Sexual Orientation

[AlternateMew]

Asexual. I might seek a partner, but more as a very close friendship over sexual. I'm a virgin and way past the age that people get sexual desires. Desires that I lack. Also, the very sound of "passionate" kissing pisses me off. A lot. I don't know why. I don't want it to peeve me, but it does. So even if I ever get a relationship, it will be no extended kissing and no sex. Though, being aware that I'm abnormal that way, I would have no problem if he/she had adult fun with someone else.

 

As for attractiveness, doesn't matter. Some people looks really aweosme/pretty. But that's it. Me saying a human is cute is no different than me saying a cat is cute.

[Katie92]

Thought this might bring up an interesting discussion on the whole "someone's sexual orientation messing up everyone's lives" argument.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sgm06iMF4uE...layer_embedded#!

One thing I couldn't help but notice is the way the lady complains that it promotes exposing '[traditional families and] children to the propaganda of homosexuality". o_0 As if a gay store-representative isn't family-friendly?

[Rosedamai]

One thing I couldn't help but notice is the way the lady complains that it promotes exposing '[traditional families and] children to the propaganda of homosexuality". o_0 As if a gay store-representative isn't family-friendly?

Another thing I find problematic about this sort of "It can infect the minds of our young ones!" is that, well, people are referring to it as some sort of mental disease that you "catch" by watching other people. It might result in more people coming out, but that by no means result in more people suddenly turning gay no more than me seeing, I don't know, more people with blood type B on TV and turning into one.

 

*rollseyes*

[mizzim]

Hiya, everyone! I'm bi, though still going through puberty, so that may be subject to change. I don't really understand the point of view of 'OMFG THEY WILL CONTAMINATE OUR KIDZ!!!!1!!!' that some people seem to have. As far as we can tell, sexuality is about as contagious as shoes.

 

Also, to bring something to the table, I saw this quote (that I got from Wikipedia which got it from Torchwood):

"[being bisexual is] the worst of any world because you don't really belong anywhere, because you are never sure of yourself or those around you. You can't trust in anyone, their motives or their intentions. And because of that, you have, in a world that likes its nice shiny labels, no true identity."

-Ianto Jones

 

Opinions?

[WereJace]

Hiya, everyone! I'm bi, though still going through puberty, so that may be subject to change. I don't really understand the point of view of 'OMFG THEY WILL CONTAMINATE OUR KIDZ!!!!1!!!' that some people seem to have. As far as we can tell, sexuality is about as contagious as shoes.

 

Also, to bring something to the table, I saw this quote (that I got from Wikipedia which got it from Torchwood):

"[being bisexual is] the worst of any world because you don't really belong anywhere, because you are never sure of yourself or those around you. You can't trust in anyone, their motives or their intentions. And because of that, you have, in a world that likes its nice shiny labels, no true identity."

-Ianto Jones

 

Opinions?

Bisexual erasure is a real thing-though there are strides being made in many ways, bisexuals often find themselves shunned by both gay and straight communities as 'fence-sitters', 'not really bi, but actually gay/straight', 'doing it for attention', and so on. I've only witnessed this kind of behaviour directed at my girlfriend and it's infuriating. I hope it will get better for bisexuals in the future, their sexuality is as valid as any other and there is nothing wrong or deceptive with being bisexual.

[mizzim]

Bisexual erasure is a real thing-though there are strides being made in many ways, bisexuals often find themselves shunned by both gay and straight communities as 'fence-sitters', 'not really bi, but actually gay/straight', 'doing it for attention', and so on. I've only witnessed this kind of behaviour directed at my girlfriend and it's infuriating. I hope it will get better for bisexuals in the future, their sexuality is as valid as any other and there is nothing wrong or deceptive with being bisexual.

I actually feel sort of the way the quote described, but it's not because of there not being a category. For me, it's more that - well, you know the way when you meet an attractive person, and you think that you might like them, and that they might like you, but you don't really know, and you can't tell whether or not they're flirting with you, and what if you say the wrong thing and then turn out to have a crush on them and your entire life hinges on that one person? And it's like that with every attractive person you meet?

