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Sachi

[Yu-Gi-Oh!] Tenebrus Institute for Gifted Students

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I am sorry about the other though, if knew Canadian spelling I'd look over it again, but I'd rather not tell you to spell it some way that isn't correct from where you are. So, I think Khay should look over this since she's from Canada too ^^ Now I'm going to shut my trap and vanish til it's approved~

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Mea, I thought I was going to vanish, but I found something else(no it's not spelling or grammar don't worry xd.png). There is no character limit in the rules, how many characters are you going to allow? One, two, three, ect. I'm just asking because I'm considering making a 'he', but if only one character's allowed I shan't. ^^

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As many characters as you can handle. I'm limiting to two teachers a person, max. Teachers including Office staff, teachers, counselors and shadow-capable janitors. Nurses can be NPCs.

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The Night Class are mysterious, and the subject of many campus rumours, for nobody knows what secrets they hide.

 

Subject verb agreement, "the night class are" either change it to "classes" or "is". Also "rumours" is actually spelled "rumors"

 

 

 

 

They all have a secret, a shared secret, but the Day Class do not, and cannot, know about it.

 

Same thing, subject verb agreement, it can't be "the day class do not" it has to be "classes do" or "class does".

 

 

 

 

Some of the Day Class have speculated that Night Class are for cram classes, some speculate that Night Class are the geniuses of the school.

And same problem here, subject verb agreement, "Some of the day class have" must either be "classes have," "class has" or "some in the day class have".

 

 

 

 

powers, and this knowledge, makes them freaks in the eyes of the general public.

and... need I repeat myself smile.gif "powers makes" is incorrect, but "knowledge makes" is correct, so either change "powers" to "power" (best option) or change "makes" to "make" and the commas to hyphens.

 

 

 

 

"Their existence in the physical plane is made possibly by the magical energy of their summoner, and the special magic environment of TIGS. "

"Their existence is made possibly" is wrong, change "possibly" to "possible".

 

 

 

 

The other name is something akin to a nickname, a Unique Name that distinguishes that Familiar as your own, for example, John calls his Celtic Guardian "Garreth".

The comma after "nickname" should be a semi-colon.

 

 

 

 

The contract won't disappear if they send the Familiar back to the Monster's World for a while, but there are people who can Steal a Familiar

"Steal" should not be capitalized.

 

 

 

 

There are, of course, always a few that Steal out of sadistic pleasure, to show they have power over another student.

"that" should be "who" and "Steal" again should not be capitalized.

 

 

 

 

Day Class do not know about this...but that never stopped anyone from trying to find out.

Subject verb agreement, "do" needs to be "does." Also, in this sentence and SEVERAL other areas you say "Day Class" or "Night Class" you need to add "The" before both of those or not capitalize them because they The Day Class, not just any day class.

 

 

 

 

 

1. No powerplaying or godmodding. Ask permission before you kill/take control of someone else's character.

should be "power-playing or God-modding"

 

 

 

 

1. Night Class: Stealing other people's Familiars is not allowed. Doing so will earn you suspension the first time and (in universe) expulsion from Night Class for repeat offenses. Faculty who engage in this behaviour will be fired immediately.

"behaviour" is spelled "behavior" (no "u")

 

 

 

That's it for the first post, moving to the second!

 

 

 

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Wait... just read through... You're Canadian? Oh.... then I'm not sure which rules apply because of the French Language influence up there.

 

The subject verb thing should still be in effect regardless though so do pay attention to that. smile.gif moving to second post now...

Edited by Rakashua

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Yes, I'm Canadian. Rumor is also spelled rumour up here. The Canadian thing really only applies to spelling, so I'll go fix up the rest.

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Grade 6-9 is Middle School Grade 10-12 is High School. University is organized into 1st-4th year, or up to whatever year you are if you are staying in University longer. In Night Class, Starter means you have no Familiar, Levels 1-12 are accessible once you have a Familiar. All buildings have Libraries, and at Night, these Libraries open the spellbook collection.

