I am so. SO. sorry, Airexwolf. I just wish I could hug you now.
I completely agree with everything you said. I had an abortion myself. Even before I knew I was pregnant I was having suicidal thoughts and couldn't even work (though I was less than a month along). After I knew...I fell apart. I hated the intrusion inside my body. I couldn't stop crying. My boyfriend suggested I keep it and give it to his mom to raise but I said no way am I going to carry this thing for nine months and then dump the responsibility on someone else. He got me the necessary pills and we did it at home.
There was no way I could have kept it. I've lived alone since my parents threw me out at 18 nearly two years ago and have had to fight to get by, even singing on buses and selling Oreos on the streets because I did not have enough even to buy a little water and I was melting in the tropical climate. I was doing a bit better financially by then, but still had to work very hard to pay rent, water, electricity, and food for myself and 4 dogs, 4 cats, 2 ducks and 5 chickens (most rescues; I've learned that where human family will fail you they will never leave your side.) My pregnancy was preventing me from working or even eating; I'm already malnourished because there were times when I couldn't eat anything for days at a time and I couldn't eat many things, in addition to the hormonal barrage. I don't live with my boyfriend and no one supports me (though he helps me out with money, I don't want to be a gold digger). Even so anyone who knew about it ("friends" mostly) told me I should die of shame and go to hell.
I had a happy childhood all in all while my mother wanted me. But when I was 14 she started to change toward me and my sisters. She forbade me to go upstairs at all and moved me to a cot in the small, hot servants' room, and wanted to charge me rent for that. She would go off to the movies for hours and leave me locked outside in the hot sun or tropical monsoon rains because she said I was too disagreeable to take with her and would eat everything in the fridge if I stayed home. She threw me out on the street with no money and no prior warning and kept me from getting my things, even my papers that I needed to finish high school, until I threatened to sue her for them. She is now mistreating my sisters, forcing them to lie to everyone about what she did with me and keeping me from speaking to them. She nearly called the police on me in a fit when she saw I'd found and bought back my dog Jasmine, who she sold without telling me the day before throwing me out. And me? I hate kids and most people at that. How the hell do they expect me to keep a kid I don't know if I will be able to provide with the love and care any kid deserves so they don't end up like me!?