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Coelophysis

Sexual Orientation

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How can you have a study to prove duty ? *puzzled*

 

All he's said is that he has a duty to have sex when he doesn't want to, and that he was taught this stuff in school - as was I.

 

I absolutely agree that duty has nothing to do with anything.

Why was the part of duty scary? I must say I sometimes don't understand people...

Duty is everything! Duty is the most important thing! It drives you through your life! Follow duty is the demand of anyone's honour (if someone has any honour). And honour is the most precious thing as without it life is meaningless and empty.

 

And have sex because of duty? Why is it so big deal? If a female ask something I obey. As some of you educated patriarchal ways I educated matriarchal way. I really belive that obey for a female who is in some way important for me or belong to my family, House is the demand of duty and honour.

 

People think to much about freedom and free will. I can't imagine my life without controll. I find it scary to decide everything myself (it sure cause catastrophe according to my personality and high likeness to fight just for fun => that's why I play so much with pc games... Help to get rid of my aggressivity so I don't fight with others and cause them harm if it's not necessary...) not just follow the order originate from someone's choice.

 

Of course I know I'm a very rare kind of person and believe me I often hear from others how odd I am because I taught and live that way. But as I try to understand and sometimes even accept others' ways I belive others may could do the very same. I can't promise I could accept anything as there are things that quite oppose with the way I taught, raised (suicide e.g.)...

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All I can say to that is - yes - you said it, you certainly are odd. You may even be one of a kind.

 

But I see you can be against something all by yourself, if it happens to be suicide. So there is hope for you yet.

 

And duty is NOT the same as honour. Not at ALL.

 

ETA I do accept the ways of others. Absolutely. Even yours, odd though it is. But I will NOT expect ANYONE else to follow mine. And as a matriarch - there is no way I could ever regard it as my right to insist that a guy had sex with me, nor to see it as his duty to comply. What a ghastly thought.

Edited by fuzzbucket

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Honest-to-goodness Hetero here. ^^

 

I remember when I was 17, I used to tell people I was les. *facepalm* - I think it was mostly because I wanted to stand out a bit from the rest and raise a few eyebrows among my peers. Now that I think on it, I realize how shallow that was, since I've never even looked at another girl in an intimate way before. Then again, I know many girls who are 16-18 who claim they're lesbian without having experienced it for themselves - yet they get boyfriends with a finger snap. Me, I don't think I ever will be attracted to my gender- not unless I see it happening with my full awareness.

 

Kudos to any sexuality. <3

Edited by Deudalephon

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That 'it' was a typo, as it happens. I was typing rather quickly at the time. And 'physical gender' should have read 'physical sex' which was certainly the phrase I was thinking of. Usualy gender = mental, sex = physical. Shows to go me I shouldn't type quick when I'm barely awake.

 

Incidently, as I think you're rather new (or at least I don't recognise you) I should probably point out at this juncture that I'm trans myself. Born female, clearly not mentally so. I think most people that have been around the forums for a while know this by now, so I don't tend to point it out in every conversation.

 

And, yes, from the point of view of someone transgendered I know that if there had been an oppertunity for me not to have been born this way then I sure as hell would have taken it. I'm not talking changing who I am now I've been born, or changing who anyone is once they've been born, but if they could stop people from being born this way in the first place then I'll give them every ounce of support I can.

 

Why? Because being trans can be a living nightmare at times. I went through *hell* in my teenage years, and my family are only just coming to accept me as who I am now. For some poeple, that never happens. If a hormonal intervention before the fetus has fully developed can prevent someone going through hell, then as far as I'm concerned it can only be a good thing.

Okay, I'm honestly sorry for any misunderstanding/assumptions in my other post! I was also typing quickly and since I didn't realise you were trans (it may have been my cis privilege showing or just me not paying attention, I don't really know) I made some assumptions about your post that I probably shouldn't have. Sorry for that!

 

I do agree with what you're saying about being born "differently" though (thank you for clarifying) -- I was just sort of confused before! Being cis myself (at least passing as cis, I don't really know how I feel about my identity right now) I've never had to go through any of that myself but I do have a lot of very close friends who have.... and I know that doesn't count for much but I've at least had a glimpse into the hell that you've had to deal with. No one should have to be put through that sad.gif

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Okay, this is just going to be a little vent of frustration and emotion. Feel free to skip.

 

So, I've been under a lot of stress recently because Talalitha is in treatment again, so I took leave from work and have been doing okay on my own with the kids, as we do. (if you ignore the inability to sleep properly, and the worry and the deep ache from her not being present.) Cooking meals, playing with the kids, helping Kai with her homework, nothing big.

 

And then...my grandparents announce that they're coming for a visit from Israel. Out of the blue, five minutes before they get on the plane.

 

Oh boy.