 

"Familiar" in the sentence "In Night Class, Starter means you have no Familiar, Levels 1-12 are accessible once you have a Familiar." should have a ";" after it not a comma.

 

"spellbook" in the last sentence should be "spell book"

 

 

 

 

There is a hidden Graveyard here where monsters "destroyed" in a Battle wait until they are either special summoned, removed from play, or the battle ends, after which they go either back to the Overworld or head over to Monsters' World.

 

"until they are either special summoned, removed from play, or the battle ends,"

you need a word after "or" and before "the battle" such as "until, once, until after, once the battle has ended."

 

Actually to avoid that problem and repetition the sentence would better be written like this: "There is a hidden Graveyard here where monsters "destroyed" in a Battle wait until the battle is over, they are special summoned, or removed from play, after which they go either back to the Overworld or head over to Monsters' World."

 

Also, unless "Overworld," is a proper noun (IE the actual name of the place) it shouldn't be capitalized and should also look like "over-world."

 

 

 

 

The second area is the Dark Dimension. It's a dark, constantly lightning-torn wasteland. This is the area where monsters that are removed from play go. It's also the homeground of the D.D Organization.

 

"homeground" if it's a term you made up for the sake of the game then it's fine but "Home" should be in caps. If it's not an actual term you want used, then it needs to look like this: "home ground, or home-ground."

 

 

 

 

The Trap Hole Kit is frequently used as a pranking item.

 

It's not a big deal and I think you can have it either way, but, technically, "pranking" isn't a word. It's not a verb at least. So you could replace it with "prank" and the same message would get across but it's not a bid deal.

 

 

 

 

Familiars have HP. The HP is the defense points of the monster + 100xstar level. When a Familiar loses all their HP, they will be sent to the Void Graveyard.

 

subject verb agreement, "their" should be "When a Familiar loses all of its HP, they will be sent to the Void Graveyard."

or you could keep "their" and phrase it like this: "When a Familiar loses their entire HP, they will be sent to the Void Graveyard."

 

 

 

 

Experience: This can be gained from doing Jobs for Amir, from being in battles, and from class. The amount varies on the Jobs Board, but class generally gives about 5 exp, sometimes 10 if it's during an exam, and 5x star level of of a defeated opponent.

 

"of of" word repeated.

 

 

 

 

 

You may have as many students as you like, but if you want teachers (that is, teachers, counsellors, office staff, magic-capable janitors) then I limit it to two.

"Counsellors" is spelled with one L "Counselors"

 

 

 

 

 

 

Otherwise the first post I already sent you an edit like this for and you used it I believe.

So, good work!

 

PS: this is nearly perfect from an English standpoint, hint hint Approvers! :-)

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I didn't notice many errors at all, so this is basically ready for approval. Just one thing...

 

Grade 6-9 is Middle School Grade 10-12 is High School.

 

This makes no sense.

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Actually, this is pending approval now. I'm just waiting for my status to be upped, so in the meantime I PMed Dashidragon to approve this.

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((When are we able to start posting?))

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((LET'S GO!!!! btw, new people, ALWAYS welcome.))

Ms. Fong stood at the podium in the gymnasium. It was 4 pm of the first day of classes, and all of the Night Class students had been called down. She was perhaps a little nervous- she was never very good at giving speeches, and an opening speech at the beginning of the year was practically mandatory. She could see some students starting to file in, some were curious, and others were grumbling about how late it was. Well, it wasn't like she could make it earlier- she had to leave enough time for the Day Class students' clubs to conclude, otherwise they'd find out about the Night Class, and that was the last thing she needed right now. It had been hard enough to coordinate everything WITHOUT the Day Class knowing anything about it. The Goyo Guardian behind her, visible only to those of Night Class, those with powers, put a hand on her shoulder to reassure her.

