr. Paine

[Ripan]

I couldn't tell the difference between male and female for the longest time.

I also remember asking my mom if I was a boy or a girl.

[WonderBubbles]

I always pronounce it "zee" so it is similar to the already known "he" and "she."

 

Then "zer" similar to "her."

 

I'm split between "zis" or "zers." The first balances the inspirations as it is closer to "his," but it has unfortunate similarity to a rather vulgar slang here in the US. "Zers" doesn't have that, but it does take two pronunciations from classical female words.

That helps. x3 Thank you. =D

[AyumuVanguard]

I couldn't tell the difference between male and female for the longest time.

I also remember asking my mom if I was a boy or a girl.

For a long time I thought my pee came out the front and I thought something was seriously wrong when I was a little kid at the doctor's office and found out that it didn't.

[Princess Kiara]

I am a GIRL and am proud to be one. My sex and gender both agree to the utmost.

[Xocowolf]

Honest, respectful question (sincere desire to know):

What's a "squirrel" in this context?

[TikindiDragon]

I couldn't tell the difference between male and female for the longest time.

I also remember asking my mom if I was a boy or a girl.

You have no idea how old I was before I realised that my boy parts weren't going to start growing. It didn't occur to me that as I wasn't born with them they were never going to develop.

[Obscure_Trash]

Honest, respectful question (sincere desire to know):

What's a "squirrel" in this context?

A lame joke. Sorry.

[Princess Artemis]

All I'll say is I am perfectly happy with my physical sex, and I adore making people guess what I am- no real reason, it's just fun to see why someone thinks I'm one or the other.

 

For those who are unsure/don't know what I am, what do you think?

Since you like the guessing, you always struck me as a woman.

 

I am neither happy nor unhappy with my physical sex, it's just there. So I take that as a sign that it is the correct one.

[Kestra15]

Since you like the guessing, you always struck me as a woman.

Agreed.

[elderberrysyrup]

I'm in an odd situation. Perhaps I'm simply not old enough to figure it out yet. Physically, I'm female. I'm ok with my gender sometimes. I'm alright with the fact I have female parts and boobs. However, I cannot stand the connotations that are associated with being female. It's gotten so bad that I back up and cannot stand anyone referring to me as a female, so I must choose either zhe or zir or whatever, or a he/him. I will flip a table if referred to as she. It gets worse because in my household, females are expected to act a certain way. Since I am an anxious, depression-riddled recluse, this clashes very much with who I am. Unfortunately, I can't, like most college girls, go out shopping, partying, and otherwise being a social, fashion-adoring animal. Because of this, I remain an engima as to whether I'm cisgender, transgender, nongender, etc.

 

Suggestions?

[Princess Artemis]

Honestly? It sounds more like you loathe sexism than any gender question on your part, and that is quite understandable.

 

One suggestion would be to adjust your own view of what being a woman is. "Shopping, partying, and otherwise being a social, fashion-adoring animal" isn't it by a long shot--one can quite certainly be a woman and not give a rat's hind end about any of those things. You're all right with your body, and it is, no matter what anyone says to the contrary, a woman's. Start there.

 

Sometimes it really is the rest of the world and not you.

Edited December 23, 2011 by Princess Artemis

[Sadako]

Bump for awesomeness and usefulness.

[Obscure_Trash]

One of the pages I liked posted this the other day: http://itspronouncedmetrosexual.com/wp-con...erbread-2.1.jpg kyoot and wanted to share. <3

[Zovesta]

I'll be honest: my whole life I have never really understood feeling like the opposite gender. What comes with that? What are you suddenly able to do that you couldn't do otherwise? I mean this as respectfully as possible. In short, I have just plain never understood being the other gender. I understand that it's about comfort in your own body, but why is it suddenly so much more comfortable than otherwise?

 

Yeahh obvious cis here. >_>

Edited April 28, 2012 by Zovesta

[Rosedamai]

I'll be honest: my whole life I have never really understood feeling like the opposite gender. What comes with that? What are you suddenly able to do that you couldn't do otherwise? I mean this as respectfully as possible. In short, I have just plain never understood being the other gender. I understand that it's about comfort in your own body, but why is it suddenly so much more comfortable than otherwise?

 

Yeahh obvious cis here. >_>

From other people's experience, it seems that they feel like they were originally the othe gender but put in the wrong body. I am not a transgendered person, but I do genderbend many times, and there are many times when I just think sth like, I would be so much more comfortable if I was a guy, etc. I look very feminine, to make things worse, and there are times where I wish I was a more androgynous looking person, regardless of gender. Again, I haven't had a sex change, and I haven't become a transgendered person so if this comes off as offensive to anyone who is transgendered I apologize in advance.

[Zovesta]

But my question is why would you feel more comfortable as a guy in the first place? Is it because of gender stereotypes being pushed on you?

[7Deadly$ins]

But my question is why would you feel more comfortable as a guy in the first place? Is it because of gender stereotypes being pushed on you?

It doesn't usually have anything to do with that. You can be a "feminine" girl who feels like a guy.

 

It's like... I don't know, imagine that you woke up in your best friends body and you had to live the rest of your life in their body. Even if they were the same sex as you, wouldn't it feel weird? It's not your body. It's the same with gender, only with different parts. Sex is between your legs, gender is between your ears.

[Rosedamai]

But my question is why would you feel more comfortable as a guy in the first place? Is it because of gender stereotypes being pushed on you?

Depends for me. Sometimes, yes-like when I'm on the subway and there's a perv, or when I am expected to quietly sit, nod and smile while other guys ask questions and challenge the speaket. Sometimes I just feel like a guy-can't really explain it further than that, sorry. I just feel more comfortable expressing myself that way. Sorry, this didn't really help, did it.... Basically in that moment I see myself in my mind's eye as a guy, and so express muyself that way.

