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Sexual Orientation

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I think I figured out more of why "go gay for someone" bothers me. It's really not about the phrase itself, but more that it's a symptom of a larger problem (bi-erasure).

 

Basically, we have a culture that thinks like this:

Everyone's straight. Unless you're gay. Oh yeah, I guess there are a couple other options, but I don't remember what they are.

 

To me, the phrase "go gay" kind of sounds like they think gay is the only other option besides straight. So it's not a terrible phrase, nor is it doing specific harm itself. But it's just one tiny, subtle way that we remind people that straight and gay are the primary options, and bi and pan are just occasional afterthoughts.

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Having just started looking at this forum again, I find it really odd to see the exact topic where I learned about asexuality is still open.

Eep. Not really on topic but this is just bringing back that "WHAHAAATTT?" feeling, and relief. I'm finding it a little spooky tbh.

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I think I figured out more of why "go gay for someone" bothers me. It's really not about the phrase itself, but more that it's a symptom of a larger problem (bi-erasure).

 

Basically, we have a culture that thinks like this:

Everyone's straight. Unless you're gay. Oh yeah, I guess there are a couple other options, but I don't remember what they are.

 

To me, the phrase "go gay" kind of sounds like they think gay is the only other option besides straight. So it's not a terrible phrase, nor is it doing specific harm itself. But it's just one tiny, subtle way that we remind people that straight and gay are the primary options, and bi and pan are just occasional afterthoughts.

The way I see it is that some people mean it like this:

 

I see it just more as a fast but inaccurate descriptor. Like "this is against what I normally feel but this is someone attractive (etc.) enough that I'd go against my orientation just for them." Then again I haven't had much experience with people saying that, that's just the thing that makes the most sense as to why people would use it if they didn't have that intent.

And some people mean it like with the phrase "going black".

 

Its a sort of cultural or social appropriation of something that seems cool or 'fun'. Those who use it in a non genuine way like the quote above are the ones who bother me. Who fetishize being gay or bisexual. There is nothing wrong with feeling like a part of you could willingly change for a moment to satisfy a person or for personal discovery but to be completely straight and say it because "I wanna be one of the cool kids" is annoying. Its the same with people who are part of a cause, not because they support it, but because its gaining the most attention for people and they want to be part of the cool crowd.

 

Also seeing as this is the appropriate place to discuss this:

 

I think i've already mentioned here that I am bisexual, which is funny cuz I'm currently heavily infatuated with a really good friend in another state and I haven't quite told her because I'm pretty sure shes hetero and I really don't care/mind, but it just makes me too happy when she runs to me for help. I try to protect her and guide her to some degree like a big brother/sister but I think shes super cute and shes one of the only girls I've actually ever considered that I wouldn't mind dating should the chance come up. She has a boyfriend currently and their cute together too so I don't wanna mess with that.

 

Part of me is hoping hes okay with sharing her to me should I eventually confess and should she reciprocate some of those feelings. I think I could make a waaaaay better boyfriend than the one she has. I may be a girl but I'm a gentleman. I used to have a small group of female friends who all loved to have me around because I would escort them, protect them, treat them really good like a gentleman or a good boyfriend one. One of them even had a crush on me and it was nice. That friend from a different state though is the first time I've actually been infatuated with. Most of the time its something sexual I want with a girl who is bi or willing to experiment but this girl I just want to cuddle her and take her places and kiss her gently and make her feel like a princess and I wanna be her boyfriend damn it >.> *facedesks* bleh...

 

Extra Note: I know I've also mentioned having a boyfriend here and/or in other places and he is okay with my current infatuation. I love him very much and well I want them both in my life :3 Hes okay with that and actually a little supportive with the occasional tease about my liking her. Shes good friends with me and my boyfriend which is another reason why hes okay with my infatuation and completely understands :3

Edited by AnanoKimi

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As a kid I considered myself straight because that was the 'right way to be.' As I grew older and learned that I would be accepted for who I was, I came out as bisexual, because I had liked males my whole life, or I was telling myself that I liked them.

