Sexual Orientation

[quupee]

I strongly object to policing people's identity. If someone loses their sexual attraction, even temporarily, and wants to use the label asexual to define themselves, they should feel free to!

 

People are/can be fluid. Things happen and things can change. We should not be restricted to the very first term we ever came out as. We should not be glued in place to an extremely strict label system. Labels should be for us to better communicate. So if someone, for example, takes some meds and loses their sexual attraction, asexual would be a perfectly viable label for them if they want to use it.

I agree with this completely. If people were more liberal, I think labels should be open to change. They are simply descriptors and I dislike that there is a strong sense of permanence on it; I have no intention of coming out for this reason specifically, and it's something which annoys me quite a lot.

 

I should probably have clarified, the asexual people that I have seen discouraging the use of the label have talked about it as a case of 'think carefully about using it openly'. If the example person stopped taking medication and their sexuality went back to how it was originally, would they be likely to look back at that period of time and think "I'm so glad I came out as asexual, even though I had to come out again a few months later"? If they are very happy to do this, then all power to them, but I don't think that applies to the majority of people.

Although the way the original quote was worded, I didn't interpret it that way. The word 'recently' seemed to imply maybe an off few days or so, at least as far as I read it, in which case I'm not convinced 'asexual' would be an accurate label.

[Dragonhatchling]

I'm an agender demisexual with a hetero preference, although really as long as I'm comfortable around a person and happy with them, I'm open to mostly relationship. But I don't really have too much an interest in dating... I'm comfortable being just good friends with people.

[Aquenee]

So since the bisexual thing is done and I'm not going to bother on the asexual thing...

 

I've been thinking a bit about my sexuality.

I know very well I'm demi/biromantic, but sexuality is another story. Is there a particular term to match if I'm sexually aroused by and attracted to males and females, but DO NOT want to actually engage in the act? I'll fantasize it and enjoy fantasizing about it, but even if I had the chance to sex up my dream person, I'd back off and continue just fantasizing instead of performing. Is there a separate term for this? Is it just a more in-depth way of explaining a common term? Is it a form of asexuality? I don't knooow

Edited January 20, 2016 by Aquenee

[Obscure_Trash]

So since the bisexual thing is done and I'm not going to bother on the asexual thing...

 

I've been thinking a bit about my sexuality.

I know very well I'm demi/biromantic, but sexuality is another story. Is there a particular term to match if I'm sexually aroused by and attracted to males and females, but DO NOT want to actually engage in the act? I'll fantasize it and enjoy fantasizing about it, but even if I had the chance to sex up my dream person, I'd back off and continue just fantasizing instead of performing. Is there a separate term for this? Is it just a more in-depth way of explaining a common term? Is it a form of asexuality? I don't knooow

I believe this could possibly fall under lithsexual, although you may find autochorissexual to be more accurate for what you feel. For what you described, it certainly sounds like autochorissexual. ^^

[Aquenee]

I believe this could possibly fall under lithsexual, although you may find autochorissexual to be more accurate for what you feel. For what you described, it certainly sounds like autochorissexual. ^^

Hmmm definitely not lithsexual. Autochorissexual, from what I've read, sounds a lot closer but still a bit off. Most of what I'm seeing involves not envisioning myself in fantasies, not being attracted to/aroused by other people, or not wanting to have sex with another person, all of which I do. It's hard explaining to my man that I'm definitely attracted to him sexually and stuff but don't actually want to perform the act.

[Obscure_Trash]

Hmmm definitely not lithsexual. Autochorissexual, from what I've read, sounds a lot closer but still a bit off. Most of what I'm seeing involves not envisioning myself in fantasies, not being attracted to/aroused by other people, or not wanting to have sex with another person, all of which I do. It's hard explaining to my man that I'm definitely attracted to him sexually and stuff but don't actually want to perform the act.

How about gray-asexuality then?

 

Otherwise, if there's a term, I'm not familiar with it, sorry.

 

EDIT: Just came across "nonsexual" which has been used formly by many asexuals but has had its meaning changed a bit since we started using popularly using asexual.

