Sexual Orientation

[Haloclimb]

Define 'latest episode'. I live in a country where we are a bit behind in tv-shows so the name/number of that episode might help. I don't watch House anymore so I don't know where we are in the schedule.

The episode where House magically works out that the asexual man and woman who come to see him for something unrelated are not actually asexual, but instead have a tumour causing them to feel no attraction (the man) and lying (the woman).

 

It just annoyed me because they have been married TWELVE YEARS. There is no way that someone who is sexual, and who enjoys sex (as she claimed she does) would go without for twelve years. If she had said that she was sexual, and that there was some compromise in the relationship, then yes, that would make sense.

But to say that someone who likes sex (as she said she did) would go without for 12 years?

Either she lying and is actually asexual, but is scared her husband will divorce her now he's not asexual anymore, or she's been cheating.

 

Note:I am not saying sexual people cannot go without sex for 12 years. I just find it highly unlikely that someone who likes it, who is not asexual themselves, would LIE for 12 whole years about their orientation, instead of going 'well, I like sex, so we'll work something out' like playing around in the bedroom or something, even if they don't end up going the whole way.

 

And really, how would you feel if you found out your husband/wife of 12 years was lying about their sexuality the entire time?

 

 

 

And that whole Moffat thing doesn't really bother me as much as this. All he's done is called asexual people boring- wrong, yes, but at the very least he's not going 'welp your either lying or something in you is broken, lets see what it is!'

[CatCreature]

The episode where House magically works out that the asexual man and woman who come to see him for something unrelated are not actually asexual, but instead have a tumour causing them to feel no attraction (the man) and lying (the woman).

Guess why I stopped watching House.

 

I read Socky's post and did some Googling and stumble upon this page:

http://meganchristopher.net/ace-news-sherl...doing-it-right/

 

The name of the episode plus two Youtube clips is found there.

[Princess Artemis]

Note:I am not saying sexual people cannot go without sex for 12 years. I just find it highly unlikely that someone who likes it, who is not asexual themselves, would LIE for 12 whole years about their orientation, instead of going 'well, I like sex, so we'll work something out' like playing around in the bedroom or something, even if they don't end up going the whole way.

Yeah, it's not the going without, it's that someone married and in intimate contact with their husband would be able to pull off lying about that for twelve years.

 

I hadn't heard about Moffat, nor do I watch Sherlock, but I knew many people in the asexual community had "claimed" him as their own because, really, who else is there that's both well known and asexual? And then Sherlock gets all manner of homosexual overtones in this movie or that, and now this. It makes me sad : (

[OnABadBet]

Asexuality.org is a nice resource, and it may help you determine how you identify. This article is also a good read on the subject.

 

I'm an ace myself; I just don't experience sexual attraction. At all.  I honestly don't know what it feels like to "have the hots" for someone. I've had crushes, sure, and I crave romance at times. I'm even attracted to people of both sexes, but not for sex. I do have a (very mild and apparently quite picky) sex drive that I can manage by myself, but I don't find it necessary for a meaningful relationship with another person. Which leads to a lot of people side-eyeing me because a lack of good sex is apparently a major dealbreaker for them, but they just don't understand that a person might not feel sexual attraction. But that's a topic for another thread.

 

Your case may be different; the only things required to identify as asexual are that you don't feel sexual attraction, and choose for yourself to identify as asexual. If you don't want to identify as such, don't! No one can tell you how you identify.

Thanks for the pointers and such.

 

It's just really confusing for me. I do have a sex drive (however minor and unfocused it may be) and I'm definitely attracted to people of both sexes, but I don't think my sex drive or my attraction to others seem to focus on actually having sex with other people. The whole "sex drive" thing is very secondary and mostly seems to be focused on unattainable people and/or fictional characters -- meaning I don't really have strong desires to have sex with anyone I've ever physically encountered.

 

I'm definitely not aromantic, however. I love being in relationships with other people, like I mentioned before -- kissing, cuddling, all that fluffy stuff. Just...not so much on the sex, no matter how attractive I might find them.