 

My grandparents are Orthodox. They are very set in their ways, and while they show glimmers (of the faintest sort) of accepting Talalitha, and they adore our son (because I gave birth to him,), they've never been okay with the relationship or the fact that I'm a Conservadox Jew.

 

Religion and sexual orientation, two of the biggest dividers in the world.

 

Now, normally when they visit, it's pretty okay because they don't let their guards down because Shiny is around. They don't consider her family so they won't bring up the invasive issues.

 

Except this visit, I've no wife, my rabbi is on vacation, so no religious support system, and I'm surviving on little to no sleep. And my grandmother keeps bringing it up.

 

I just want to scream at her. Do people honestly feel as though homosexuals can choose to be straight? I had never heard the word "lesbian" or "homosexual" when I was a little girl who had a crush on the girl across the street. I had no concept of "gayness" when I was twelve and my friends declared me "weird" for not seeing how "cute" certain boys were.

 

She keeps saying about how two women can't have a real marriage, but it makes me wonder what that means.

 

Shiny and I have been through and survived her multiple hospitalizations for anorexia, three attempts (and breaks) of her going in for therapy meant to make her straight where she pretty much let herself be tortured for it, her moving 3,000 and then 5,000 miles, her rape by my stepbrother, two pregnancies one from aforementioned rape, several heart attacks, racism and overall, fifteen years together, ten living together/married-ish.

 

I have seen "real" marriages, sanctified by G-d, which have fallen apart for much less.

 

In Judaism, finding your soul mate is considered so very important. Why? Because G-d gives the example in Genesis of that one person who is a part of you. Yes, it was Adam and Khavah and not Adam and Steve, as people like to say -- but the point of the relationship, the reason G-d even split Adam in two in the first place was because he was lonely, there was no one with whom he could connect on an equal emotional level.

 

I feel like smashing her upside the head and saying "Guess what? I can't connect with men on emotional or spiritual levels!" By that logic then, I have to stay single, which is almost-not-quite-depending-on-who you-ask a sin against G-d.

 

But I know I would be beating my head against a wall in doing it, so I'm just going to leave this rant here, having gotten it off my chest.

 

You may now resume with your regularly scheduled programming.

Edited by NobleOwl

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Strength and hope for some sleep, NobelOwl, gah. Hope Shiny is home soon.

Yes indeed. (((NobleOwl))

 

================

 

I just googled cissexual. unsure.gif

 

Would someone please give me a definition that I can make sense of ?

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*hugs Nobleowl*

 

Sorry to hear about sucky family. I wish I could say something meaningful.

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I just googled cissexual.  unsure.gif

 

Would someone please give me a definition that I can make sense of ?

Someone who is cisgender (I think they're interchangeable? Someone correct me if I'm wrong) identifies as the gender they were assigned at birth, as opposed to being trans*.

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Okay, this is just going to be a little vent of frustration and emotion. [snips]

 

Aww. I'm going to click that image in your sig, so you get another internetz.

 

Someone who is cisgender (I think they're interchangeable? Someone correct me if I'm wrong) identifies as the gender they were assigned at birth, as opposed to being trans*.

 

Cissexual means their sexual anatomy is right for them. Cissexual makes less assumptions about their presentation. For example, a crossdresser is cissexual but not cisgendered.

 

 

 

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Now I am more confused, but that's OK biggrin.gif

 

ETA are those who thus identify OK with this I just found ?

 

The opposite of transgendered, someone who is cisgendered has a gender identity that agrees with their societally recognized sex.

 

Many transgender people prefer "cisgender" to "biological", "genetic", or "real" male or female because of the implications of those words. Using the term "biological female" or "genetic female" to describe cisgendered individuals excludes transgendered men, who also fit that description. To call a cisgendered woman a "real woman" is exclusive of transwomen, who are considered within their communities to be "real" women, also.

Edited by fuzzbucket

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Cissexual means their sexual anatomy is right for them. Cissexual makes less assumptions about their presentation. For example, a crossdresser is cissexual but not cisgendered.

Ah, that makes sense. Thank you!

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Now I am more confused, but that's OK biggrin.gif

LOL The definitions will probably depend on who you ask, but it makes sense to me.

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Cis- means "to this side" while trans- means "to the opposite side". So to make sense of it, anything that makes sense with trans- in front of it, cis- means the...not-trans version.

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Darn. I just edited and you are all too fast for me. Is this OK with those who thus identify ??

 

The opposite of transgendered, someone who is cisgendered has a gender identity that agrees with their societally recognized sex.

 

Many transgender people prefer "cisgender" to "biological", "genetic", or "real" male or female because of the implications of those words. Using the term "biological female" or "genetic female" to describe cisgendered individuals excludes transgendered men, who also fit that description. To call a cisgendered woman a "real woman" is exclusive of transwomen, who are considered within their communities to be "real" women, also.