However, I then realized that I had little to no attraction to males and male anatomy, so I considered myself a lesbian. I was happy with this until I fell in love with a male.

 

For two years now, I have been in a Romantic Relationship with a male, while I am sexually attracted to females.

I'm still confused as heck, but I consider myself Queer: not heterosexual.

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As a kid I considered myself straight because that was the 'right way to be.' As I grew older and learned that I would be accepted for who I was, I came out as bisexual, because I had liked males my whole life, or I was telling myself that I liked them.

However, I then realized that I had little to no attraction to males and male anatomy, so I considered myself a lesbian. I was happy with this until I fell in love with a male.

 

For two years now, I have been in a Romantic Relationship with a male, while I am sexually attracted to females.

I'm still confused as heck, but I consider myself Queer: not heterosexual.

You could be -insert-romantic and -insert-sexual. Ex. homoromantic heterosexual. smile.gif Sexual and romantic attraction are separate.

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Aromantic Agender Asexual. :'D I'd rather eat cake and play video games lol.

 

To be honest being asexual is a huge relief for me. I never have to worry about relationships, finding "the one", thinking about impressing anyone ..... people tell me all the time that I dodge a lot of bullets. But admittedly it's kind of awkward in our sex-crazed society to be surrounded by all kinds of sexualized media and not give a crap about any of that stuff.

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I'm not really interested in relationships sexually, and see no real need for them to be happy. I much prefer having friends that eventually turn into family.

 

I consider myself demisexual in regards, though straight for those who decide to ask. I can see the aspects of females being attractive, but if anything's gonna be attractive to me it's more on the male side of things.

 

I don't actively pursue romantic relationships and, as i said, am muchly content with having a lot of really close friends who become family. Because of that, loosing one is a hard thing for me... but I've learned to move on too and never don't consider them family. My door's always open, even if they don't wish to be in my life at the time.

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So until recently I've always considered my looking at other people to be sexual attraction, but after reading some posts on here I'm starting to think it might just be aesthetic. I've never wanted to have sex with anyone specific, though I do enjoy looking at attractive people. The strongest physical urge I've had in regard to a specific person was to kiss. I definitely have preferences for body types and physical features, but the combination of my preferences doesn't result in more than a nod and some "ooh, they're handsome" thoughts from me.

 

Is sexual attraction necessarily linked to arousal? Are the majority of people at least somewhat aroused by seeing someone they find sexually attractive? Or is the acknowledgement of a fine form without lust merely aesthetic attraction, albeit rarely recognized as such?

 

This isn't a big deal for me, since I am confident of my sexuality (this post is more curious self-observation than anything else), but I'm curious to see what other people's experiences with sexual vs. aesthetic attraction have been like.

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I found sexual and aesthetic attraction difficult to disentangle - it's hard to tell if there's something you're missing when you don't know if you have it to know what it's like >_< I don't think sexual attraction is necessarily linked to arousal but I'd assume that looking at someone you're sexually attracted to would have something 'more' than looking at a nice landscape or a good piece of artwork.

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I don't think I've ever felt just aesthetic arousal.

Usually when I think someone's attractive it's because I would want to have sex with them.

It's never "oh they're just so pretty" it's "they're so pretty I wouldn't mind getting in bed with them."

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Aromantic Agender Asexual. :'D I'd rather eat cake and play video games lol.

 

To be honest being asexual is a huge relief for me. I never have to worry about relationships, finding "the one", thinking about impressing anyone ..... people tell me all the time that I dodge a lot of bullets. But admittedly it's kind of awkward in our sex-crazed society to be surrounded by all kinds of sexualized media and not give a crap about any of that stuff.