 

Oh, I'm just ranting and going in circles, now. Anyway. I don't guess identifying it really does matter to begin with.

Edited January 30, 2012 by OnABadBet

[7Deadly$ins]

If I were single, I would consider myself bi but since I'm very much in a committed relationship with a male, I'm straight. I've been in relationships with girls, and it comes with more drama then being in a relationship with a guy.

 

Personally, I would never date a "bi" guy. The gay community (I'm not saying ALL gays.) seems to not use condoms and are very sexual charged...I don't like that and I don't want to get anything. It's sort of a turn off to think about also...I mean, they don't care much about their sexual health (as far as getting tested and checking out their partners) and bringing it up can lead to rage on their part when I'm just trying to be safe.

 

I can't stay in relationships with girls for too long, also. Each relationship I have been in with a girl lasts a 1/3 as long as it does with a male. I miss the physical closeness and how, with guys, they come in many sizes and shapes (physically). My boyfriend is 6 feet and I call him my teddy bear. Girls who are taller than me, which I prefer, tend to be skinner. It's too much x.x

 

I've also seen it much easier to get into relationships with guys. It's not too easy to search out bi girls (who want to be in a relationship) as people may think unless you go to where it's clearly labeled (like gay bars). So socially, it's more convenient.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but the way I understand it you don't become straight when you're in a straight relationship. You're still bi. You're just in a straight relationship.

 

Also, most of that is extremely stereotypical.

[Bleuberries]

Correct me if I'm wrong, but the way I understand it you don't become straight when you're in a straight relationship. You're still bi. You're just in a straight relationship.

 

Also, most of that is extremely stereotypical.

That is MY understanding (so there is no need for correction). And stereotypes become that way based off of the truth of some kind. You cannot judge another person's opinion and you'll never change mine.

 

I consider myself straight. I could care less what others say.

 

EDIT: Also, I would like to say that my state of mind, as far as sexuality, changes when I'm in a committed relationship...I don't look at girls as much as I would of 4 years ago (before my current relationship) and I'm not sure if that's going to change.

 

Secondly, I know a LOT of gay men. I know three with HIV and one that speaks to teens at a clinic I go to about the dangers of unprotected/"one night" stands with men. I've never ever second guessed him because he did lead a wild and crazy lifestyle after he came out. And he has told me, and I quote, "Since men know that they can't get pregnant they are much less likely to go out of their way to buy condoms."

Edited January 30, 2012 by Bleuberries

[Nine]

The episode where House magically works out that the asexual man and woman who come to see him for something unrelated are not actually asexual, but instead have a tumour causing them to feel no attraction (the man) and lying (the woman).

How inaccurate-- a tumor? Obviously it was Lupus.

 

But yeah, they did that on an episode with a woman who had sociopathic tendencies, too. Criminal psychologists everywhere shed a tear =( If only real life psychopathy/APD could be cured, tch.

I wouldn't let it get too far under your skin though, even if it's a pretty awful double standard since they wouldn't dare do something like that with homosexuality =P I'm guessing the writers had to provide a cop-in solution so their more 'dense' viewers would remain interested...

[Lythiaren]

Thanks for the pointers and such.

 

It's just really confusing for me. I do have a sex drive (however minor and unfocused it may be) and I'm definitely attracted to people of both sexes, but I don't think my sex drive or my attraction to others seem to focus on actually having sex with other people. The whole "sex drive" thing is very secondary and mostly seems to be focused on unattainable people and/or fictional characters -- meaning I don't really have strong desires to have sex with anyone I've ever physically encountered.

 

I'm definitely not aromantic, however. I love being in relationships with other people, like I mentioned before -- kissing, cuddling, all that fluffy stuff. Just...not so much on the sex, no matter how attractive I might find them.

 

Oh, I'm just ranting and going in circles, now. Anyway. I don't guess identifying it really does matter to begin with.

