Hatchlings OoC Thread

[DuskOfTheStars]

Actually, only her father's Expunge works like that. Her brother can expunge ghosts and zombies, EP only zombies. The reason only her dad's Expunge works like that is because of potential OPness were I to apply it to EP. (Normal vamps would be killed if it succeeded, same with any ghosts involved.) Any way I can make that clearer in the form? Because I'm pretty sure I did say that...

Edited August 25, 2016 by Dusky_Flareon

[little lost dragon]

Was just wondering about it, and yeah such a ability would be very OP RP wise.

[Renhart]

Just curious Dusky_Flareon, why did you write about her family and their powers? Do you plan on introducing any of them at some point?

Edit: Nevermind, I just saw the part where you mentioned that. It would be helpful if you explained how the expunge power works; how she "lifts the curse" so to speak.

 

And while most DC rules apply, I should mention that the RP was created long before Valkemare lore was put in place so there's only one moon instead of two.

Edited August 25, 2016 by Booo

[Captain_Gunzou]

Yeah, Skwerl thanks for helping me figure out a way to explain it correctly. It was all jumbled cause of the timeline and ideas in my head. I think I'll take your suggestions.

[DuskOfTheStars]

I mentioned the powers due to what's going on right now to set how her family works as opposed to Liger's situation. And I'm not having them show up unless people want.

 

As for Expunge, since we aren't strictly following Valkemarian lore... here, I'd say that it's a spell to send the soul to the afterlife, magically "keyed" to only work on undead breeds or ghosts. It depends on the power level what can be sent to the afterlife, though. Most Soulpeace can send zombies or zombies and a low chance of ghosts to the afterlife.

Edited August 26, 2016 by Dusky_Flareon

[little lost dragon]

Yeah, Skwerl thanks for helping me figure out a way to explain it correctly. It was all jumbled cause of the timeline and ideas in my head. I think I'll take your suggestions.

So.... your revising your whole sub plot then using the suggestions or...?

[Captain_Gunzou]

Apparently people are having a hard time wrapping their minds around the whole prophecy glowing stones thing which was supposed to explain part of his future. Not to mention it was boo's idea for me to introduce his family and more of his back history as we went along so it wouldn't overwhelm others which they don't seem to understand, or like. His parents has Liger's cousins who are godhatchlings. The ones who have are of thee bloodline is suppose to be reactive to a certain stone which fortell some of or all their future. Depending on the glow strength tells how big it'll impact that dragons life. Liger and his blood sister are gemini twins. In the future I was going to have Liger go against his sister cause of them being gemini twins/polar opposites. Then an Idea came to thought of maybe She could be Evil Crushers mate, but you don't seem to ok with that. Also it seems Boo didn't know the family that it was made up of, and also the future which Has been multiple times hinted on. People are against it. So I'm close to saying &^%$ it and do what Skwerl is suggesting.

[DuskOfTheStars]

While age ups could make it work (and sound Suelike in the process), I think the reason everyone is opposed to the mate thing is the creepiness factor.

 

Also, any more crits on my sheet?

Edited August 28, 2016 by Dusky_Flareon

[little lost dragon]

Apparently people are having a hard time wrapping their minds around the whole prophecy glowing stones thing which was supposed to explain part of his future. Not to mention it was boo's idea for me to introduce his family and more of his back history as we went along so it wouldn't overwhelm others which they don't seem to understand, or like. His parents has Liger's cousins who are godhatchlings. The ones who have are of thee bloodline is suppose to be reactive to a certain stone which fortell some of or all their future. Depending on the glow strength tells how big it'll impact that dragons life. Liger and his blood sister are gemini twins. In the future I was going to have Liger go against his sister cause of them being gemini twins/polar opposites. Then an Idea came to thought of maybe She could be Evil Crushers mate, but you don't seem to ok with that. Also it seems Boo didn't know the family that it was made up of, and also the future which Has been multiple times hinted on. People are against it. So I'm close to saying &^%$ it and do what Skwerl is suggesting.

Introducing ones family with a story is one thing. Trying to make them sound all special or important however does not normally go well unless the RP community has collectively agreed to it. Otherwise you really only make your self look like your full of it.

Boo said sure but I some how doubt Boo tacked on "Feel free to add a complicated sub plot for everyone to go with and give no warning till after its already started." Again, throwing out a whole new sub plot into the RP with out approval only creates issues as now half the RP'ers are now confused and wondering what is the point of this new sub plot that seems to already have a frame to work around..... only they don't know the frame if you catch my meaning.