 

"It'll be over before you know it, Li-li," he said good-naturedly.

 

"*sigh* Please don't call me that in front of everyone, Dai. I'm supposed to be the Principal. A little respect, if you don't mind..." she said softly.

 

"Heh, alright, alright Ms. Fong. Do your best."

 

Stella walked into the large room, looking around cautiously. This was her first day here, and normally she wouldn't be so nervous, but...well, this was a new place and she was just a bit wary about it. Her aunt Sayomi had assured her that she would be fine, but she certainly wasn't feeling too dandy. She had no idea who else would be there!

 

"Calm down, Stella, you're making ME nervous. Quit being so paranoid." the Magician of Black Chaos right besides her poked her in the head. She gave him a withering look.

 

"Yeah, that's easy for YOU to say Chaos. Everything else is more scared of YOU than you are of them! And in case you forgot, I'm not exactly going to be in fighting form for a very long time..."

 

"Hey, not my fault I got stuck with you, blondie." he quipped.

 

"*sigh* Why do I put up with this..." she mumbled.

Edited by Sachi

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Mr. Lau was sitting on a chair behind the curtains of the gym stage, A Dark Simorgh perched upon his shoulder.

 

"I feel bad for her Diabolos, look at her. she looks like she saw a ghost or something."

 

"Then why don't you help her out Ray?"

 

Raymond looked at Diabolos with a somewhat sly look.

 

"You're kidding right? This is Lianne we're talking about. When was the last time she wanted my help?

 

"You are her friend, not to mention one of the vice prinicpals."

 

"Yes, but this is Lianne, she likes to get it done and done right. I'm nothing like that."

 

"You raise a valid point old friend. Still, I suppose it couldn't hurt to much to try."

 

"Oh all right, but just you watch."

Edited by Armityle

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((Long first post, sorry, wanted to introduce the character and catch his personality. Feel free to interact with him if you are a first year student (as he is pretending to be). If you have had him for class before (higher level students) or know him (Ms. Fong / other teachers,) you might recognize him, but probably not without Kainama around.))

 

 

 

"... and now that you all understand the importance of chess, high art, the renaissance, and chewing gum..." Jinjekkai Kaname blew a quick bubble with his gum, "you are dismissed," he took an elegant bow, slipped on the gum wrapper he had just dropped on the ground, toppled over his desk, caught himself on one hand and flipped back to his feet.

 

The newly formed Chess club stared in awe, Kaname smiled as if he had planned the whole thing... which he had... yep he had planned it out completely... as soon as he started falling... everything after that was pure luck and a lot of help from his Yoga sessions.

 

"Class dismissed!" he remembered to say, thanking his good fortune for not looking like an idiot on the first day of school.

 

"Good night Kaname Sempai!" the class shouted in unison as they snatched up their boards, pieces, books, and bags as they ran out the door.

 

Jinjekkai Kaname breathed a huge sigh of relief and lay backwards onto his desk, now behind him after his "fall."

 

The first day was always the hardest, all about making good impressions. He grinned suddenly...

 

"Speaking of good impressions!" he smirked, leaving the room in a hurry and locking the door, "I have yet to meet the new principal for the night" *cough* "oops" he almost let his tongue slip, not that there was anyone nearby, but still, it was a bad idea to tempt fate more than twice a day.

 

He turned right and raced towards the auditorium building at top speed, he dodged lithely around the few students that he did pass, not slowing down at all. The students he passed not to mention the janitors, gave him weird looks, no running in the halls was... well... common sense? an unspoken rule? courteous? oh, and did I mention... Exhilarating!

Out the door, three blocks, in the door! He had reached the auditorium and rushed in through the doors across the atrium and peeked his head into the auditorium.

 

Many of the students were already arriving, others already seated, no doubt some took day classes as well and had been here for some time. Ms. Fong was already standing at the podium.