This may just be puberty, but for me it feels like I can't really trust anyone, because they're a possible future romantic interest. Lucky people just have to deal with one gender, but I can't even trust my galfriends like that. Pretty much the only person who I can talk to about this is my probably-asexual trans friend, and even then I'm not very comfortable. Add this to having gone to an all-girls middle school then being plunged into my public high school, life sorta sucks. Any tips?

 

... wow, that was long.

[Lythiaren]

Re: "I don't have a problem with x as long as they don't hit on me":

 

How do you think people figure out other people's orientations to begin with? If someone's attracted to you they're going to hit on you and it's your responsibility to just let them know that either you're unavailable/uninterested or just don't swing that way, and once that's done it's the other person's responsibility to respect you and back off. Sexuality shouldn't even enter that equation at all. In fact, I'm pretty sure a homosexual would be just as uncomfortable when a straight person starts hitting on them. You can't really tell what someone's sexuality is just by looking at them.

 

 

Also:

Asexual. I might seek a partner, but more as a very close friendship over sexual. I'm a virgin and way past the age that people get sexual desires. Desires that I lack. Also, the very sound of "passionate" kissing pisses me off. A lot. I don't know why. I don't want it to peeve me, but it does. So even if I ever get a relationship, it will be no extended kissing and no sex. Though, being aware that I'm abnormal that way, I would have no problem if he/she had adult fun with someone else.

 

As for attractiveness, doesn't matter. Some people looks really aweosme/pretty. But that's it. Me saying a human is cute is no different than me saying a cat is cute.

*HIGHFIVE* Are you in my brain or am I in yours or what?

Edited February 9, 2012 by Lythiaren

[Fuzzbucket]

Also, to bring something to the table, I saw this quote (that I got from Wikipedia which got it from Torchwood):

"[being bisexual is] the worst of any world because you don't really belong anywhere, because you are never sure of yourself or those around you. You can't trust in anyone, their motives or their intentions. And because of that, you have, in a world that likes its nice shiny labels, no true identity."

-Ianto Jones

 

Opinions?

THAT'S IN WIKI ?

 

It shouldn't be. People trust wiki for FACTS.

 

My bi friends say that they have the BEST of all worlds because they have twice as many people to fancy as mono-sexual people !

 

As for attractiveness, doesn't matter. Some people looks really aweosme/pretty. But that's it. Me saying a human is cute is no different than me saying a cat is cute.

 

RIGHT ON ! (And yes, homosexual/lesbian people aren't happy being hut HIT, I meant HIT *facepalm* on by straight people - not least because they tend to get an even worse reaction than the one you get from someone who just doesn't fancy you - because of homophobia. The kind of person who makes a fuss also has a nasty habit of pulling the "EEEEEW - SORREEEEE, MY mistake" card - which is TERMINALLY offensive.

Edited February 9, 2012 by fuzzbucket

[7Deadly$ins]

THAT'S IN WIKI ?

 

It shouldn't be. People trust wiki for FACTS.

 

My bi friends say that they have the BEST of all worlds because they have twice as many people to fancy as mono-sexual people !

 

 

 

RIGHT ON ! (And yes, homosexual/lesbian people aren't happy being hut HIT, I meant HIT *facepalm* on by straight people - not least because they tend to get an even worse reaction than the one you get from someone who just doesn't fancy you - because of homophobia. The kind of person who makes a fuss also has a nasty habit of pulling the "EEEEEW - SORREEEEE, MY mistake" card - which is TERMINALLY offensive.

It's a quote taken out of context. For all we know, the wiki page isn't agreeing or disagreeing with the statement. It's a quote.

[Fuzzbucket]

It's a quote taken out of context. For all we know, the wiki page isn't agreeing or disagreeing with the statement. It's a quote.

Oh yes. But there are some very - um- not bright - people who will go there and see it as a fact... You would be surprised. At least, I hope you would be surprised...

 

I am still reeling from editing HISTORY bits - my history is RUBBISH, but even I knew some of the stuff was plain incorrect ! But it still shows up in essays - because wiki speaks truth !

[Nuali Epeolla]

Single gray-ace here, and technically I'm homoromantic. I say technically because while I'm FAAB, I don't ID as female, and I'm not sure there's a term for being attracted to femme folks while not being part of the gender binary. Still looking for that one.