 

~

 

Autochrissexual link that's pretty good, for anyone interested: http://asexualsanonymous.tumblr.com/post/8...bly-clarify-the

Edited January 21, 2016 by SockPuppet Strangler

[DangerDragon]

I am bisexual, I am attracted to both genders/sexes.

[Obscure_Trash]

I am bisexual, I am attracted to both genders/sexes.

Both? There's more than two genders/sexes. ^^;;

[Aquenee]

Hmmm I think gray-asexual or autochorissexual is probably as close as it's going to get for now. I'll keep looking, though. Thanks :3

[gyiyg]

i' m ace, and i thought i might be panromantic for awhile but after thinking about it for awhile (and starting to notice that i experience occasional romance repulsion) i think i'm actually grey-aromantic

i can't deal with it at all when people outside my singular exception try to express romantic affection for me or something it's so uncomfortable and i just kind of want them to go away and never talk to me again tbh even if they just slightly hint at it i'm disturbed c'':

[Clya]

So for a few years now (at least 3) I've seen myself as panromantic and bisexual... (I think that's a thing....?)

 

However like with recent issues and relation with my friends (recent as in 2 years in the making) I've never really told my friends or anything so I've got that. But I'm starting to become and feel like more this is myself. But it's still hard to try to find a way to tell this to people as I don't them to see me as a different person....

 

And my parents somewhat know of course as they have said they don't care what orientation I am as long as I'm happy ^.^

[Obscure_Trash]

Hmmm I think gray-asexual or autochorissexual is probably as close as it's going to get for now. I'll keep looking, though. Thanks :3

I did a late edit, so just wanted to see if you saw it:

 

EDIT: Just came across "nonsexual" which has been used formly by many asexuals but has had its meaning changed a bit since we started using popularly using asexual.

 

I've seen people who define themselves as both non-sexual asexuals (no desire for sex with other people, and no sexual attraction/orientation) and non-sexual sexuals (no desire for sex with other people, but experience sexual attraction/orientation).

 

As well, I saw this on a blog earlier in response to someone trying to figure their identity out and thought you might be interested?

 

First I would like to remind you that the definition of asexual/aromantic is “little to no sexual/romantic attraction and/or desire.” If you do not experience romantic or sexual desire (even if you do experience attraction!), you are free to identify with asexual/aromantic. If you are not comfortable with that, you can also identify with just greyromantic.

 

One thing I found particularly helpful when I was questioning was to read people’s stories who identified as certain labels, rather than just reading the definition.

[Obscure_Trash]

So for a few years now (at least 3) I've seen myself as panromantic and bisexual... (I think that's a thing....?)

Hey, it's your identity. If that's your thing, then it's a thing!

[Dragonfire1963]

I'm Bisexual, demi, panromantic...God that sounds complicated. Basically, I'm attracted to everyone, I don't notice gender, and I can only fall in love and be in a relationship with someone I know very well.

[pudding]

I've been labelling myself as asexual panromantic for a long time now but recently I've realized that I'm actually aromantic instead. I've been in a poly relationship for the past few months and this past weekend it came as a sort of epiphany. Since my partners are both sexual, it complicates things a lot more now and we're planning to sit down and try to talk this out over the weekend to see what the best course of action is. I'm not really sure where to start with talking though and I want to make sure if we do end up breaking up, it's on good terms and we can still remain friends. Since this is my first relationship, I'm scared that cutting it off will result in one of those 'horrible' breakups I always hear about.

[Toyo]

Hey, it's your identity. If that's your thing, then it's a thing!

What a simple and lovely way to put it. Thanks! You made me smile (a long perusal of this thread had made my brow furrow up all the way into my hairline).

[DangerDragon]

Both? There's more than two genders/sexes. ^^;;

Woops, sorry.

I forgot about intersex. That means there are 3 sexes/genders.

 

I am attracted to male and female sex/gender.

[Obscure_Trash]

Woops, sorry.

I forgot about intersex. That means there are 3 sexes/genders.

 

I am attracted to male and female sex/gender.

I'm nonbinary/agender, so add at least one more to that.

