Emotional Support in General Discussion Posted February 6 · Edited February 6 by Reignhart I'm only posting this here to conceptualize when I'm going through emotionally rn because I'm asking myself more often than not these days if some of my feelings towards my dad even make sense. I don't expect anyone to read it but kudos to you if you do! ~~~ My dad came from a broken home and for as long as I can remember he's always been very difficult to get along with. I only know how to describe him as emotionally abusive and angry person who dosn't really know how to show that he cares. Some examples of this are blowing up in my face over extremely trivial things (like how he yelled at me and threw my lunchbox across the room when I was in 5th grade, simply because I didn't eat my lunch), belittling me for my acne in high school, threatening to replace my bedroom door with a curtain cause I wouldn't let him in, calling my younger brother stupid to my mother's face (he was both mentally and physically handicapped and has since passed away.), calling me a little baby for telling my mom why he upset me, and the list goes on. He has NEVER been physically abusive and I think that might be at least partially why it's difficult for him to understand how he could possibly be hurting me and my mom. As a result of all this I've increasingly grown repulsed by him, but sometimes we still talk about stuff we're interested in when he's in a stable mood because I've been trying to keep some peace between us since I don't really have a choice right now but to live under the same roof as him. He's also never been in great health since he was a kid, getting sick all time and becoming disabled as a result (I think he also said at one point that he has PTSD from his childhood but I'm not 100% certain), so I can understand where some of his anger comes from in that regard, but that's never given him ANY excuse to bring down everyone around him just because he's feeling miserable, and he's always been that way..... taking it out on me and my mom and acting like he's the victim. But today, I've decided I'm no longer going to pretend like the 2 of us are "ok" and have causal chats anymore. His health has been deteriorating these past few weeks and he keeps falling, sometimes unable to get up, which of course makes him even more pissed. Just yesterday he claimed that me and my mom were being abusive with virtually no argument to back it up other then we were coming off as passive aggressive and didn't respond to him immediately (?????). He has a history of being a hypocrite, but I feel like he's really crossing the line now, especially after he told my mom to shut up and "You don't know what you're talking about!" when she backed my claims while he was getting angry with me. Then he turns around and says that I don't respect him enough??? (I mean I've said things I'm not proud of but at least I apologize when I realize I've hurt someone). I'm just so tired of him acting like he's always right and losing his cool when he realizes he dosn't have control over us. But he's also been there for me many times in my life even if he does come across as overbearing, and it's not like my childhood was traumatic because of him. I've read many posts from people with abusive parents explaining how their dads would hit them, were alcoholics or drug addicts etc. and while I DO know that just because some people having it worse than me dosn't invalidate my feelings, I still wonder if I'm being too harsh sometimes. Was I right to call him emotionally abusive and have him lecture me about how I apparently "don't know what real abuse is"? Am I right to still be angry about things he's said and done years ago because he dosn't seem to have improved since, or am I just holding on to old grudges and letting it fuel my resentment? And most of all, am I right to feel that I don't love him and be completely numb towards the idea that he might die soon, despite all the things he's done for me growing up? I'm just............so tired.