/hi-5

 

My mother tells me that I'm 'lucky' I don't have to think or worry about sex (so at least she and dad aren't pushing me for grandbabies) but then she doesn't get why I'm bothered by drawn out sex scenes or annoyed by hasty or out-of-character love triangles. To be clear I have no problem with sex, but it is really irritating when a director or screen writer clearly has just thrown some in there because they think they need a 'hook' or a reason to draw people in.

 

I used to think I was broken for a long time, before I found out about asexuality. Now I am perfectly happy to spend my free time knitting and watching movies, haha.

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So until recently I've always considered my looking at other people to be sexual attraction, but after reading some posts on here I'm starting to think it might just be aesthetic. I've never wanted to have sex with anyone specific, though I do enjoy looking at attractive people. The strongest physical urge I've had in regard to a specific person was to kiss. I definitely have preferences for body types and physical features, but the combination of my preferences doesn't result in more than a nod and some "ooh, they're handsome" thoughts from me.

 

Is sexual attraction necessarily linked to arousal? Are the majority of people at least somewhat aroused by seeing someone they find sexually attractive? Or is the acknowledgement of a fine form without lust merely aesthetic attraction, albeit rarely recognized as such?

 

This isn't a big deal for me, since I am confident of my sexuality (this post is more curious self-observation than anything else), but I'm curious to see what other people's experiences with sexual vs. aesthetic attraction have been like.

I've just recently realized that I also only experience aesthetic attraction. For me, sexual arousal is not at all linked to sexual attraction (since I don't really experience attraction). I find, for me personally, that arousal is mostly linked to touch (and also sometimes imagining.... scenarios). Because I experience aesthetic attraction and arousal, it took me a really long time to figure out that they weren't really linked, I just assumed that it was sexual attraction.

 

I found sexual and aesthetic attraction difficult to disentangle - it's hard to tell if there's something you're missing when you don't know if you have it to know what it's like >_< I don't think sexual attraction is necessarily linked to arousal but I'd assume that looking at someone you're sexually attracted to would have something 'more' than looking at a nice landscape or a good piece of artwork.

I've definitely made the comparison that looking at attractive people for me is pretty similar to a nice landscape or piece of artwork. Like, I want to keep looking, but I don't feel turned on or a particular interest in getting in bed with that person.

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I found sexual and aesthetic attraction difficult to disentangle - it's hard to tell if there's something you're missing when you don't know if you have it to know what it's like >_< I don't think sexual attraction is necessarily linked to arousal but I'd assume that looking at someone you're sexually attracted to would have something 'more' than looking at a nice landscape or a good piece of artwork.

No see that description is aesthetic attraction. If you like something/someone just because they are nice to look at or jus plain pretty then its aesthetic attraction. Sexual attraction is seeing something nice and either wanting it between your legs or wanting to be between its legs.

 

I like my boyfriend in an aesthetic and sexual manner. There are time when I'm just like "Hes... Hes just so good looking. I just wanna touch him... like non sexually just run my hands along him." Its like wanting to touch and hold a nice piece of pottery or artwork or seing a gorgeous flower and gently touching the petals to appreciate its beauty and feel. Other times its like hes stripping to go to bed and I'm like "Oh gawd yes take your shirt off now if only I could poof you here and make you do all sorts of things to me just hngh....." ;^; Why is he so damn far away its not fair mang.

 

SO... Yeah.

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/hi-5

 

My mother tells me that I'm 'lucky' I don't have to think or worry about sex (so at least she and dad aren't pushing me for grandbabies) but then she doesn't get why I'm bothered by drawn out sex scenes or annoyed by hasty or out-of-character love triangles. To be clear I have no problem with sex, but it is really irritating when a director or screen writer clearly has just thrown some in there because they think they need a 'hook' or a reason to draw people in.

 

I used to think I was broken for a long time, before I found out about asexuality. Now I am perfectly happy to spend my free time knitting and watching movies, haha.

