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Koroshiya-Ichi

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Everything posted by Koroshiya-Ichi

  1. Wow, I never got to do this in previous years and fully expected to lose. Ended up with an inverted Mint. Unexpected excitement! 😹
  2. (Sorry for the double post, I couldn't figure out how to quote 2 different users in one post on here anymore...) How is eliminating access to safer, legal, more affordable abortion and making it a crime not forcing your opinion on others? How is it not about controlling women, when outlawing abortion strips away their bodily autonomy? I'm really asking, because I don't see how that is justifiable, especially when paired with your support of increased access to contraceptives and better sex education. Expressing your opinion is one thing, but voting to outlaw and criminalize a medical procedure that gives women greater reproductive choice and quality of life goes far beyond that in my opinion. Also, I'm sincerely glad your son was born to such a loving mother, and that you got to make the choice you wanted and thought was best for you. For others the choice to terminate an unwanted pregnancy may be what's best for them. They should get to decide that for themselves, just as you decided for yourself despite even your own mother thinking differently.
  3. That's exactly the problem: when you oversimplify this issue as you did in your original post, you miss the point of the debate. You HAVE to factor in all those other horrible variables, because life is not ever as simple as "don't get pregnant in the first place if you don't want a baby." I'm glad living by that black-and-white rule has worked out for you so far, but you can't expect that to be the answer for every single person, and there may come a time even in your own life when you could find that outlook shockingly inadequate to address the consequences when something doesn't happen according to what you want or have planned. Unexpected, cruel, weird, improbable, painful, scary things happen to women every single day that may leave them dealing with an unwanted pregnancy. There should be as many options to deal with that unpleasant reality as humanly possible, and safe, legal abortion is one of the most basic, least harmful and least resource-intensive options out there.
  4. Posting this here where it has a lesser chance of backfiring into my real life... I'm not sure this sort of topic is allowed to be discussed much, so I didn't go into specific detail, but please note this post is about ADDICTION and SELF-LOATHING, so if that kind of thing is triggering for you, skip over it! If it's not okay for this forum I will happily edit/delete this post. I just... really have nowhere else to go with this. I feel like there is nowhere to be heard... I think I've finally reached it, the point where I can truly think to myself "I wish I had never, ever started this in the first place." It's been over 8 years, but tonight is the very first time I've really thought that and believed it. Before, I had tons of regrets, sure, but at least it seemed like the pills were getting me through each day, which was a major step up from my mindset beforehand. But as it spiraled more and more out of control it took away piece after piece of what little true life and sense of self I had. My only identity now is a junkie. But no one really knows. I hide this as best as I can, and though I know my parents realize I'm probably an addict, no one is facing the issue, calling it out for what it is, or doing anything to address it. I know this is my fault, my choices, my fault, MY fault, MY FAULT as it has been from day one, I know it... and I hated myself before, but this is worse. Who I've allowed myself to become is a person I don't respect, and know that no one else will respect either, or love, or cherish, or want, or need. I'm too messed up, too difficult. I have too many issues, or no issues at all and am just lazy and a complete failure, depending on perspective. All because I took one pill one night, to quiet the pain in my mind and body. One seemingly simple choice... and the neverending ripple effect of disaster and loss that it caused. I thought I was saving myself from a worse fate. But I was a fool to take it then, and I'm a fool to take it now. My meds are my only companions now, my only friends and confidantes, my only reason to get up each day. I know that if I was totally honest with the few people I do have around me, I would be pressured to go into rehab. But we don't have the money for that. We are still cripplingly indebted from my stint in the hospital several years back, and from the college I was too weak and stupid to finish so I dropped out of before even that. I contribute nothing to my family; I only take, never give. The absolute shame of who I am, what I am... it paralyzes me. I feel completely trapped. I don't even know why I'm posting all this, because I know what the answer is, I'm just too terrified and stubborn and sick to do anything positive with it. Support and compassion are almost alien concepts at this point. I can't remember the last time I had a conversation with someone about anything real in my life that didn't result in them judging me, or telling me ridiculously unhelpful things like "exercise more" to banish this misery and stop hurting. I just... I don't know what I'm doing here. Here, anywhere. I don't want to be here. I don't want to BE. I would never commit suicide, for the sake of my parents, but I definitely don't want to live, you know? At least not this way. Not this way... but here I am, stagnating in this condition, terrified of stopping. I'm sorry this post is so bleak and poorly worded. It's difficult to talk about this because I'm so used to hiding this part of my life from others.