 

I have experienced three notable, personal instances of cissexism in my life (I use cissexism because homophobia is honestly problematic. -phobia is an irrational fear of something, and most that I know don't fear homosexual people so much as treat them like second class citizens). All of them have convinced me that while I personally was not 'born this way,' I also personally did not choose to be harassed and treated like a second class citizen. There are many, many species of animals on this earth which have queer members. There is only one species which stigmatizes it so terribly.

-------

 

Re: the 'as long as they don't hit on me' argument

 

As an example, I work front desk at a resort. Part of this job entails me speaking to other people, some young, and some old. A large number of the male-presenting people who check into the resort flirt with me and hit on me. Perhaps a quarter of them has either invited me to dinner, asked me to a movie, invited me to their room, asked for my number (which honestly I give out anyway as emergency contact information), or simply and seriously proposed to me. One person tried to buy me into marrying him.

 

I am fairly positive that they all assumed that I was the 'default' orientation, heterosexual, and it honestly made me very uncomfortable knowing that, and having to smile through their advances rather than just tell them 'sorry, I'm homoromantic ace,' partially because most of them wouldn't even know what that was. Also because it has been my experience that straight cis males will take definitions of 'asexual' as a challenge, and I'd rather not have to put bars up on my windows.

 

TL;DR: Sweetheart, LGBTQ* people have to put up with that every day. Just like with other people you're not interested in, tell us and we'll leave you alone.

 

 

--------

 

 

As for the bisexual argument going on... I do have to admit that Jones' quote is a little presumptuous. Bisexuality does suffer from some stigmatic behavior within the LGBTQ* movement, but also holds quite a bit more privilege than the 'T' or 'Q*' groups. Erasure happens on all ends, and I'm not entirely sure that I like something that implies that one type of erasure is the only erasure happening at all.

 

 

Edit: Wow, I didn't mean to make an essay of these, jeez >w>''

Edited February 9, 2012 by Nuali Epeolla

[ksew]

I am bisexual though I doubt I could ever have some really serious relations with a girl.

[The Evil Doer]

Wow, started reading through some posts and was like, he's a what ? She's what ?

Like the girl from above said, half of the guys dont even know what that means, I have no idea what half of those things mean, I dont really understand the concept of having trillion names for that at all coz basically who cares about all those definitions anyhow...

 

Straight guy, slightly homophobic for the obvious reasons, but its cool, dont hold it against them as Im fully aware of my flaws, do whatever you wanna do just dont harm anyone in the process and we're cool.

 

Regarding the whole gay people find it offensive when straights hit on them and then go well, its a matter of a surprised reaction, whenever you encounter something you havent encountered before you react in the not best manner, and also there are some people who are simply rude.

 

On the other hand gay guys hit on us as well, and (at least the ones I encountered) not in the most settle manner too, those guys paint a bad picture for the rest of the guys which are probably cool, what Im saying is it goes both ways.

 

But yes I do think its way harder for homosexuals, period.

Edited February 9, 2012 by The Evil Doer

[Princess Artemis]

(I use cissexism because homophobia is honestly problematic. -phobia is an irrational fear of something, and most that I know don't fear homosexual people so much as treat them like second class citizens).

Thank you! I gather that word has its own meaning, but I like that you're using something that doesn't make someone's discomfort a pathology.

 

Anyway.

 

A while ago I was telling someone who was professionally obligated to know better how utterly disturbing it was to suddenly be physically attracted to a total stranger in a Costco. My hormones at the time were acting weird and I couldn't get anyone with a degree to believe me that after 26 years of menstruation, I know what is normal for my body and this wasn't it. So anyhow, this guy who was professionally obligated to know better, instead of listening to me about how disturbed I was by this, proceeded to tell me for twenty minutes how awesome it was.

 

Not awesome! Freaky and disturbing! Also, not awesome dude to try to convince me something I think is freaky and disturbing is really puppies and rainbows for twenty minutes. People professionally obligated to know better really should know better.

 

Fortunately, a month or two later my hormones stopped acting up and everything went back to normal. Turns out my testosterone had been higher for a while, and while not out of the normal range, it must have been high for me since I reacted to it the way I did, which was to stop menstruating, get teenager-skin, dream about being pregnant, and swing 'straight' for a few months, completely upending everything 'normal' about me. I told my mom about it and she was far more speechless about the dreaming about babies than the rest, since she knows how absent my maternal drive is.