WOO *fives*

 

I can't stand that either... when a director adds a sex scene or intense makeout scene that adds absolutely nothing to the movie. That and a female protagonist/antagonist who is sexualized at every turn, whether it's her clothes or her actions. And when you're ace/aro/both of course this is blatantly obvious; while the people in the theater googly-eye the character you're just sitting there like " :I ..."

 

And yeah, it's not that sex is "gross". It's a natural part of life.

 

lol my sister is great at knitting. She made me a stuffed animal for my 18th birthday, and I love it because it looks like an awkward blue teletubby.

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I can distinguish between aesthetic and sexual attraction. These two don't necessarily overlap, though the first without the latter is *much* less common than vice versa, and aesthetic attraction is also much more detail-specific. (I am completely capable of feeling sexual attraction without any aesthetic attraction. As in, that part of me which determines whether someone is good-looking will rule that not really, but then the "you should have sex with that"-part comes along and happily puts in a green tick.)

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So... Yeah hey this thread, how are you all doing? ^w^

 

Well, I guess I should say that I don't really have any idea what I am (sexual wise or romantic wise), and it seems like everyone around me has figured it out or is at least in amidst searching for it. I talk to my acquaintances/friends and family members about such things, and half of them say I should "search for myself" and the other half says that I should just not think about it that hard. I usually just go about my day, not worrying about it, but sometimes I just think about the fact that I have no desire to "date" or any connotations that come with it, and the fact that I have no idea what I want or what I a doing romantically/sexually.

 

Well, what I meant to say is... Do you think I should be more proactive about finding myself in this regard, and if so how do I go about such a thing? I've never been specifically attracted to any one person aside from a desire for a platonic connection, and I hear that "trying things out sexually" is not a good way to go about things.

 

Plus I am pretty clueless when it comes to this sort of thing, having never dated or really thought about dating, so I apologize if I'm being wrong/awkward about the whole ordeal xd.png

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I'm not very familiar with the term "demisexual," but it seems to describe me; I'm not attracted to anyone I don't like as a person. So, heterosexual demisexual?

 

To be honest though, using a label like "demisexual" is rather silly imo since it's just easier and less ambigious to say you're only attracted to people you have feelings for.

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So... Yeah hey this thread, how are you all doing? ^w^

 

Well, I guess I should say that I don't really have any idea what I am (sexual wise or romantic wise), and it seems like everyone around me has figured it out or is at least in amidst searching for it. I talk to my acquaintances/friends and family members about such things, and half of them say I should "search for myself" and the other half says that I should just not think about it that hard. I usually just go about my day, not worrying about it, but sometimes I just think about the fact that I have no desire to "date" or any connotations that come with it, and the fact that I have no idea what I want or what I a doing romantically/sexually.

 

Well, what I meant to say is... Do you think I should be more proactive about finding myself in this regard, and if so how do I go about such a thing? I've never been specifically attracted to any one person aside from a desire for a platonic connection, and I hear that "trying things out sexually" is not a good way to go about things.

 

Plus I am pretty clueless when it comes to this sort of thing, having never dated or really thought about dating, so I apologize if I'm being wrong/awkward about the whole ordeal xd.png

Hai der~

 

Knowing what you are romantically, sexually and gender wise is not easy but at the same time it is. Its one of those things that as you learn about it you slowly starts connecting the dots and it slowly starts to make sense. Like with me it was gender wise and I didn't fully go "Oh okay this is what I am this makes so much more sense" until I learned about the term gender fluid. I was always so confused about who I was because sexually I knew I was bisexual, but I always felt forced to feel or act like a female when there where times when that just didn't fit. I didn't always feel or act like a girl and it spurred the joke of me being 30% guy.