  5. Trying to adopt out the rather unremarkable breeings this week. Also, you can do anything you want with these guys. 24G Hellhorse that's right... 24G. 4G Red Copper gone to a good home with Ninetails 19G Green Stripe messy 8G Ember from Bronze Tinsel & Ember stairstep 3G Sunstone from beginnings of a Ribbon Dancer & Sunstone stairstep gone to a good home 2G Undine from Ice gone to a good home And some hatchlings: 4G Seasonal (Spring) hatchling; evengen, different seasons] gone to a good home 9G Ember from Bronze Tinsel gone to a good home with chatbugdweeb 4G Soulpeace evengen gone to a good home with ladyinpink 4G Avatar of Destruction gone to a good home
  6. Grabbed the first pink, gonna continue the lineage. Thanks again.
  7. Snagged this little guy/gal (the first Gaia) - thanks so much.
  8. Posting some of the better eggs from this week's breeding. You're free to do whatever you want with them - just have fun~! 4G Green Copper messy gone to a good home 5G Black Stripe from multicolored all-Stripe lineage gone to a good home 11G Gold Shimmer holding for a good home~ 6G Silver Tinsel from Silver Tinsel x multicolored Nebula lineage gone to a good home 4G Seasonal (Spring) from pure Seasonal (all 4 seasons) lineage 9G Ember from a nice Bronze Tinsel x Ember stairstep... which is then ruined by the very last pair, lol. 4G Magma from pure Magma lineage gone to a good home
  9. I still haven't actually watched anything after season 2 and this thread is the only thing I've looked at regarding the series in months, but you all are making me want to watch it just to see Korrasami moments. IN A PERFECT WORLD THIS SHIP WOULD HAPPEN...
  10. Jump scares in horror movies are like toppings on steaks: in the hands of an amateur who doesn't understand the craft it ruins the whole thing, but a talented person can use them to enhance and elevate the 'flavor' of the movie. I haven't gotten much sleep, so that sounded better in my head... There's a difference between being startled and being truly afraid. Jump scares work best and are truly frightening when framed within an already tense, effective atmosphere and/or story. If you don't have that suspense building up, that sense of dread, then the only thing you're likely to do to your audience with a jump scare is to startle them. But those delicious moments of silence and stillness and anticipation before a great jump scare where you're going "oh god oh god something's gonna happen but where and when" and then it happens and it manages to take you by surprise, and the following scene uses that adrenaline to make you stay in that heightened sense of awareness to make you afraid... ahh. Those are the kinds of jump scares I look for in a movie. All my favorite jump scares are found in horror video games. Amnesia in particular has some truly great ones. Because the level of immersion is greater in a game than in movie and you're put in a position where you have to defend yourself or run in realtime, the fear tends to feel much more immediate and dangerous. Instilling fear in another person really is an art. So many people who create horror fiction fail to understand this. Even more important than instilling fear is knowing how to MAINTAIN it. This is why I hate the Paranormal Activity series in particular, because sure you're bound to react to a few of the initial moments, but the formula of the scares becomes predictable so soon and there is so little else going on in the movies that boredom and weariness set in. When you're 10 minutes in and you know not only where a movie is going but how it's going to get there, what's the point. I also HATE when the score gives away a scare before it happens. /horror snob mode off (like I can ever really turn it off...)
  11. Yes, thank you Tazzay. I'm doing some research on this woman and this is a fascinating and heartbreaking story. edit: NY Times article about her from 1982
  12. From the above article: This is just so freaking petty and gross I can hardly stand it. If you want to throw up roadblocks to restrict access to abortion, at least be honest about it. Don't pretend to give one single crap about "women's health" in this context.