 

Example, when I first made Evil Crusher, the RP community at the time wanted a 'bad guy'. So I threw the idea out there, they agreed to it, we went with it because they agreed to it.

 

Later for Evil Crusher he lost his corruption. Another sub plot that the RP community approved before we went through with it.

 

Evil Crusher's re-appearance. Voted in by the community (was not my idea either tbh at the time)

 

His aquiering of GoN level of magic powers. Voted on by the RP community.

 

This happened over the course of a few years RL time. Made his stamp on this RP's time line.

 

 

Now imagine if that all did not get the RP community's vote, or approval? I'd look like some jerk who just wanted to have a specail character in the story. Had I note explain how this and that worked, some how doubt people would see Evil Crushers story as part of the RP, but more of a simple OP character. Maybe with a small element of trust, them knowing I'd keep him reigned in to prevent him from simply killing everyone right away or abusing his ability's.

 

Nothing wrong with introducing a family line or story. But if your going to use it as a sub plot, a complicated one at that, your going to need to explain it to the RP community. And only after the thumbs up have been given then go through with it. The pros the cons, what it'll affect, how would it impact the main story ect.

 

Though must ask, why are YOU ok with Ligers sister being Evil Crushers mate even though that is litterly like a human 30 year old doing it with a toddler? What is it that makes you ok with that?

 

I'd be ok with her being his mate if they where at least nearly grown. But as it stands you've shown her to be far too young.

 

 

@Dusky_Flareon

 

I'm not seeing anything for the most part, think your just waiting on Boo now.

[Captain_Gunzou]

Ok. I can edit some things since obviously its stressing others out. Yes The family is not just Liger and his sister. There's the god hatchlings/ cousins most by the time Liger gets back will be with their original families or left the nest. The rest will have been slaughtered. Only his Evil twin will remain. If the community is ok with that route. I'll provide a character sheet for her when the time comes to introduce her. LLD do you know the saying, "like minds attract each other? It will be in the future of course. If your ok with her being Evil Crushers mate, otherwise she'd be finding a way to slaughter Liger, and whoever else she finds something wrong with. A crazy psycho.

[Renhart]

I mentioned the powers due to what's going on right now to set how her family works as opposed to Liger's situation. And I'm not having them show up unless people want.

 

As for Expunge, since we aren't strictly following Valkemarian lore... here, I'd say that it's a spell to send the soul to the afterlife, magically "keyed" to only work on undead breeds or ghosts. It depends on the power level what can be sent to the afterlife, though. Most Soulpeace can send zombies or zombies and a low chance of ghosts to the afterlife.

Yeah, ok. I can see how that wouldn't exactly work on Vampires (since I'm pretty sure their only partially dead) so maybe if it were successful on a Vampire it would only revert them back to their original breed?

 

One last question: You say that her magic takes a day to replenish, so does that also apply to her expunge spell? Or is that different from dream walking?

[DuskOfTheStars]

Sure, let's do that and have it work that way.

 

Her expunge takes 20 days to replenish. Yes, it is different, but I imagine it taking more/a different power than dream walking. After all, sending a soul to the afterlife is probably more consuming than piggybacking off someone else's dreams and maybe magic.

Edited August 29, 2016 by Dusky_Flareon

[little lost dragon]

Ok. I can edit some things since obviously its stressing others out. Yes The family is not just Liger and his sister. There's the god hatchlings/ cousins most by the time Liger gets back will be with their original families or left the nest. The rest will have been slaughtered. Only his Evil twin will remain. If the community is ok with that route. I'll provide a character sheet for her when the time comes to introduce her. LLD do you know the saying, "like minds attract each other? It will be in the future of course. If your ok with her being Evil Crushers mate, otherwise she'd be finding a way to slaughter Liger, and whoever else she finds something wrong with. A crazy psycho.

Alrighty, might be an idea.

 

and yes I am aware of the saying, but that simply does not correct any possible issues of a adult and a toddler getting together.

 

As for her becoming his mate in the future, I suppose that would be ok, however I'm not going to simply have him like her kind of thing. You'll have to have her work out something with him to get on his..... good (if he even has one left) side.