 

I actually really wouldn't put a number on how many genders/sexes there are, though. Aside from all the expressions of gender (demi, nano, fluid, queer, bi), there are also genders such as third-spirit (a native gender) which don't really fall anywhere on our European spectrum. ^^

Edited January 25, 2016 by SockPuppet Strangler

[Stromboli]

Not to mention that we've travelled deep into this thread's territory by now, away from sexual orientation to sex and gender orientation.

[Obscure_Trash]

Not to mention that we've travelled deep into this thread's territory by now, away from sexual orientation to sex and gender orientation.

On that note, now that I'm off mobile, I'm going to go ahead and merge posts to the gender thread. If you notice your post go missing, that's where it's at!

[Shienvien]

Discussion has already been merged to the gender thread. Please take gender discussion there.

 

Pardon? This post was entirely about what triggers sexual attraction in people, and not about gender as such... Mistakes have been made in this post being removed; regrettably I do not currently have the time and/or mental reserves to restore it.

Edited January 28, 2016 by Shienvien

[SheridanCharon]

(I am truly sorry if I offend anyone with this post...)

For the longest time, I conformed to the idea that I was a "normal, heterosexual girl", because I'd never been - nor ever wanted to be - in a romantic relationship, so obviously I don't know anything about it. I was told so many times that I was "just a prude" and that my attitude would change once I "met the right guy". And I believed it.

But over the last year or so, after learning more and more about sexuality and after one event, I've been asking myself serious questions, because I'm starting to wonder if I'm Asexual. But, at the same time, that old mentality makes me feel like I can't say that I am...

Edited January 28, 2016 by CharonDusk

[Lady_Lunevis]

(I am truly sorry if I offend anyone with this post...)

For the longest time, I conformed to the idea that I was a "normal, heterosexual girl", because I'd never been - nor ever wanted to be - in a romantic relationship, so obviously I don't know anything about it. I was told so many times that I was "just a prude" and that my attitude would change once I "met the right guy". And I believed it.

But over the last year or so, after learning more and more about sexuality and after one event, I've been asking myself serious questions, because I'm starting to wonder if I'm Asexual. But, at the same time, that old mentality makes me feel like I can't say that I am...

you're not offending anyone, dear!! <33 (at least, not me : ' D )

i know how you feel. for the longest time i had trouble accepting myself as pansexual because there was always that undertone of "i used to think i was hetero, am i still hetero?"

but the one thing you have to remember is that sexuality is a fluid thing, and there are many spectrums, even within asexuality. humans are complicated beings, and we constantly change. your personality is probably different now from when you were, let's say, ten, and your personality will be different in ten years (even if just by a little bit!)

for now, i'd say if it bothered you that much, you can always do some research. i don't have any links on hand right now, but a quick search around may help you find what you are looking for.

your sexuality is valid, and you are free to decide for yourself what you think you may be. no one else has the ability, or the right, to decide your sexuality for you--and sexualities can change!

finally, there's no rush to slap a label on your sexuality unless you feel you're ready. it's okay to kind of be in that grey zone for a bit while you're still thinking things through. <3

hope this helped a bit! ; o ;

[Obscure_Trash]

Happy arospec awareness week!

[SoiledLove]

So, recently, I've been rethinking my sexual orientation. I used to think I was bisexual, demiromantic, but then after some deep introspection, I realized that I've never experienced sexual/romantic attraction, but I do experience sexual desire, just not for another person (only for ideas or kinks? Or something? I'm not sure what you call it), and I'm definitely not non-sexual since I do desire sex with other people (I don't believe in love though, yes, sad, I know, but blame my parents for that. All they do is argue, so I've had an in depth discussion with a friend who was raised by two scientists and believes that love is just a chemical reaction). My parents, at least my mom, are open minded to this thing, but this is China, and China's a little behind on the whole LGBTQA+ thing. So I really don't think I can ask them for help. My dad, especially, is rather... Not with the times so to speak. His family in general is sexist, even misogynistic, though my dad isn't bad, but sometimes he can be the embodiment of 'insensitive, brainless guy'. So he literally knows almost nothing about LGBTQA+. Anyways, I'm curious, how would I go about identifying myself?