  13. I have an almost obsessive hatred of this show, but the season premier was the best episode in a very long time and one of only a handful I'd actually describe as decent/good. I'm ready for a shocking major character death though. (SPOILERS to follow for the TV series)... It would've been so incredible if they had killed Glenn over the trough, but after the second time bat-guy was interrupted seconds before knocking him over I knew it wasn't to be and that no one important would be dying that night. Sigh... (the following SPOILERS AND RUMORS are for both THE COMICS & THE TV SERIES) However, there have been rumors that Negan is going to be in this season and also that this may be Glenn's last season - so he may be getting headbat'd after all. Glenn and Maggie deathflagged each other to hell and back last season so I've been expecting one or both to die soon anyhow. I like both of them and Maggie especially is one of the only characters I would be very sad to see die or suffer at this point, but it would be a great opportunity from a storytelling/character development standpoint if Glenn were killed off. I assume, if this is indeed happening, that it'd be in the second half of S5 after the mid-season break though. It'd be a bit too much coming on the heels of Terminus and the additional upcoming plot point with Father Gabriel. Can it be... am I actually a little EXCITED for something on this show? That hasn't happened in a while. One thing I just do not care about: Beth. Am I the only one who thinks the show grinds to a screeching halt whenever she's around? More than anything I'd love to forget that episode with her and Daryl making a heartfelt, epic journey to... have a drink? Really? And then she drinks moonshine? Ugh.
  14. I was shocked when I saw Sims 4 while out shopping a couple weeks back. I still haven't even played Sims 3! With the few things I'm reading here alone on how much they've left out of the game though, I may not even bother looking into it. I'm still very content playing The Sims 2, and honestly I don't think the franchise is ever gonna get better than that, not with the way EA is run. It's so depressing to see a previously creative and innovative series get stunted and turned into what it's become. :C
  15. Forcing anything on another person that way and taking away their agency is a disgusting violation. Pro-choice isn't only about supporting the choice of abortion, but also supporting the choice to be pregnant and give birth if that is what a person thinks is right for them. Your family member did not deserve what she went through. No one should be coerced or forced to do things with or to their body without consent. That's the problem, when that "package" isn't wanted in the first place the odds of that child being abused, neglected, or even killed skyrocket.
  16. I had to do a double take to make sure I wasn't misreading these, but nope. That anyone would advocate silencing of a huge chunk of the population on such a critical issue is really bizarre and scary. Anti-choicers, the coercive tactics they use, and the propaganda and ignorance they spread have negative implications for human rights that affect every single person, not just those that have been pregnant, and it is actively causing harm to people every single day. The terrible consequences of denying access to abortion is constantly in the news. There has been so much data posted in this thread which provide facts, not opinions, about all of this and more. And hell, if you're going to take the "you can't have an opinion till you've been there" stance, wouldn't it be more accurate to say only people that have actually gotten abortions should be allowed to speak about it? This is a bit like saying that you can't have an informed opinion on the death penalty unless you've been on death row, put someone on death row, or have executed someone. It makes no sense. I take it that means you have no personal experience with wanting/getting an abortion after having children then. But it does happen, I've met women that have done it. Still, you haven't experienced it yourself. So based on your previous statements, shouldn't you not be allowed to have an opinion on their choices since you haven't experienced their situation? Well I still hate myself now, so at least I'm consistent. But in all seriousness (though I wasn't joking about my self-loathing) I don't think very many people literally hate babies. It's more like some people find them offputting, shrill, not cute, exhausting, demanding, impossible to engage with or understand, gross, a little creepy, and generally don't get the appeal of having one or being around one. I think the "hatred" part of it is just a convenient word to throw out there to quickly communicate the depth of one's discomfort and dislike of all that stuff. There are some who do mean it literally though, and those are the people that kind of frighten me...
