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hydrargyrum

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Everything posted by hydrargyrum

  1. When I first came out to my mom, she said she still accepted me, but needed some time to adjust to the idea. Pretty much the next day, she called me back and said that after thinking about it, she realized that if she had been in a different place in her life, she would probably be poly, too. It's been so good to have that acceptance, even to the point when I have hit some rough spots that she never belittled my choices. I'm so glad to have her acceptance; it's felt so good to be able to share this part of my life with people and to be accepted for it. However, I haven't told my dad, mostly because of my mom's advice. She said that he probably wouldn't be very accepting, and encouraged me not to tell him. It's a little sad to feel like I can't share part of my life with him. I suppose if I become seriously involved with multiple people, I'll tell him someday, but that's not going to be anytime soon. Since I live far from my parents, it's unlikely he'll find out if I don't tell him. One of the other common negative reactions I get (from strangers when online dating) is that being poly means that I'm OK with cheating. They will readily admit to hiding their account and dating activities from their spouse/partner, like I won't even mind that they're lying to someone who should be able to trust them. It's unfortunate how commonly adultery and consensual non-monogamy are treated as being comparable.
  2. Even before I was properly educated about trans people, I used they as a singular pronoun all the time. I never even really thought about it. Usually when talking about a hypothetical person, but also often talking about people online who's gender either isn't displayed or I just couldn't remember. I just discovered that there's a whole wikipedia article for it! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Singular_they It also mentions famous authors (including Shakespeare) who used singular they in their writing.
  3. Well, since it's National Coming Out Day, I thought it would be fun to post in the poly thread, but discovered that there wasn't one. I'm aware that there's a polygamy thread, but I don't think it's really the same since not all poly relationships involve marriage. Also, there's a lot of negative history and connotation to the term polygamy, which I'd prefer to move away from. Anyways, I'm poly! This thread can be used to discuss polyamorous relationships, raise awareness and acceptance, and things like that. The actual legality of multiple marriages is more suited to the polygamy thread. I'm currently in a relationship with someone who is also dating someone else, often referred to as a V relationship (as opposed to a triad, where three people are dating each other; I'm not dating his other partner). I may date multiple people in the future, our relationship is not restricted, I just haven't found another person I'm interested in at the moment. I've only recently started actually dating non-monogamously, although I've been aware that I identified as poly for quite a few years. For me, it's an identity-even if I were dating someone who wasn't dating anyone else, I still feel like I'm a polyamorous person, regardless of situation. I think I could be monogamous for the right person, but I prefer polyamory. I've come out to most of my family and friends, and pretty much everyone around me has been quite accepting, which has been a great comfort to me. Anyone else involved in non-monogamous relationships?
  4. And you think that being forced to carry a pregnancy to term when you want an abortion is less traumatic? While I'm very sorry about what happened to your family member, the problem was more that their choice was taken away from them, not the fact that they had an abortion. The thing with abortion is that the fetus isn't aware. It doesn't feel pain and it doesn't have a desire to live. As happy as I am to be alive, I wouldn't be sad or angry or hurt if I had been aborted-I just wouldn't have felt anything. If you're cousin had been aborted, you would never have known different; you can't compare a living person to a fetus.
  5. Why does using abbreviations to describe yourself/people seem negative? I have to say, that's the first time I've heard some say that about AFAB/AMAB. To me, and most other people I've talked to, they seem pretty neutral. I believe you're thinking of CAFAB/CAMAB (coercively assigned female/male at birth). I have definitely seen people use this out of context (use it instead of AFAB/AMAB when referring to non-intersex trans people). At least that's what I've always heard. I mean, everyone is assigned a gender at birth. The doctor says "it's a girl/boy" and they write a gender on your birth certificate, so you have been assigned a gender. Edit to add: The entire point of this conversation is that using male/female to refer to anatomy rather than gender is hurtful and probably outdated. The way we use these terms has evolved. That's why AFAB/AMAB are used instead. That was literally my whole point in my last post. You just stating that over again is a bit tautological to your entire argument.