 

He him self is a bit of a psycho, but keep in mind he has no desire for power, he does not want to be a ruler or anything. He simply enjoys others suffering and the vamp corruption has thrown his mind off the deep end kind of thing. He may even team up with the good guys to get rid of anyone he feels might be a problem for him and them.

But yeah, he'd skin a hatchling alive just to hear its cry's of agony and find it enjoyable. If I did not keep him reigned in.... yeah....

 

He is not against making deals, however as one might guess, the deals need to favor him. If he suspects his 'partner' in the deal, they'd be no longer safe either if he grew bored.

[Renhart]

Of course as soon as I bump the RP I get wound up in something else and start feeling like crap to top it off.

 

LLD is right, Captain_Gunzou. Even though I suggested you could introduce his backstory I didn't think you would try to start an entire sub-plot without letting anyone know. I'll list out the suggestions that we've made so far in case you're confused. Anyone is free to chime in if I'm missing something.

• Have it so that the rubies are glowing because of magic passed down from Liger's mother. No stones can predict anyone's future.
• Refrain from having his siblings be 'special' colors.
• Please consider using a spell checker.
• If his siblings are going to be dead anyway (besides his twin) then don't go to the trouble of explaining their powers. If you must, at least try to provide an explanation for why they're different.

Are you opposed to any of this?

Oh, and I just had an idea... IF Liger's step brother somehow gets involved, then maybe it turns out he's a Dark Green dragon since he can control plants (AKA his leafy appendages ).

 

@Dusky_Flareon Alright, you're good to go.

Edited August 30, 2016 by Booo

[Captain_Gunzou]

Ok Boo so the rubies glow cause of the magic or gene ability passed down the lineage ok. Yes but the ones I mentioned who had powers was going to survive that makes two who are going to meet up with Liger when he returns and is older, Far future. They left to be with their families before the slaughter happens. Wanting to have someone Liger can return to, they divert his course and meet up with him, and warn him on what happened. Sound good? LLD I never meant for her at this stage to be EC's mate I meant for the future when Liger returns to his nesting area, where he was born. Yeah I think I'll make the older brother a dark amazon green since his power is control over plants. Thanks. Now I wonder how does others think of this plan Liger and in the future a cousin and his older brother taking on their sister does it settle ok with them?

Edited September 2, 2016 by Captain_Gunzou

[little lost dragon]

Ok Boo so the rubies glow cause of the magic or gene ability passed down the lineage ok. Yes but the ones I mentioned who had powers was going to survive that makes two who are going to meet up with Liger when he returns and is older, Far future.

They left to be with their families before the slaughter happens. Wanting to have someone Liger can return to, they divert his course and meet up with him, and warn him on what happened. Sound good?

 

LLD I never meant for her at this stage to be EC's mate I meant for the future when he returns to his nesting area, where he was born.

 

Yeah I think I'll make the older brother a dark amazon green since his power is control over plants.

Thanks.

 

Now I wonder how does others think of this plan Liger and in the future a cousin and his older brother taking on their sister does it settle ok with them?

Did some editing there for you.

 

 

As for EC, his hatching place? That may not work well considering he hatched in a make shift caravan that pitted hatchlings against one another if memory serves me right. Only that party of people and their stuff are long long LONG gone lol.

[DuskOfTheStars]

@Dusky_Flareon Alright, you're good to go.

So... does this mean I'm approved?

[DuskOfTheStars]

Alrighty. Where should I start?

[Renhart]

Yes, Eternal is...

 

Yay!

 

Edit: I somehow accidently deleted this.

You should probably start in the forest since that's where everyone is right now. We just haven't decided where they are exactly on the map.

 

@Captain_Gunzou Sorry but if you don't use spell check then I can't help you because I don't understand most of what you're saying at this point.

Edited August 31, 2016 by Booo

[ValidEmotions]

I figured I would wait until the meet up with Vulkoor was mostly finished before posting again to nudge Venia and Roluth towards everyone else.

[Renhart]

You can also have them run into the Soulpeace nearby (Eternal Peace) if you decide not to wait.