  17. Short answer: why not? Slightly less short answer: because it's hot and/or intriguing. People who ship things typically do so for two reasons, either because the thought of the given characters dating/boning/whatever is sexually or romantically appealing, or because the characters would interact in a fascinating way if they were in a relationship. You kind of answered your own question in your Draco/Hermione example... His prejudice and the secrecy involved makes this pairing a forbidden, risky relationship that would have to be carried out in private. Anger and resentment are highly passionate emotions that can be easily interpreted as sexual or romantic tension. As for a changing a character's perceived sexuality, nothing is set in stone, these aren't real people and most of the time there's a ton of wiggle room in that area anyhow. That's the beauty of imagination and fantasy. I ship a huge amount of things, and most of my favorite pairings are a tad on the twisted side, to say the least. My alltime favorite ship is Alexander/Daniel from the horror game Amnesia: The Dark Descent. I've written a very long, gruesome fanfic about them which will probably never be allowed to be seen by anyone except myself. Lately I've also been fixated on Jean/Marco from Attack on Titan, but it makes me so damn sad. ;_;
  18. I posted this before but it bears repeating: if you write every day in November you only have to get 1,667 words down per day to win. 50,000 seems like a lot, but if you break it down into smaller increments like that it can seem much more doable. NaNo is such a fun experience and the creativity involved truly is its own reward, I hope you'll decide to at least begin a story even if you can't finish it. There's absolutely no shame in not making the final wordcount.
  19. Hey fellow NaNoers, looks like a bunch of you are getting as excited as I am to begin! I decided a couple months back to go with my urban fantasy plot idea and I'm getting increasingly inspired. I finally got over the hump of an unexpected depressive episode that kept me from doing anything creative and it feels SO GOOD to be able to draw my character sheets and continue worldbuilding again. I've dabbled in writing fantasy before, but this is the first time I'll be using some of the more traditional elements of the genre in my novel; things like elves, swordfights, other supernatural races, I might even add in a dragon or two in the backstory. My MC Aranel is a half-elf, half-human who is relocated from the forest to a normal neighborhood by a covert witness protection-type program for nonhuman races, and the story is initially about her struggle to convincingly blend into human society despite not looking nor acting like anyone around her. Over the course of her long lifespan she is hunted by two other elves whose job it is to seek out deserters, she marries an awful human man and has a child with him, and she has to cope with watching the people around her age and die while she remains mostly unchanged. It's mostly a character study, and the entire thing is based on a few nonhuman families I made in The Sims 2... lol. Creating all the races of elves and deciding their culture and politics is extremely fun. It's tough to watch my MC suffer the way she does though, I'm so cruel to her in this story. Since the site still hasn't rolled over with this year's info I won't post any forum links yet, but this is a great page to visit for anyone who's having trouble planning or deciding to participate: The official NaNo prep page I totally forgot I was going to post my survey in this thread, d'oh! I wrote out the NaNo survey a few years back but it's on the HD of the other computer, so I'll post it as soon as I'm able to transfer it here to my laptop. It really is cool to see how different everyone's ideas and approaches to the challenge are. I have a good feeling that most of us here are probably gonna make our 50k goals. Also, I'm trying to fill in synopses on the site for all my past novels, and I'm so hilariously terrible at it. Does anyone else have as much trouble as I do when it comes to describing your plots in a concise, intelligible manner?
  20. The PS2 is and probably will always be my favorite console, with the PS1 being second, for reasons of both nostalgia and quality. I grew up playing on these consoles more than any other, and almost all of my favorite games are on these platforms. There's also a simplicity about the PS1 & 2 that I appreciate now in a way I couldn't before, considering how much hassle you have to go through with modern consoles now that everything's online and you have to constantly update and so on. I really do miss the days of "insert memory card, insert disk, play" and never having it get much more complicated than that.
  21. That is incredibly awesome! I was lazy and ignored my dad's repeated cries of "COME OUT AND SEE THE MOON!!" so that by the time I had to actually go out, I looked for it... and it was already gone. Welp. I missed all the fun parts. Have to wait for the next one I guess.
  22. Can you explain the part that I've put in bold a bit? Not sure if you're saying that arguments against abortion should come from the brain instead of the heart, or the other way around.