  6. For me, the idea and connotation of female and woman are inextricably tied together (same for male and man, and sex and gender). We use these words interchangeably often enough that saying we can separate them when talking about trans people isn't so simple. The one simple fact of the matter is that the VAST majority of trans people say that being called male when they're women or female when they're men is hurtful and triggering. As a cis woman, personally, I feel that my female-ness stems from my identity as a woman NOT the fact that I have a uterus, vagina, and breasts, etc. It bothers me on other levels, too, since the distinction doesn't even really seem that necessary. AFAB/AMAB are getting well known enough that it's easy to use them instead, and it doesn't misgender (since they're based only on what one would assume right after birth; it's about what other people thought, not what their actual identity is). Also, I feel like the "but health distinctions" isn't a good argument, either. In general, I'd say anatomy specific health concerns fall into two broad categories: 1) Specific concern for a lot of people For instance, breast cancer awareness, testicular cancer, menstruation etc. Generally, if you're addressing a concern like this, you don't need to talk about breast cancer AND menstruation at the same time, because they just don't really affect each other, even though generally only AFAB people experience both. This means it's pretty easy to just be specific: address people with breasts, people with testes, people who menstruate, etc. Euphemisms aren't necessary, so if they're hurting people, why not also work on destigmatizing words that describe our bodies? 2) General concern for a specific person For instance, checking for early symptoms or trying to discover the cause of apparent symptoms. This is what the "male/female" box on health forms is part of. With an individual, they should be able to communicate their specific circumstances anyways, but even beyond that, I'm pretty sure trans women and cis men will probably STILL have different health concerns, even though they were born with the same anatomy. HRT can have very significant effects. Trans status still needs to be known to properly diagnose a patient, so why make them identify as something they're not?
  7. While I've never met or even really seen someone who was faking a gender identity for popularity (and I'm cis), to me, it doesn't seem like the worst thing in the world. Absolutely, if they're spreading misinformation or excluding trans people from the spaces and resources they need, they need to be called out and stopped. But it seems like you can call out the problematic behaviors without needing to interrogate their identities. If you could absolutely spot who's faking and who isn't, then it might be worth trying to encourage them not to, but if you try... you're very likely to hurt someone who really is trans. I also feel like encouraging people (especially teens) to question their gender identity isn't such a bad thing. Normalizing the questioning and exploring phase, even if you realize that you identify as cis, can make questioning and exploring easier for people who aren't cis, too. Although I do see the danger of "it's just a phase"... I still feel like the people who say that generally aren't swayed much by reality anyways.
  8. Except... it does happen. People have DIED because of doctors' morals saying they couldn't abort the fetus (sometimes even after the fetus is already dead, but the heart was beating still). Your opinion affects how you vote, and who's in office influences what gets implemented (at least if you're in the US). If it had no consequence... why bother to have the opinion?
  9. OK, I added a bit to my last post, but it probably got missed, so I'll say it again: you can't just hide behind "it's an opinion". Saying "abortion is wrong, and no one should get them" influences people to make abortions harder to get. Your opinion takes rights away from pregnant people to control what happens to their own bodies. So while it is your personal belief... of course we're going to argue against it because YOU'RE TAKING RIGHTS AWAY FROM PEOPLE. Edit: O.o I missed that bit about fuel for heating... I'm sorry, that is the most ridiculous BS I've ever heard. That's not even /slightly/ practical. That is so obviously pro-life (or should I say anti-choice) propaganda.
  10. Life and sentience are different things. Yes, an embryo or fetus is alive, but it isn't aware or capable of feeling pain. It doesn't know it's alive, it can't fear death, it can't be upset that it stops living. However, the most important reason I'm pro-choice is because of bodily autonomy. Pregnant people (since not all people who can get pregnant are women) have a right to say what happens to their own body. OK, yeah, there's another smaller body inside theirs, but it still requires the use of their organs. Pregnancy isn't a walk in the park-it can be incredibly dangerous and permanently life altering (and sometimes fatal). No one should have to go through that for someone else if they don't want to. Unless you would require someone to donate blood or organs anytime someone needed them to stay alive... you can't tell pregnant people to donate the use of their uterus. Just no. Also, yes, I'm very much glad I'm alive. On the other hand, if I'd been aborted, I wouldn't be sad or in pain or anything. I wouldn't have been aware that it happened. It would have been neutral. And honestly? I love my mother. If abortion had been the right decision for her, then I would have been miserable if I knew that I had been carried to term to against her will. Honestly that would've been traumatizing for me, and I would MUCH RATHER have been aborted if she wanted to than to be alive against her wishes. Side note: no, the morning after pill is not a form of abortion, and in fact doesn't work if the egg is fertilized. It can take DAYS between intercourse and fertilization, and the morning after pill is only effective before fertilization occurs. This is a straight up lie told by the pro-life crowd (at least that it happens remotely often). Don't believe everything you hear. While there can be complications with abortions, it is still MUCH, MUCH, MUCH safer than carrying a pregnancy to term. Edit to add: While everyone is entitled to opinions... you have to realize that opinions can have real world consequences. When your opinions want to take rights away from other people, then we have every right to be upset by them and to argue against them.