 

I would say look in to terms and try to see what feels like it hits closer to home. If you still aren't sure then maybe try to find out. Try dating and see how that feels, try having a partner whether it be romantically or sexually and see how that is. Go with what makes you comfortable both physically and emotionally. There is no one specific right answer as some people change and grow so don't feel like you need to find one label and stick with it. Keep yourself open to new terms and possibilities. :3

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I'm pan-asexual tongue.gif I wasn't really sure what my sexuality was until I looked over at this thread... One of my friends is really Christian-y and when I told her that the supreme court legalized gay marriage, she said that was disgusting :l (EDIT:: *gasp* I made a new page!)

Edited by ThatAnimeKitten

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Bisexual reporting for duty!

 

One of my friends is really Christian-y and when I told her that the supreme court legalized gay marriage, she said that was disgusting :l

 

I had a similar experience about a week ago, with an acquaintance I considered to be becoming a friend. Quite a debate arose with both of us referencing Biblical passages (I was raised a Lutheran christian). It can really hurt when someone you think is super great turns out to be not-so-great. Feel free to come to me if you want to talk smile.gif.

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Pansexual here.

 

Here's the thing: For a while, I really didn't know what my sexuality was or would be, so I really remained under "questioning"; the only thing I did know was that I was non-straight. Then over time, I was attracted to anyone regardless of gender and then I found out about my sexuality. The only thing that kept me from coming out until last month (6/27/15, to be exact) was insecurity as to how my family and friends were going to react.

 

Then I finally got a chance to come out to my mom and my older sister, to which they were actually alright with it. Mom told me that she would still love me no matter what and my big sis told me that she was very proud of me for being myself. I also got to come out to a few of my friends at a time and one of my cousins and reception has been nothing but positive. I'm hoping that my Christian best friend for almost seven years would understand as well when I tell her tomorrow when we hang out.

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For someone who actually likes labels, I sure am having a hard time finding one that fits my sexual orientation. In the past few months I've gone from "pansexual with a strong preference for female/feminine people" to "asexual pan/homoromantic" and now to "????"

 

Sometimes I feel very asexual and sometimes I don't. I am physically/sexually attracted to some people and not others. It depends entirely on the person, but the problem is, there isn't a general pattern/trend to my attraction. I can't say it occurs mostly with males, or females, or people I have a mental or emotional connection with. It's entirely unique to every person I meet and I just can't seem to put a label on it. Urgh. It's not homo, hetero, bi, pan, or demi sexual. It's just "????"

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For someone who actually likes labels, I sure am having a hard time finding one that fits my sexual orientation. In the past few months I've gone from "pansexual with a strong preference for female/feminine people" to "asexual pan/homoromantic" and now to "????"

 

Sometimes I feel very asexual and sometimes I don't. I am physically/sexually attracted to some people and not others. It depends entirely on the person, but the problem is, there isn't a general pattern/trend to my attraction. I can't say it occurs mostly with males, or females, or people I have a mental or emotional connection with. It's entirely unique to every person I meet and I just can't seem to put a label on it. Urgh. It's not homo, hetero, bi, pan, or demi sexual. It's just "????"

I think you might be grey-ace, which would be experiencing sexual attraction sometimes, it's an umbrella term for any kind of ace people and probably the most flexible one, and since in your situation it seems like a ??? kind of thing grey-ace was the term that immediately came to my mind. ;D

 

 

--

 

 

Personally, I thought I was ace before but maybe I'm grey-ace now? Demi? No idea really :// It's a confusin' world.

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For a long time I called myself bisexual, because I didn't know pansexual was a thing. To me, gender never mattered. Male, female, androgynous, MtF, FtM, AFAB, AMAB, wherever someone identified... I didn't really care. I wasn't interested in their physicality as much as I was interested in who they were as a human being.

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I just found a new word! Cupiosexual, which means that one doesn't experience sexual attraction, but desires a sexual relationship. Which sounds a lot like me.

 

I'm still trying to figure out whether or not I experience sexual attraction-it's really hard when there's nothing compare it to. I desire sexual relationships and I experience aesthetic attraction, but I'm not sure if that's sexual attraction or not.

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