Glad I could be of help! Best of luck on your quest to find your own identity. ^^

 

I'm certainly not aromantic either. My attraction to other people is far from sex-oriented, just like yours. A little research couldn't hurt, should you wish to put your identity into words. :3

Edited January 30, 2012 by Lythiaren

[Sadako]

Imma chime in on the Holmes thing, because, as my signature indicates, I am a nerd about that.

 

I'm a huge Holmes fan--I read the original novels and stories for the first time when I was probably 12 or 13, and I'll watch any film incarnation of him no matter how black & white or 'oh Sebastian, I'm arranging matchsticks' it may be. I always thought of Sherlock as total hands-down ace, like, as maybe the truest example of it in fiction. But the more I learn about historical gay and the ways that it was encoded, the more it seems like maybe all those little turns of phrase that Watson uses were possibly intended as examples of that. Rereading the stories, there are all these little things about 'we walked in silence for a time, as befits two men who know each other intimately' and 'I am perfectly satisfied with your company if you will be content with mine' and so on. Of course I can't say what Doyle intended, but the actual source material could go either way if you're paying the right kind of attention. Frankly I think that's fab--anyone who wants can claim Sherlock into their group, even straight people, considering his fascination with Irene Adler. (But then she's a bender, so maybe that's not all that straight after all...) That could be why he's so popular--anyone at all can identify with him.

Edited January 30, 2012 by Sadako

[NeverMind]

I'm sexy and I know it! I myself am Bi and proud but at the moment I'm dating a really sweet girl who is a lesbian.

[Duke_Falcon]

Straight hetero. Can't imagine to be something else myself but I could accept those whom aren't straight...

Sexuality is a sensible topic and source of a great portion of hatred globally. Just think about those whom labelling homos with bad words and hate them to the brink of disaster...

[The Evil Doer]

It just annoyed me because they have been married TWELVE YEARS. There is no way that someone who is sexual, and who enjoys sex (as she claimed she does) would go without for twelve years. If she had said that she was sexual, and that there was some compromise in the relationship, then yes, that would make sense.

But to say that someone who likes sex (as she said she did) would go without for 12 years?

Either she lying and is actually asexual, but is scared her husband will divorce her now he's not asexual anymore, or she's been cheating.

Yup, because none of us ever heard of homosexuals who got married, had kids, and basically spent their entire lives lying to themselves and their husbands/wives about their homosexuality, never happened

[Obscure_Trash]

Straight hetero. Can't imagine to be something else myself but I could accept those whom aren't straight...

Sexuality is a sensible topic and source of a great portion of hatred globally. Just think about those whom labelling homos with bad words and hate them to the brink of disaster...

I just want to point out that "homo" is an offensive slur.

 

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/homo

 

noun, plural -mos. Slang: Disparaging and Offensive .

a homosexual.

[linkx7]

straight and i'm fine with homosexuals as long as they don't hit on me

[Obscure_Trash]

straight and i'm fine with homosexuals as long as they don't hit on me

What happens if they hit on you? Wouldn't it be the same if a heterosexual you didn't like hit on you? Or you hit on a heterosexual who didn't like you? Or you hit on a homosexual?

 

Then the answer's no and that's that. Why the need to make a distinction or limit behavior in only one orientation?

[linkx7]

What happens if they hit on you? Wouldn't it be the same if a heterosexual you didn't like hit on you? Or you hit on a heterosexual who didn't like you? Or you hit on a homosexual?

 

Then the answer's no and that's that. Why the need to make a distinction or limit behavior in only one orientation?

ok that confused the hell out of me

[Dr. Paine]

ok that confused the hell out of me

She's basically asking if there is a difference between being hit on (accidentally or not) by a gay person, or a straight person you have no interest in, or you (accidentally or not) doing either of those.

[OMGitsKairi]

What happens if they hit on you? Wouldn't it be the same if a heterosexual you didn't like hit on you? Or you hit on a heterosexual who didn't like you? Or you hit on a homosexual?