[Happykawaiicat]

Username: Happykawaiicat

Name:Riokua

Gender: Male

Type/Breed: Electric dragon

Power: he is fast,not like overpowered fast but fast,this is to make up for his lack of flight

Personality:a SLIGHTLY depressed,joyful around friends and family,his minor depression come from not being loved by his human,but he has mostly forgotten about his owner

Appearance: even tho he's an adult he has no wings and this tail is much longer than a normal dragon's

Age/Stage: 55/Adult

History: he and this brother and sister from other groups of eggs,Ri and Kioua all were bred in captivity and released after 9 fail breedings,all with the same species but different dragons (the species was Mint Dragons) each time,as for how he lost his wings,his owner got mad at him the 8th time he failed at breeding he cut his wings off

Extra:he may seem like he would be aggressive,but once you get to know him you'll know he is not violent

 

Username: Happykawaiicat

Name: Kioua

Gender: Female

Type/Breed: Electric Dragon

Power: she can draw what she's seen on trees,her drawings are often very detailed and look real

Personality:carefree,calm dragon,she doesn't worry about the past and tries to have fun

Appearance:a pure black dragon with blue eyes and a small tail

Age/Stage:Maturing Hatchling/38

History: she was only 36 when she got abandoned,she never really was social,but she'd always play with younger dragons

Extra:she has a close bond with Riokua,she was also born mute

Username:Happykawaiicat

Name: Ri

Gender: Male

Type/Breed:Electric Dragon

Power:Boltclaw( claws become covered in sparks,defensive power usually used in combat, 2% chance to cause major damage,chances of damage increase if challenger is a water affinity)

Personality:joyful,carefree,over protective of family

Appearance: dark grey with small wings and green eyes

Age/Stage: 45 years/Maturing Hatchling

History:He was abandoned when he was 42,he always tried to make others smile,no matter if he is sad,he got the optimistic personality from his mother because she wanted to teach him and Kioua to be happy

Extra: he cares deeply for his older brother and younger sister

 

(editing to fix spelling,grammar,and add depth to my characters)

Edited September 13, 2016 by Happykawaiicat

[skwerl56767]

Um... I think you need to do some revisions first before you are accepted. I'll point out just what I see right now; please don't freak out if you see a lot of critique, it's just my nature. I don't have final say though, Booo and littlelostdragon are free to override me, these are just my opinions on what could make your sheets better, because right now I can confidently say that they aren't detailed enough to be accepted yet.

 

Riokua:

Power: he has the power of weak visions of minor events,this power might advance later in roleplay but for now it's weak,and as such he can only see minor events

There isn't enough information here. What sort of visions? What's his limit specifically? How does he use this power? Does he need some kind of "fuel" or "source" to use it? Also, what do you mean by minor events? If you mean smaller, unimportant things, I'm not sure how this power would be beneficial.

 

Personality:a depressed loner

My main concern here is that it's very Anti-Sueish (a character that's a "Mary Sue" means that it's "perfect" and good at everything; an Anti-Sue is like the emo version of that, where it's imperfect and bad at everything). This is generally avoided in roleplays because it doesn't play well. I can see how you can keep loneliness and depression in his personality though by fleshing it out much, much more. How was he before he became depressed? What caused his depression? Is there anything underneath it that can be brought out, anything that breaks through the depression and might make him laugh or smile now and then? Why is he a loner, and can it, too, eventually be broken through by some specific act?

 

History:he and this brother and sister from other groups of eggs,Ri and Kioua all were bred in captivity and released after 9 fail breedings,all with three different dragons each time (Riokau is the only adult out of his siblings)

I'm not sure what this means, it's not very clear. 9 failed breedings with what dragons? How did that pertain to the him and his siblings? Also I'm comparing the ages of your other characters (presumably both of his siblings) with his own, and the age gap between him and Kioua is huge; you might want to consider balancing it out more. The gap between him and Ri I don't have an issue with.

 

Extra: he is suicidal,and has 2 times tried jumping of a ledge,one time he survived with a few injuries,the other time his wings got cut off by two razor sharp rocks

This is also dangerously Anti-Sue, so I strongly advise changing it. Same with his personality though, you didn't elaborate on why these things happened. Why is he suicidal? Was it because of his younger sister? Something else? How did he manage to lose both wings by sharp rocks and not die from shock/blood loss? Was there a dragon nearby to help him after the fall? Why is he still not trying to commit suicide/isn't dead right now, if he's so keen on killing himself? And again, was there anything prior to these events that made him a different, perhaps happier, dragon?

 

Kioua:

Power: she can draw what she's seen on trees

I don't know how this is a power. I can draw on trees too, just not very well; do you mean that she's particularly artistic? That would be a skill and not a power, since the powers are meant to be more supernatural.