  11. I got so distracted by arguing for the need for abortion itself that I missed a couple of interesting questions, which I'll bring back and give my opinions on. I don't have statistics, but I've definitely heard of it. I don't know how often, but I know that it's often enough to be a thing we should be concerned about. However, I don't really think it has very much to do with abortion-it's done because female lives are valued less than male lives. Trying to just prevent sex-selective abortions from happening doesn't address the underlying issue that causes it to happen. Personally, I don't think the actual act of aborting a female fetus is really that bad, but the misogynistic society is a real problem, so I don't even really think that there needs to be that much of an effort to legally prevent sex-selective abortions. In my opinion, I don't really think that there should be any restrictions based on when the pregnant person wants an abortion. On the pro-restrictions side, I do see how aborting something that might be conscious or that's close to not needing a uterus to survive is different than aborting it when it's just a clump of cells, and I also to some extent agree that they had enough time to get one earlier. However, I have more and stronger reasons why I would oppose restrictions. For one thing, regardless of anything else, the fetus is still using the pregnant person's body, and they always have a right to say what happens to their body. I agree that I wouldn't allow a born person to use another person's body against their will, so why should "it's almost a baby" give it those rights? Yeah, there was time to get an abortion earlier, but that just sounds like punishment-you didn't choose as I would've liked, so now you have to deal with the consequences. I also feel like it's a bit of a moot point. People just simply don't get late term abortions without really good reasons-the idea of them being used willy-nilly is a scare tactic by pro-birthers. People who get late term abortions almost always have severe medical complications, and don't WANT the abortion, but NEED it. So the only people who are seeking late-term abortions are the ones that any restrictions would've allowed anyways. Occasionally, it might have to do with not having access or enough money to get one at an earlier term, but that isn't really solved by restricting access to late-term abortions, but rather by making easier access to early-term ones. Relating to the point that the VAST majority of late-term abortions are because of unexpected health complications, restrictions would allow more legal loopholes to pro-birth doctors. They'd find excuses and reasons to deny late-term abortions to pregnant people who desperately need them. Savita Halappanavar DIED because a doctor didn't want to remove her already medically-dead fetus (which still had a heart beat). While Ireland is a particularly pro-birth country, restrictions will be used against people who absolutely NEED abortions.
  12. Except that the whole pro-choice argument is about bodily autonomy. People who can get pregnant have a right to say what happens to their own damn body, regardless of the person who got them pregnant. You can't use my body for your child if I don't want it. You have to realize that pregnancy is not a 50/50 thing between both parents-only one person is pregnant. Only one person carries the risks that go along with it. Only one person is affected by the hormonal and emotional impacts of pregnancy. Saying the father has equal rights in abortion is ridiculous, because it's not their body. End of story. Edit to add: Pregnancy is not just 9 months of waiting around and then pop out a kid. There a lot of risks-some can even be life threatening. Even beyond life threatening, what about someone who will lose their job and then not be able to provide for themselves, the new baby, and possibly other kids? What about someone who needs medication that might affect the fetus? What about someone who becomes suicidal? Almost no one makes a quick decision to get an abortion nor do people use it as their primary birth control. Everyone has a reason, why do you think you get to be the one who decides what's good enough? Isn't the person who will actually be affected by it the one who knows best what they need? Edit 2.0: Also, tampering with birth control is a common abuse tactic, and having a child with an abuser makes it much harder to leave the relationship. By saying both partners get equal say, you will leave many pregnant people even more vulnerable.
  13. OK, first of all, I know everyone else has already said it, but I agree: abortion isn't the "easy way out". People who get one shouldn't be judged as "weak" or a "wuss" for it. Yeah, it might be easier for that person to get an abortion than to go through pregnancy, but isn't that kind of how life works? You choose things that are easier, unless you want the benefits of doing the hard thing? We don't call people a wuss for other "easy" choices (like driving instead of walking/biking if the distance is pretty great). It's their body, and if they don't want to put it through the stress of pregnancy then there's nothing wrong with that. As for the plan-b pill: not only is it not always effective, some people may not always know when they're about to become pregnant. People who aren't properly educated about how birth control works, or when birth control fails may not realize that they're about to become pregnant until it's too late and the egg is already fertilized. Also, saying that abortion is the "most permanent solution" is kind of ridiculous. Like, yeah, you can't undo it, but you also can't undo going through pregnancy and giving birth. Either way, you're making a final decision.