  23. This is what I was getting at, or would have gotten at had the discussion lasted longer. Deciding to give people the benefit of the doubt when it comes to this sort of thing is something I've only been able to do after years of experience, wasted time and energy, and a great deal of mellowing out. I used to agree with KageSora's stance, but after a while I realized there just doesn't seem to be any good that comes from attempting to weed out the perceived bandwagoners from the 'legitimately' queer/trans/etc. More on that in my response to the quote after next though... These are the questions that have haunted me for life, so I feel you! I finally decided to call myself nongendered because what "female/male" apparently means not only doesn't fit me, but I don't even really understand those terms in the way most people seem to, and if I can't wrap my head around it then it probably isn't a part of my identity. /nonbinary highfive It's never felt right to me for my body to have female sex characteristics either, but I suppose that's a subject for another post. Like Socky said, transphobia, cissexism and the like are not the fault of the people you're talking about. It's our culture and those who constantly attempt to halt progress in this area that are to blame. It's also not nearly as cut and dry a distinction between these two types of people as you are saying. Some of the people who change identities like they change their clothes may very well be doing so because they can't figure out which identity suits them, they may actually be disguising their legitimate search for a suitable identity by excusing it as just trying to fit in or being trendy. Yes, most of us probably have run across the rare person who adopts real issues and causes insincerely, but I fear that the kneejerk anger and scorn directed at anyone who's perceived as being that kind of person, whether they truly act/think that way or not, will unnecessarily silence people who need their voices heard. There is no way to tell for sure what's going on inside another person's head or in their life. And as we get older it's so easy to forget what it was like to be young and in school, faced with the constant peer pressure and clique mentality that is rampant there, and how much more safe it can feel to give into that. When you're that age, especially if you ARE a queer/trans kid, it can be safer and less stressful to merely pretend you're experimenting with these labels for popularity's sake, than to admit that you're genuinely questioning your identity. Again though, making the determination of who is trans/queer and who is only "hijacking" those lables is extremely difficult, if not impossible, and you are never going to be able to stop trolls from doing what they do. It makes much more sense for people to take responsibility for educating themselves, and for the trans/queer people that are willing and able to help spread education and awareness to do so. I think this is getting to be a semantics issue more than anything else. No, no one wakes up and decides what gender they want to be that day, but they can decide what gender identity to apply to themself from day to day, or even hour to hour. Because gender is such an abstract concept and is tied in so heavily with what our cultures dictate to be masculine or feminine behaviors, dress, manner of speaking, etc. it's impossible to pin down one set definition of any gender identity. One person's idea of what it means to identify as female may differ greatly from another person's. With so little agreed-upon, universal meaning or definitions, I don't think it's of much use to call people out if they choose to change the label they apply to themself so often. I'm also not sure there are as many benefits for 'falsely' identifying as trans/queer as you say there are. Adopting a label that makes you a target for ridicule, hatred, potential harassment and assault seems counterproductive to the desire to be perceived as cool, no? General disclaimer: I'm feeling sick and very tired at the moment, so if I haven't expressed myself well on any of the above topics, let me know or ask me to clarify something and I will. One last thing - there was mention of people who claim to have mental illnesses when in reality they do not have those conditions. I think this is a totally separate issue for several reasons, but that's a topic for another thread. I'd love to discuss that too but am not sure what thread it would fit under, if there even is one...
  24. Welp, okay then... if you change your mind, I'd certainly be open to hearing more of your thoughts on the matter. I'm sorry that it makes you angry though.
  25. But how can you tell the difference between the people claiming to be trans/genderqueer/etc. just as a phase, and those who genuinely identify that way? Isn't saying "I'm male" a self-identifying statement? Sex and gender are a huge part of a person's life, and those of us falling outside the binary are faced with a lot of prejudice, discrimination, bullying, and constant reminders of how the rest of the world considers us strange at best. Why shouldn't that matter? You can still be you, and no one's forcing you to label yourself in any particular way, but I hardly think it's anything to cringe at when others bring the topic up. Perhaps I'm misunderstand what you're saying...?