 

I never want that to happen again; it was bizarre and felt alien to me, and all I wanted out of it was for it to stop. It did serve to assure me that I had not experienced physical attraction before or since, to assure me that I like asexual-me! Being asexual is great (for me)! Being attracted to someone only so often to count on fingers and have many left over in thirty-seven years does not make me heterosexual, and while gray-asexual would work, I am going to go ahead and not use it because this was a disturbing anomaly to me, not something I want anyone to think, dur hur, I could totally change her mind, dur hur. That and it's too much to explain.

[Renorei]

I'm Demisexual and Homosexual. I suppose that in the spectrum of lesbian presentations, I'd qualify as a "tomboy femme." There's this girl I have feelings for who would probably classify herself as a "tomboy femme" as well, but honestly I think she's more of a "soft butch", but it's not up to me to define her. Aaaanyway, I am head-over-heels for this girl but she doesn't feel the same way. But unfortunately for me, I have a hard time being attracted to anyone that I don't have feelings for and I can't seem to stop myself from having feelings for this girl. So I'm stuck in an awkward rut where I have feelings for someone who will never love me, but yet I can't make myself develop feelings for anyone else (although I would really like to for the sake of my own happiness). It sucks, but it's hardly a unique situation. I think if we ever actually dated, she'd love it and I wouldn't be able to keep her off me, but there's no way for me to convince her to take that leap.

[The Evil Doer]

So I've read what Princess A. said on the other page and, well I truly cant grasp the concept of asexuality and Im really as ignorant as one can possibly be on the topic so, enlighten me please.

 

Are people just born that way or is it some chemical or emotional reaction to an event or something of a sort ?

 

Is asexuality a condition ?

 

Is it permenant or can it be reversed ?

 

[Princess Artemis]

So I've read what Princess A. said on the other page and, well I truly cant grasp the concept of asexuality and Im really as ignorant as one can possibly be on the topic so, enlighten me please.

 

Are people just born that way or is it some chemical or emotional reaction to an event or something of a sort ?

 

Is asexuality a condition ?

 

Is it permenant or can it be reversed ?

Some people are born asexual just as they are born heterosexual or born homosexual or born whateversexual. Some have conditions in which asexuality is very common to coincide.

 

It's not an emotional reaction to an event. It's not a condition to be cured, and it's not something to 'reverse' any more than homosexuality is a condition to be reversed.

 

Given my experience, I would hate not being asexual. It was completely and totally disturbing in every way to me, those very few times I felt any attraction at all. If I had to, I suppose I could get used to it, but I really don't know why I would have to! I'm not going to say it was unnatural for me to be attracted, but it was weird beyond saying and totally outside any of my previous experience, and it certainly didn't result in me wanting, in any capacity, to have sex with anyone, so it was an anomaly in my life attributable to my hormones acting strange, one I don't want repeated (but it probably will when the clock strikes midnight and the system starts shutting down for good...one last biological effort to get someone with no drive to reproduce to get on with it already.)

 

I'm probably asexual of the type that has such an absurdly low sex drive that it is utterly irrelevant to me. It's just not part of my life and I'm happier that way. Other people don't have one at all, and that isn't a pathology that needs curing. It just is. Other people have a nice big one that doesn't happen to be linked with attraction to anyone. That's not a disease either.

Edited February 9, 2012 by Princess Artemis

[The Evil Doer]

Some people are born asexual just as they are born heterosexual or born homosexual or born whateversexual.  Some have conditions in which asexuality is very common to coincide.

 

But if its a result of a certian condition doesnt that mean it can be changed ?

Have they discovered the cause for asexuality ? Is it lack of certain chemicals or is it more of a "we have no idea how it happens"

 

It's not an emotional reaction to an event.  It's not a condition to be cured, and it's not something to 'reverse' any more than homosexuality is a condition to be reversed.

 

But with homosexuality there is an attraction and need for sex, in asexuality its like something is missing

Again, Im just trying to understand and if my wording comes out disrespectful or rude its not my intention so just say the word and I'll stop/edit/delete..