  14. http://dragcave.net/lineage/J84Tk
  15. Caught this amazing checker just now! I love pygmies, and I love to see them getting some love, too. Thanks Salorus! I saw it, but missed it once, and kept refreshing hoping the person who caught it would be crazy enough to send it back, and they were!
  16. You know what else is a major life-changing decision? Having a baby. Why do people only say "well, you might change your mind!!" when deciding they want to be sterilized? I never see people cautioning someone that they might change their mind about wanting children when they're talking about getting pregnant. I personally place myself in the "I don't want kids, but I might change my mind". But that's just me, and I know perfectly well that lots of people don't change their minds, so extrapolating to other people is ridiculous.
  17. I have to say I'm a bit wary of anyone who immediately comes out with "I worry about the women who are pressured into abortions!". Obviously, this is a terrible and real thing that does happen, and my sympathy goes out to them. But overall, many more women are pressured into keeping the fetus than the other way around. And when you only talk about the people who are pressured one way, it doesn't come across as "I care and worry about the people who aren't allowed to make their own decisions", instead it feels much more like "I only worry if you're not being allowed to make the choice I agree with" Also, not only would you never know if you had been aborted, it's entirely possible that some people might only be alive today BECAUSE of abortion. This is a very realistic situation that really isn't terribly uncommon: a young couple gets pregnant, but realizes that they are financially/emotionally/whatever unprepared to give birth, so she aborts. Later, she decides she is ready to care for a child, chooses to get pregnant and keep it. If she had had that first child, she may never have reached that point, and may never have decided to have the second child. Should they be as thankful for abortion as you are that your mom kept you (whether she chose to or not)?
  18. Does anyone else find that red-finned tidals are just ridiculously prolific? I decided to start a sunstone checker (which shouldn't be horribly skewed ratio-wise) and I'm just getting nothing but tidals. I started counting when it started to feel annoying, and I'm currently at 1 sunstone to 96 tidals O.o. http://dragcave.net/progeny/rjgIh <- the one pair that's actually given me a sunstone (forgot which one it was, which is why it has a couple tidals after that) http://dragcave.net/progeny/Tk7YC http://dragcave.net/progeny/4cnhH http://dragcave.net/progeny/u8FFL http://dragcave.net/progeny/x3gBB http://dragcave.net/progeny/X7XMW http://dragcave.net/progeny/tPGC8 http://dragcave.net/progeny/hkUWC
  19. It's pretty much my first time celebrating it in a romantic way. My last boyfriend was very anti-Valentine's day, which I didn't really mind, but it is kind of fun . My boyfriend got me flowers and a nerdy Borderlands themed card. We're planning to cook dinner together tonight, although it was more of a Friday night plan rather than specifically a Valentine's day plan.
  20. My custom got released! I designed the runic unicorn that's in the silver shop now
  21. Third redesign . I think I'm happy with this one, though. http://dragcave.net/holidays13_fort/hydrargyrum
  22. I'd support! I've grown to like my tri-colors OK, but when I initially found out they were the color I got, I was very disappointed. I would really like to just have the variety possible; right now I feel limited. Personally, I would also favor inheriting the mother's color. Not sure how I feel about random-on the one hand, at least I'd get variety and any lineage is possible, but nebulae are already a pain, and they can breed more often than once a year.
  23. There are 3 kinds of people in the world: those who can count, and those who can't.
  24. I definitely think it should be able to cover abortion, but I'm extremely pro-choice (to the point that I simply don't even see anything wrong with getting one; morally, I view it the same as any other medical procedure). Simply because pregnancy IS a health issue. Even when it's relatively healthy (non-life threatening), it can still cause a lot of pain, sickness, psychological problems, and even permanent damage to the pregnant person's body. No one should have to go through that if they don't want to, just because they may not be able to afford the out-of-pocket procedure. I assume you mean the two people who conceived the fetus, right? I would say the one who contributes the sperm only gets to give their advice if the uterus-owner seeks it. Ultimately, I think the decision to get an abortion is entirely up the uterus-owner, even if the sperm donor is against their decision. Because, to me, abortion is about bodily autonomy-people have a right to decide what happens to THEIR body, not any one else's, even if that other person is their spouse. (For those of you who think my language sounds odd, I'm trying to be as inclusive as possible-not all people who can become pregnant identify as women, and not all people who can get someone else pregnant identify as men.)