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Looks good to me. I've never been all that PC but neither am I cranky about people misusing or slightly misusing or being confused about terminology. If people are using the wrong word out of ignorance, it's ok to correct them but it's not ok to start ranting at them out of anger.

If people are trying to insult you on purpose, heck yeah, unleash the beast.

But if people aren't directly insulting me I'm not bothered when they ask all sorts of personal questions like "how much do hormone shots cost?".

 

The way I handle private crap like that is to say "Many people might not be comfortable answering such a personal question. I don't care, so I'll tell you, but you could Google this stuff instead of shouting it in the middle of the office where we all work, yeah?" then they get kind of o___o and that's the last time I have to bother with it.

 

heheheheh.

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I don't really care about gender or gender identity when it comes to relationships, though I find myself with a personal preference for girls. I like to wear boys' clothes but I'm not really 'butch' at all, I'm just a bit of a tomboy.

 

When I explain that, people seem to start trying to put me in a little box and tell me I'm a bisexual, a pansexual, 'confused', genderqueer, 'just bicurious' 'straight in denial', 'lesbian in denial'... everyone seems to have a theory, everyone wants to have a definitive category for each person's sexualty. Why? Sexuality is such a complex thing, affected by so many factors. It's nothing new and it's not just about attraction or sex- it's how we identify as ourselves, it's all part of our personalities.

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Dhevix I know how you feel. Personally at a young age I was confused, I didn't understand what was wrong with me.. I wasn't straight and I wasn't a lesbian.. I liked both genders... but when I was growing up, there was no definition for being bi-sexual or even pan-sexual. Finally in High School during my Sophmore year I found out that I was what was considered bisexual... but then, as life went on.. and I grew older, I was told that I wasn't bisexual that I had to be Pansexual. I have been told so many different things.. from being in denial, to being told that I was going through a phase and would grow out of it. Currently I call myself pansexual as it seems to be the definition that describes how I feel the greatest. I am attracted to the person, not the skin that they wear.. if that makes any sense at all.

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Pardon my ignorance, but the difference between bisexuality and pansexuality greatly confuses me.

 

Obviously, if you're pansexual, you'll fall in love with either gender. So why is it not the same thing as being bisexual?

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Pardon my ignorance, but the difference between bisexuality and pansexuality greatly confuses me.

 

Obviously, if you're pansexual, you'll fall in love with either gender. So why is it not the same thing as being bisexual?

Bi = attracted to boys and girls

Pan = attracted to boys, girls, intersexed, trans, androgynous, whatever the heck else people may be

 

Some people feel that pan is unnecessarily detailed and stick to calling themselves bi, as they feel that bi expresses them best, but there's the technical difference for you. :3

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I'm bi, personally. I adore the grace of the female figure and the strength of the masculine figure both physically and in an artistic sense.

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*raises hand* I came out as a lesbian two years ago. For some reason I'm actually still a bit uncomfortable with the term (I don't know why at all...) but I'm getting used to it bit by bit. I think it's just a mental block that I put on myself years ago when I was vehemently convincing myself that I was straight. To me, I had to be straight- since I have two moms, I didn't want to be anything else because I didn't want people to use my sexuality against my parents negatively. I grew up in an area that bullied and harassed elementary school kids for having two moms, so I had a hard time accepting the fact that I might not be straight. When I moved to California and met a much more loving and accepting crowd, I was able to identify as bisexual pretty easily and came to embrace it. However, as the years wore on, I noticed my increasing disinterest in males and realized I only ever was really attracted to women. Strangely it was hard for me to come out, but again, I suppose it had to do with my experience as a kid back in Vegas.

*shrug*

At times when I have discussions with other people about gay marriage, I still hide and lie about my sexuality if I bring up the subject about my moms. I'm still scared of some people knowing that I'm also gay, I don't want anyone thinking that my moms made me this way. Because they didn't; there was nothing they did that ever encouraged me to become a lesbian. It just...happened. But I know a lot of anti-gay people wouldn't accept that reasoning, and it scares me.

Edited by Shiny Hazard Sign

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I'm sorry you feel that way, Shiny Hazard Sign, because I know how it feels to be bullied, stigmas, etc.

 

I'm a bi myself, and I don't make any bones about saying so. It is simply what I am, who I am.

 

I hope someday you will be able to stop being scared of people thinking certain ways.

 

I've never thought of sexuality paths as being a "nurture" thing - I've always thought of it as biological. So while you may have 2 moms (that's cool, two moms, I think), I think a lot of people wouldn't associate that fact with the fact that you're a lesbian.

 

Loving parents - they raise a well-rounded kid (or kids), but I have never seen anyone blame sexuality on their genes.

 

I guess it's a matter of nature vs nurture argument, basically - which hasn't been resolved to anyone's satisfaction, lol.

 

Kudos to you for being brave, Shiny Hazard Sign. And kudos for realizing that sometimes such things ain't meant to be said with certain people.

 

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