[TikindiDragon]

But my question is why would you feel more comfortable as a guy in the first place? Is it because of gender stereotypes being pushed on you?

Gender has nothing to do with societal stereotypes. I know a lot of people seem to think it is, but trust me when I say it's not. It was waiting for my boy parts to grown when I was 5 (and not understanding that they wouldn't), it was the sinking, creeping horror when I hit puberty, and it's looking in the mirror and seeing a body which doesn't feel like it's mine.

 

Personality wise - I'm me. I'd still be me in a different body. My personality wouldn't change, because it's who I am and who I'll always be. I'd just feel *right*. And there's no denying the skip of a heartbeat when someone refers to me as 'he'. It's a feeling of rightness that's a bit hard to explain.

 

To put it another way - when did you realise you were a girl? How would you feel if you suddenly start growing a beard?

[Zovesta]

Ahh, alright, thanks a lot you guys, this helped a lot. ^^ Can definitely say that I understand this a lot more now. I didn't think that gender was related to stereotypes, actually, but I felt I might as well offer that to see how much it played in.

 

I wish we had a bit more education on this subject than we do. I've seen the wikipedia page, but that's hardly anything. I think there would be a lot more acceptance if there was more understanding.

[JaziandCo]

Gender has nothing to do with societal stereotypes. I know a lot of people seem to think it is, but trust me when I say it's not. It was waiting for my boy parts to grown when I was 5 (and not understanding that they wouldn't), it was the sinking, creeping horror when I hit puberty, and it's looking in the mirror and seeing a body which doesn't feel like it's mine.

 

Personality wise - I'm me. I'd still be me in a different body. My personality wouldn't change, because it's who I am and who I'll always be. I'd just feel *right*. And there's no denying the skip of a heartbeat when someone refers to me as 'he'. It's a feeling of rightness that's a bit hard to explain.

 

To put it another way - when did you realise you were a girl? How would you feel if you suddenly start growing a beard?

It was the same for me. I think I first really understood the difference between boys and girls when I was in middle school (sheltered child), and when my first period hit and it was explained to me it was almost like a slap in the face.

 

I wore dresses as a little girl, played with barbies (though I had only female barbies and would cut the hair of half of them to make them "boys"), and took ballet. I watched mostly "boy" shows (DBZ, Transformers, Zoids), caught and played with bugs, and had zip interest in "looking pretty". I was a pretty gender balanced kid, though two interesting things to note were that A: when I played with imaginary friends, I was always a guy with a group of guys, and B: after coming out to my sisters and they took it without a blink, I asked them what made them notice and they said that I've always been more "boyish" and they just assumed I was a lesbian. I'd just assumed I was a "tomboy".

 

Once the "...oh..." moment hit in middle school and I realized I was actually not a boy and there was no foreseeable way of changing that in the near future, I sort of sat on it for a little while. In my area, transgendered folk are immediately labeled pedophiles, dangerous, and unloveable. I definitely didn't want to be "that weird girl who got a sex change". About here is when I made the unconscious decision to stop wearing dresses, skirts, and frills; my reasoning for it being that "they got in the way". My hair had been damaged by chemical straightener about here as well and in order for it to become healthy again I had to have it cut to less than 1in.

 

Being a slow grower and having short hair and an androgynous face (so I've been told), here's about where I began being mistaken for a boy. "He", "young man", and "that boy" were phrases that gave me a swell of... a mixture of pride and excitement, I'd say. The first couple times I was too shocked by that to correct them. After that, I began to revel in it. When some cruel boys decided to pick on me about my new look and call me "Jasman" instead of Jasmine, I fussed not because I didn't want to be called a man but because I didn't want people to find out.

 

High school was much the same until I hit 11th grade. I'd been dating someone for a while and finally had words for my frustration for what's between my legs. He and I had slowly built up to a point where he knew what to call me before I did, and I knew he was gay before he did. It was sort of a progression, where I'd rant out my frustrations and things would slip, so that when I finally came out to him all he said was "I know." In all fairness, when he'd told me he was gay, I'd said "so you finally realized?" Being with him and having that acceptance allowed me to look into what to do about, well, me.

 

Sadly he wasn't the best boyfriend and we mutually broke it off after he decided he didn't want to wait for my plumbing to match my brain. I'd moved schools and the kids there were 1000x more accepting, and during lunch in the middle of 12th grade I came out. We knew we had one gay guy and one bi girl in this group of friends, and someone proposed we go around the table and say what our sexualities were. I was honest when they got to me, it took the ringleader about 3 seconds to catch up to what I was saying, and from then on I was "Jaz" and "he". Didn't take long for the teacher to adjust either and those who would have bullied me about it were scared off by my being accepted by the popular kids.

 

Imagine being put into witness protection and living your entire life as someone else. Then it's suddenly safe for you to be you again, and people accept you into their lives as you really are and not the act you've been putting up. That's the best way I can describe it. That year was the first year that felt "right".

 

 

If it were just about breaking gender stereotypes and gender roles, I would remain a girl and wouldn't consider a sex change. After all, I still like boys, and it's easier to be a straight "manly" girl than a gay guy. It runs a lot deeper than that, to a dissatisfaction with the absence of something you know should be there and all the physical things that come with it.

 

TL;DR: It's not gender stereotypes, it's expecting manparts to grow where they're not going to yet feeling "right" only when called male.

[Faith_the_vampire_slayer]

Hmm. Is anybody here genderqueer? If so, I'm curious to know what it's like. Does someone who's genderqueer feel like they have no gender?

 

I don't mean to offend anyone. I'm just curious.