 

Given my experience, I would hate not being asexual.  It was completely and totally disturbing in every way to me, those very few times I felt any attraction at all.  If I had to, I suppose I could get used to it, but I really don't know why I would have to!  I'm not going to say it was unnatural for me to be attracted, but it was weird beyond saying and totally outside any of my previous experience, and it certainly didn't result in me wanting, in any capacity, to have sex with anyone, so it was an anomaly in my life attributable to my hormones acting strange, one I don't want repeated (but it probably will when the clock strikes midnight and the system starts shutting down for good...one last biological effort to get someone with no drive to reproduce to get on with it already.)

 

I understand what you're saying, Im assuming it would be like me being attracted to a guy, it would probably mess up my life and everything I know I am or think I am, you've been living in a certain way for 37 (if Im not mistaken) years so its understandable to be scared BUT even though you're happy with who you are (which is how everybody should feel) seeing and knowing that 99% of the population really enjoys some things and you are incapable of that, doesnt that make you curious as into finding the reason why or finding a way to overcome it even if its only to see how its like ? (again, Im really not trying to be offensive, just really curious as I cant understand it)

 

I'm probably asexual of the type that has such an absurdly low sex drive that it is utterly irrelevant to me.  It's just not part of my life and I'm happier that way.  Other people don't have one at all, and that isn't a pathology that needs curing.  It just is.  Other people have a nice big one that doesn't happen to be linked with attraction to anyone.  That's not a disease either.

 

Hey, Im really not calling you sick nor telling you to "cure" yourself, I am actually glad that you like your life, I wish more people were like you regardless of their orientations. Im just trying to understand what it is thats all.

And I do appreciate the answers, thanks

Edited February 9, 2012 by The Evil Doer

[Walker]

But if its a result of a certian condition doesnt that mean it can be changed ?

Have they discovered the cause for asexuality ? Is it lack of certain chemicals or is it more of a "we have no idea how it happens"

 

 

 

But with homosexuality there is an attraction and need for sex, in asexuality its like something is missing

Again, Im just trying to understand and if my wording comes out disrespectful or rude its not my intention so just say the word and I'll stop/edit/delete..

 

 

 

I understand what you're saying, Im assuming it would be like me being attracted to a guy, it would probably mess up my life and everything I know I am or think I am, you've been living in a certain way for 37 (if Im not mistaken) years so its understandable to be scared BUT even though you're happy with who you are (which is how everybody should feel) seeing and knowing that 99% of the population really enjoys some things and you are incapable of that, doesnt that make you curious as into finding the reason why or finding a way to overcome it even if its only to see how its like ? (again, Im really not trying to be offensive, just really curious as I cant understand it)

 

 

 

Hey, Im really not calling you sick nor telling you to "cure" yourself, I am actually glad that you like your life, I wish more people were like you regardless of their orientations. Im just trying to understand what it is thats all.

And I do appreciate the answers, thanks

May not be who you're talking to, but I can answer your question in one word.

 

No.

[The Evil Doer]

May not be who you're talking to, but I can answer your question in one word.

 

No.

Is there a reason behind it Walker ?

Have you ever thought of the reason or is it more of a "I just dont think nor care about it" approach ?

[Walker]

Is there a reason behind it Walker ?

Have you ever thought of the reason or is it more of a "I just dont think nor care about it" approach ?

No.

[The Evil Doer]

No.

LOL, when asked whether its A or B your answer is NO.

You are from Sparta aren't you ? I know I know.. no

[SilvorMoon]

even though you're happy with who you are (which is how everybody should feel) seeing and knowing that 99% of the population really enjoys some things and you are incapable of that, doesnt that make you curious as into finding the reason why or finding a way to overcome it even if its only to see how its like ?

 

Why change? Most people like chocolate. That doesn't mean that people who don't should be seeking a way to rewire their taste buds so they can enjoy chocolate like everyone else. It just means everyone is different.

[The Evil Doer]

Why change? Most people like chocolate. That doesn't mean that people who don't should be seeking a way to rewire their taste buds so they can enjoy chocolate like everyone else. It just means everyone is different.

Its not the same thing as liking or disliking something, if you were incapable of enjoying chocolate's taste that would be more similar, and me if I'm incapable of certain things I would want to know why and whether I can change that, of course with chocolate its not a thing which can have a huge impact on your life and on who you are so that would obviously be less scary.