 

With a smile on his face he popped quickly into the single-unit bathroom and locked the door. He dropped his bag on the ground, tossed his robes into it and quickly switched into ablue student unirofm, the kind worn by the new kids who would be here for the first time. He also undid his braid and ruffled his hair up good. He took a scanner out of his pocket and attached it to the side of his head, placing the ear-bud in his ear and checkin the mic.

 

now for the final touch!

 

He flicked his wrist and a small rectangular object fell out of his sleeve "Time for some DDR, and just to clarify it has nothing to do with dancing!" he said, throwing the card into his bag.

 

There was a dark flash of purple light that shown out into the hallway outside the bathroom but only for a moment as the spell card activated.

 

In a moment the small bathroom was filled with the bulky form of Kainama (Gladiator Beast Heraklinos his familiar).

 

She looked at him disapprovingly, "you know you don't have to yell and make drastic arm waving motions or call out the card's name to activate it..."

 

Jin's brilliant smile suddenly turned into a depressed frown, but it was soon reversed once more.

 

"We are on security tonight! Our job is to make sure that Ms. Fong's speech goes off without a hitch!" he said enthusiastically, handing her a head-set just like his.

 

She bent down and picked up the headset with one large finger, "it's tiny." she remarked without any enthusiasm.

 

"well maybe if you..."

 

"Who assigned you to security?" she interrupted him.

 

"Well..." he looked up at her huge face as she hunched against the ceiling and the wall, "no one! That's why I'm wearing this disguise! We will protect from the shadows and provide instant counters to any and all practical jokes or funny-business that may have been planned by the enemy!"

 

Kainama stared at him, and began to hand back the head-set.

 

"No no no! you need that so we can talk to one another in secret! the new kids will be able to see you, it'd be obvious I'm not with them if you sit with me! Your job will be to sneak around and spot suspicious activity."

 

Kainama almost smiled at the thought of her hulking frame doing anything that resembled "sneaking."

 

She began reaching for the bag and the DDR card.

 

"Wait!" Jin begged, grabbing her huge hand and getting down on his knees, "it's the first day ok, you have to cut me some slack today! I need to make a good impression in front of the students.... I mean... how can I get them to respect me if even my familiar abandons me on the eve of battle."

 

Kainama frowned at him and was silent for a long moment, "if you do anything to mess up the ceremony on the first day I won't..."

 

"Excellent!" Jin exclaimed, "now, I'm going to sneak out and take a seat in the section corded off for the new students, remember to keep in touch with the mic, and act casual!"

 

 

Kainama watched as Jin opened the door and "snuck" out in a way she was sure he imagined to be very stealthy, but, as a man walking out of a bathroom, it only looked awkward, that and his fly was half-way down, but she decided not to mention it.

 

"Mic check" *static* "I have infiltrated the auditorium and am about to sit in the section marked for first year students, I will then fiddle with my hands in order to appear nervous! Come out in five minutes!"

 

Kainama rolled her eyes and picked up Jin's bag which he had forgot, along with the DDR card and his chess set. She strapped it behind her enormous shield and opened the bathroom door, barely managing to crawl out without causing damage to the small doorway, fortunately the auditorium doors were quite massive for just this reason and she made her way in and promptly sat in the back, waving once at Ms. Fong to be polite.

Edited by Rakashua

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Raymond stood up and quickly walked off the stage through the side exit nearest to him. Diabolos, at first caught off guard by this sudden movement, quickly regained his bearings and flew beside Raymond as he walked down the hallway towards the gym's main entrance.

 

"Raymond, what's wrong?"

 

"I feel a presence. It's not quite a students, but it doesn't seem like a teachers. I better go find out what it is. I don't think Lianne would appreciate having some random person interupting the opening speech."

 

Diabolo looked puzzled at first, but then sighed.

 

"I don't sense too much, might be some new kid's power, or some random familiar.... I bet it's a spellcaster type, those spellcasters are always casting random spells."

 

Diabolo always had this weird dislike for spells.