 

Then the answer's no and that's that. Why the need to make a distinction or limit behavior in only one orientation?

I agree with this wholeheartedly, and you were able to articulate it better than I could have.

 

As for myself, I identify as panromantic and demisexual. That sounds like a bit of a mouthful, but that's the... "label," I suppose, that fits me the best.

[OnABadBet]

@Link: What Sock seems to be pointing out is the way certain people react when told someone's gay. That classical "as long as they don't hit on/like me" -- like there's some guarantee that they'd be attracted to you just because they happen to feel attraction towards the gender you happen to be. What she's asking is, like...what's the difference between a straight girl you don't like and a gay man you don't like hitting on you, in all honesty? You're not interested in either of them and the answer will be no, regardless; surely that distinction alone is enough.

 

It bothers me when that happens. When I first told my friends I'm bi, one girl looked at me and said "Haha, as long as you don't like me!" Like the fact that I'm attracted to some women automatically meant that I was going to be attracted to her. Nothing's more annoying than that. To me, at least. It's arrogant as hell, like a straight man assuming all girls would like him, or vice versa.

 

Additionally...well said, Sock.

 

Also, after a lot of thought, I'm pretty sure I'm not bi, which is what I had labeled myself. One huge mouthful: pansexual, demisexual. Possibly gray-asexual? But I'm still figuring that out, and I'm okay with that.

Edited February 7, 2012 by OnABadBet

[Dymetreus]

Heterosexual, am and always will be. At one time I was afraid of Homosexuals, as my sister and some friends gave me, 'scary stories' of back when I was younger. Now I don't mind 'em, long as they don't hit on me. I prefer girls that I don't like to either, in case the above are curious. But it also depends on HOW they hit on me. Normally I'll forget most subtle hit ons by anyone, but if they're obvious and happen frequently, I'll generally ask nicely if they could stop.

 

Besides that though, I'm pretty much plain, nothing special. (Not that anything I said was. Lol)

[Duke_Falcon]

I just want to point out that "homo" is an offensive slur.

 

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/homo

 

noun, plural -mos. Slang: Disparaging and Offensive .

a homosexual.

Sorry. You're right. They aren't homos but homosexuals which means in imperial latin that someone who attracted by his\her own gender and not by the opposite sex.

 

Sorry again that I used an offensive word!

[coltzen]

I'm straight, but I find women in general far more beautiful than men. Is there a special term for someone who finds one gender very much elegant and beautiful, yet is only sexually attracted to the other?

[Quasismiles]

I guess I'm Bi/Demisexual. :/ Dunno really. More bi than anything, but right now I'm swinging more towards girls.

[AccidentlyonPurpose]

I'm hetero-demisexual. I'm more comfortable with men for one thing, and another, I'm fascinated with male anatomy, aesthetically, as I lack those parts. Though, romantically and sexually, I'm only attracted to my boyfriend, whom I absolutely adore!

 

Women, on the other hand, drive me crazy (in the bad way), and idk, I just don't see myself with one romantically. However, the platonic relationships I have with my girlfriends ROCK!

 

Either way though, whenever I'm seriously hit on, be it woman or man (and it's not my bf), I feel just as awkward about it.

[Fuzzbucket]

What happens if they hit on you? Wouldn't it be the same if a heterosexual you didn't like hit on you? Or you hit on a heterosexual who didn't like you? Or you hit on a homosexual?

 

Then the answer's no and that's that. Why the need to make a distinction or limit behavior in only one orientation?

RIGHT ON SOCKY !

 

*applauds wildly*

 

I now have a title for myself (I caused a ruck trying to label myself once before here...)

 

I have decided I am "monosexual". In that I am exclusively of the sexuality that works for whoever I am with, because I am monogamous and faithful. I am currently with a guy, so...

 

But if I weren't I could go either way, depending on who I met.

Edited February 7, 2012 by fuzzbucket