[Princess Artemis]

But if its a result of a certian condition doesnt that mean it can be changed ?

Have they discovered the cause for asexuality ? Is it lack of certain chemicals or is it more of a "we have no idea how it happens"

Being transgender is also, sometimes, the result of a condition, but that's not something that can be changed because it's part of development as a fetus. It would be like trying to change the shape of someone's arm because the cause was a condition. That doesn't work!

 

I don't know much about the conditions which asexuality is common in, but since people so often know their orientation from a very early age, it's pretty well set quick in any case.

 

I don't think there is any known cause otherwise, any more than there is a known cause for being any other orientation.

 

But with homosexuality there is an attraction and need for sex, in asexuality its like something is missing 

Again, Im just trying to understand and if my wording comes out disrespectful or rude its not my intention so just say the word and I'll stop/edit/delete..

 

I think it only seems like something missing because (I assume?) you are a sexual person so to you, it would be missing. I'm not a sexual person, so to me, it is like adding something. There's nothing missing from my POV. That's not a POV of a person with a missing limb or something, because not being attracted to anyone does not inhibit my natural functioning in any way, it's not something to grow up learning to live around and compensate for. Except that US society is so very sexual and it's a bit hard for me to navigate that aspect. I grew up saying this or that person was 'hot' when I really did not have any idea what that really meant for other people. What it meant to me was that person was aesthetically pleasing and I liked looking at them, not that they were, well, what other people meant when they say 'hot', so once I figured out we were not communicating the same thing, I stopped saying it that way. I say pretty and handsome and beautiful now.

 

I know you're just trying to understand, so that's why I'm trying to explain : )

 

I understand what you're saying, Im assuming it would be like me being attracted to a guy, it would probably mess up my life and everything I know I am or think I am, you've been living in a certain way for 37 (if Im not mistaken) years so its understandable to be scared BUT even though you're happy with who you are (which is how everybody should feel) seeing and knowing that 99% of the population really enjoys some things and you are incapable of that, doesnt that make you curious as into finding the reason why or finding a way to overcome it even if its only to see how its like ? (again, Im really not trying to be offensive, just really curious as I cant understand it)

 

Not really, because to be sexual means I'd have to be attracted to people. There's certainly nothing about being asexual that means I wouldn't enjoy sex. I dunno, maybe I would. I just have no compelling desire to find out. Except for those handful of really bizarre and freaky moments, I've not been attracted to anyone. Think of it this way--you're not attracted to guys, but there is nothing about that that physically prevents you from enjoying sex with guys, right? It means you have no compelling desire to find out!

 

So no, I've had a little taste of heterosexual attraction and I hated it, no desire whatsoever to have more tastes. I was curious about that, but didn't really want my curiosity satisfied, and now it is, and bleh! : )

 

Having sex...eh, I think most (not all!) people are curious, but I have lived without quite happily and I have other reasons why I don't really want to find out. Desiring solitude over the companionship of a partner kinda means there's no point in getting close enough to anyone to satisfy any curiosity, plus there's so many risks involved and lots and lots of touching, ick. Why go through the trouble when I've got no real compelling reason to?

 

Hey, Im really not calling you sick nor telling you to "cure" yourself, I am actually glad that you like your life, I wish more people were like you regardless of their orientations. Im just trying to understand what it is thats all.

And I do appreciate the answers, thanks 

 

I just wanted to make sure you knew it wasn't something to be looked at as 'curable'. A lot of people do look at it that way, the way they used to and sometimes still do look at homosexuality.

 

I like liking my life a whole lot more than I enjoyed hating it : ) That sucked. Not that there haven't been moments of stress and upset and whatnot over being asexual, there have been, but over all, I'm glad that's how I am and wouldn't want me any other way, now that I know what another way feels like. It does help that I've not run across a lot of religious or familial trouble for it, plus knowing and being accepted for the oddball I am in other ways makes it easier to add one more oddball chip to the pile. It's not the easiest thing being outside the norm, but lots of people get in a lot more trouble over their orientation than I ever have.

 

Thanks for asking so nicely. AVEN has more info too, if you want to look there. http://www.asexuality.org