@nordana Never ever try to change someone. It doesn't work. Even if it works for a while, the underlying issues creep back up.
Even though it sucks now, you deserve to be with someone who wants to love you as much as you love them. One sided relationships inevitably fall apart.
The best way to find a partner is not to look for one. Sounds cliche', but it's true. Focus on working on you - your hobbies, your school, your career. When you are happy with yourself, you open yourself to other's noticing your joy.
I get that you are socially awkward, it's more common than you think. I like to feel that it makes us more picky with who we do choose to spend our time with and be vulnerable to. That may open the door for a little harder hurting when stuff like this happens, but also makes us appreciative of what we have when we find the right companion who feels similarly to us.
One day, you will look back at this and probably remember the good memories and see how your life still worked out for the best. The wound is raw right now, so it is normal to want things to go back to like they were before.
If you haven't seen it before, this advice may help:
People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. When you figure out which one it is,
you will know what to do for each person.
When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty;
to provide you with guidance and support;
to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.
Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it. It is real. But only for a season. Like the reason people, they leave when that experience has passed. They often teach a skill, whether how to love, how to accept, how to cope, etc. When you have learned the skill, the 'season' of leaning ends, and they leave you, sometimes as quickly as they entered your life, and sometimes without a logical 'reason' for leaving. Just as you had an experience through them, they learned something through their relationship with you. When the lesson is learned, it's time to move on.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons; things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
Don't mourn the loss of reason or season relationships for too long. Take peace in knowing the lesson that this experience, no matter how long or fleeting. Cherish the good memories and use these to help you find your path towards the best future for you. ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🖤