 

Personality:mute,broken,depressed

Also Anti-Sueish; you need to add a lot more to this if you want to keep those traits, just like with Riokua. You also don't explain why she's mute or how that happened. A birth defect? An attack? From the attack?

 

History: she was only 2 when she got abandoned,when she became 4 a adult wild 51 year old dragon raped her,which scarred her for life and left her traumatized,ever since she's never spoke and learned who to draw what she wants to say

I... have several problems with this. The first is that you say she was abandoned, but that would imply that her siblings weren't with her, since that's what abandonment is. The second part... is just wrong. Please remove it. It is mildly okay to imply the traumatic event, but don't actually say it, since it breaks the forum rules. That aside, why a random, adult, wild dragon? For what reason? What does this have to do with her?

 

Ri:

Power:i can think of one XC,um he has excellent hearing

My only qualm with this is that another character already in the RP - a Soulpeace named Ranu - also has acute hearing. On the other hand, multiple abilities may have existed in the past, so this is ultimately up to Booo and/or LLD if it goes through or not.

 

History:He was abandoned when he was 42,he always tried to make others smile,no mater if he is sad

This seems contradictory. If he was abandoned, how did he gain such an optimistic demeanor? Did he have a turning point much later on? And again, if he was abandoned that implies his siblings weren't with him, which I don't think you were going for.

 

----------

 

I think that's everything major. I have seen some other things, but I figured I would let you take it slow and not throw everything all at once. ^^' Little steps at a time!

As a summary, the biggest thing you need to do is elaborate on everything in your sheets; right now there is too little information for us to have a good idea of what any of your characters are like. Another thing that is desirable is to be semi-lit, meaning you have a decent grasp of grammar and spelling. I recommend using spellcheckers for finding your mistakes and then correcting them yourself; I've tried it, and it really cements the correct spelling in your mind!

I hope my giant post didn't scare you off, hah hah. I tend to write a lot. I just want to see you get accepted into the RP, which unfortunately, isn't feasible right now.

 

((End note for Booo/LLD; feel free to get on my case about this, I realize I've been rather critical as of late, and I still need to find the line between "being helpful" and "usurping <X>'s job"...))

[tigerstripes175]

hi! i have been wanting to see if i can join! here is my form!

 

Username: thegamingfoxy

 

Name: cynder

 

Gender: female

 

Type/Breed: ember

 

Power: able to breathe fire, and is one of the fastest dragons

 

Personality: nice, but sometimes brags that she can fly faster than other dragons.

sometimes can out-speed others and end up lost. can be a bit to cocky when she beats another dragon.

 

Appearance: has big powerful wings and has more of a grey-ish color instead of a dark black. was born with wings also.

 

Age/Stage: 12 years

 

History: when a magma dragon and a ember came together and bred and egg, but soon abandoned it in lava, where a red dragon came and took care of it until it got to old and moved on, and abandoned me. when i hatched i was alone, with nobody to take care of me, until i started to fend for myself, and training on my own by trying to breathe fire on rocks. after i was done breathing fire on the rocks, i would try to fly until i was able to lift myself up, then started to train my speed. by the time i was older and i had bigger wings i would train strength in my flying and also more speed. then, i met some other dragons who were nice, and let me live with them until the great rein of the vampire.

 

extra: im one of the best flyers and when i was hatched, i had wings alreay, but they were smaller than the average wings.

[DuskOfTheStars]

Okay, crits.

 

1. Please use proper grammar. To that end, I suggest running this through MS Word.

 

2. Able to breathe fire? There are already dragons that can do it baseline, no extra powerups needed. Speed does sound like it could work if you flesh it out more.

 

3. Ookay, how does it occur that magma (wingless) x ember (starts wingless) give wings at birth and powerful wings when older? That effect would be more likely to come from a wyvern/amphipthere parent. If anything, I'd expect smaller wings or weaker wings and to not get them till maturing (like an Ember).

 

4. Please change your backstory to 3rd person. It's currently 1st person, and hard to read, what with grammar errors.

 

5. See my earlier point about wings. Unless she's an aerial breed or has practised a lot, she should not be super good like you say she is. She could be above average, but for the reasons I outlined for not having large wings I would expect fair to average flying prowess.

 

Sorry Booo and LLD if I'm overstepping any boundaries here...

Edited September 3, 2016 by Dusky_Flareon