 

"I don't think so, come one, lets go find out what it is."

 

As soon as he entered the he saw Kainama, but not Jinjekkai.

 

He turned towards the mass of gathered students, and quickly noticed one student who didn't seem to fit in. He had really ruffled hair and a uniform which was oddly wrinkled and seemed somewhat old.

 

Raymond walked towards the young man and tapped his shoulder. A hushed whisper came from the crowd, as if the person he tapped was going to get into trouble, which he might.

 

"Excuse me young man, could I speak with you for a minute?"

 

Diabolos suddenly peeped in.

 

"Ray, why is Kainama shaking her head at us?"

 

Ray turned to see that she was shaking her head. He returned to face the young man when he suddenly noticed his face.

 

"Jinjekkai! What on earth are you doing?"

 

 

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Ryza looked into the gymnasium, suddenly nervous about entering it. Everything seemed normal enough, except for the Goyo Guardian standing behind a woman at the podium, watching them all come inside. He turned to look at his own partner, the Dark Paladin. Lomore had a stony outlook as he entered, but seeing his summoner's anxiety, his demeanor softed up a bit, and put a shoulder on the boy. Lomore said, "Don't worry, Ryza. This is going to be okay." Ryza gave a small smile, and moved forward, aided by the use of his crutches. He was dressed in his new uniform, and always, with his crutches. As he passed by the boy's bathroom, he was startled to see a giant Gladiator Beast exit. He stared at her, more confused that she (he was pretty sure it was she) was coming out of the men's bathroom. He limped over to the place marked off for the new students, and sat down, Lomore right next to him. A hyperactive boy wearing the same uniform as him was sitting near him, twiddling his fingers and looking like he was about to pass out with all the nervousness surrounding him. Lomore gave an supremely icy look to where the boy was sitting, and Ryza supposed that he didn't care if the boy wasn't one of the special ones.

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"Ahhh!" Jin nearly jumped out of his seat, pretending to be nervouse had actually made him nervouse. He turned to see a devilish familiar... which could only mean the other man frowning at him right this second was....

 

"Uncle! you came to see me!" Jin rushed forwards and hugged the Vice Principle, quickly whispering in his ear as he hugged the man, "Kainama and I are on a top secret mission! You're blowing my cover!"

 

"by the way, the Vice Principle is coming your way," Kainama's voice sounded in his ear, he swore he could detect a trace of laughter.

 

He stopped hugging the Vice Principle, put on his best smile, and backed slowly away until he was out of arm's reach.

 

Oh I hope Ms. Fong didn't hear us! Oh... actually I really Hope Ray has a sense of humor... or is in a good mood... or believes my story... or hmmm... vanishes from sight would be nice too...

 

Kainama chuckled to herself as she watched the ordeal. The boy hadn't changed much over the last eight years... he was still childish, foolish, rash, brash, brazen, and loved to take risks... She sighed to herself, and began walking down the aisle towards Ray and his familiar to see what would happen.

 

Jin.... What would you do without me? she thought absently, and it was true, she did worry about him. Most of the time he was rational and had a lot of common sense, brilliant even... but now and then he got these ideas or plans of his and just carried them out, hardly ever listening to reason.

 

 

This was constantly a source of trouble for the both of them. Then again... it was his rash actions that lead to her leaving the dark dimension through a duel he won. Still... she sighed again, edging up to Ray's familiar, he had a lot to learn.

Edited by Rakashua

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Raymond shook his head at Jin.

 

"Oh boy, this is gonna be good."

 

He noticed a metal glint near Jin's ear, and upon a better look, noticed it was an ear piece.

 

Ray turned around and walked towards Kainama, who was already walking in the midst of towards him.

 

"Ok, Kainama, what is going on here? Secret mission? Yeeash this is going be an interesting story."

 

Diabolos piped in.

 

"Nice to see you again Kainama, how have you been doing?"

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